Magical Fallacies
by Kittyfox77
Summary: This is my new life: Charlotte Campbell, Ravenclaw. I don't remember my past life very well, but I do remember Harry Potter's life...decently well. It's hard to protect a future I'm better off not remembering, especially since I sometimes forget the details! All I want is to be a happy witch with a good life; why did I have to remember all the Harry Potter spoilers? SI/OC.
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Just a quick note for any cynical readers, this is a self insert. If you ever think I'm taking the whole Ravenclaw thing a bit too far, know that I do actually think this way, pretty much all the time. (That's rather embarrassing to admit, but there it is). Charlotte is her own character though, just based off of the way I think and what decisions I would make. She has already started taking on a life of her own (I don't like ice cream that much) so I hope you like her! I've been thinking about this story for a while because I think the "reborn into a world" trope is so much fun for fanfiction and not a lot of people have a Ravenclaw mindset like I do.

If you guys have read any cool Ravenclaw fics, please PM the links to me!

* * *

I am what some people would call an avid _Harry Potter_ fan. Others would call me a filthy casual. I read a lot of fan fiction (and even did some writing myself), but would be the first to forget major plot points of the books compared to the movies. I am a Ravenclaw, or, at least, I was. I haven't actually been sorted yet- in this life.

I somehow have become a part of the fanfiction cliché of being born into a "fantasy" world. I guess it isn't so much a fantasy now.

I'd love to say that being born into a wizarding family has been a dream come true, but so far it definitely has not. Mostly because it's been so _dull._ I mean, I'm laying in my crib right now pretending to tell my life story on fanfiction because I am actually that bored. Being a baby again has definitely sucked. Not that I thought it would be fun, mind you. This certainly isn't something I'd planned on reliving. At least I have lovely parents, though thinking of them as my parents still feels a bit foreign. I'll probably be used to it by the time I'm older. Hopefully.

My dad is an American muggle and my mum is an English witch, so please excuse the jumping back and forth of common phrasing. I have somehow managed to amalgamate their verbiage into some half-and-half nightmare that no one will be able to understand when I start talking.

But since I can't talk yet, I'm bored out of my skull. I'd kill for a good book right now; in fact, I'd love to get a head start on studying magic. Maybe I could graduate from Hogwarts early? Though with how much fun Hogwarts is, I don't think I'd actually want to. Maybe I could take extra electives?! That sounds like so much fun. Oh, I wish I could just go to Hogwarts right now! Ah sorry, my inner Ravenclaw is totally geeking out right now.

In my boredom, I'd worked out a few goals and plans for myself so that I wouldn't actually lose my mind. First, and most importantly, I need to find out the date and put my memory to the test to see if I can remember what time period means what. Is this a Marauder's fanfiction or will I be in Harry's class? Am I older than him? The same age? I'm certainly not a love interest, I know that much.

Second, did I actually possess magic? The anxious part of me told me that being a squib is entirely possible and despite the fact that it's unlikely, I can't help but worry.

Third, I need to figure out how to get my hands on a book that is longer than four words so that I can actually read something. These long hours in my crib are really taking their toll.

The fourth plan...I didn't want to think about it until I knew the date.

At first I worried about somehow alerting my new parents to the fact that I'm not technically a baby, but my body did a fine job of shielding me from scrutiny. I thought I'd be crawling and talking in no time, but my stupid muscles won't cooperate with me and my mouth just doesn't move the way I expect it to. In the end, it still took me months to work up to even the simplest of things.

…...

"Dada," I gurgle. I'd decided he is my favorite, so I'm blessing him with my first word. I wonder if all babies do this?

"Did you hear that?" My dad turns to my mom, and they both look at me like I had sprouted a second head. Uh oh. Is this too soon? I really should have read more child development books in my last life. Oh well, I'm in too deep now. Maybe if I really push myself I can just be considered a child wizard genius and avoid the insane lab tests?

"Dada," I try again. My dad bursts into tears. I laugh. Maybe this is just how all parents react.

…...

The year is 1980 and I have no idea what this means for me. Ugh, why am I always so forgetful?! Wait, didn't the series end in 1990? No, if Harry is born in '80 that would only make him 10 in 1990. Maybe that's when the series starts? It doesn't go into the 2000's, right? I'm almost sure of that. Damn, why is everything so jumbled in my head? Well, I'm sure I'm not with the marauders. But am I older or younger than Harry? Wait, do I get my Hogwarts letter when I'm 10 or 11?

…..

I'm finally walking and talking- months before I'm supposed to, I might add- and things are starting to get more interesting. I've convinced my parents of my love of books, though pretending to stare at the pages of children's books is already starting to get on my nerves. Fortunately for me, I think I'm finally coordinated enough to start pulling books off their shelves by myself. Though I admit it feels so, so sad that _this_ is what I've been working up to for the last few months.

Now that I've been reincarnated, all my past knowledge of heredity has been thrown out the window, but I can tentatively say that I got my love of books from my grandmother. If she's not a Ravenclaw, I really want to know what her house is. Grandma's house is filled to the brim with books on magic, so much so that her bookshelves go all the way to the floor. It's my dream house and I love it. Grandma is my only relative that lives close by, so I get dropped off a lot with her when my parents are working. After my parents say goodbye, I decide that today I am finally going to try to read something of my own choosing.

"What are you up to, sweetheart?" Grandma says, startling me as I pulling a book off the shelf. I knew she wouldn't leave me out of her sight long, but I was hoping it would be longer than that! I try not to flinch as I turn around to show her the book. There are baby toys littered all over the floor, but all I want is to read and I'm not going to give up now! The book I chose is _Hogwarts: A History_. I didn't think I would be lucky enough to find a textbook here. I'm ecstatic! Now I just have to make sure that she won't take it away from me.

"'Dis one!" I shout happily as I show her the book. This is my first time trying to take a real book, so I am nervous as to how it will play out. I plop myself down on the living room floor and open it. I would have liked to start from the beginning, but I feel I should be more subtle than that, so I open it to a random page. Then I looked up at my grandma and waited for her response.

"Are you sure you want that one, sweetie? It seems a bit big for you." She leans down to take the book from me, but I expected this.

"No! 'Dis one!" I shout again, defensively throwing myself over the book. Grandma laughs.

"Ok, ok. Just be careful, alright? Let's move to the kitchen so I can start on dinner."

Perfect. Grandma is going to be distracted with food prep, so I won't have to worry as often about her watching me. I need to be careful that she doesn't look too closely though. If she catches my eyes tracking, I don't know what she'll think.

…..

I'm almost two, which means I have boundless energy. I just wish I had something meaningful to do with it. Having an adults brain in a child's body, I thought I'd be able to do amazing things, but instead I just use all my excess energy to stay up late and worry. I liked it better when I didn't have to worry.

I was hoping that when I learned the date, I'd remember the timeline of events and when Tom fell from power (yes, I'm referring to "Voldemort". I'll show him the proper respect...never. Screw that guy.), but instead I remembered absolutely nothing. I am playing this game only knowing half the information and some of that might not even be right! Stupid memory!

Unfortunately for me, my parents are the type to never talk about anything negative in front of their child; they would always either whisper while shooting me concerned glances or walk away. This happens often enough that I have suspicions that Tom is still around, but I can't know for sure. That is, not until Halloween of 1981. When I learn the date, I worry a bit, since I am pretty sure I am probably going to school around the same time as Harry. I'm proven right when I hear my parent's cheers this fateful night. This is the worst case scenario, as far as I'm concerned. Now I have a few key facts that I know for certain: Harry and I are about the same age (I'm 6 months older, since for some reason I can remember that his birthday is in July), we'll be going to school together, and Harry's parents are dead.

After Halloween, I spend a lot more time worrying and wishing I could spend far more time studying. I need to prepare for the worst because it is coming. I didn't want to think about it before when I wasn't sure where I was in the timeline, but this is the worst outcome I could have imagined and I need to start planning.

My fear and the major issue at play here is that despite my shoddy memory, I know way too much. I know about (all?) of the horcruxes, I know Snape is a spy, and I know Dumbledore dies at the end of the sixth book. Just knowing about Snape could derail everything in an extremely negative way.

Now this is the point in the fanfiction where I'm supposed to say something heroic like, _I'm going to change every bad thing that happened_ or _I'm going to save my favorite character_ , but... I don't know. This isn't a sad story with a bad ending. The main characters live happily ever after, the bad guy is defeated. Sirius... Sirius keeps me awake at night, sometimes, but would he really have it any other way? He doesn't seem like the type to half heartedly throw himself in to anything. How could I guarantee that he wouldn't just die in the battle of Hogwarts later on? Or die an even worse death some other way? Maybe I would have tried if I had been born with the Marauders. Maybe I'd have done everyone a favor and ringed Peter's stupid, fat neck myself, but that ship has long sailed. Sirius was thrown into prison months ago, and Lily and James are dead. Maybe if I'm lucky I can manage to save Fred or Remus, but that's so many years from now and such a chaotic moment I can't really plan for it.

This leads me back to the real issue at hand- how to avoid being caught. In a normal situation, all I would have to do is not slip up that I know about future events and everything would be fine, but _noooo_ every important person in Hogwarts has to be a legilimens, including Tom! Ironically, Dumbledore poses as much of a threat to me as Tom does; I've seen his games and the way he uses Harry. If he could know everything that I do- I have no idea what he would do to me or that information. Ironically, despite knowing so much about the man, I feel like I barely know him at all. I guess it makes sense since I got the story from Harry's point of view.

I wouldn't be surprised if Dumbledore did the same thing that Tom would do: take the message and kill the messenger. It would eliminate him having to deal with me as a liability. Tom is only slightly more up in the air as an immediate threat because I have no idea if Tom can still use occlumency when he's with Quarrel, but as far as I know all I need is to walk by that loser professor once and I am as good as dead. I've seen enough movie scenes of Tom torturing people to know that if he finds out what I know- well he probably won't have to torture me for long before he gets what he wants and kills me.

The worst part is that it's not even my own life that I'm concerned about- it's everyone else's. I've never even met these people before, but I would feel so guilty destroying their lives just by...being born. I close my eyes and try to sleep, forcibly pushing away the stressful thoughts. This is why two year olds aren't meant to be smart. I've been kicking around my bed for hours overthinking this stuff. I'm gonna be so exhausted tomorrow. I try harder to shut everything out but one tiny voice still lingers, the one that I haven't been able to quiet since Halloween, " _Wouldn't it be better if you just died?"_

… _..._

Fall turns to winter and Christmas is coming up fast. Christmas is my favourite holiday, and even though my presents from my first Christmas were a little young for my taste, I still enjoyed the season immensely. Unfortunately, I am really struggling to get into the holiday season this year. Knowing that Tom will be around in my future is leaving me stressed and anxious, and Tom doesn't even know that I exist yet! I'm suddenly became very envious of Harry's blasé attitude about having a mass murderer on his trail through much of the series. I should be enjoying myself and my new family- I'm technically only a child- but I can't get my mind off the fact that I am wasting so much precious time and not preparing myself so that I won't send everyone down a horrible path. My family is starting to notice that I'm not sleeping well, since I am napping longer and more frequently. Soon I might have to tell them about the nightmares, just so they won't worry that I'm sick or something. I could have told them sooner, but the idea of faking some childish story every night sounded like more effort than I was willing to put in for some hugs and warm milk. At least they aren't night terrors- those literally make you wake up screaming, no matter what they're about.

I've been getting a bit more brazen with my reading, just to alleviate a bit of my stress; I finally managed to sneak a readable book in to my room and have been reading late into the night. Lately I've found it easier to just read until I'm about to pass out so I don't have to think so much. I've thought myself in to oblivion over the past year and a half- now I just want a respite from it.

Christmas morning finds me fast asleep, having stayed up particularly late to avoid a nasty nightmare that had been recurring for a few days now. My family comes to wake me (Grandma had stayed the night) and despite how rough the last few months had felt, I can't keep away my excitement.

"It's Christmas, Charlotte! Wake up!" My parents call gently.

"Chwismas?" I ask blearily, rubbing at my eyes as the information slowly makes it to my brain. Chwismas!" I hurl myself out of bed and into their arms. Today I just want to be a child. A happy, normal child.

"Do you want to go see your presents?"

"Yeah!" I gleefully shoot down the hallway, all remnants of sleep vanishing in my wake. My uncertain walk is quickly upgrading to a run, and I will be eternally grateful for the day I can sprint. I am so, so tired of waddling like a duck.

My parents shower their only child with gifts, and despite my good mood, I can't help the guilty thoughts that sneak into my head. _Would they still treat me this way if they knew the truth? Would they even consider me theirs? Have I robbed them of their only chance to raise a child?_

I give my grandmother a guilty smile as she hands me her last gift, her expression soft and almost, sad? _What would she say if she knew what you really are?_

I let my parents help me unwrap it, as they have with all my gifts, but at least I get to tear some of the wrapping paper off, which is the best part anyway. We all laugh as I throw the paper high above my head, and I almost oust the intrusive thoughts until my eyes land on my grandma's gift.

"Oh mum, it's beautiful." My mum holds it out for her and dad to see, and I look at the back with tears in my eyes. It's a blanket.

"I knit it myself." It really is beautiful. It's a picture of the ocean at sunset, with a quote etched in to the middle of it. She had clearly used magic to help her in her work, as the picture moves slightly, as if blown by the sea breeze. Even from behind I am able to read it, and I can barely hold back the sob that tries to escape me as I do.

 _Family: An anchor during rough waters_

I look at my grandmother in disbelief, but she is distracted by my parents ogling the gift. She can't know. Can she? I have never really mentioned my love of the sea to anyone. It has never come up as it wasn't important. It's normal to give a child a gift that says how much you love them. Why am I over analyzing this?

The tears that had started at seeing her gift are now turning into tears of frustration. I feel like all I ever do is over analyze everything. I'm tired and scared and lonely and not even two. It is clearly nap time. So I take all of my pent up frustrations and do what any one-and-a-half year old would do: I cry about it.

…...

One considerably long nap later with my brand new blanket (I refuse to go anywhere without it), I am back to my family with a huge grin on my face. Having had the chance to mull it over, I can't know if my grandma somehow knows the truth or if fate is just playing tricks on me, but I believe what my gift tells me: my family loves me no matter what. I am not going to tell them the truth today (or possibly ever), but for now, it doesn't make sense to worry about it. They love Charlotte, and that is me, so that's that.

"I know you love your new blanket, Charlotte, but will you leave it here so we can show you your last gift?" I am amenable to that, seeing as I'm not actually one-and-a-half, so I put my gift down and follow my parents outside. "Ta-da!" My dad shouts, the glee on his face mirroring mine when I get a look at my new toy.

A broomstick! No way!

I hear my mum sigh as I run up to my gift. "Are you sure it's safe?" she grumbles. "Men and their toys."

"You're the one who introduced me to quidditch, remember?"

"You asked about it! It's not like I actually care for the sport!"

"I swear you're the only witch who doesn't," he sighs. "Of all the rotten luck," he mutters to me.

"I heard that!" My mum laughs, coming over to playfully punch my dad in the arm. "You're awfully quiet about this, mum. I thought you would be on my side about not having our daughter flying around and getting herself hurt." My grandma looks at me with the same expression she had when she gave me her gift and it makes me wonder.

"I think she'll be all right." She never takes her eyes off me as she smiles and I am sure that she knows.

I try not to think about the fact that I suddenly feel exposed as I turn to listen to my dad's instructions on how to fly a broom. He is being extremely technical for a one year old, but I know that is just his enthusiasm talking. They don't all know, surely. I surreptitiously try to look over at my grandmother as she speaks to my mum, but it seems like her eyes are always on me. Why am I so afraid of her all of a sudden?

 _Because you don't know what she'll do with the information._ My anxious brain immediately supplies the answer.

Will she tell my parents? How long has she known? Wait, she made the blanket for me, clearly she's known for a few days at least. But how does she know? Did I give it away? There's no way she could have pieced it all together from the few clues I may have left behind. Maybe she— the ocean! She knows I love the ocean! I have never told anyone that, it has only ever been in my mind, which means— she's a legilimens? I turn to look at her again, and I swear she gives an almost imperceptible nod, her eyes glueing to mine.

I wonder if she meant to give me the blanket to help me figure it out or just to make me feel better. Probably the latter. Though if she's been inside my head this whole time she probably knew I'd figure it out too. Two birds with one stone I guess.

My mind is swirling with new possibilities, hopes, and fears, and my dad has just finished his explanation of how to ride the tiny toy broom.

"Hop on, sweetie! You can do it!"

I guess now is as good a time as any to find out if I am a natural on a broom. I hop on and kick off, leaving all my fears behind me in the roaring wind.

…..

The week after Christmas could not have moved any more slowly if it tried. Both of my parents had another week off for the holidays, so they spent all their time with me, which meant I could not get a moment alone with my grandmother. I could barely contain my agitation at this turn of events, and spent as much time as possible on my broom to make up for it. Fortunately, I had been a natural. Apparently the books were quite good at explaining most of the intricacies of riding a broomstick, since it all felt oddly familiar somehow. In any case, my dad was ecstatic and my mum was disappointed. I couldn't wait to finally ride a real broom, since being a natural at riding a toy broom only meant so much. When I wasn't on my broom I agonized over what I would say to my grandmother when I finally got to speak to her. She had told me that she still loved me through the blanket, but... Ugh all this worrying about it is definitely going to make me grey really, really young!

Fortunately time has not been magically forced to a standstill, and eventually my parents go back to work and drop me off at my grandma's house. I gulp nervously as they say their goodbyes. Soon I will be alone with the only person in the world who knows who I really am. Suddenly being lonely doesn't seem that bad.

"We don't have to talk today if you don't want to," my grandmother starts, shocking me out of my reverie. I turn to face her guiltily, her blanket wrapped around my clenched fists. There are some childish tendencies I don't mind picking up again, like being allowed to carry a comforting blanket around with me at all times.

I think about taking her up on her offer and avoiding this talk. Pretending that nothing has changed, that I am just an almost two year old, but as soon as I imagine it I know I can't do it any longer.

"I'm sorry," I whisper to the floor. I yelp in surprise as I am snatched in to a hug, but I happily return it.

"Don't ever be sorry for being born, little girl."

"But I'm-"

"Still a lot younger than me, I'm sure." She smiles as she sets me down on the couch.

"I'm sorry for-"

"Shh, shh. No more sorries. I've heard enough of them in that pretty little head of yours. You've been apologizing for things outside of your control since the day you were born."

I stare at my hands, feeling defeated for some reason. I don't know what else to say. The moment has finally come and I completely blank except for apologizes.

"You're a legilimens?" I grasp at the first thought that pops into my head. My grandmother looks a little surprised for a moment.

"The voice in your head sounds so much older. It feels strange to hear such big words with that tiny voice of yours," she comments. I pretend to pout and she laughs.

"I'm a grown up, I swear!" We both laugh. It feels so absurd to be talking to someone like this in this child's body that I'm stuck in.

"To answer your question, I practice legilimency and occlumency. I was an auror back in the day, and I found it to be a lot easier to find the evidence of a crime when I already knew who had done it."

"Because occlumency by itself is inadmissible in court." I am rather impressed with myself for knowing that and judging by her expression, so is my grandma.

"You know some very interesting facts, Charlotte."

"Do you want to ask me anything? It only seems fair. And I'm not sure how much you know," I admit. She takes a long pause before answering.

"Do you remember what your name was?" she asks quietly. "You've never thought about it before."

"I..." I'm taken aback by her question and have to take a moment myself to figure out my answer. "I hadn't really thought about it, but no. I don't remember any personal details like that. I think I was relatively young though. Having children seems like a foreign concept and my thought processes don't really come across as someone older, but I could be wrong, of course. It definitely wasn't Charlotte though. I'm trying to get used to it, but that name feels foreign to me."

My grandmother and I blink at one another for a moment as we both realize something at the same time.

"That is the longest I've ever spoken in my entire life."

"You've been faking that baby talk?" She asks, aghast.

"Of course I have! You've been listening to me think, haven't you?"

"I thought you had a speech impediment!"

"Isn't that a mental thing? I know how to speak properly!"

"You barely ever spoke! I just assumed you thought a lot because you didn't speak well!"

"No, I barely spoke because I didn't want to give myself away. I figured it was better to just be a quiet child than use a word too big for my vocabulary and make my parents freak out."

"Oh, well, now I know," she says, matter-of-factly. I had a feeling it might have ticked her off a bit to already have to deal with a back talking granddaughter.

"You're not going to tell them, are you?" I ask nervously.

"They will still love you, even if I do."

"But you won't, right?" The rising panic is not doing anything kind to my already high pitched voice.

"No. While I don't agree with a lot of your reasoning, I do agree that telling them would bring undue stress. But please don't distance yourself from them, sweetie. They love all of you. Your soul may be older, but it's still shining through for all of us to see."

"Damnit! That is so beautiful!" I cry.

"Hey, no cursing in this house, young lady!" Grandma smacks me on the side of the head and I cry even harder. So far my dream of living the life of a happy witch is being fulfilled.

I would like to say that the rest of our talk is filled with nothing but laughter and joy but that would be a lie. Eventually we end up talking about the people who scare me the most.

"I had no idea Dumbledore is an occlumens," my grandmother muses.

"You didn't know?"

"I'd never really thought about it. I didn't know of the craft when I went to school and I didn't have a lot of personal contact with the man before or after I went there. You really don't think he will be able to help you?"

"No!" That is not a risk I will ever be willing to take. "I know what he's capable of doing for the sake of what he considers the greater good. He would probably end up killing us all by mistake."

My grandma grimaces. "That's a very frightening thing to hear coming out of a child's mouth."

"Sorry."

"Don't be. But what if you show him your memories? Then he will understand why you feel this way. Maybe he will leave things as they are if he sees how firmly you believe that they will work out."

"But I can't guarantee that they will. Just by existing I could be changing the way things turn out. What if I accidentally trip Harry down the stairs one day and he breaks his neck? The entire wizarding world would fall because I'm alive."

"Now Charlotte you might be being a little overdramatic-"

"Say it's a metaphor for something more complex," I deadpan.

"So you want to take multiple timelines into consideration? I worked on a group project in Arithmancy in my seventh year on multiple timelines. The math was ridiculous, and in the end we couldn't come up with anything conclusive. All we found was that there are more timelines than anyone can ever hope to analyze, and the changing of timelines is so frequent and subtle that it would take magic far stronger than we have to figure out the intricacies behind it all."

"In other words-"

"Trying to figure out if the timelines have changed is a fool's errand."

"But I remember the original timeline! I'll be able to compare them!" I argue.

"If they are even worth comparing. What if Harry ends up having Herbology on Tuesdays instead of Wednesdays? Are you going to assume that all has been for naught?"

"As if I would remember something so inconsequential," I mutter.

"How do you know it isn't important?"

I scratch my head and whine in frustration. "I don't know! What's your point?"

"That _is_ my point. You don't know and you won't know. So there is no point in worrying about it."

"But I have to worry about it! If we're on a totally different timeline then my information is meaningless. I could possibly live a normal life without fearing anyone's wrath."

"You know that's not true," Grandma's eyes soften, despite her harsh words.

"I know," I sigh. "They will want the information, even if it's wrong. But then I might actually have to go around saving the world, and that sounds just as hard as trying not to wreck it. At least when I'm trying not to wreck it I know what's going to happen. In a bad timeline anything is fair game. Could you imagine if Snape is actually a bad guy? I'd be so fuc-"

"Watch your language!"

I cough. "Sowwy, grandma," I coo.

"Don't give me that crap!" We laugh. Being able to talk about this with someone felt so liberating, like I could finally figure all of this out, and I wouldn't have to do it all alone.

…...

After a few more days of talking and strategizing, we both agree that my best course of action is to learn occlumency. That will give me nine years to perfect it before starting school (after being reminded that I get my Hogwarts letter at eleven, not ten).

"But what if I'm not magical?" I finally get up the courage to ask. "Shouldn't I be using accidental magic by now?"

"Every child is different, sweetheart. And with an adult's mind, you may be inadvertently suppressing it. Just give it some time."

"But how will I be able to practice occlumency?"

"Well first, you need to learn some much-needed meditation. You have to be able to quiet your mind."

I look at my grandmother like she has grown two heads. "I am so fu-"

"Language!"


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey guys! Thanks for coming back to read chapter 2! I know that two weeks is a long time for you, but it goes by so quickly for me! I'm planning on keeping a two week schedule, so a new chapter should come out every other Sunday, though no promises exactly what time of day ;)** **This is the most popular fanfic I've ever written already, so I want to keep a solid schedule for you guys.**

 **To keep things interesting, I thought I would propose a little game! No prizes for winning, unfortunately, but it'll keep you thinking and that's a prize in its own right! Can you guess what aspects of the original series I forgot about while writing each chapter? Some of them Charlotte outright forgets about, but some of them were things I had to change after writing because I forgot parts of the plot! Writing fanfiction is hard when you don't reread the series that often.**

 **Anyway! Sorry for making this long. Let me know in the reviews if you have any guesses and next time I'll give you the answers. Have fun!**

* * *

The next two years pass in quick succession thanks to the routine grandma and I develop. I spend my days meditating and reading at her house and she loans me Hogwarts textbooks that she charms to look like children's books for when I go home. Besides learning occlumency, I have a secondary goal to get through the entire Hogwarts curriculum before I start school. I have no idea how distracted I will be trying to save the world one way or the other, and being stuck in Harry's year (having finally looked that up) I know that a fair amount of my education will be sub-par. It is really a shame I can't practice spell-casting yet. I would love to be able to get the jump on some death eaters should the need arise. (I am not cocky enough to think I wid ever get the jump on Tom. I might not venerate him but I'm not an idiot).

I try my hardest to enjoy my time with my parents, but it's still a bit difficult being so young. Unfortunately, they've taken my general lack of speaking as a need to spend more time with children my age, which has been _awful._ I don't know if it carried over from my past life, but I'm not really a fan of kids. I struggle with how to deal with them and they're so noisy! A general play date involves me coaxing my parents to take whatever child I have been saddled with and myself to the park so that I can climb on top of the monkey bars and watch the child beneath me try to make friends with me. Thinking back on it, maybe my general reactions to other kids didn't really do anything to lessen my parent's concern...

…..

"They're worried about me, aren't they?" I inquire. I had been left to my own devices while my parents spoke to grandma. We are alone now that they have headed off to work.

"Of course they are. They tell me you haven't been getting along with the other children." She gives me a disapproving look. "I thought you said you were going to try to behave yourself."

"I have been! They're just so annoying. And they're constantly throwing me curve balls! Something that makes them happy today makes them cry tomorrow. I can't keep up with the little brats!"

"You are four years old now," I raise an eyebrow at her. "Oh stop it. You are four years old and you need to start acting like it before your parents send you to a counselor." My eyes widen at this unexpected news.

"Did they really say that?"

"And do you know how hard it was to convince them not to send you off to school? No, because you never think of the burdens you put on your sweet, old grandmother-" I cut off her fake deprecation with the biggest hug I can manage with my small arms.

"Thanks."

"You are welcome, little one."

"So I'm not going to school this year or...?"

"It took some time, but I finally got them to believe me that I'm not too old for this teaching nonsense. So I'll be your teacher until you go off to Hogwarts."

"No way!" I am bouncing with glee.

"But in return, you must behave yourself better around other children. If you can't manage that on your own then I will have to start taking you on play dates every day until you learn. Is that understood?"

"But I don't wanna!" I pout.

"How old are you?" She asks sternly.

"...Four!" I shout and run away, laughing and screaming playfully as she runs after me. Maybe being four won't be so hard after all.

…...

Learning to still my mind has been challenging, to say the least. From the outside looking in, it must be very impressive to see a six year old meditating, but even I don't know how old I really am and letting my mind wander is not going to help me see how old I can get. I just wish I would see some progress!

It doesn't help that I still haven't shown an ounce of magic. My family and I are starting to get worried.

"Grandma?" I call across the house.

"I thought you were supposed to be meditating, dear." She calls back, the disapproval in her voice clear.

"I know, but I can't help thinking-"

"You never can, dear. That's why you're supposed to be meditating."

"I know, but-"

"Then why aren't you meditating?"

"What if I'm a squib?" I shout, fear finally pushing me to say it out loud. The question hangs in the air like smog, making my eyes water and my breath hitch. What if this was all for nothing? I sit quietly as my mind spins until my grandmother appears from the kitchen and squats before me.

"And what if your mind is holding you back because you haven't learned to control it yet?" I open my mouth to reply, but realize I have no idea what to say to that. I stare at her blankly, my jaw slack as the truth of what she said hits me like a speeding train. My greatest strength in this life is currently my greatest weakness. If I can't control my thoughts my life will quickly be made forfeit, but if I can, my life can be anything I want.

My eyes must have lit up at the thought because grandma pats my head and stands up. "By Jove, I think she's got it!" She heads back to the kitchen and I get started on finally quieting my mind.

…...

It takes me a year of constant practice, but it all pays off when I become Darth Vader. "I am one with the force and the force is with me. I am one with the force and the force is with me," I mutter. Grandma told me to find a mantra that works for me- something I could repeat endlessly in order to keep out unwanted thoughts and this one is perfect. I repeat my mantra until my mind is clear and then I stare intensely at the water bottle in front of me. I reach my hand towards it and say the incantation, "Accio, water bottle." Like the thousand times I had tried before, nothing happens, but as I turn away and pull my hand back towards me dismissively, something painfully smacks the side of my head. Lying on the ground next to me is the water bottle! I look at it, look at my hand, and back at it before shouting at the top of my lungs, "I'M DARTH VADER!". Grandma comes running pretty quickly after hearing that.

…...

I definitely feel like I have gone through an intense training montage by the time I hit my eleventh birthday. Not only have I gone through the entire Hogwarts curriculum (with some pretty intense tutoring through Arithmancy thanks to Grandma), but I am using wandless magic semi-decently around the house. I have made a few neighborhood friends that don't drive me crazy and my parents think I am a well adjusted eleven year old girl.

Seven a.m. on the dot I'm up and out of bed. I can't wait for one more second to get my Hogwarts letter. I've done my waiting, eleven years of it…"in Azkaban!"

...Too soon? Or not soon enough, I suppose.

I put those sorts of thoughts aside, it's my birthday after all, and run downstairs to get the mail. The mailman generally comes at 7 and I'm willing to sit at the door and wait for him. My parents offered to throw me a party but I politely declined. I am not waiting one more hour to have my wand and in a few days time I will be doing magic at my grandmother's house. My mom's family has this obnoxious tradition that we don't get our wands until we get our Hogwarts letter and my patience has been growing thin.

"What are you waiting for?" Dad asks. I've been sitting here for ten minutes now, cross legged just in front of the mail slot.

"My letter!" I chirp.

"What letter?"

"My Hogwarts letter?" I say slowly, horrible realization dawning on me.

"Didn't Mom say you would be getting that in July?"

Oh dammit!

…..

Six months pass slower than ever. I don't know when my letter will arrive in July so I stop trying to think about it. There's no point in riling myself up every day over something that might not even be there. One morning as I'm wandering down the stairs I notice my dad waiting for me at the landing.

"There's someone in the kitchen to see you," he says mysteriously. I look at him quizzically. Who could be here this early? Grandma had spent the night so he shouldn't be talking about her. "Instead of wondering, why don't you go see?" After so many years of being a quiet child, (I never broke the habit) my parents are totally used to my silent stares and long pauses of thought. I'll probably end up being labeled a weird kid at school, but better that than being ousted as an adult, I suppose.

I run to the kitchen excitedly, still trying to figure out who could be here when my eyes are drawn to the owl happily taking bacon from my mom's hand. Oh, duh. After eleven years of magical living, I thought I'd be used to it by now, but something always catches me off guard.

"Look what came, Charlotte!" Mom announces. She even left the letter attached to the owl's leg so I could take it off. She knows me so well!

"Can I?" I ask quietly, reaching for the owl.

"Of course! This is your big day!" My grandma answers. I didn't even notice her at the table when I walked in.

I carefully reach for the owl's leg and untie the string holding my letter. It is addressed directly to me. Without any further ado, I rip it open and take in the words I've waited so long to read,

 _Dear Miss Charlotte Campbell,_

 _We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry_ _._

"Yes!"

….

I had been to Diagon Alley a few times before today and had enjoyed it immensely, but the trip to get my wand feels like the first time all over again. I can feel the adrenaline coursing through me as I bounce down the cobbled streets. Today I don't have to fake anything- I feel exactly like an eleven year old on her way to get her wand.

"Do you want to get ice cream first?" Dad asks.

"No!" I immediately shout, running past the ice cream shop. My family laughs. They all knew that's what my answer would be, despite my love of ice cream. "After!" I add as an afterthought. Ice cream after dealing with Ollivander does sound nice.

I burst into the wand shop ahead of my parents, despite their complaints that I should slow down. I've waited far too long for this to hold on for one more second! Unfortunately, I'm also not paying a bit of attention and run straight in to someone.

"Ouch," I mutter, taking a step back and rubbing my now sore nose.

"Oh, uh, sorry 'bout that." I hear the apology but I haven't bothered to look at this person as I'm wiping the tears from my eyes. I hit my nose surprisingly hard!

"Not sure why you're apologizing when I ran-" I stop dead as I finally blink the tears away and realize I am face to face with one of the many people I did not want to meet. "Harry…" I say dumbly, eyeing the slightly obscured scar as if that's what clued me in.

"Charlotte, who are you talking to?" My dad comes up behind me, trying to give his best scary dad impression, when his eyes also land on the famous scar. "Oh, wow."

We are now awkwardly stopped in the middle of Ollivander's shop.

"I, uh, guess you should be going?" I try desperately, wanting Harry to be anywhere but here.

"R-right." At this point we're all blushing from the embarrassment of the situation.

"Oh, Harry!" My mom starts (when did she come in?). Harry stops in his tracks and turns back and I can't believe it when she says, "Why don't you come get ice cream with us?"

No!

"Oh, um, I…" Mercifully it seems like Harry wants to get ice cream with us as much as I want him to.

"Are you here by yourself?" I gently direct the conversation towards calmer waters.

"Oh, no, Hagrid," Harry leaps for the lifeline I've thrown him as he clumsily tries to put a sentence together. "I have someone waiting for me. I should probably go…"

"Bye!" I say before my parents can butt in any further. They both seem like they want to say more, but I drag their attention away from The Boy Who Lived by walking up to Ollivander's empty counter. "Hello! Can I please get a wand?"

Ollivander eyes me creepily, albeit totally expectedly. I try to be patient as he sizes me up, but I end up fidgeting.

"Interesting...Very interesting." Isn't that what he said to Harry in the movies? He can't even think of different phrasing for me? So rude. Ollivander suddenly turns away from me and reaches for a wand. He speaks as he turns back to me, "Ash, 10 inches, with a unicorn core."

I take the wand slowly, completely awestruck. It's beautiful. I absolutely love it...and it's snatched out of my hand in a moment.

"Close, but not quite," he mutters. "Ah, this one." He moves further to the back of the cramped shop and pulls out a different wand. "Beech, 9 inches, with a dragon heartstring core. This is a wand not for the narrow minded or intolerant," I smile at this description as he hands the wand to me.

As soon as the wand touches my fingertips, I know it's the one. I can feel my magic coursing through me, as if for the first time, and it shoots from my wand before I even realize what's happening. A bright light fills the room, quickly becoming blinding. Just as I close my eyes to the light, there's a sudden loud bang, and the flow of magic stops.

"D-Did I do all that?" I whisper, wide-eyed. My parents look flabbergasted but Ollivander just looks contemplative.

"A beech wand is for a witch wise beyond her years. It seems that your wand anticipates much wisdom from you."

I can't tell if I want to laugh or feel threatened. Even my wand has me figured out! I guess I should expect nothing less from such a powerful magical object.

Ollivander takes the wand from my grasp and puts it back in its box before handing it to my parents; I'm still technically underage, after all, and they pay while chatting amicably with the old man. My grandmother stands quietly in the background so I make my way over to her.

"Ironic, huh?" I joke.

"Wands know their owners better than they know themselves," she agrees. "Now, let's go get that ice cream."

We all leave the shop with my new wand in tow, my unfortunate meeting with Harry all but forgotten.

….

I've had to be patient for so long _(so, so long_ ) but now the moment has finally arrived- I get to use my new wand! I don't know how my grandma got it in her possession but here it is! I spend a few moments holding it, getting used to the feel of it.

"I love it," I whisper happily.

"Are you ready?" Grandma asks me.

"So ready!"

Grandma knew that I wanted to work on spellcasting as soon as I had my wand, and since I know the limitations on checking for underage magic, I know we don't have to worry about the law coming down on us in her house. She was more than happy to help me, but we agreed that it wouldn't be sensible for me to practice first year spells. I would have to learn and practice them in class anyway, and it could look suspicious if I'm better than all my classmates. Instead we would focus on more practical, albeit simple, spells. Just because I have more knowledge of magic doesn't mean I'm magically (pardon my pun) better at its practical application.

"First we'll begin with the disillusionment charm," Grandma starts.

"Wait, what? I thought we said we were going to start with simple spells!"

"That is simple."

"Are you sure it isn't just simple for you?" I argue.

"It's easier than you think. Besides, didn't you say you wanted to learn useful spells?" I grumble but grudgingly agree.

"Alright, I'm listening."

…

The weeks before school race by as I finish preparing. Grandma doesn't know that since I got my wand I've been having increasingly worse nightmares- I don't want to worry her, after all. Instead of sleeping, I've been constantly preparing myself. Due to the complexity of the spellwork, it takes the entirety of my free time to practice the disillusionment charm. I've been trying not to get frustrated with my slow progress the past few weeks; I thought it would come easily to me, but it's been harder than I expected. The rest of my time is spent fortifying my mental defenses. Having so much time to learn it, I have also been able to work on the other side of occlumency that Harry has (will?) never learn- misdirection. I have become mildly adept at taking a legilimens and leading them towards memories of this life in order to prevent them from seeing memories of my past life. Grandma says I am good enough but I still worry. I can't afford to waste a moment.

"I'm sending you home," Grandma says suddenly, after a particularly grueling attack on my mental fortitude.

"What? But I need to practice!"

"No, you need to rest. You'll be at Hogwarts in three days," she says in her maddeningly calm voice.

"I know! That's why I need to be ready!"

"When is the last time you slept?" she asks suddenly, catching me off guard.

"Yesterday," I answer automatically.

"For more than an hour at a time," she clarifies. I pause at this. "When is the last time you meditated? We've been working on your strength of mind so you wouldn't fall into these patterns, but ever since you got your wand you've been acting like you're two years old all over again. You're practically hysterical."

"I-I…" I can feel the tears coming before I come to terms with what's happening. I really _am_ hysterical.

"You're a smart girl, Charlotte. Did you wonder why the disillusionment charm was giving you so much trouble? If you were focused and well rested you would already have it. Your fears of falling behind are what is causing you to fall behind. I was hoping you would see it for yourself, but your sleep deprivation has turned your intense focus into blinders. I've never seen you so focused on nothing." I begin to cry through her admonishment, my hands covering my face in embarrassment and sorrow. Despite being an adult at the start of this life, I wasn't naive enough to think I didn't have any growing up to do. Grandma has taught me so much and I grew up with her all over again, but just as she is about to send me on my way, I prove that I haven't learned anything. I feel like such a failure.

"I'm sorry," I whisper into my hands. Grandma pulls my hands away and lifts my chin. I can't bare to look her in the eye right now.

"Please look at me, you silly girl." I'm surprised to find that she doesn't sound disappointed or angry. I finally acquiesce. She smiles at me and lets go of my chin. "You judge yourself so harshly. I just want you to take care of yourself." I nod sullenly. "I want you to take the next few days to rest." She puts a hand up to stop me from my inevitable argument. "There are a few things I want you to remember while you're at school: you are your own worst enemy; breathe; if you need anything at all, don't hesitate to owl; and I will always, always love you."

"Grandma why do you sound like you're rushing?" I ask.

"Mum, we're here!" My dad and mum burst into my grandmother's house. She already called them over! I give my grandma a glare and she smiles sheepishly.

"Go home. Rest. I'll see you over the summer hols," she says quietly as my parents come over.

"You're not seeing me off?" My parents come up beside me as I speak.

"I unfortunately cannot. I'll send you an owl as soon as I can, okay?"

"I know you want grandma to be there, sweetie, but we'll take you to the Hogwarts Express. Maybe we'll get ice cream beforehand. How does that sound?" Dad tries to make me feel better and it sort of works.

"I guess so." Grandma and I hug and finish our goodbyes. I still feel like it's too soon, but before I know it I'm in the car on the way to my house.

….

I spend the next few days replaying what Grandma said over and over in my head.

"I'm my own worst enemy," I mutter to myself as I stare at my ceiling. I've been doing a fair amount of flying to blow off some steam, but other than that I've taken Grandma's advice and rested. It's been more difficult than I care to admit, but a mixture of meditating and flying has helped me finally get some sleep. That being said, I didn't sleep at all last night, but I think that's a normal eleven year old thing.

"Are you ready, sweetie?" Mum shouts up to my room. Today is finally the day.

"Coming!" I shout back. I don't know how ready I am, but I'm excited to finally get on that train.


	3. Chapter 3

Eh, apparently no one was interested in my little game last chapter. That's cool. That's cool. I've got a better one this time: if I get ten reviews, I'll post my next chapter a day early. There are way more than ten followers of this story. Actually that's only asking for one out of six of you, so that's not a lot at all. So if you don't care about getting it early, than don't worry about reviewing. ;)

Thanks for all the love, everyone! I hope I continue to entertain!

* * *

"So are you going to try to find Harry on the train?" Mum suddenly asks as we walk to the platform.

"What?" I choke out around my ice cream.

"Harry Potter. He seemed like a sweet boy when we ran in to him. A bit lonely though."

"Why would she go looking for him? They barely know each other," Dad argues for me. His overprotectiveness is refreshing in this instance and I completely agree. Of all the students in the entire world, my mom wants me to be interested in the one boy whose life I could destroy just by being in his presence. My parents begin bickering over my head about my interest or lack thereof in boys and I quietly slip ahead of them. I'm sick of waiting to go through platform 9 and ¾. I look back at my parents, who are barely paying attention to me as I stand in front of the plain brick wall.

"I'm going on ahead," I say, not trying to be heard, but mum picks up on it anyway.

"Wait for us!"

"What was that?" I call back lamely as I run head first through the magical barrier. The odd tingle of magic runs through my body and the Hogwarts Express is waiting for me on the other side. It's just as beautiful as I had hoped it would be. "Wow." The word slips out of my mouth and I don't even care. I probably look like such a muggle born, staring at the train like its a mythological creature.

My parents appear behind me, but I ignore their complaints about running ahead. At least they quit talking about boys. They've kindly been toting around my trunk for me so I really should be nicer but whatever.

"Tally seems skittish," I go over to my trunk where my new barn owl is bouncing around in her cage. We took to each other quickly, though now I worry that the new environment at school might be too much for her. "Do you think she'll be okay?" I ask mum.

"Of course, sweetie. Barn owls are tough. She'll be just fine. The other owls will look out for her too, I'm sure." I realize I'm over-worrying and take a deep breath.

"You're right." I look around the platform and feel my excitement rise again as my parents urge me closer to the train.

"This is it!" Dad sounds just as excited as I do. We both take in the beautifully chaotic scene together before he turns to me. "I'm gonna miss you." He pulls me into a tight hug. "Write often because if you don't I'm going to write you every day."

"Yes, Daddy," I hug him back as hard as I can. "I'll miss you too." And I'm proud to say I mean it.

Mom and I have similarly heartfelt goodbyes and when I am left alone on the train I feel surprisingly choked up. In the beginning I wasn't sure if I would be able to come to love my new parents, but I'm glad to say that I have.

…..

I've decided to try to sit alone on the train so I can focus on meditating and relaxing before the sorting ceremony. Besides that, I'm actually pretty sleepy. I guess my crazy nerves are starting to wind down.

I take the first empty car I find and stow my trunk. Despite how sleepy I feel I don't want to pass out yet, just in case I managed to take some upper classman's favourite spot or something. Instead, I pull out a book and wait for the trip to begin.

Before the train leaves the station, the door to my car opens suddenly. I jump at the sound and am very surprised to find myself looking at the Weasley twins. The two are mid conversation and haven't noticed me yet.

"I'm just saying we really need to up our game this year," the one on the right is saying to his double.

"Uh, Fred," George stops after taking one step into the car. He's finally noticed me sitting here.

"Maybe something with Lee's tarantula- Oh," Fred stops mid-sentence and looks me up and down. "There's a little firstie in here!"

I have no idea how to feel about that statement.

"Oh, umm, is this your spot?" I don't remember the twins being particular about where they sat on the train and I don't think they bullied younger years, but I wouldn't mind getting out of their way if they wanted me to.

"Trying to get away from us, already?" George gives me a cheshire grin and sits across from me as Fred slides in beside me.

"We haven't even introduced ourselves yet!" Fred adds.

"Well you're Fred," I playfully poke Fred in the side, who had thrown an arm over my shoulders. "And this is…?" I pretend not to know the other twin's name.

"George," he supplies.

"You know how to pay attention," Fred sounds ever so slightly impressed.

"Well your brother did just say your name."

"How do you know we're brothers?" They ask together, wriggling their eyebrows at me like they stumped me. I just laugh at their question.

"And what's your name?" Fred asks, leaning closer. I'm surprised by how much of a flirt he is for a thirteen year old.

"Charlotte."

"Charlotte…?" George waits for my answer.

"You first!"

"Weasley," they answer in unison. I can't help but giggle.

"Charlotte Campbell. Nice to meet you both." I hold a hand out to each of them but cross my arms to switch hands at the last moment.

"What an interesting firstie you are, Charlotte," Fred laughs as he shakes my hand.

"I think we should keep an eye on this one," George agrees.

"Oh, I'm nothing special," I argue. I don't want to change anything in the future and having these two high profile characters as friends might throw things off.

"And she's humble!"

"Why are you two interested in a first year?" I ask, narrowing my eyes in suspicion. They're being a bit _too_ friendly. The two jump back as if I had struck them.

"Why would you say such a thing, little Charlotte? Is it a sin for upperclassman to be interested in their younger counterparts?"

"You need me for something," I postulate, nearly certain that I'm correct.

"Has someone been spreading nasty rumors about us?" George asks.

"Are they rumors if they're true?" I raise an eyebrow at them as they both gasp in fake indignation.

"Well I never-!" Fred begins.

"Of course you have," I cut him off. They both stop pretending and George leans forward in what I can only assume is meant to be a serious manner.

"Well," George says, "if you're asking if we need help..."

"No." I respond automatically.

"No?" the twins respond in unison. "We haven't even told you what we're doing!"

"From what I've heard, I've got a general idea."

"But it'll be fun!" Fred whines.

"Why me?"

"Why not you?" George shoots back.

"I'm clearly not the malleable first year you thought I would be, why haven't you given up on me and tried for the next one?" They both pause at this, looking at one another with an intensity I can only assume is twin telepathy. They nod at one another and Fred turns to me.

"Honestly, you're the only other first year that we've found sitting alone. The first girl we found was...a bit too odd for us. We had given up until we saw you!" George nods sagely across from me. I vaguely wonder if they are talking about Luna.

"You're our only hope!"

"You've gotta be kidding me," I sigh.

"Is that a yes?" Fred asks hopefully.

"I refuse to join you two without knowing exactly what I'm getting myself in to. I want the full plan."

They both agree and we get down to work. My Hogwarts life is already turning out to be completely different from what I had planned!

…..

It turns out, not every prank the twins come up with is overly complex. They need a first year to plant their new edible products on the trolley because the lady who works on the train already knows them on a first name basis.

I immediately see the problem with this plan: I distinctly remember Harry buying the entire trolley's worth of sweets on this train ride. If I were to fill it with the Weasley's pranked foods… I shudder at the pain I would cause.

When the twins pull out their haul of goods, I come up with my plan of action on the fly. Hopefully they're not used to this much praise.

"Wow! What are all of those?" I ask, only mildly feigning my interest. I'm curious to see how many things they've invented already. The twins' eyes glitter with glee. Good, I seem to have hit the mark.

"Well you see," George begins, and they're off. With only slight prodding from me, they tell me about every invention they have on hand. Apparently no one has ever shown this much interest in their life's work because they're both shocked when the announcement comes that we are fifteen minutes from Hogwarts.

"Oh man! We got distracted!" Fred whines. I sigh quietly with relief. My plan worked flawlessly and they don't expect me at all.

"We're already off to a slow start!" George agrees. I can't help but laugh.

"What?" Fred turns to me and pokes me. "This is all your fault, you know!"

"Hey, you couldn't have done it without me anyway, so how can it be my fault?" The two pause in thought at this.

"Maybe…" They acquiesce.

"Anyway," Fred pushes on, "we had better catch up with our classmates. Don't want them to think they've gotten away from us!" They stand up and each stick out a hand. I stand and bow, ignoring their outstretched hands. They both pause at my odd behaviour until we all burst out laughing. "And don't think you've gotten off easy either, little Charlotte!" Fred throws over his shoulder as they head out.

"I wouldn't dream of it." The twins shut the door behind them and I let out a loud sigh. Not only had I managed to save Harry from misfortune, but I also had the twins all to myself for a whole train ride!

Wait...did I just think that? I slap my cheeks and shake my head loose. Did I really just flirt with the Weasley twins? What is wrong with me? I am so much older than them! And that's just the first of a hundred reasons why I should not be interested!

I have to admit though, that was the most fun I've ever had talking to someone around my age. I have a few friends at home, but I've always been so guarded around them that I end up being really quiet. The twins are so much fun and I know enough about them already that I feel like I've been friends with them forever. That's probably why it felt so easy to let loose. Maybe having them as friends would be good for me. It's nice to think that there might be people at school I can relax around.

Speaking of relaxing, I puff out another sigh and start getting changed into my school robes. Maybe I can still catch a quick nap before I have to deal with the sorting ceremony.

….

One nap and a quick change of clothes later, and I feel good as new. After all this waiting and planning I've finally made it to Hogwarts! I grab my trunk and slide into the line of students surging off the train. I forgot that the station is a ways off from the school proper, but it's only a short boat ride away.

As soon as I step off the train I hear a familiar booming voice call over the crowd, "First years over 'ere!"

I turn to see Hagrid's large form looming over us. Most of the first years look like they're about to faint at the sheer girth of the man. I cover a smile with my hand and head over to the half-giant.

It seems Harry has found Hagrid already, so I stay further back in the crowd. As Hagrid starts convincing students to get in to the boats, I get my first glance of Hogwarts. The moment seems to last a lifetime as I soak in the view of the building I've read so much about.

"Isn't she beautiful?" a small voice asks behind me. I assume that the person wasn't speaking to me, and when I turn to look I find that I'm right. It seems like Luna was asking herself that question, with her usual far away look. I decide to respond anyway.

"She is," I agree. Luna blinks and looks over at me.

"Who are you?" she asks belligerently. I stare at the girl in front of me as it dawns on me that this is most certainly not Luna Lovegood. Could I be any more embarrassing?

Fortunately for me, I don't have to face this strange girl anymore as we are quickly ushered on to separate boats. Now that I think about it, isn't Luna a year younger than Harry? I had been looking forward to meeting her, although I wasn't sure how close we would be. I certainly didn't want her to be bullied as much as I heard she was though.

My boat ride ends up being uneventful. I try to crowd out my anxiety by watching the calm water and the gorgeous view of the ever growing castle. I never realized just how large it was but now that I'm up close I see that getting lost inside is a realistic possibility.

Now we are being pushed up the steps to the castle like a herd of confused sheep. We are all nervous and despite Hagrid's best intentions, he hasn't really put anyone but Harry at ease. As we come up to Professor Mcgonagall I swear I hear a tiny shriek -maybe someone didn't notice her until the last second. She introduces herself, talks about the different houses, and then leaves us to wait for a few minutes. Hagrid is gone too, and it dawns on me that this is an important moment for Harry. I look around the crowd and spot the shock of slicked back blonde hair by the doors. I take a few steps forward and just catch the end of Harry telling Draco to shove off. Poor Draco really doesn't know how to make friends. If he wasn't so insufferable I'd consider giving it a try, but I wouldn't want my good influence to rub off on him. Despite all his bad decisions, he lives through the conflict so I'd rather leave him to his own devices.

I watch Harry turn back to Ron and the two integrate themselves back in to the group. Unfortunately I was a little too close to the action because Harry manages to spot me. He looks at me strangely for a moment, clearly trying to place me, but I am saved from having to speak to him by Mcgonagall's reappearance.

"Right this way, all of you. Don't dawdle. Everyone is waiting."

The doors behind the professor open wide and we move as a frightened huddle into the great hall. It's massive! I'm immediately fascinated by the "open" ceiling, and overhear Hermione explaining to someone that it's bewitched.

To avoid bumping into anyone, I bring my attention a little closer to where I'm walking and take to looking at the rest of the school sitting in front of me. I can't believe I'm finally here, in Hogwarts, with all the other witches and wizards. I did it! I bask in the excitement of it all. This new place, this new feeling, these new people, but my happy moment is shattered when the Sorting Hat is placed on its stool. I stare at it as a mixture of horror and self loathing wash over me.

I don't know why I'm trying to fool myself; none of this is really new- not for me. I've had my mental shields up from the moment I got on the train because I don't belong here. What if the Sorting Hat tells Dumbledore the truth? Grandma told me not to worry, but how can I be sure?

I look up at the headmaster and realize that he's been speaking for some time now. I watch his mouth move but nothing makes it to my ears but a rushing sound. I can't do this, I can't do this! I take a big gulp of air but still feel like I'm drowning. I'm an imposter. A fake. If Dumbledore doesn't catch me then Tom certainly will. One way or another I'm going to die slowly and painfully. The world around me seems to get narrower as my vision darkens. My thoughts start to slow down, and my brain sluggishly tries to warn me that I'm going to pass out.

One of the people standing next to me bumps my arm as they are called up and I'm startled into taking a breath. I realize that I've been holding my breath for a while, and as I gasp desperately for air I want to smack myself for being so easily frightened. It's no wonder I'm freaking out when I'm not breathing! I continue to focus on my breaths, getting them to deepen and slow. The deeper my breathing becomes, the better I feel. I try to keep focusing on that when I hear my name called.

"Charlotte Campbell?"

Oh fuck.

I can't tell if my heart is going to stop or beat so fast that it pops out of my chest. _Breathe, Charlotte._ I can hear my grandmother's voice urging me forward. _You're going to be fine as long as you keep breathing._

Walking up the the Sorting Hat is torturous. A thousand faces watch my every move, and I'm sure they can see my trembling. Little do they know what I am so afraid of. As soon as I sit on the stool, the Sorting Hat is perched on my head by Professor Mcgonagall. It's so large that it falls over my eyes and I am plunged into darkness.

 _Ravenclaw, Ravenclaw, Ravenclaw._ I chant in my mind, using the word as a mantra to strengthen my mental shields. I use my breathing and the mantra to block out all my other thoughts, trying to keep the hat from seeing into my mind.

"You seem very sure about the house you want," the hat whispers to me. I'm not phased by it speaking- I expected this. What I _am_ phased by is the fact that I'm not feeling its presence in my mind. Has it bypassed my shields entirely or is it respecting my privacy? It seems like it's waiting for a response from me, but I have no idea what to say. "It seems you've already made up your mind." I'm left wondering what the hat means by that as it shouts to the crowd of students,

"Ravenclaw!"

As suddenly as I felt it was placed on my head, the Sorting Hat is removed and I am ushered down the steps towards my new housemates. Some of the other first years that I vaguely recognize from our boat trip wave me over and I sit next to them. I'm greeted warmly and shake hands with a few upperclassman, but I'm left wondering if I somehow got away with the sorting without being found out. I look at all of the professors, none of which are specifically looking at me, and the Sorting Hat, still shouting out the houses every other minute. Checking my mental defenses, it seems like I'm still going strong. Maybe I can really do this.

Having gone through that ordeal in one piece, I watch as all the main characters get sorted. It feels so surreal to watch this moment in the Great Hall instead of on my television. My stomach grumbles as I watch, completely derailing my train of thought. Now that I've gotten through all the stress, I'm starting to realize how hungry I am! Fortunately, the sorting finishes quickly and Dumbledore doesn't take long laying the ground rules for the year. I have no interest going anywhere near the third floor corridor, although I would love to have met Fluffy as a puppy!

With that adorable thought to make me smile, Dumbledore finishes his speech with a flourish and the food appears. In case any of you "readers" are curious, the food is just as legendary as Harry made it out to be. I casually join in the conversation with my housemates, which is centered around how excited we all are about starting class tomorrow. It feels good to be around other people who are just as excited to learn as I am- my friends back home weren't exactly "bookish". My first goal after class tomorrow is to head to the library. I wonder if I could read the entire collection before I graduate?

With all the students now happily filled with wonderful food, the Ravenclaw prefects in charge of the first years call for us to group up again. Now that we have been sorted there aren't nearly as many of us, so it doesn't take us long to gather. We leave the Great Hall in our distinctive first year huddle, all of us too afraid of getting lost to wander from the group. The prefects continuously remind us to stay together, but there's no reason to worry- Ravenclaws are smarter than that.

On our way to our common room, the prefects explain general facts about the castle and our place in it. Ravenclaw tower is on the west side of the castle, these are the best staircases to take, and, when we finally arrive, how to get inside the common room.

"The riddle is different every time you want to enter, but if there is more than one person entering, you only have to answer one riddle," one prefect explains. I really should remember their names, but as soon as they said them I instantly forgot.

Having explained the riddle, there is an unasked question weighing heavily on us. I can almost feel the hesitation as we all want to ask, but don't want to be the one to ask it. "Relax, you guys. Every first year thinks the same thing. Most riddles have more than one right answer, and you are smarter than you think. As long as you put some thought into your answer, and as long as it isn't completely off base, you can come in. We just don't want the other houses knowing that," he gives us a conspiratorial wink. "It's important for keeping the others out."

The prefect walks up to the door with the eagle knocker, and half the group jumps when the eagle starts speaking. Poor muggleborns.

"What has a head and a tail but no body?" the eagle asks. Everyone around me looks thoughtful for a moment. I think I've heard this riddle before, but I can't put my finger on it at a moment's notice.

"Any takers?" the prefect asks jovially.

"A worm?" A dark haired girl I don't recognize gives her answer. The door doesn't budge.

"Now you know what happens if you give a wrong answer. Don't worry though, you have as many tries as you need. Think it through again." He turns to the door, "Can you repeat that?"

"What has a head and a tail but no body?" the eagle seems a bit put off that we haven't given it an answer. Or maybe I'm imagining things.

"Oh! A coin!" I say a bit too loudly. Everyone is staring at me, but fortunately when the door swings open their attention is diverted. I try to get distracted as well to avoid blushing any harder than I already am.

The prefects wave us inside. Fortunately we took a bit longer getting back than the rest of the upperclassmen, so the common room is relatively empty for us to look around. Everyone must be busy trying to find their new beds and get themselves settled.

I vaguely remember a scene of the Ravenclaw tower in one of the movies but I know it wasn't long lasting. It certainly didn't leave as much of an impression as actually being here does. My eyes are immediately drawn to the wide open ceiling filled with stars. Taking what I had learned from my astrology reading, I know right away that the stars are in their correct positions for the season we are in. Of course the painting is magical- I wouldn't have it any other way.

The small group scatters about the common room, each of us finding new things that catch our interest. I'm enamored by the huge bookshelves filled with well worn books, as are we all are, I'm sure. They've clearly been handled frequently, but by loving hands. I wonder how old they are.

"Our library has a few duplicates from the main student library, but there are a lot of books here that you won't be able to find downstairs. Most of the ones here are rare but were gifted specifically to our house. That being said, I'm sure I don't have to tell you all to treat the books here as if they are your own. You are free to take them outside of the common room, but make sure to remember that this is where you got them from."

I'm sure I'm not the only one that's excited by this news. Now I won't have to go to the library tomorrow to get my hands on more books! Though I'm sure I'll make my way there within the first week.

"Now we'll be separating by gender so we can go to our dorms." Our small group splits once again, pretty evenly between boys and girls, and we head up even higher in the tower to our dorms. I feel pretty bad for any Ravenclaws that are afraid of heights. We are told that first years are highest up the tower, with seventh years at the first landing. Seems fair, except for the fact that I'm not sure if I'll be here for my seventh year. That thought always makes me disappointed. The dorms themselves look just like Gryffindor's, just with blue and bronze instead of red and gold. I love the four poster beds!

"Your trunks are at the foot of your beds," the prefect says dismissively. "I'm going to sleep. Try not to need anything?" She leaves us to our own devices after that.

We all manage to find our beds, some of us being a bit more awkward than others. As I start pulling out my pajamas, the girl whose bed is next to mine comes over to me and sticks out her hand.

"Hi, I'm Lisa. Lisa Turpin. Nice to meet you." I shake her hand. She seems rather prim and proper.

"Charlotte Campbell."

"I'm Mandy!" Another girl chirps behind me. She waves a hand at the two of us and continues going through her trunk. When she whips out a gameboy I can barely believe my eyes. "Anyone wanna play with me?"

"Oh no…" I whisper sadly. I can't believe I have to break this news to her. Her beautiful gameboy!

"What is that thing?" Lisa exclaims loudly, her question overshadowing my lamenting.

"It's a gameboy! You know, to play games on?" Mandy hands it over to Lisa. "Be careful with it- it was expensive." Lisa examines the game device. I can't say for certain whether I owned one of these in my past life, but I've had to patiently hold back my love of video games as I wait for technology to catch up with my tastes.

"Where did you get it?" I ask in awe. Were these already out in the UK and I hadn't noticed?

"It's been out for a year now! I just got it at a game store." Lisa continued to look at the device like it was from an alien planet.

"How does it work?"

"You really don't know what it is?" Mandy seems incredulous. "Do you not like video games?"

"I don't know what a video game is." Mandy looks ready to cry on Lisa's behalf.

"Did your parents abuse you?" she whispers seriously. I burst out laughing at this, and Lisa looks around in confusion.

"Why would you say such a horrible thing? My parents love me very much! Just because we are a pureblood family doesn't mean my parents don't know how to raise their children. So rude!" Lisa huffs and storms back over to her bed. Mandy seems just as confused as Lisa had been.

"Mandy," I finally interject when I finish laughing. "Lisa doesn't know what a video game is because wizards don't use technology the way muggles do."

"Why not?"

"Because it doesn't work around magic." Mandy's eyes go wide at the implication.

"You don't mean…"

"I'm sorry, Mandy." We both mourn what could have been many an amazing game night.

"I'm going to bed," she mumbles as she tucks the gameboy deep within her trunk. I'm left wondering whether any of us will be friends. I don't think Lisa will hate Mandy forever for her comment about her family though.

"Good night," Lisa says from her side. I knew it.

"Good night everyone."

Things have already been far more interesting than I could have imagined. I'm so excited for tomorrow!


	4. Chapter 4

Heya everyone! I've been feeling a little stuck with writing this last week, but maybe ten reviews this chapter will cheer me up and convince me to update early. ;)

Speaking of reviews! Thanks so much to alphafoxxy and xenocanaan for their many reviews! They are much appreciated.

Enjoy!

* * *

Our morning is a flurry of firsts as we get used to each other's routines and quirks. I, not having any siblings, especially have to get used to dealing with other people in my way while I try to get ready. We only snap at each other a few times so it seems like a success to me.

I end up taking longer than I had anticipated, due to this new routine, so I am left alone to make my way down to breakfast. I can't honestly say I remember exactly how to get to the Great Hall, but I figure that as long as I'm going down I'll get there eventually.

Or not.

After going down what seems like a thousand stairs, I'm starting to think that I'm never going to get to the bottom when I come across some familiar faces. Why do I keep running into him? This school is _not_ that small!

"Oh," Harry notices me just after I see him and he slows his rushed descent to a halt. Ron nearly runs into him.

"Oi, what gives, Harry?" Ron complains. "I'm starving!"

"Headed down to breakfast?" I ask cordially. No reason to treat him like dirt. I'm a little annoyed that he hasn't forgotten my existence though. There's no reason I should be that memorable. I'm no Cho Cheng, after all.

"Yeah…" Harry mutters, barely looking at me. Oh he had _better_ not have a crush on me!

I take a deep inward breath. Who the heck do I think I am? Not every guy I meet has a crush on me. Ron has barely even looked at me- he doesn't have a mind for anything but food. How egotistical can I be? Didn't Harry only have an interest in girls in fourth year? He's eleven for cripes sake!

"Do you guys know how to get down to breakfast?" I decide to act like Harry doesn't have a crush _because he doesn't,_ and use what the universe has given me to get some food.

"Just follow the smell of food!" Ron butts in, pushing past the two of us to continue on his way. He hasn't even asked anything about me. He really must be starving! I'm sure Harry will fill him in when they've eaten, and I don't feel like dealing with an angry Ron.

Harry and I are left walking together and, while I'm nervous about changing anything, I'm very curious about Harry's odd behaviour. Is he trying to ignore me?

"You seem down today," I start uncertainly.

"Oh, I uh…"

"Not really one for words, huh?" I can't help but joke. Harry seems like he is about to say something, but just opens and shuts his mouth a few times. Another few steps of awkward silence between us. _He does not have a crush on you_ , I continue repeating to myself. But now I have no idea what to say! I look back over at Harry, who is steadily staring at his feet, and I know I've totally blown this conversation.

When we get to the Great Hall we go our separate ways and I just manage a "See you later" over my shoulder, but I'm not even sure if he heard me. How did I end up being the awkward one?

I find my bunkmates sitting across from each other along with some other first years so I try to shake off my funk before I join them.

"What took you?" Mandy asks between ravenous bites of her eggs.

"I may have gotten a little lost," I admit sheepishly.

"Of course you did. That's because you took so long getting ready this morning," Lisa admonishes.

"Aww give her a break! It's her first day." I shoot Mandy a thankful glance.

Just as I finish scooping my breakfast on to my plate, the owls start appearing. Smiling at the beautiful scene, I take a bite of bacon and hold it up for Tally as she lands on my shoulder. I started training her as soon as I got her- having seen too many ruined meals from all the crash landings throughout the book series. It only took me two weeks to teach her to always land on my shoulder whenever she had something or wanted something from me.

She happily munches on the bacon I offer as she holds up her leg, and I take the letters from her easily. I'm not at all surprised that my parents and grandma have written me. I'm about to open my grandma's letter when I'm distracted by Mandy.

"Oh, she's pretty! What's her name?" She reaches out slowly to pet her. I lean over so she can get a better reach.

"This is Tally. She's friendly." Mandy pets her happily.

"That's a weird name. Where'd you get it from?"

"Oh it's from a book I read once," I answer vaguely. I can't actually remember the book in question, since it's from my past life, but I must have loved it since the name stuck.

"Nice!" Tally hangs around for a bit longer, clearly enjoying being pet before she flies off with the rest of the owls. I'm glad she's doing well. That's a small weight off my shoulders.

I go back to my grandma's letter, excited to see what she has to say, and even more excited at the prospect of telling her everything that's happened, but I'm again interrupted.

"Our schedules are here!" Lisa nearly loses grasp of her dignified manner with her small shriek of excitement. I quickly put my letters aside as I grab the schedule that has appeared beside my plate. There is a moment of quiet throughout the Ravenclaw table as we all read our fate for the semester.

"Ugh herbology first thing Monday morning?" I whine. That's going to be god awful in the winter.

"At least we get it over with first thing?" Mandy tries. I sigh and stuff another piece of bacon in my mouth before getting up. It's not that I hate herbology, but I don't have a huge interest in it; I like useful plants and all, but I'm not going to put in the time and energy to take care of them. That's what a plant store is for- people like me who would rather pay someone else to take care of plants.

Since it's still early September, the walk over to the greenhouses is pleasant. I notice that we have the class with Slytherin house, and it feels strange to realize that I have no qualm with them. Having read/seen the story from Harry's perspective of the Slytherin house being "evil" , I'm left now with an idle curiosity to see if they're all really that bad. Maybe I'll have a few Slytherin friends of my own. Though Draco is definitely out of the question.

The class settles in smoothly, and I take note of everyone and their places. Draco already has his little crew and I'm surprised to see Pansy Parkinson is talking to him. She works quickly. It's immediately obvious to me who she is- she really does have a pug face. They're possy settled on the opposite end of the room, so I don't have to worry about dealing with them for a little while.

The rest of the Slytherins are generally sitting together. It feels less like house rivalry thing and more like, sit next to the person you sort of know the name of. It is our very first class at Hogwarts, after all.

Professor Sprout introduces herself and lectures for a bit, and I'm impressed at how quickly some of the Slytherins lose interest in the material. Having already studied it myself, I pretend to pay attention as I people watch. Pansy is not-so-subtly trying to pass notes to Draco, who in turn keeps passing them to Crab (or is it Goyle?) much to her dismay. When I figure out what's going on, I'm left trying to cover up my laughter with fake coughs. Maybe we won't be friends, but I think Draco is going to be a great source of amusement for me.

"Are you alright, Miss Campbell?" Professor Sprout stops lecturing to check on me as I choke on my laughter.

"Yes ma'am!" I manage to sputter out. I must be beet red at this point as the entire class is looking at me. I make sure not to look towards Draco anymore, and stare pointedly at my book to calm myself down. Whoops!

The rest of the class time goes by uneventfully, though I'm almost caught laughing at Draco again as he whines loudly about having to get his hands dirty. I really need to stop focusing on him so much or he is totally going to start bullying me.

"What were you laughing about earlier?" Mandy asks me after class.

"Oh, it was an inside joke with my grandma," I lie easily. "Oh, speaking of which, I never got around to reading her letter!"

"Well you don't have time, we have History of Magic now." Lisa reminds me.

"That's okay. I'll read it during class." Lisa looks appalled.

"Shouldn't you be paying attention in class?"

"I can multitask."

"Until you fail your first exam! Don't come crying to me asking for my notes later! You need to put in your own work for your grades."

"Fine. Fine. I won't ask for your notes, I promise."

"And don't distract me in class either! You were totally unfocused in Herbology and it was annoying to deal with."

"Sorry, Lisa. I'll be more mindful next time," I think I just manage to sound sincere, even though I don't care at all. She's become a real handful already now that classes have started. She makes a good point though. If I'm not paying attention I need to make sure that no one else is noticing me goofing off. I don't want anyone to think I'm a troublemaker or to wonder how my grades are so good.

Walking into class, I realize we have this one with the Gryffindors. I can't believe my good luck! With how boring this class is, everyone will be either asleep or half asleep, which means little to no interaction with them!

As the class starts, I find that History of Magic is as terrifically dull as everyone said it would be. Even the muggle borns are half asleep. The textbook had been so fascinating too! I don't understand what sort of magic Professor Binns uses to make himself so boring. As Ravenclaw house we try our absolute hardest to stay alert and attentive, but even we are struggling to survive. It only takes a moment of Binns dragging on before I open Grandma's letter to pass the time. I'll probably even reply to her now to make it look like I'm taking notes. I so wish I had a laptop right now!

My dearest Charlotte,

Well? Tell me all about it!

-Grandma

That was...underwhelming. I flip the letter over in confusion. I thought Grandma would be gushing with excitement to tell me how much my parents are flipping out over me being gone, or giving me "I told you so's" about the sorting hat. Instead all I get is one line? That's not like her at all. Well, there's no point in uselessly wondering about it. I'll just have to ask her.

Hey Grandma!

What gives? That was a pretty short letter!

After giving her some more crap for the length of her letter, I go on for another foot of parchment telling her about how everything has been so far. For security's sake, we decided not to go in to any detail about my memories through letters, so I'm deliberately vague when I mention the Sorting Hat. That ends up taking me about half the class, which leaves me the other half to read and respond to my parents. Their letter is almost two feet of parchment! Of course, they're missing me terribly and wondering how things are going. Mom asks about Harry again, and I'm seriously considering dropping another random guy's name just so she'll forget about him. I finish my letter back to them just as class ends, and I'm left mourning the fact that I won't be able to do that every history class.

"You were much more focused for that class," Lisa says as we head out. "How did you manage it?"

"I took what you said to heart," I lie. I can see Mandy snickering out of the corner of my eye. Do I not lie as well as I think or was that just too weak to be true?

"Well thank you! It's good to be appreciated!" Lisa puffs up her chest and walks ahead.

"Be careful, Charlotte. You're going to make it so that she can't fit her head through the doorways," Mandy whispers. I suppress the urge to laugh and gently shove Mandy ahead.

"At least I'm trying to get on her good side!"

"Good luck with that!"

Time for lunch! We manage to get to the Great Hall with no trouble, and I'm embarrassed to say that I'm proud of myself for knowing how to get there.

"Oh is that Charlotte headed our way?" Fred and George are standing just outside the Great Hall. Some of my classmates give me odd looks but keep on walking. I can tell that one or two of them know who the twins are by their wide eyed stares, but the rest probably just wonder how I'm friends with older guys already.

"Who are they?" Mandy leans over to me.

"Just some friends I met on the train," I explain.

"Well I'm not waiting for you, I'm starved!"

I walk up to the twins undaunted, despite the fact that I did not want our friendship to be so publicly broadcasted. I should have expected this from them though.

"Good afternoon, boys."

"Boys?" George asks, aghast.

"You dare to call us boys?" Fred adds.

"I don't think you're ready to be men quite yet," I try not to laugh at this silly conversation.

"And why is that?" They both cross their arms as they wait for my answer.

"Because I've yet to see a successful prank!"

"That's unfair!" Fred shouts.

"You haven't seen any pranks at all!" George agrees.

"And you expect me to believe these wild stories about you two with no proof?"

"Wild-"

"-Stories?" They're both intrigued now.

"Oh I couldn't possibly repeat them. Especially when it seems they aren't true." A part of me wonders why I'm egging them on, but the childish part of me spurs me forward.

"Oh you'll see!"

"We'll out-do our own rumor mill!"

"They'll never know what hit them!" They high five each other and then turn back to me. "You're the best, little Charlotte!" I'm suddenly enveloped in a hug that I don't feel I justly deserve before the dynamic duo race upstairs, presumably to get to work on their next big plan. I'm left stunned and alone for a moment before I remember that I was originally coming here for lunch. Hopefully none of the rumors about the twins will involve me…

"You three seem close," Mandy comments as soon as I sit down. I take a deep breath to hide the blush that is trying to creep up my neck. I am way too old for this!

"Were you spying on us?" I retort.

"Just keeping an eye on my bunkmate." She winks.

"Well as you can see I'm fine. We just met on the train is all."

"They seem to like you."

"I've taken an interest in their profession," I say vaguely. "Anyway, do you think Charms is going to be more fun than History of Magic because that was dreadful?"

Mandy clearly wants to ask me more about the twins, but I steer the conversation away, and the other first years sitting with us help me change the topic.

Lunch and the hour break afterwards pass quickly. I end up staying in the Great Hall to get a jump on the homework we _already_ have. I thought Harry just whined a lot about schoolwork, but he really wasn't kidding about the workload. This is ridiculous!

Making my way to Charms doesn't end up being too difficult, and I find myself getting excited for the class. This is the most useful class I'm going to have, and I can't wait to be able to practice all these helpful spells! I also have a ton of questions about how spells actually work, and while I did some research on my own, it will be interesting to see how Professor Flitwick explains it. Fortunately for me, this class is with Hufflepuff, so I can be completely focused on my work.

Professor Flitwick spends most of the class explaining what charms are and their importance, and I'm starting to think we won't get to do any spellwork today when he asks us to take out our wands. We all pause at this, the excitement now palpable in the air. We've never used our wands in class before- it's only our first day. It feels like a momentous occasion as we all reach in to our bags or pockets and procure this new part of ourselves that we have almost (or in some cases) never used before.

"Today we are simply going to practice some of the different wand movements that can be associated with a spell," Professor Flitwick explains. The excitement deflates from the class instantly. I think I even hear a few groans. "Next class we will be starting on spell work, so it's important to get this right!"

From my vague understanding of magical theory, wand movement is not strictly necessary. If it was, wandless magic would be impossible. That being said, wand movement is sort of like training wheels, which is why it is so heavily taught to beginners like ourselves. The movements make the spells come more naturally, and help prevent us from doing the wrong spell or no spell at all. Not the Professor Flitwick would explain this to a first year class.

After a long while of swishing, flicking, and arm waving our first Charms class is finally over. I can't say I enjoyed it. Dinner passes us by uneventfully, and I listen to everyone talk about their impressions of the classes and professors.

As I lay in bed later I still can't really believe it. I've made it through my first day of classes at Hogwarts! If only things would go this smoothly for the next seven years… This bittersweet thought is my last before I fall asleep... until I realize I forgot to send my letters. Damnit!

…

The next morning I wake up a little bit earlier to stop by the owlery. I doubt I've gotten any more letters since yesterday, and I want to make sure I send these as soon as possible so my family doesn't worry.

I would say today is an easy day in terms of classes, but that isn't true for me- today is my first class of Defense Against the Dark Arts. I am (ironically) petrified of Quirrell and what meeting him could mean for me. I've spent years training my occlumency for this day, and I won't know if I'm ready until it happens.

But before that, I have to pretend that everything is fine and normal and go to Herbology. We have Herbology technically three times a week, but only once do we have lecture. The other two days are for checking on our plant projects. It's a pretty cool class system actually, although I find it a bit tiresome to have to trek out to the greenhouses three times a week for a class I don't particularly care for. Neville must find it amazing, I'm sure.

Breakfast is starting to find a normal rhythm, though I have no idea what anyone says the entire time. The only thing I can hear is the blood pounding in my ears and the voice in my head reminding me to breathe.

Sooner than I would like, Mandy is prodding me to get a move on so that we won't be late for class. For the thousandth time I make sure my mental shields are completely up, and without any further ado, I'm exactly where I don't want to be.

"G-good m-morning, everyone. P-please find a seat," Quirrel motions for us to sit. I don't immediately notice anyone trying to break my shields- a small win in my book. I find a seat in the center, not too close, but not easily noticed in the back either. At this point I know I'm overthinking everything to death, but with my enemy standing right in front of me, I don't know what else to do with myself.

I belatedly notice we have this class with Slytherin, but they're of no concern to me right now. I only have one goal: get through this class unscathed. Unfortunately, I have no idea how difficult that will be. I'm just going to have to be prepared for anything. I eagerly watch the clock, wishing for time to fly by.

Five minutes into class, Quirrel starts lecturing. His fake lisp is already grating on my nerves. Does he really believe it puts people off his trail that much? It must be so annoying to keep up.

Ten minutes into class, I vaguely notice a magical presence around my mental barriers. I do everything in my power not to tense up.

Fifteen minutes into class the presence has noticed my mental shields. I'm not naive enough to think it isn't Tom. I decided before class started that it would be unwise to try to fool Tom with false memories. If I wasn't good enough at tricking him, he would realize that he was being pulled by the nose, and then he would have enough of a hold in my mind to get any information he wanted. Instead, I decided to hold him out on the pretense that I am a natural occlumens, and therefore somehow have the mental fortitude to keep him at bay. All without understanding what is happening to me, of course. While this plan won't keep me from being a target in the future, it will keep me safe this year, and honestly, that's good enough for me at this point.

Twenty minutes into class Tom's legilimency feels like a vice around my skull as he tries to break in from all sides. How the hell am I supposed to survive this entire class?

Twenty five minutes in he changes tactics and goes for a pointed assault. I feel like someone is lasering into my brain from the outside. Fortunately I can use the pain as a focal point so that I don't let my mind stray.

After thirty minutes of class I forgo pretending to pay attention and just put my head down. I run my fingers through my hair and remind myself to breathe as the onslaught continues.

At thirty five minutes my mind starts to wander and I feel the pain start to fade away. I vaguely think about grandma, forgetting where I am or what I'm doing. Everything is so nice when I'm not in pain…

"Hey, Charlotte, are you okay?" I feel a gentle tap on my shoulder and I jolt upright.

"Fuck!" I groan a bit too loudly. Quirrell looks at me pointedly, along with most of the rest of the class. "Oh, uh, I…" I pause for a moment, my sluggish brain trying to come up with a plan as the pain comes rushing back stronger than before. "I'll just send myself to Professor Dumbledore's office," I can practically hear the slur in my voice from the pain. Tom is now slamming in to my head so hard my vision is blurring.

I vaguely hear Quirrel say something, but I pick up my things and head for the door anyway. Just before I make it there, I'm stopped by a hand on my shoulder and am spun around to face the upset looking professor.

"Where are you going?" I don't actually hear the words come out of his mouth, but I read his lips just fine since he's right in my face. Instead of breaking away like I want to, I find myself stuck when I look him in the eye. I'm vaguely impressed that the pain I was feeling before is nothing compared to what I am experiencing now. Losing myself in the darkness of Quirrell's eyes, the last thing I hear is the sound of my own agonized scream.

…..

The throbbing in my head tells me that I'm still alive, although I don't think I want to be at the moment. I move around and realize that I'm on a bed. The hospital wing?

"Oh Charlotte, you're awake!" I open my eyes to find Madam Pomfrey fretting over me. I really hope I don't make this as much of a habit as Harry. I can't believe I made it here before he did. How embarrassing! "That must have been some headache, sweetie. Here, drink this." I'm handed a vial of something and take it without question. "You slept through most of lunch, so I had the house elves bring you something. Are you hungry?" I nod, pleased to note that the potion is making the headache fade away. "I was just about to owl your parents. Is this something that has happened before?"

"No!" I don't mean to shout. "I mean, there's no need to owl them. This is totally normal." Now is not the time to feel guilty for lying. I'm going to have to build myself a huge web of lies to get through all of this.

"This is normal?" Madam Pomfrey does not look convinced.

"I get chronic migraines. Sometimes they get really intense, especially when I'm stressed out. I don't want to worry my parents any more than they already are with my not being there. It was so hard to convince them to let me go to school. Please don't write them! They might take me home." Hopefully I can guilt-trip her into never writing to them ever. She looks at my pleading face for a few nerve wracking moments before she acquiesces.

"As long as you're sure, sweetie. Stay as long as you need. Don't worry about your next class." The food she mentioned earlier appears in front of me on a table I hadn't noticed before and I immediately start eating.

"Have I missed it?" I chime in. I really don't want to miss my first Transfiguration class, despite everything that just happened. That class seems rather difficult, and impressing Professor McGonagall is a goal of mine. I can freak out about being attacked by dark lords after I get my O. Madam Pomfrey checks the clock behind her.

"It should start in half an hour, but that doesn't mean I advise you go."

"I'll be fine after I eat."

"You fainted in class. I'd like to make sure there's nothing else wrong."

"I'm fine." Madam Pomfrey gives me a look so intense she is practically glaring at me. "That potion really helped!" The look on her face doesn't change. "I promise to come back if the headache comes back?" I try to find something to say that will make us both happy.

"Fine." Apparently that is good enough. She leaves me to my lunch and I sigh. Today turned out almost as badly as I feared, except I didn't die. I can't believe he came after me so intensely right away. Then again, it makes perfect sense. A normal student wouldn't notice that Tom was prying into their minds, and he could learn all sorts of things from all of the students combined. Finding someone that he couldn't read would definitely make him curious.

Madam Pomfrey mentioned that I fainted and clearly someone told her that I had a headache. I wonder how they explained away me screaming when I passed out…

"Madam Pomfrey?"

"Yes, dear?"

"D-did I shout...when I passed out?" That was such an awkward question I didn't know how to ask it.

"No one mentioned it to me. Maybe you had a bad dream?" Great, I made her more concerned and now I'm not sure if I'm crazy. Maybe I just thought I was screaming? Or screaming in my head? Ugh, I don't have time to wonder about stupid stuff like this. I need to figure out how I'm going to manage this for the rest of the semester. Maybe I can fake an allergy to Quirrel? The idea makes me smile, and I use that tiny amount of happiness to push myself out of bed and get ready for my next class.

"Thanks for everything, Madam Pomfrey!" I call as I pick up my backpack. I wonder who brought me here?

"You're welcome, Charlotte. Here, take this," she hands me a vial of blue liquid. "Take it as soon as a headache starts- it should make it go away. Come as often as you need for more." I smile broadly. This could be just what I need to help keep Tom away. Or maybe it doesn't work for occlumency induced headaches? Well, I won't know until I try.

"Thanks!" I've got just enough time to make it to Transfiguration.

I make it with moments to spare and sit down next to Mandy, who immediately leans over to me.

"What the heck happened?"

"I get chronic migraines."

"Well that sucks. Lisa and I were gonna visit you after classes ended today. We didn't think you would be back so soon after you fainted."

"It's okay. I'm fine."

Lisa eyed me curiously but didn't add to our conversation as Professor McGonagall started lecturing.

I've always had a huge amount of respect for Professor McGonagall, which is probably why I want to do so well in her class. I can see that her commanding presence is making some of the others nervous, but I'm so used to her that she could only make me nervous if she was angry. In my excitement to get here, I didn't even notice this class was with the Gryffindors. Surreptitiously looking around, I spot Harry two rows over from me. Professor McGonagall seems to be making him a bit anxious as well.

"Now Miss Campbell, since you seem so fascinated in everything but the lecture at hand, why don't you tell us what Transfiguration is?" The rest of the class turns to stare at me, no one daring to laugh at the precarious position I have now been placed in. My face must be so red right now.

"Transfiguration is the family of spells that are used for changing objects from one thing to another. This differs from Charms in that we are changing the essential nature of the object we are working with, where Charms does not," I recite easily.

"Very good, Miss Campbell. If you had been paying attention to begin with I would be so inclined to give you house points for such a good answer, but just because you have a grasp of the material at hand does not mean you should be idle in your class time. Now is the time to practice and focus." To reiterate, she turns to her desk and turns it into a pig and back again. "Without focus, you will not get to a level where you can do things like this. Understood?" We all nod weakly. I have really got to get better at not paying attention without getting noticed.

The rest of the class passes smoothly. Again, we aren't going to be doing any spellwork until our next class, much to our great disappointment. As the lecture comes to an end and we all gather our things to leave, Professor McGonagall calls for me to stay behind. I'm a little offended that I'm in the same class as Harry and yet I'm the one getting called on. This is so unfair! Lisa and Mandy give me curious looks, but head on without me. I'm left waiting in front of the professor's desk impatiently wondering what is going on until everyone else clears out.

"Miss Campbell, Professor Dumbledore would like to see you in his office. I will take you there so you don't get lost," she explains.

"Oh," is the only stupid response I can manage as I start following her down the hall. So much for being a good student in front of my most respected teacher. I spend our walk freaking out about how I have to deal with yet _another_ mental onslaught today. This is getting completely out of hand far faster than I had anticipated. My last run in with a legilimens left me in the hospital wing, and what if Dumbledore suspects what happened? Has he known from the beginning that Quirrel is the traitor? Does he know he let Tom in to the castle? If he did, why would he give Tom free reign of the school? Does Snape know?

I'm snapped out of this whirlwind of thoughts when we get to the gargoyle. I hear the professor mumble, "Pumpkin Pasties" and I file the information away for later use. I have no idea how often Dumbledore changes his passwords, but it doesn't hurt to try it if I need it.

As we wait for the spiral staircase to take us up to the office, Professor McGonagall starts explaining something about the headmaster's office, but I'm too busy reexamining my mental shields to really pay attention. This really has been a horrific day. How am I going to make it through this?

"Are you ready?" I'm sure she doesn't think this is that big of a deal, but I appreciate her question nonetheless. Taking one more deep breath, I nod and follow Professor McGonagall into Dumbledore's office.


	5. Chapter 5

Guyyyysss writing is harddddd. Ugh, my self imposed deadline totally snuck up on me. I'm glad I remembered though! I'm in a tiny bit of a slump, so hopefully putting out today's chapter will give me some renewed vigor. Yosh!

* * *

"Miss Campbell is here to see you, sir," Professor McGonagall greets curtly, ushering me into the office. It's as beautiful as I remember, with many wonderful moving contraptions surrounding me. Fawkes is a hatchling now, barely holding on to his perch with his tiny claws. I watch him for a moment and take another deep breath.

"Thank you, Minerva." The two professors nod to each other and I'm suddenly left alone with the headmaster. Before he can make eye contact with me, I put a hand to my head and pretend to wince. With no time to come up with a better one, my plan is to try to throw him off. It probably won't work, but at least I'm trying.

"Are you alright, my dear?" Dumbledore stands up from his chair, but I wave him off.

"Oh, I'm alright, sir. Sorry for worrying you. I have chronic migraines. They get worse when I'm nervous." Am I babbling? I feel like I'm babbling. At least I sound nervous.

"Is that what happened in Professor Quirrell's class today?" he asks, gesturing for me to sit down. I oblige him.

"Yes, sir. I didn't mean to curse. I'm really sorry about that. My head just hurt a lot and I lost track of where I was."

"Is this normal?"

"Yes, sir. It was getting better at home. I was homeschooled so I wouldn't be stressed too often." I press a hand to my head. "Please don't tell my parents. They think I can't handle going to school, and I don't want to leave." I certainly don't have to fake the anxiety in my voice.

"Am I causing you great stress, Charlotte?" I almost want to laugh at the irony of his question. Hopefully he will never know the amount of stress he causes me.

"I've never been called to the headmaster's office before. I don't want to cause any trouble at school." If that's not the truth I don't know what is.

The famous twinkle in the headmaster's eye has disappeared as he seems to stare directly into my soul. I wait for him to use legilimency on me, my mental barriers as strong as I can make them right now...but he doesn't. What is he waiting for? Doesn't he want to know the truth?

"I appreciate your noble intentions, Miss Campbell, but unfortunately you will still be serving detention with Professor Quirrell. He was very upset by your outburst and it wouldn't do to condone that sort of behaviour in front of your classmates, despite the circumstances."

I stare at the headmaster, trying not to let the horror of this information show on my face. Alone, with Tom, for hours? I can't let this happen. I felt what he was capable of today in a room filled with other students. Alone? I would never make it. But what do I say to get out of this?

"You're right. I'll make sure it doesn't happen again." I get up from my seat and turn away, waiting for Dumbledore to change his mind. Certainly he wouldn't leave me alone with that monster? But then, I realize, I'm talking to a different type of monster right now. He _would_ set up a trap like this. If I know who Tom is, I won't let myself be alone with him, and if I don't know who Tom is, the headmaster can cancel the detention at the last minute in order to protect me. Or he can assume that Tom isn't actually a threat to some random girl. That would be the most logical thing for him to think.

I take another step towards the door, but end up turning back around. "Can't I do detention with you, Professor?" _Well played, I admit defeat,_ the underlying conversation began.

Dumbledore raises an eyebrow at me. "Why not with Professor Quirrell?" _Tell me what's going on,_ he answers in kind.

"He kind of scares me. I don't like him very much." _You know why._

"You've only had class with him one day. Why not give him a chance?" _That's not good enough. Tell me the truth._

"Please?" _Don't make me do this._

"I only want to help you, Charlotte."

I steel my resolve. It seems that Dumbledore isn't going to let me get away without telling him something. I didn't want to have to do this so soon, but I already put myself in this corner.

"Oh, like you helped your sister?" The sentence comes angry and fast, like it slipped out. Except, it didn't.

The headmaster gives me a look of perfect confusion. He's quite the actor. "I'm afraid I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh I'm sure you do, Professor. I'm a seer, but I don't see into the future- I only see the past. Your past, to be exact." I watch closely for a reaction to my lies, except there really isn't much of one.

"Oh? Could you tell me where I put my lunch? I can't seem to find it anywhere." I close my eyes and sigh. I should have expected this kind of reaction from the old man. He never lets his hand be seen by anyone, even when it would be more prudent to show it.

A long pause stretches between us as we each wait for the other to speak. After a while, Dumbledore seems to finally get the hint that I'm not going to play along with his old man routine and he drops the act- I'm suddenly faced with the general who has taken on armies. "When were you planning on telling me this?"

"I wasn't." I cross my arms. I'm the one with all the information here! How did I get put on the defensive so easily?

"Then why tell me now?" The twinkle in his eye is back, and I know I've been played.

"You know, don't you?"

"Know about what?" Dumbledore continues to play coy with me and it's infuriating.

"Forget it! I'll just go to the stupid detention! What do I care who knows your stupid secrets? Clearly you don't!"

I'm about to stomp away when he begins, "Now Charlotte-"

"What? What is it now?" At this point I'm seething. With all this greater good bullshit he espouses, you would think he would know when to leave well enough alone, for the "greater good".

"You're clearly upset, but I'm not sure I understand why."

"Because I'm trying to keep _your_ secrets away from _your_ enemy and you're the one trying to leave me alone with him!" Dumbledore's expression hardens for just a moment at this, but he says nothing. "Forget it! If you want Tom to know about your stupid plan for the end of the year then fine!" I don't slow down as I throw open the office door and storm out, even though the headmaster is calling after me. He is _so_ aggravating!

At this point I'm angry and scared and not ready to go back to pretending like I'm a normal student. Before I realize what I'm doing I'm running down the halls at full speed. It's dinner time now, so things are rather slow going throughout the castle, but I don't want to run the risk of running into anyone right now. I take a moment to cast the disillusionment charm on myself, happy that I know it, and I climb higher and higher to escape the trapped feeling that seems to be chasing me. Finally reaching the seventh floor, I remember the perfect place to go to get away- the Room of Requirement. No one I know uses it until fifth year, so it should be a safe haven for me now. It takes a little bit of wandering for me to remember where it is, but I'm rewarded when I imagine a nice, calm bedroom for myself to stay in and a door appears between two familiar looking paintings that I've now walked between far more than three times. I take one more look around to make sure no one is watching and slip inside.

I find myself in a small, but cozy, room. There's a four poster bed on the left wall with a fireplace already lit across from it. In front of the fireplace is a rug and comfy looking couch. Next to myself and the door is a large bookcase filled with promising reads, and the far wall reveals a perfect view of the surrounding mountain range. I release a long breath I didn't know I was holding, throw myself on the bed, and burst into tears.

…

I wake up and look around blearily, wondering where in the hell I am. This place doesn't look familiar at all...oh shit. I throw myself out of the wonderful bed and look out the window in a panic, but fortunately the sun is only just starting to rise. I'll have to come up with an excuse as to why I didn't come back last night, but at least I haven't missed any classes. I make my way back to my dorm begrudgingly, not wanting to leave the haven I created for myself behind, but real life is going to continue whether I want it to or not.

Slipping into our dorm bathroom, I hop in the shower and start getting ready for the day. I'm headed downstairs for an early breakfast when Mandy spots me.

"Where were you last night?" I can't tell if she's angry, confused, or just curious.

"My headache ended up coming back way worse, so Professor McGonagall walked me to the hospital wing and I stayed there for the night," I lie smoothly.

"Oh." Does she sound disappointed? "Ok then."

"I'll see you later?"

"Yeah." I continue heading to breakfast, feeling a bit confused by that encounter.

Today is double Potions. I'm not looking forward to the professor or the class itself, but I've got to suffer through it. I'll have to keep my occlumency shields up, as usual, but I have no reason to suspect that Snape will try to knock them down. I'm just not a fan of him or Potions. I end up heading to class early anyway, partially to just get it over with and partially to work on the homework I've been neglecting since yesterday went completely awry.

"Class begins now." I'm snapped out of my huge pile of assignments by the start of the lecture. I completely lost track of time! Snape goes into the exact same spiel he gave the Gryffindor class, and I immediately zone out. I knew we would be having this class with the Hufflepuffs, which I'm happy about. I notice belatedly that my bunkmates aren't sitting with me, and when I make eye contact with Mandy across the room she just shrugs at me.

"Today we will be brewing a potion that even first timers like yourselves shouldn't have trouble with. Now get yourselves a partner and get to work. If I hear any side conversations I will dock house points."

There's a sudden mad scramble as everyone tries to find a partner. Mandy and Lisa pair up together instantly because they're sitting together, so I end up with the Hufflepuff girl next to me. She seems friendly enough.

"I'm Sally," she says, extending her hand to me. I shake it nervously.

"Charlotte."

"Nice to meet you!" Sally and I get down to business with our potion, and as we work on it we start to realize a harrowing truth: I'm terrible at Potions. I didn't know myself to be so clumsy or awkward, and I wonder if Snape breathing down my neck is just bringing out the worst sides of me. Within minutes I've cut my fingers twice, have cut the ingredients incorrectly, and I can't seem to grab the right things off the shelves. Without Sally helping to correct my mistakes, I think I would blow something up.

"Miss Campbell, have you never spent any time in a kitchen?" Snape sounds more exasperated than usual.

"No?" I answer, my cheeks a terrible shade of red, I'm sure.

"Maybe you should start."

I didn't realize it when I was reading through the textbook. It all seemed so simple then, but now I know...I have no idea how to use a knife properly! Shouldn't there be step by step instructions for that at the start of the course? Why would they assume that I have an advanced degree in standard cooking procedures?

"Ouch!" Due to my inattention, I've managed to cut myself yet again. Sally swipes the knife from my hand quickly.

"How about you just stir?" She is trying so hard to save us from a failing grade, and I feel so so guilty. I nod meekly and take her place at the cauldron. "Counterclockwise!" I sigh and stir in the opposite direction from where I had started. This is going to be a long, long, year.

…..

"This potion is acceptable," Snape says, causing our faces to fall. Sally and I had waited patiently for our potion to be inspected, but an A isn't what Sally deserved. For all the work she put in, she should have received an O.

"But sir-" I start.

"Potions are graded based on the outcome, not on the pair that produced it, fortunately for you." He turned to Sally. "You should probably find someone else to partner with if you want a better grade next time." Without another word, he turned with a flourish of his cloak and stalked over to the next nervous pair.

"I'm sorry, Sally. Thanks for your help today."

"No worries!" An A is better than a D, right?" Sally has been surprisingly kind throughout my stupid mistakes.

"So I'll see you next week?" I ask sheepishly.

"Yeah sure!" I try to leave class with Sally, but she decides to wait for her friends and tells me not to wait up. I look around to see that Lisa and Mandy have already had their potion graded so they went on ahead. I guess I'll go meet up with them for lunch.

…..

"What the heck happened to you in class today?" Mandy asks as I sit beside her at lunch. I blush furiously at the question. I tried not to make a scene in class today, but with the amount of blood spilled it was hard not to get noticed.

"Guess I'm not that good at Potions?" I mutter, laughing awkwardly as I feel my appetite slipping away.

"Clearly not," Lisa agrees. "Maybe you need some tutoring?"

"Are you offering?" I ask hopefully.

"I've only been in Potions class for one day! Why would I be able to help you?"

"I suppose you're right, but I can't ask Professor Snape. He hates me already."

"Maybe he would hate you less if you sought to better yourself?"

"Maybe," I acquiesce. That would be awkward as hell for me though, and I would rather not have to go through that.

I end up picking at my lunch while everyone talks about how Potions went, feeling pretty bummed out over all. It really hasn't been a good week for me. I'm looking forward to the end of it so I can hide away somewhere and recharge. I wish I could go flying, but first years aren't allowed; I can feel myself going stir-crazy already.

Fortunately for me, we have astrology tonight so I can at least enjoy the night air and hopefully relax a bit. Astrology and star gazing in general are calming pass times for me. I doubt I'll even really consider it a class except for the homework.

In the meantime, I'm going to find a nice tree to sit under while the weather is still somewhat decent and finish the rest of this homework. After lunch the other first years head their separate ways, presumably to do the same thing I am, and my afternoon passes blissfully.

Astrology is with Slytherin house, but laughing at Draco's ridiculous antics only makes my time in class more enjoyable. By the time I head to bed my sour mood has improved significantly.

….

 _Day four begins,_ I think as I roll out of bed. In three days I've been trounced by the dark lord, yelled at the headmaster, and nearly cut off my fingers in potions. But I've also made it to all my classes, made some friends, and haven't been caught in my lies. Gotta stay positive!

I'm continually impressed by breakfast at Hogwarts- I had no idea there were so many different breakfast foods and even more ways to prepare them! I really need to go see the house elves sometime and tell them how awesome they are.

Tally stops by to bring me my letters, but I'm surprised to see a third one addressed to me. I pet her absently as I stare at the familiar tilt of my name on the plain manilla envelope. Who could it be from? I take a moment to look around, making sure that my classmates aren't trying to read over my shoulder before I rip open the letter. I don't have History until tomorrow, so I'm not going to wait until then to answer my letters- I'll just do it now.

Dear Miss Campbell,

Your detention with Professor Quirrell has been cancelled; instead you shall be serving detention with me tonight. I will see you at 7pm.

Until then,

Albus Dumbledore

Ah shit. At least he took me seriously? I look up at the headmaster, having no idea how to feel about this situation. I guess I'll know more at seven. In the meantime, I am more worried about dealing with Tom's class again. Twice a week is too often to see a mass murderer.

I know I have to go to DADA. I know I have to go. But I've still got some time until class starts, so there's no point in panicking just yet. I'll just distract myself with my other letters.

My Dearest Charlotte,

I am sorry my letter was so short the other day. I've been terribly busy trying to keep your parents from losing their minds. They have been at a loss what to do all day without you, so I've been over almost daily to distract them. Taking care of my daughter is what I do best, after all!

May I add an "I told you so" in reference to the sorting? I know worrying is your strong suit, but I really wish you didn't worry quite so much. I'm sure your first class of Defense Against the Dark Arts wasn't that bad either. I know you were nervous about it. How have your other classes been going? Have you made any new friends? How have your bunkmates been? I can't wait to hear all about it!

Much love,

Grandma

Grandma was going to have to take back that, "I told you so" when she gets my letter. I mean, the sorting did turn out okay, but not much has turned out fine since then. I decide I don't really have enough time to write Grandma back (I'll do it tonight) so I'll just read and then head off to class.

Mum and Dad's letter is more of the same, not saying that I don't enjoy reading it- it's nice to know there are people cheering in my corner. Having some loving words to read every few days is definitely good for my psyche.

With that flush of happiness through my system, I force myself to head to class. I can feel myself shaking, but I know I can't skip it. I can't let Tom think something is amiss, despite the fact that he clearly knows something. If I didn't show, it would just further affirm that he should keep an eye on me.

Holding my bag with a white knuckle grip, I step into the classroom, shields completely up. Quirrell's gaze doesn't stay on me particularly long, though he's watching us all as we file in with a nervous expression on his face.

I have no idea how quickly or intensely he will attack my mental shields, so all I can do is play it cool and wait. So I do.

I wait.

And wait.

I watch the minutes as the clock ticks by, not giving a rat's ass what Quirrell is stammering on about. Five minutes pass into ten, then twenty. I don't even feel a twinge against my shields. What is going on?

Before I know it, class is over. I blink in surprise. Did I just manage to get through that whole class pain free? I mean, I was terrified, but I got through it!

As the class gets up to leave, Quirrell calls my name and asks for me to stay behind...so much for celebrating. I slow down packing my things, and I hear Draco sniggering before he makes his way past me with his posse.

"Gonna curse at your professors some more, Campbell? Or are you going to pretend to faint again?" The group of Slytherins behind Draco laugh, and I notice even some of the Ravenclaws that heard him smirk at his comment. I shouldn't be surprised that the first time he ever deigns to speak to me is to make fun of me. Quirrell is preoccupied with someone asking a question so I can't avoid this conversation that way.

"Do I know you?" Draco stops in his tracks and glares at me, immediately offended. "It's polite to at least introduce yourself before you start harassing someone."

"How do you not know who this is?" Pansy looks outraged and I try my hardest not to laugh at how much her anger distorts her face to look even _more_ like a pug. Draco puts a hand out, as if holding her back from jumping me, and answers my question.

"Malfoy," he says smugly, like he's already won somehow, "Draco Malfoy."

"Charlotte Campbell." I hold out a hand and he stares at it before shaking it. "Alright, you can go back to making fun of me now. I just wanted to have a proper introduction." I notice that Theodore Nott looks mildly impressed with me for a moment, but it was so quick I might have imagined it.

"Don't you understand who you're talking to? You need to be more polite when speaking to a Malfoy!" Pansy starts, but Draco stops her once again. The classroom has basically emptied out by now, leaving Draco and his cronies alone with me. He seems to notice this at the same time that I do, and he doesn't look pleased. I know he only bothered with me because he thought I was an easy target, but now that I've proven that isn't the case and his audience has left, he has no real reason to stay.

"Charlotte?" Quirrell calls for me hesitantly, giving us all the out we had been hoping for. Draco immediately uses it, leaving me behind as quickly as possible. I can't help but think I've made a good impression on him.

I turn to find myself alone in the room with Tom and Quirrell. I take a deep breath and a few steps forward, making sure that I'm relatively close to the door if I need to bolt.

"I'm sorry about last class," I start the conversation. "I promise it won't happen again. Thank you for not giving me detention." I wait, terrified for the attack I'm sure is coming.

"Of course. You were in pain. I c-can understand that." We both pause again. Nothing changes with my shields.

"Can I go now?" I ask, totally lost as to what the purpose of this conversation was.

"Yes, yes. Of course. I am glad you are well."

"Thanks." I try to act as casually as possible as I leave the room. What the heck was that about? He had the opportunity to go after me and he didn't. What is his angle?

Hunger pushes out the other thoughts in my overcrowded brain, and I make my way to dinner. The other first years are nearly done eating by the time I arrive, but Lisa and Mandy are still around so I take my usual seat across from them.

"What did Quirrell want? Giving you detention?" Mandy questions as I heap a pile of mashed potatoes happily on to my plate. I notice Draco walk into the Great Hall. He immediately looks over at Ravenclaw table and when he sights me I smile brightly. His quest to rile me has only made me want to rile him more.

"Charlotte?" Lisa taps my hand, which has been frozen over the potatoes in my distraction. "What are you looking at?" She turns around and follows my gaze. When she looks back at me she is clearly surprised. "Draco Malfoy? You're friends with him?"

"Oh, not at all," I laugh. "To answer your question, Mandy, Professor Quirrell was just checking up on me." Lisa frowns but doesn't push me on the Draco subject.

"Well I need to go study," she announces, pushing away her empty plate, which disappears seconds later. "Coming, Mandy?"

"Yeah, sounds great!"

"I'll catch you two later?" I smile.

"I'm sure." Lisa and Mandy leave me to my dinner, which I haven't gotten around to taking a bite of yet. I kind of wish they had waited for me…

When I finish eating I realize that I don't know where my bunkmates are studying, so I can't really go join them. I'm not really in the mood to search the castle for them, so I head back to my bed to get some letter writing done before detention.

Seven o'clock rolls around sooner than I would like, but I make sure I'm on time. I have no idea what Dumbledore is going to have me doing, and I'm certainly not looking forward to it.

I knock on the inside door of the headmaster's office, not waiting for a response before letting myself in. I'm surprised to find that he isn't sitting at his desk, and a cursory look around shows that he isn't anywhere in the office that I can see. Taking the opportunity that's been presented, I immediately go over to Fawkes and give him some attention. His presence is soothing to my frayed nerves, and a few blissful minutes pass where I simply enjoy his company. He seems to like me well enough, letting me scratch the back of his head with a small coo.

"I hope you haven't been waiting long." Dumbledore's voice behind me makes me jump. I turn around to look at him, torn between feeling sheepish and being annoyed that he scared me.

"Not very," I say in what I hope is a casual tone, going back to petting the phoenix before me.

"I see Fawkes has taken a liking to you. He's normally not very social."

"Really?" I didn't know that.

"Why don't we take a seat?" I acquiesce, reluctant to leave Fawkes' side. He seems put out that he is no longer being pet. "For your detention tonight, I thought we could talk some more, since you seemed so reluctant the last time we met." I narrow my eyes at this.

"What about?" We both know I said too much when we spoke before. I was scared. Now I don't have the potential threat of detention with Tom looming over me. Nor have I been attacked by Tom today. Last time I was reacting like an injured and cornered kitten- I'll admit. This time I don't have to say anything, so I won't.

"Is there anything else you would like to tell me about yourself?"

"No." A long pause.

"Maybe you would like to tell me more about me?"

"No." A longer pause.

"Maybe we should talk about Tom? You mentioned him last time you were here."

I'm careful not to change my expression. He wants to know how much I know, and I'm still not sure whether he knows that Tom is in the school or if I was the one who told him.

"No."

The rest of my detention passes in awkward silence. I know how much of a petulant child I must look like with my arms crossed and an annoyed glare on my face, but I would rather sit here and not say a word than risk exposing myself any more than I already have.

Two hours pass slowly and painfully as Dumbledore watches me. His patience astounds me, and I'm equally impressed that he hasn't just tried to pry me open with legilimency.

"Why?" I ask at the last moment before I'm free. Dumbledore twitches mildly in surprise.

"Why what?"

"Why aren't you forcing me to talk?"

"I don't have the power to do that."

"That's bullshit and we both know it."

"Please, Charlotte, there's no need for that sort of language." I roll my eyes.

"I don't know why I even bother with you. You'll never answer any of my questions." I move to get up- my two hours of detention are over, but the headmaster's next statement stops me in my tracks.

"You have yet to answer any of mine."

I look at the headmaster, a storm of emotions overtaking me. Why do I feel so guilty? I quickly turn away, not wanting to let anything slip.

"I'm going to miss curfew." A tense silence fills the office as I leave the office behind.

I'm surprised by how exhausted I feel after detention, and wander back to my dorm on autopilot. When I get there I'm mildly impressed that I managed it without getting lost. Maybe I'm finally getting a handle on my daily routes, not that I have much of a handle on anything else.


	6. Chapter 6

Special thanks to Whatkooloser for your kinds words and encouragement last week! This one is for you. :)

I hope you all enjoy! _I have not personally experienced what Charlotte is dealing with, if anyone was curious._

So I said that a few days ago and I have to retract that statement somewhat. For irony's sake I decided to leave it up. You think thing like that wouldn't happen when you're a grown ass adult but people never change.

* * *

Time seems to speed up as things calm down. Tom hasn't come after me since my first class, though my paranoia hasn't died down. Grandma was worried when I told her about Tom's attack, but since nothing has happened again she and I have been able to have relaxing correspondence again. Dumbledore seems keen on pretending I don't exist after my detention and surprisingly so has Draco. Since then we have taken our first round of exams, and grades should be posted today. I'm confident I did well, considering I haven't had any distractions as of late.

Lisa, Mandy, and I make our way to Transfiguration, the three of us excited to see our exam scores.

"I'm sure you did great, Lisa," I try to soothe her frayed nerves. She's been hysterical about this grade since we took the test.

"I know I failed! I just know it!" She whines for the upteenth time.

"Your practical was flawless, and I know you knew everything for the written."

"I bet you got the highest score of all of us," Mandy agrees.

We walk into class and sit down. The Ravenclaws are abuzz with excitement and nervousness about our scores while the Gryffindors mostly just look nauseated. It was not an easy test.

"Good afternoon, class. I'm sure you're all anxious to know how you did on your exams. I'll be passing around your scores now, and I am happy to answer any questions you may have before we begin our lecture for the day." Professor McGonagall walks around and hands our tests back. Lisa gets hers first and I watch as her tense shoulders finally relax. Mandy shoots her a thumbs up when she finally receives her own. When I am finally handed my exam, Professor McGonagall stops for a moment and smiles at me. "Congratulations Charlotte, you received the only one hundred percent."

Lisa and Mandy both stop their silent cheering to look over at me with surprise. We hadn't ended up studying together much, so they didn't know how well I knew the information. At first I had been a little bummed that we weren't spending that time together, but I realized how nice it was to not have to overstudy. After all, it isn't like I'm learning much of this information for the first time. The practical is the hardest part for me, but since I don't have to spend very much time on the paper aspect, it doesn't take me nearly as long to prepare for an exam as it would for any other first year.

Class flew by as we went on to our next section, and I almost forgot how well I did on the test until Lisa and Mandy appeared by my side at the end of lecture.

"How did you do that?" Lisa almost looked angry.

"Do what?" I asked as I packed up my things.

"Get a one hundred!" Mandy explained.

"I studied?" The three of us made our way out towards dinner.

"You're really good at it, apparently! What's your secret?" Mandy leaned in, as if I really was about to tell a secret.

"What are you talking about? I studied with you guys too. I didn't do anything special."

"Then why did you get the highest grade?"

"I don't know! I probably just got lucky." Man they are really grilling me on this! I didn't think getting a good grade would bring me so much attention. I guess I shouldn't be that surprised though, we are a bunch of Ravenclaws.

As we sit down with the other first years, more people join our conversation.

"Congrats on the hundred!"

"I can't believe someone got a perfect score on the first exam."

"I've heard McGonagall is the hardest professor in testing. How did you do it?"

"I thought that was Snape?" I counter, my head mildly spinning at all of the attention.

"Will you study with us?" I hear that question at least three separate times, and I realize I've made a mistake. It wasn't necessarily my fault that my grade got broadcasted to the class, but I should have known better than to get perfect grades. I can't risk someone suspecting me of cheating- that would be too hard to explain away other than with natural born brilliance- but being forced to study all the time with large groups of students is gonna be boring as hell since I already know the information.

"I don't really do well studying with others…" I admit, rubbing the back of my head sheepishly. The happy group around me seems to grow cold after I say this. I even notice some rolled eyes.

"Yeah, sure you don't…"

"Holding back on us, Campbell?"

"Way to share the wealth."

Even Lisa and Mandy don't look pleased.

"So what, we help you study your way to a perfect score and you won't help us out?" Lisa crosses her arms.

"What are you talking about?"

"Why won't you help us get good grades too?" I don't think I've ever seen Mandy look so peeved.

"But we did study together! And I wasn't very helpful! I don't know how to help people study!"

"Yeah, we noticed," Lisa deadpans. I would laugh, but I don't think she's joking.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to leave you guys behind."

"So you'll help us study?" Everyone is staring at me and I suddenly feel trapped despite the openness of the Great Hall.

"Sure."

….

Things only get worse as the week goes on and we receive the rest of our exam scores.

"Another perfect score?" Lisa grabs my paper out of my hand before I can even see it. I sigh as I try to snatch it back from her, but the damage has already been done- she knows my grade. I can't believe I got an one hundred on every single exam so far. I thought for sure I would screw up a couple of questions, so I hadn't even thought about purposely marking some wrong. Apparently I had retained the information better than I thought.

Since they found out about my perfect grade, Lisa and Mandy had become more curious about what my other exam scores would be, and by the end of the week they had moved themselves to sit next to me in every class. Now with the two of them by my side, I'm forced to try to pay attention in my classes, otherwise they'll wonder how I'm doing so well. This is getting aggravating.

"Can I see your notes?" Lisa whispers in Herbology. I give her a sharp look. Wasn't she the one who always said I wasn't allowed to see her notes? "Please? Just for a second." Before this week I had never taken a single note, seeing as the professors had yet to say something I felt I couldn't remember. Now with my friends breathing down my throat, I even have to take b.s. notes.

"Ugh, fine," I groan, handing my notes over to her. I hope they're up to par.

"Thanks."

"Can I see them after?" Mandy hasn't been taking any notes all class.

"No!"

"Aww come on, I take terrible notes. Yours are so much better! Why should I have to write my notes twice when I'm just gonna copy your notes later anyway?" I roll my eyes in annoyance. Why does it feel like I'm doing everything all of a sudden?

"Whatever."

"Well you don't have to be rude about it," she huffs.

…..

Unsurprisingly I did not do well in Potions. I did alright on the written portion (though not perfectly), but my practical was abysmal. Sally hasn't been my partner since our first class (she apologized) and my partner has frequently been whoever shows up to class last. Ever since that became the norm, most of the class comes as soon as they've finished lunch, much to Snape's chagrin. Fortunately for everyone else, our exam required us to work alone. I managed not to blow anything up, so Snape gave me a Dreadful. Clearly I'm not going to grow up to be a potions master.

I had expected Lisa and Mandy to want to sit with me in this class too, but they didn't switch seats. I couldn't ask them about it during class, so I caught up with them afterwards.

"What gives?" I pant as I slow back down to a walk.

"What?"

"You didn't sit with me this class."

"Oh, well, we didn't want to upset Professor Snape," Mandy explains lamely. She looks sort of guilty for some reason.

"You didn't seem to mind in all our other classes."

"Yeah, but those classes didn't have Professor Snape in them," Lisa argues quickly.

"I suppose."

"So we're studying together again tonight, right?" Mandy changes the subject.

"Of course," I agree. Ever since my first perfect score Mandy and Lisa have been spending every evening with me. I've been asked by most of the other first years to study with them too, and I have spent most of my free time hanging out with everyone. I even wrote Grandma to tell her how well I've been making friends! I should have known that being the "smartest" would be the easiest way to make friends in Ravenclaw house. While I liked having free time to myself before, it's been a wonderful surprise to spend time with the other first years, who I was pretty awkward around before.

I'm not an idiot though. I do know that everyone's interested in hanging out with me because I'm the smartest, as far as they know. But that doesn't mean we aren't friends, right?

That being said, I plan on lowering my grades for the next set of exams. Just a couple of points lower, not enough to make anyone question how I suddenly got stupid, but enough so that I'm no longer the top of the class. I don't think it'd be a good idea to get perfect scores forever.

….

"So I heard you're smarter than you look." Draco catches me alone in the hall one evening after class. I continue walking towards the Great Hall, but I can't bring myself to completely ignore the little brat. He walks alongside me as we talk.

"...thank...you?"

"You're welcome." I roll my eyes at his childishness. Maybe I _should_ just ignore him.

"What do you want, Draco?"

"I could tell you were upset after meeting me for the first time, especially since you were so full of social faux pas, so I thought I would come tell you that I forgive you."

" _Forgive me?!_ " I turn on the younger boy, clearly surprising him as I force him to a halt with my glare. "You cannot be serious!" He only takes a moment to compose himself once again and continue.

"I was even going to invite you to our study group. It's usually Slytherins only, but maybe I shouldn't since you can't even apologize properly."

"You-you want me to apologize? For _what_?!" I'm seething at this point. I've got such an urge to punch the little prat across the jaw, I'm surprised Hermione didn't do it sooner.

"You really think you did nothing wrong?" He crosses his arms petulantly.

"No! You were the one trying to make fun of me!"

"You were the one who was speaking to me without respect."

"You're not a king, Malfoy, you're a rich prat!" Draco seems surprised that I call him by his last name. "I'm not going to go study with you, and I don't know why you think I would!" Without another word I stomp away; Draco doesn't bother to call after me.

I continue to head to dinner, my mind racing with angry thoughts. How dare he try to make me apologize! No wonder Harry hates him so much! Gryffindors love to feel righteously angry, and that's all I'm feeling right now. What the hell was his problem anyway? Why did he invite me to study with him? Slytherins are always trying to get something out of a relationship, so why was he trying to talk to me?

My steps slow as I think harder about the situation. Draco said he forgave me, meaning he had wanted me to apologize. I don't think he is stupid enough to think I would ever apologize when we both know I didn't do anything, right? Or did he really think I did something wrong? I'm clearly not getting anywhere trying to figure that part out.

Why did he want to study with me? It's not like we're friends or anything. I replay the conversation in my mind, hoping to find a clue.

" _...I heard you're smarter than you look."_

Suddenly it all clicks. He heard that I got perfect scores...if he wanted something from me, he would probably want my grades...so he only talked to me because he wanted me to agree to study with him! _That's_ why he forgave me! Because it was the only way to fix the fact that he had made fun of me the last time we spoke. He couldn't apologize for what he did, so he thought he could make me feel like I did something wrong instead. Geez, Slytherins are impossible. It should _not_ take me this long to figure out a conversation.

I've made it to the Great Hall and am about to sit down with my friends when a realization stops me cold. Draco asked me to study with him, despite the fact that we're clearly not friends, because I had gotten good grades. He didn't give a shit about me- he just wanted to use me. I look at Lisa and Mandy. They're not just using me, right? We're friends! They care about me. Right? I march over to our table, determined not to let these negative thoughts slow me down.

"Hey guys!" I call, sitting across from the pair. They take a second to notice, as they're focused on their own quiet conversation.

"Oh, hey, Charlotte," Mandy answers after a minute or two. I start scooping some Sheppard's pie onto my plate. "Studying tonight?"

"Sure!"

Mandy and Lisa go back to their whispered conversation, and I'm left wondering whether what I thought earlier is true. Since I was late to dinner, as usual, Lisa and Mandy finish eating long before me.

"We'll see you in the library?" Lisa asks as the pair stand up.

"Oh, ok. If you don't want to stay here…" Why can't I just be straightforward in what I want to say? I'm a grown adult, after all!

"We just want to get ahead on the homework. I'm sure you can catch up when you get there."

"Yeah, I guess." Without another word, the pair head out. Were they always this cold to me? No, I'm clearly just being dramatic. To prove myself wrong, I turn to another first year beside me who has been in many of my study groups. "Hey Eduardo, want to hang out tomorrow?"

"To study?" he asks hopefully.

"I was thinking of taking a break tomorrow."

"Oh, well I'm sort of behind on Transfiguration homework. Maybe I'll have time if you help me with that first?" I stare at him for a moment as the truth cuts me like a furious Buckbeak- they're all using me.

No, no, no! I'm being childish! Ravenclaws put our studies first. We're all just being typical of our house! I don't know why this is surprising me. Besides, I know how to prove whether or not I have real friends or not. Everything will be clear when I'm not the top student anymore.

…

Another round of tests come and go, and Halloween is upon us. I'm a little bummed I'm going to miss out on the holiday feast- it looked amazing in the movie- but I would rather not be evacuated back to my dorm halfway through it. I don't give a rat's ass about the troll since it's only importance is in bringing the golden trio together. There's no reason in me being around for that event in any way. Instead, I'm going to use my future knowledge to get myself something nice from the kitchens and curl up in my bed before everyone comes charging in telling me about a troll in the dungeons.

But before all that, it's time for class.

Lisa, Mandy, and I are headed to Herbology, going through the same thing we did the last time we had an exam.

"I'm sure you got the best grade in the class," I say, trying to sound like I give a shit. I'm starting to get tired of her constant complaining.

"But you did better than me last time!" Lisa whines.

"But we studied together every day this time," I remind her.

We walk in and sit down together, as usual. A few minutes later Professor Sprout is passing out our grades. I don't even get a chance to look at my own before Mandy has snatched it out of my hand.

"Oh," she sounds surprised. "It looks like you're losing your touch."

"Yes!" Lisa cheers a bit too loudly as she gets her own grade. Mandy hands her mine to compare, still not letting me see it. "Oh wow, Charlotte, what happened to you?" She tries to sound concerned and totally fails at it.

"Let me see!" I swipe my own test back. A 96. Perfect; not too high. Lisa then shows me her own grade, a 98. "Congrats!" I also struggle to sound like I care.

"Thanks!" Fortunately she doesn't seem to notice my insincerity. I haven't been able to get it out of my head that my friends might not actually be my friends. I know I shouldn't be so childish about it, but I've struggled to enjoy their company for the last few weeks with that thought in the back of my mind.

Class begins in earnest after all of the tests are handed back, and I start taking my useless notes, as usual. After I finish a page I hand it over to Mandy so she can copy it, but she hands it back quickly with a small note added to it.

 _I've got Lisa's, thanks!_

I look at the note with confusion. She's never asked Lisa for her notes...but Lisa had never gotten a higher grade than me before. I glare at the words hatefully for a moment before sighing. At least now I don't have to take notes anymore. Now it's time to see if I really have any friends.

…

One by one I get lower grades on my tests, and one by one my "friends" that I had been studying with pull away. I hadn't exactly been very helpful with their studying, I really don't know how to teach, and now that my grades have dropped, they have no reason to keep me around.

"We're not going to be studying today."

"Well you're so busy with your other study groups, you don't have to worry about us."

"Our group is already pretty big."

Each study group gives me a different bullshit excuse on why they don't want to see me anymore, and I know I've been had. My last study group is Lisa and Mandy, but I want to have faith in them!

"There you two are!" I find the pair in the library after lunch...studying...without me. "So what are we studying for?" I start to put my bag down, but Lisa's words stop me.

"No, we're not really studying," Lisa closes the textbook in front of her. "We were just looking something up."

"Oh…ok. Studying tonight?"

"We thought we would take a break for Halloween!" Mandy chirps excitedly. Almost too excitedly.

"Doing anything fun tonight?"

"Nah, but that doesn't mean we shouldn't have the night off." I have the distinct feeling that I'm being lied to.

"I guess I'll see you guys later then," I pick my bag back up and leave them to their "not studying". As I'm walking down the hall, I see Draco and his usual pack headed my way. Unfortunately it would be too awkward at this point to turn around, since they've spotted me as well, so I'll just have to walk past and hope they're busy with something else. As I'm about to pass the group, Draco starts speaking much too loudly, clearly wanting me to overhear since I'm the only other person in the hall besides his groupies.

"I can't wait for the Halloween party tonight. It's a good thing we only invited the _cool_ Ravenclaws." Pansy laughs obnoxiously at his statement and looks back at me; embarrassingly I've stopped to look back at them as well.

"Wouldn't it suck to be all alone tonight?" she adds. They continue walking, leaving me with the reality that I've known all along but just didn't want to face- I don't have any friends.

After a few minutes of standing there and stewing over my emotions, I storm down the hall back towards the library. Despite everything, I want to hear it straight from the source. I can't believe I've been hoodwinked by a bunch of eleven year olds. I guess I deserve this for being so gullible.

"Is it true?" I stop in front of Lisa and Mandy and wait impatiently for their response.

"Is what true?" Mandy answers uncertainly, clearly taken aback by the anger I'm exuding.

"You're ditching me to go to the Slytherin party?" An awkward silence stretches between us. "I just wanted to make sure before I made any snap decisions about not speaking to you anymore." I begin to turn away.

"Wait!" Lisa gets up, self-righteous anger coloring her features. "You're that mad over a stupid party?"

"It's not just about the party, Lisa! You guys only cared about me because I got higher grades than you!"

"That's ridiculous!" Our voices are both rising, causing Madam Pince to appear out of the woodwork like a wraith.

"Quiet in the library!" she hisses. The three of us apologize to her meekly before turning back to one another.

"Were you, or were you not, planning on kicking me out of your study group?" I whisper angrily.

"We-we wouldn't do that," Mandy tries to lie. It's not convincing enough.

"Sure. Enjoy your party." I turn around and leave the library, and officially leave my fake friends behind. All I wanted was to live a happy, carefree life as a witch, and even when things are peaceful I manage to screw that up.

I try my hardest to push back the tears that are threatening to spill down my face as I head back to my dorm. At least now I don't have to make up any excuses to anyone about why I wasn't at dinner. Now I know no one will care enough to ask.

Making my way down a corner, I accidentally shoulder check someone. I murmur an apology, but don't bother looking back.

"Charlotte?" I hear a familiar voice call for me uncertainly. I reluctantly turn around to see Harry looking worried.

"Not now, Harry." I brush him off briskly and keep walking.

I find my dorm room blissfully empty, allowing me to finally use some of my wandless magic for once. I immediately magic myself into some pajamas and use a warming spell on them and my blankets to make everything cosier. Then I close the curtains around my four poster bed with a wave of my hand and cast a silencing charm around it. Now if only I hadn't been wasting my time the past month pretending to study with those first year morons, I could have actually learned a few things for myself; for example, I'd love to learn an alarm spell so I don't have to worry about being pranked or bothered while I'm sleeping. It's better not to use it today anyway, I suppose. Even if no one is friends with me, they're still going to want to tell me about the troll later.

I let out a loud, miserable sigh. Part of me wants to study that alarm spell anyway, but I know I'm too angry and upset to actually focus properly. I'm so sick of being the mature, responsible one and getting nothing out of it! I would much rather be in the Room of Requirement right now, but I don't want to be mysteriously absent when the troll is loose. Assuming that anyone knows that I'm gone.

"Ugh!" I throw myself back onto my bed. Maybe I'm just not meant to have friends right now. I'm much too old for the kids around me anyway. Fred and George are nice, but I doubt they really consider themselves my friends. It's not like they actually care about me.

I feel too angry with myself to cry. How did I not see this coming? Looking back on the last two months, it seems so obvious now that no one around me was actually interested in befriending me. No one ever really cared to talk to me about anything but school stuff. At first I thought it was just a Ravenclaw thing, but obviously they just didn't care to become friends with me. I'm not exactly the most lovable person anyway. I put my hands over my face and whine loudly. It's nice to at least have the space to be angry about this. I idly wonder where the other students go to let out their frustrations with each other.

The more I think about it, the more I know I'm better off by myself. I can make all the friends I want when Tom is dead, but before that, I need to focus on keeping myself alive. I shouldn't have any of the ridiculous sort of adventures that Harry found (will find?) himself in, but as I've already experienced once this year, that doesn't mean I'm going to be adversity free. Focusing on people other than myself will only lead to trouble down the road- better to fend for myself and not have to worry about anyone else. I know I wanted to have fun, but that's not what school is for anyway, right?

I toss and turn around my bed, my agitation not letting me lie still. Sleeping seems silly since I'll be woken up. My stomach growls loudly, interrupting that train of thought. Why sleep when I could eat! Maybe I don't have to take a trip all the way to the kitchens. I had wanted to before, but now I'm comfortable in pajamas and am not in the mood to speak to risk having to speak to anyone.

Do I remember a house elf's name? I know I can't call for Dobby- he doesn't work here yet- so I have to think of someone else. I pull open the curtains around my bed and step outside of the silencing barrier I have placed around it.

"Tippy?" I call uncertainly. There's a loud pop and a house elf is standing before me. I've seen a few in person, not just in the movies, but it's still an interesting experience to speak to one.

"Miss Charlotte called for me?" Tippy asks nervously when I don't immediately give her an order.

"You know my name?"

"Of course, Miss Charlotte wearses the pink underwear-"

"Oh ok, Tippy! That's enough please!" I wave my hands frantically in embarrassment and Tippy immediately stops talking.

Her eyes go wider than I thought possible as she asks, "Have I upsets Miss Charlotte? Should I-?"

"No no, Tippy!" I interrupt her again, unsure if she has the same self-mutilating tendencies as Dobby. I may have remembered her name, but that's about all. "Everything is fine. I actually wanted to ask a favor."

"No favors needed for you misses! Yous a good girl and Tippy is always happy to help. Tippy is a Hogwarts elf- always helping Hogwarts studentses."

"Thank you, Tippy." Despite knowing that is would be her reaction, I'm still taken aback by her earnestness. The house elf seems just as surprised by my thanks.

"Tippy wants to help." She says uncertainly.

"Can you possibly bring me something to eat? I'm not going down to dinner tonight."

"Is Miss Charlotte alright? Need to go to healer?" Tippy reaches for my hand and I immediately yank it back.

"No, Tippy! I...I'm just a little sad right now, that's all." I figure there's no reason to lie to her.

"Sad?"

"Yes. I want to be alone for a while, but I'm also hungry."

"Tippy can help!" With an adorable salute, Tippy disappears with another pop. In the meantime I conjure myself a chair and small table to eat at. I always thought it was weird that there were none in the dorm rooms, but now I realize that conjuring one is a very simple option for most students.

A few minutes later, Tippy and another elf I don't recognize pop back into the room with plates and cups in their hands. It immediately smells wonderful and my mouth waters instantly.

"Hot chocolate always good for sad studentses," Tippy says matter-of-factly as she sets a steaming mug down in front of me. She also has a glass of pumpkin juice. The other house elf sets down two heaping plates, one filled with banquet foods and the other with desserts. With a low bow, he disappears. "Is everything alright now, Miss Charlotte?"

"Yes," I smile honestly for the first time all day, "everything is going to be alright."


	7. Chapter 7

This was a tough one to write! Lots of new styles to try and perspectives to write from. Thanks again to all my reviewers, including my mystery guest! I would have loved to have discussed with you, guest, but I can't unless you have a username.

Enjoy!

* * *

As expected, about an hour after my solitary dinner, Ravenclaw house burst back in to the dorms. I can hear them in the common room now. A few girls seem to be heading up towards our room too. I make sure to take the silencing spell down from around my bed so I won't have to actually get up when they get here. A group of them, including Mandy and Lisa, burst into the room mid-conversation.

"Oh my god, I can't believe that happened!"

"Do you think it was a prank?"

"Professor Quirrell pulling a prank? When pigs fly!"

"And we know the Weasley twins didn't do it."

"So there really was a troll?"

The girls are nervously chattering with one another and haven't noticed me yet. I have half a mind to shut my curtains again and just ignore them. As I lean over to do just that, Mandy sees me.

"Oh," she starts awkwardly, causing everyone to look over at me.

"What happened?" Do I sound curious enough?

"There was a troll in the dungeons!" A girl who's name I've forgotten leaps at the chance to tell me.

"A real one?"

"We don't know yet. But Professor Quirrell came running into The Great Hall screaming about a troll and then he collapsed."

"That doesn't sound like much of a prank."

"I know, right? But it is Halloween…"

"Whoever did something like that, real or not, would definitely get expelled," Lisa adds confidently. I nod my agreement. Obviously I know who let the troll in, but no one would ever believe it if I said who it was. Not that I care to.

"You weren't at dinner?" Someone else asks me.

"Oh, I wasn't feeling well," I brush them off.

The rest of the girls continue chattering as they get ready for bed. Lisa and Mandy seem torn between trying to tiptoe around me and pretending that nothing happened. I roll my eyes at their behavior and go back to my book. I've finally calmed down enough to go back to studying (I know it's weird for all you non-Ravenclaws, but studying really calms us down in hard times). I'm currently reading up on new spells, like the alarm spell, and I'll start practicing the wand work when next I have free time.

While trying to study diligently, I notice that my thoughts keep straying to my non-friends not too far from me and I suddenly have a nasty thought.

Before I can think of the repercussions I burst out, "Oh, I guess all the Halloween parties must be canceled. That sucks." I smirk.

"Don't say that as if you were invited to anything," Lisa snaps back. Mandy, myself, and even Lisa have wide eyes. The other girls in the dorm are busy with their own conversations and don't seem to notice our drama unfolding.

While they might have been faking being my friends, I didn't think we would jump straight to outright aggression. I have a right to be angry and make occasional passive-aggressive comments, but clearly we all thought Lisa had stepped out of line with that reaction. Instead of backing off, however, Lisa recovers quickly and presses on. "Jealousy is an ugly emotion."

"It's not like you would have even wanted to go," Mandy tries.

"Draco would never have invited me," I add numbly.

"Then why are you mad at us?" Mandy asks.

"Because you lied to me about it!"

"You barely talk. We figured it would be better if we just didn't tell you."

"I barely talk?" Lisa and Mandy laugh bitterly for a moment.

"You spend a lot more time in your head than you think you do, clearly. It's annoying, you going around thinking you're all high and mighty and never talking to anyone," Lisa grinds out, sounding frustrated at having to explain it to me.

"You can't seriously think that."

"It's so obvious!" Mandy retorts.

"You guys really think that?" I murmur more to myself than to them.

"Go on and be better than the rest of us, mere mortals. Even though I get better grades than you now," Lisa throws her hair over her shoulder and turns away. I roll my eyes. I can't believe she spent all that time with me and still didn't realize that I lowered my grades on purpose. At least my lying skills seem pretty good.

"Whatever you say, Lisa. At least I don't use people to get better grades." Without waiting for her response, I shut the curtains around my bed and try my hand at that alarm spell. I don't know if I did it right, but I won't know until someone tries to touch my bed from the outside. Hopefully it works! Knowing that I (probably) won't be disturbed, I decide to write to grandma.

I'm torn between whether or not I should tell her about my drama with my friends. In the end, I decide to confide in her. Who else can I talk to, if not her? I start writing, thinking how ridiculous the whole situation is, but even as I think that, the tears start falling. I try my hardest not to let them smudge the page out of sheer embarrassment. I can't believe I'm crying about what some eleven year olds said to me! Why do I even care?! But the more I write, the more cathartic it feels. I can complain about how mean they were, and I think of more instances when it was so clear that they didn't care about me. By the time I finish, I'm still confused about why I feel the way I do, but at least I've gotten it off my chest.

As an afterthought, I mention the troll, making it clear that it wasn't a big deal and that I would tell her more when I come home for Christmas.

Despite my misgivings, I end up writing my parents and telling them about my friend troubles as well. It's a normal thing to happen to eleven year olds, after all, and I want them to be included in my life. By the time I've finished writing everything, I'm exhausted, and resolve to head to the owlery first thing in the morning.

Morning comes suddenly and unhappily. Our usual morning routine is now punctuated by angry awkwardness, making our unfriendly trio tiptoe around one another as we try to avoid looking each other in the eye. I wonder if anyone else notices our oddness, but if they do, they don't say anything.

I'm finally free of the dorms and head off to the owlery before breakfast, both to send my letters and as an excuse to avoid my non-friends. On my way there, I'm surprised to run in to Fred and George. While I am happy to see them, my bitter side reminds me that they're not really my friends.

"Hello, boys!" I call, ignoring that bitterness as much as I can.

"Charlotte!" They call, wrapping me in an unexpected hug.

"Oh, uh…" They laugh at my flustered reaction and I can't help the light blush that dusts my cheeks.

"What, no hugs?" one twin asks.

"I just didn't expect it…" I run a hand through my hair in embarrassment.

"You know, dear brother, I think-"

"-Charlotte doesn't get enough hugs." The twins finish each other's thought. I wish I could tell which one is which, but I don't know how.

I'm suddenly being hugged again, and an involuntary squeak escapes me as I'm squished between the two taller boys.

"We hug a lot in our family," one says.

"I figured."

"Where are you headed?" the other asks.

"The owlery."

"Well what gentlemen what would be if we don't walk you there?"

"Don't you have to go to breakfast?" I can't help but wonder what their angle is.

"Don't you?"

"Well, yeah. I'm going after…" I realize that had been a silly question on my part.

"So we can walk you there! Unless-"

"-you don't want us to?" The two grab my arms and start pulling me gently down the hall. I follow along, trying to dispel my unwillingness.

"Of course not…" I trail off uselessly. As we continue walking, I remember a question I had for the pair. "So I heard about the troll issue."

"Ugh!" One lets go of my hand to put his hands over his ears. "No more! I don't want to hear about it!"

"What…?"

"Fred is still really put out about our prank idea being overshadowed by someone else's," the one I'm now assuming is George leans over to whisper to me as his brother pretends to writhe in anguish. I look over at Fred and study him before looking over at George. Fred's hair is currently slightly ruffled due to his frantic behaviour, so that's how I'll tell them apart for now.

"What do you mean?

"We had such a great prank planned for the end of the Halloween feast, but after the troll thing our plans were all ruined," George continues to explain. Fred moans in agony.

"It would have been amazing!" he whines.

"What was the pla-"

"Shhh," Fred puts a finger up, halting my question. "Next year." I laugh, but don't push them any further. "We're here!" He announces unnecessarily as he pulls open the door to the owlery.

The three of us walk inside and I whistle loudly. Despite the huge amount of owls flying around, I know that Tally will come to me if she's in here. Within a few moments, Tally flies down and lands on my outstretched arm. She cocks her head to the side, clearly waiting for a treat.

"Oh no! I'm so sorry, Tally. I didn't think to bring you anything."

"I got it!" Fred pulls a piece of bacon out of his pocket and Tally takes is happily.

"...why?" I look at him with confusion.

"Emergency snacks!" George supplies. I laugh again. Spending time with these two, I laugh more than I have the entirety of the year so far. That voice in my head that is trying to tell me they're not really my friends is harder to listen to when I'm laughing.

I pull out my letters from last night and hand them off to Tally. As I'm wrapping the bit of string around her outstretched leg, Fred tries to reach in and nab one of them.

"Hey!" I squeak, turning to him and slapping his hand away. "That's not for you!"

"I just wanted to see," Fred complains.

"You whine a lot!" I giggle. "You could have just asked."

"But what's the fun in that?" George asks from my other side as he is holding the letters at an angle so he can read their address'.

"You tricked me!"

"Who's whining now?" Fred asks tauntingly. He moves to read over his brother's shoulder and I don't bother to stop them. I don't honestly care if they know who I'm writing to. I roll my eyes and finishing tying the knot as Tally squawks and fidgets with impatience.

"Are you done reading so I can let Tally do her job?"

"Grandma and your parents? How boring!"

"Unless it's code-"

"-for her secret boyfriends!" The two finish in unison and stare at me expectantly. They're clearly waiting for me to look shocked or something.

"Sure, that's definitely it," I deadpan as Tally flies away.

"We knew it!" They high-five and I head out ahead of them.

"So that was Tally." I look behind me to see who spoke, but Fred fixed his hair to look exactly like his brother's again so I'm not sure at all. I wait a moment for the twins to catch up to me.

"Yeah, she's wonderful."

"She reminds me of you," the same twin says quietly and oddly calmly. I turn to look at him with mock offense. I notice his twin is looking at him with confusion at the same time.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

There's a long pause as the redhead skips ahead, effectively making it impossible to see his face as he speaks.

"You both just seem like you want to fly away."

I stop dead, my eyes blown wide. The other twin takes another step before he realizes that he is walking alone towards his brother. He turns back to look at me, but the one who spoke hasn't turned around. I hadn't expected something so serious from the Weasley twins, especially not at thirteen years old. The three of us stand in silence in the middle of the hall as I try unsuccessfully to grapple with my emotions. I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

"W-" my voice quivers. I cough and try again. "What makes you say that?"

The further twin laughs loudly and finally turns around to face me.

"You're such a terrible liar."

Without another word, he turns and continues walking down the hall, his brother and I oggoling after him in confusion. After a few moments, my brain kicks back on and reminds me that I still have to get to breakfast. Pushing down the myriad of thoughts and feelings that conversation brought up, I run after the Weasley twins, who are now walking far ahead of me together.

The rest of our walk to The Great Hall is much more normal. We all end up pretending that nothing happened between us and we laugh and joke as normal. I can't figure out which twin said that to me, but I don't have the guts to ask.

Our trio splits once we get to breakfast, and I take a few steps towards my usual spot at the Ravenclaw table before I realize what I'm doing. My usual spot has Lisa and Mandy in it. I can't stand the idea of having to sit next to them and listen to them be friendly with everyone but me.

I slow my gait as I try to surreptitiously find an open spot at the table. Closest to the teachers is the emptiest area (no surprises there) so I guess that's where I'm going to be stuck sitting. Giving up one discomfort for another seems like the theme of my life lately. I would rather not have to spend my meal times so close to my enemies, but I don't have a lot of choice right now without being awkward and trying to slide in with a bunch of upperclassman.

In the end, sitting alone at breakfast ends up being nice. My mental shields are up all the time anyway, so it doesn't end up being much of bother to be near the teachers. I take the time alone to think and go through what I'm feeling. Why did Fred (or George?) say that to me earlier? Does he really see right through me?

I stab my sausage with more vigor than necessary. He said I just want to fly away… Do I really seem so unhappy? I mean, things have been pretty difficult, but I'm still happy to be here. I don't want to leave Hogwarts. He can't possibly suspect the truth, even his roundabout way of thinking couldn't lead him to that, so what does he think of me? All I know for sure is that he thinks I'm a liar…

I finish breakfast long before I can finish this circular thought process. There's no real answers waiting for me in my head, so I might as well move on to class. Fortunately I get to start my day with flying lessons, and nothing clears my head better than that.

While I love flying class, I admit that it's pretty slow moving for my taste. I'm certainly not a pro flyer, but it took us almost a month before we were even allowed to fly more than a foot. Now we can fly around a little bit, but Madam Hooch is more focused on those of us who can fly well than those who can't.

"And you had better stay within the boundaries or I'll give you detention for a month!" she threatens. We all know she means it- the boys in class who have tried to show each other up in their flying skills have calmed down significantly after their fourth consecutive month of detentions.

Today we're focusing on speed changes- how to go faster and how to slow back down without throwing yourself off your broom. We're all set up in rows so that Madam Hooch can watch us all as we fly in a straight line down and back across the field. This is also practice from last week's lesson- turning around.

None of these lessons are new to me and are therefore rather boring. I wish I could just fly around like I want, but even just being on a broom is far better than not being on one at all. To entertain myself with this inane exercise, I've taken to doing it upside-down. I manage to go down and back three times before Madam Hooch catches me.

"Charlotte Campbell!" I stop sharply as the quidditch referee suddenly comes in to my upside-down vision. She's lucky I'm a good flyer- I could have run right in to her!

"Yes?"

"What are you doing?" A few of my classmates that hadn't already been giving me weird looks join in to stare.

"Flying the laps you asked?"

"Do you want detention?" I lazily turn myself back over.

"No, ma'am."

"Continue, _as normal."_

"Yes, ma'am."

When we're finished with class and I'm getting off my broom, I notice a few girls staring at me and talking amongst themselves.

"She just wants everyone to look at her."

"It's because she thinks she's so smart."

"I've heard she's a cheater."

"Well she only good perfect grades in the beginning, so the professors must have caught her cheating."

I blink at the group a few times, slowly realizing that they're talking about me. All at once, I have a ridiculous revelation and it's so sad I almost want to laugh. I'm the Luna Lovegood of my year! I've never thought of myself as that weird, but I guess with no one like Luna around to compare me to, I'm the weirdest "kid" in our year. I can't believe the sheer irony of it all; me, a grown adult, getting bullied. How did this happen?

I ignore the girls gossiping about me, but over the following days I notice it more and more frequently. I also start to notice, thanks to the gossiping, that the students around me are seeing me as more eccentric. In my boredom and quest for further knowledge, I tend to do things in my classes that I guess _could_ be construed as odd…

"Miss Campbell, would you care to explain what is going on here?" Professor Flitwick asks. I thought I could get away with some experimentation without anyone noticing, but clearly that hasn't worked out for me.

"I thought I could try to soften the wood with spongify before I cut it with diffindo," I explain sheepishly. "I wanted to see what would happen."

We had learned spongify a few weeks prior in class, so I thought it wouldn't look that odd that I was using that spell. Plus, I was honestly curious to see what would happen.

"Didn't we already say that diffindo could cut anything?" The professor prods patiently.

"Yeah, I know, but I wanted to see what it would look like on something softer."

"Well, let's see it then," he smiles. I smile back and happily oblige.

"Diffindo!" I slash my wand down as we had been instructed and the, now soft, wood splits in half. For some reason I had this ridiculous expectation that feathers would burst out or something, but the soft wood remains intact except for the split down its middle.

"Well done! 5 points to Ravenclaw for the creative use of past spells, Miss Campbell!" I blush as everyone looks up from what they're doing, most of them scowling at me, despite the points I was awarded. Some Ravenclaws seem mildly pleased, but I can tell most of them are sick of me being in the spotlight. The Hufflepuffs don't seem to care one way or the other at least.

"Why is she trying so hard to get the professor's approval?" I overhear a girl loudly whisper to Lisa.

"She just wants to prove how much better she is than us," Lisa doesn't hesitate to answer. I sigh.

Grandma and my parents write back the next day, during which time I feel more and more ostracized by my classmates. I can't believe how quickly and how brutally the Hogwarts rumor mill works. Upon receiving my letters, I decide to read my parent's letter first, which is filled with nothing but support and sympathy.

 _Don't let those bullies get you down, Char! I know making friends isn't the easiest thing, but one day you'll have amazing friends that will stand beside you, just you wait!_

Reading my parents letters is really the ray of sunshine I need in my dark days. Grandma's letter is more serious, but she definitely keeps me grounded. Even being slightly vague, she always seems to know exactly what to say.

 _My dearest Charlotte,_

 _I know you must be upset, but I can't help but laugh at the fact that you're struggling with the other children so much! I am so happy to hear that you are learning to live with your heart on your sleeve. I worried when you started school that you would shut yourself away and live in fear of things completely out of your control. Living in the moment can be a painful experience, but it shows how much you have grown since you were born. Overthinking is still something you need to work on, but it warms my heart to hear that you are experiencing Hogwarts to the fullest. Don't be afraid to reach for what you want._

 _I know your parents have done enough consoling for five people, so I will leave that to them. My only other advice to you is this: don't try to ignore your sadness. You think you don't deserve to feel upset about something so trivial but you have every right. It doesn't matter the situation- everyone deserves to have companionship with their peers, struggling with that would make anyone unhappy. Allow yourself the proper time to grieve before moving on, and don't shut yourself away again. The world wants to meet you, the least you can do it meet it halfway._

 _Much love, as always,_

 _Grandma_

I sigh deeply as I put down the letter. I'm reading it during lunch, where I am eating alone, again. She made a lot of good points, and hit on a lot of issues I didn't know were bothering me. Grandma has always seen me more clearly than I have been able to see myself, which just goes to show how much growing up I have to do. I didn't realize how much she worried about me.

It's funny how you can both know something and not understand it at the same time. I know that she's always worried about me, but I never really understood to what extent before. My happiness at school was never something on my radar, and yet Grandma has been concerned about it all along. I smile and push away my empty plate, feeling more content than I have in a long time, and not just because of the food.

...

Just a few weeks before Christmas finds me sitting in a secluded section of the library. The Ravenclaw common room isn't the safe haven I thought it would be since most of my year can't stand my presence anymore. I'd love to be outside reading, but the three inches of snow keep that from becoming a reality. Instead I've burrowed myself in a blanket warmed with a simple charm so that I can sit by the window and watch the snow fall whenever I tire of the _Most Underrated Dueling Spells You Should Know._ Dumbledore's laissez-faire attitude on everything in the school that isn't Harry or Tom has its perks; no sane headmaster would leave this in the school library...would they? Maybe I just have a more conservative view of what children should be learning about…

I blink back to reality, having been staring out across the snowy lawn for some time, when I notice a dark shadow of a person coming towards me. All black, really? A small figure in all black with their hood up does not look nearly as menacing as that person believes. Surprisingly, the small, black clad figure sits in the empty chair across from me and flips his hood back.

"Theodore Nott," he introduces himself succinctly and puts a hand out to me. I stare at him in utter confusion as I shake his outstretched hand.

"Charlotte Campbell? You're not a dark fairy coming to steal me away are you? Oh I guess that wouldn't work since you said you're real name too…"

"How do you know that's my real name?" He surprisingly plays along with my silly comment.

"I'm in class with you. I'm not that oblivious that I don't know the names of my classmates." That was a bold faced lie- I know the names of almost none of my classmates.

"Really? What's the name of that Ravenclaw girl you're sitting next to in Herbology now?" He quirks an eyebrow at me and I know I've been trapped.

"Shirley," I lie, hoping I sound confident.

"Really? I thought she said her name was Danielle." A short, awkward pause opens up between us.

"Why are you taking the time to talk to a half-blood anyway?" I sneer.

"Oh, she does have a dark side," he smiles for the first time and I'm impressed how much it brightens up his face. His dark hair and eyes with all that black clothing on made him look half dead but that smile brought him back to life. Smiling, he doesn't look unattractive, you know, for an eleven year old.

"That's rich coming from mister all-clad-in-black, over here. Trying to join a cult?"

"If I wanted to listen to childish insults I would have gone to speak to a Gryffindor," Nott makes a motion to get up but I quickly hold a hand out.

"Fine, fine. You've got me there. I apologize for my behaviour." I'm not sure what made me have Nott stay. He started the conversation by proving that he is paying more attention to me than I would like, but he did let me change the topic to something else, so maybe he doesn't have bad intentions? He is a Slytherin though so he must have some sort of goal in mind, otherwise he wouldn't be talking to me. As Nott sits back down, I finally close the book in my hand and put it to the side.

"Dueling spells?" he asks curiously as he tilts his head to the side to read the cover.

"Oh uh," Why was I so upset about not having friends again? Lying is hard work! "I heard there used to be a dueling club here, so I thought it would be fun to learn about dueling spells."

"Any interesting spells so far?"

"Not any that I wasn't already aware of…" I trail off as if I really am honestly answering that question. What am I thinking? He could be an enemy! I can't go telling him what dueling spells I know, for crying out loud!

"I'm surprised you're not studying for potions. Have you completely given up on the subject?" I really should be studying. Our final is in three weeks and I am completely unprepared, but Nott doesn't need to know that.

"What did Snape send you here?"

"On the contrary, I'm sure Snape would be ecstatic if you quit potions forever. He complains about you almost as much as he complains about Longbottom." I wince at the comparison. I can't believe I'm _that_ bad at potions. "I came because I thought you could use a tutor." I narrow my eyes in disbelief and confusion.

"If Snape says I'm as bad as Neville, there's no way I can be tutored easily. Why would you offer something like that?"

"Well obviously I would want something in return." He smiles again and that somehow makes me more anxious about this whole situation. "I want to know your secret."


	8. Chapter 8

Theodore Nott watches my face carefully as he waits for my answer. I swallow hard as my stomach drops trying desperately to keep my face straight.

"...my...secret?" I can barely keep myself together. There's no way he knows. There's no way. My mental shields are completely up and I haven't felt anyone try to bombard them in months. Nott isn't a legilimens- he's eleven! He must be talking about something else. He must be! Nott smiles again and my unease only grows.

"Yes, your secret." I take a deep breath. "But I won't ask you about it here -it's too public. Besides, you haven't even agreed to our deal. It would be rude to pry now." I blink rapidly in confusion at the boy in front of me. "You probably need some time to make a decision. I'll be in touch. Nice meeting you." Without waiting for a response, Nott inclines his head, gets up, and walks away. I'm left dumb and mute, trying to figure out what just happened.

Did he… He manipulated me! He wanted to see if I had a secret so he tricked me into admitting that I did! Ugh, I hate Slytherins! And what eleven year old says they'll "be in touch"? These purebloods make me crazy!

Was he even being honest about tutoring me or did someone send him to suss me out? But who could be on to me? They obviously don't know what's really going on, whoever they are. I sigh and get up from my comfortable chair. There's no point in me staying in the library now- I'm way too anxious to sit and study.

….

A week goes by in which I try to find out more about Nott. As I thought, he doesn't hang out with Malfoy very much. Nott likes to be in the background more than the spotlight, which makes me wonder why he would bother with a social outcast like me, who could bring a lot of attention to him. Malfoy is too boisterous for Nott's tastes and currently he spends most of his time either by himself or with a group of Slytherins. I haven't witnessed him talk all that much, even amongst his peers. This, of course, could all change as he gets older (or entirely if this isn't the timeline I think it is) but he seems pretty similar to his older counterpart.

"If you keep following me around all the time you're going to give people the wrong impression."

I swear I jump at least three feet in the air at the sudden voice whispering in my ear. I spin around to find Nott, looking much more normal in his school robes than the all black I last met him in. I admit even in all black he dresses impeccably well, but the school robes make him look slightly less like a standoffish prick. Just slightly.

"What are you talking about?"

"You've been standing at the corner of this hallway for five minutes waiting for me to walk by."

"You don't know that!" Which of us is the adult here?! How does he know that?!

"You've been following me around and staring me down during class for the past week. If you wanted to know more about me you could have just asked instead of stalking me."

"I am not stalking you!"

"I think this is the dictionary definition of stalking," he gestures at our surroundings.

"Aren't you just assuming things? Getting a big head listening to all of Malfoy's "pureblood" nonsense?"

"You really do remind me of a cat, lashing out every time you get backed into a corner," Nott points out haughtily.

"I am not lashing out!" I growl. Nott just raises an eyebrow in response and I realize that he's totally right. I take a deep breath to relax myself. "I just wanted to know why you suddenly talked to me. Slytherins always want something."

"Ouch. Good to know you don't like Slytherins."

"That's not true!" I try to backpedal. "It's just, every time I talk to one of you, you clearly have some other agenda."

"Well of course. It's not like you don't have one too." I almost retort, but when I stop to think about it, I realize that he's right- I do have an agenda when I talk to people. Looking for friends is still an ulterior motive, even if it isn't a bad one. If I ever speak to the golden trio it will only be to get, or give, information under the guise of being friendly.

"Having an agenda doesn't make you a bad person," he continues. "If anything, it makes us more honest because you _know_ what we're after most of the time. We're not faking it the way the rest of you are. I told you the first time we met that I wanted to know your secret."

"No, you were checking to see if I even had a secret!" I reply bitterly.

"Well, maybe that too," he smiles and winks, and that anxious feeling flutters in my stomach again. "So what do you say? Your secret for my potions knowledge?" He holds out a hand.

I oscillate between looking at his face and his hand. I still don't know what secret he's referring to. Can I make something up that will satisfy him? It would help if I knew what he thought he knew. Maybe it's nothing? Something ridiculous and childish like who I have a crush on? This could still be some elaborate prank as well… Unbidden, my grandmother's letter flashes through my mind.

 _I worried when you started school that you would shut yourself away and live in fear of things completely out of your control._

What Nott thinks of me isn't within my control nor is this whole situation, really, but what good would it do me to ignore his offer? I do need the potions help. Would I regret it more to have something bad happen or to have missed out on something good?

"Deal." I shake Nott's hand and finally return his smile.

….

Nott and I decide to meet at the start of December, with it now being late November. He hasn't mentioned my "secret" since we made our deal, so I don't know when he's going to ask me to pay up. In anxious anticipation of our first meeting, I've been throwing myself headlong into my extracurricular studies.

Nott and I have spoken once or twice since our deal, although they've been rather short conversations. Other than those talks, I've continued to be a loner. I can't say I mind, splitting my time evenly between the library and the room of requirement for practicing new spells.

One evening after dinner, as I head off to the room of requirement, I have the misfortune of running in to Harry Potter yet again. I still wonder how such a large castle can somehow shove the two of us together so often. We stare at one another awkwardly on opposite sides of the hall, but neither wants to start a conversation. Now that we've noticed each other, it seems weird not to say anything.

"Hi Harry," I try lamely.

"Hi Charlotte."

I start to go up the stairs, but Harry tries to go at the same time and we both end up stopped again.

"Oh um, you're headed this way?" Maybe I really will end up sending him down a flight of stairs.

"To the Gryffindor common room, yeah." We both start walking again, this time not letting the awkwardness stop us.

"So...how are things?" I decide to break the silence. After all, asking him about his day isn't going to kill him. Hopefully.

"Fine," he answers automatically, the way I would answer my mom when I don't want to tell her how things _actually_ are.

"That good, huh?" I joke, but the punchline falls flat. Harry continues to stare at the ground ahead of him and avoids my gaze. Maybe this is good. I don't know what his deal is, but his awkward avoidance of me is perfect for making sure that I don't ruin his life accidentally. And yet, why does it bother me so much? "Did I...do something wrong?"

"What?" his head snaps up. "Oh no, I just, uhh…"

"So I did do something wrong."

"No, no. I just…" he pauses for a long moment. We continue walking past the third floor, where his attention is lost for a moment as he looks down the corridor. "I just thought you didn't like me."

"I can see why you'd think that." Harry looks at me again, confusion in his eyes. Clearly he didn't expect me to agree with him.

"I've sort of been trying to avoid you." I decide a version of the truth is the best way to explain this. "When we first met, my mom was being all boy crazy and wanted us to hang out so I could "fall in love" with you." Harry looks frightened. "I know, she's weird. So when she kept asking me how you were in her letters, I thought staying away from you would get her off my back."

"Did it work?" he asks after a few moments.

"A bit. I think it worked better that I started talking about another boy who doesn't exist." We both laugh at this.

"So you don't hate me?"

"Hate's a pretty strong word for someone I barely know." The irony of that statement is staggering. "Sorry for giving you the wrong impression." Why am I trying to make up with him? I should be avoiding him like the plague!

"Well...this is my stop." I was paying so little attention we made it all the way to the seventh floor. "Where were you headed?"

"Oh! I walked way too far! I didn't notice how high up we'd gone!" I turn around to head back.

"I'll see you in class?" Harry asks shyly.

"Uh, yeah! I'll see you!"

As I head back down the stairwell, I replay our conversation in my head. Why am I being so wishywashy? I cannot have any kind of relationship with Harry Potter- at all. Being rude to him is worth it if it means keeping him safe, so why do I feel so bad about it?

Finally arriving at the room of requirement, I abandon that train of thought to focus on the task at hand. I look around to make sure no one is nearby before thinking of the ideal room for today- a small, open space to focus on some dueling techniques. Obviously it isn't as beneficial to practice without a partner, but since I'm learning most of the spells for the first time, I figure it'd be better to practice on a dummy to start out.

Three pass-bys later and my room is ready for me. I walk inside to find it brightly lit by the setting sun with a human sized dummy planted in the middle. The dummy has a piece of wood clearly meant to be a wand shoved through the end of its arm, making me giggle at how ridiculous it looks.

"Have at you!" I shout playfully at the dummy. "Expelliarmus!" I call Harry's soon to be favourite spell and the dummy's "wand" moves slightly but doesn't fall. I picked this spell first because I thought it would be easy, but apparently I was wrong.

I check the back wall of my little room for the bookshelf I know should be there. It doesn't take me long to find the text I've been studying from. One of my future goals, maybe next year, is to make the charmed bags that Hermione made in sixth year for their Horcrux hunting escapade. In the meantime, since I don't have the skills for that yet, I've been forced to leave the books I'm reading in the library for fear of having people ask me what I'm studying. I could just charm them to look like something else, but that's not as safe as I would like.

For now I just make sure the room of requirement is stocked with the books I want so I can go to them as needed. Rereading the section on the disarming spell tells me that the stronger the spell for expelliarmus, the brighter the red light emanating from my wand will be. A very weak spell will only have a white light. My first try only left me with a small, white light.

"Let me try again," I mumble to myself. My second attempt isn't much better and I find myself falling down the rabbit hole of practicing the new spell for hours on end. "Who knew training would be so hard?" I moan, throwing myself on to the ground dramatically.

The spell is coming along well, at least the dummy is losing his grip on his "wand" now and a bright white light is coming from my wand. It still needs work, but for just a few hours of practice and study it's pretty good. I had hoped learning new spells would be as easy as playing some "Eye of the Tiger" and trying it out a few times, but it's much harder than I thought. When grandma taught me spells before the start of the school year, I assumed she was just teaching me very difficult spells, but now I know almost all spells are that hard to learn.

I groan and get up, stretching my, now sore, wand hand. Night has long since fallen and I'm definitely out past curfew.

"Oops," I murmur. I should care more about this, but I really can't bring myself to. I decide I would rather just stay here than try to make the trip back to my own bed. While I would probably make it back with no trouble, I don't want to deal with the possibility of trying to explain where I was to my bunkmates. If I stay here, I can run with the old lie that I had a migraine and stayed in the hospital wing, not that it's likely anyone will care to ask.

….

A week of anxiety and spellcasting later, Nott and I are meeting for our first tutoring session. We meet in the dungeons in an unused classroom that was apparently meant to be for potions at one point.

"How did you get this classroom and the ingredients?" I ask when I walk in.

"Nice to see you too, Ravenclaw."

"That seems like a mouthful of a nickname," I deadpan.

"Well if you stop acting like the paragon of your house, I wouldn't feel the need to call you that."

"You're tutoring me. Isn't that, like, the opposite of a proper Ravenclaw?" I sit myself on a stool across from Nott.

"You're seeking more knowledge about something you struggle to understand. That sounds like the perfect example of a Ravenclaw."

Damnit. He's got me there.

"I guess so," I acquiesce.

"Anyway, a hello is generally how to start a conversation instead of a question," Nott instructs.

"Oh, so this is an etiquette class now?"

"You clearly need it."

"Ouch, so rude," I laugh lightly.

"I told Professor Snape what we're doing and he gave me what we would need," Nott finally answers my original question.

"Wow, really? Just like that?"

"I _am_ a good student and a Slytherin. Professor Snape generally helps those he deems worth helping."

"But he hates me. I thought his hatred of me would outweigh how much he likes you."

"You overestimate his hatred. You irk him, I'm sure, but if you try at all and your name isn't Harry Potter he doesn't usually despise his students."

"What about Neville?" Nott smirks unkindly.

"Our head of house needs a hobby too, you know. Neville gives him enough headaches that he deserves what's coming to him."

"I very highly doubt that," I glare. "Besides, I'm nearly as bad as he is."

"Oh I've touched a nerve, have I? Didn't know you had such a heart for Longbottom."

"Oh shut up! Just because it's entertaining for you doesn't mean you should be condoning Snape's childish behaviour."

"And what, exactly, do you expect me to do? Tell the head of Slytherin house to be nicer to a Gryffindor? That would certainly go over well."

"Well...no…" I unclench my fists and sigh. Nott makes a good point. It's not like he can do anything about Neville's situation, but "...you don't have to gloat about it though." Nott looks at me intensely for a few moments, as if determining something about me.

Finally he says, "Whatever. It's not like I care." I look at him as well after that comment, but his expression is carefully neutral. I am starting to think he might care more than he is letting on…

"So what are we doing today?" I decide to get back to the task at hand.

"Do you have any trouble with the written aspect of Potions?"

"No, I always get good grades on the paper exams."

"So you understand what you're doing?"

"No, I never said that," I flush with embarrassment. "I get good grades- I don't understand the information." Nott pauses, confusion changing his features.

"So...you don't understand, but you still pull high scores? I can't tell if that's the most Ravenclaw thing I've ever heard or the least."

"Well I hate potions," I shrug, "so I'm clearly never going to do anything with them in the future, so why bother really learning the information when I can just skate by?"

"That doesn't sound like your house," Nott decides.

"It's not like we're all exactly the same, mister don't-be-so-prejudiced-against-the-snakes! Don't lump us all together."

"Yeah, sure. I get it. Though I still think you're the perfect example of a Ravenclaw."

"As if!"

"Whatever, Raven."

"What did you just call me?" I stare at him incredulously.

"You said Ravenclaw was a mouthful, and I agree, so I decided to shorten it. Now I can always remind you of what a nerd you are," Nott shows me that dangerous smile and for the first time I can't help but laugh when I see it.

"The things you find funny are so strange," I giggle.

"You're the one laughing at what I said," he points out.

"No, I'm laughing at you!"

"I guess you don't need a potions tutor then…" he pretends to walk away.

"You're the one who asked me here, remember?" He pauses for a moment and turns back around.

"So today we're going to start with the forgetfulness potion-"

"Hey, don't change the subject!"

…

My first tutoring session with Nott is tough. I'm impressed with his understanding of the material, even as a first year it's obvious that he has an aptitude for the subject. That being said…

"Why would you put that in now?" Nott asks, unable to keep the exasperation out of his voice as he grabs my wrist. "It's no wonder you nearly blow yourself up every class. I thought you said you got good grades!"

"And I told you I don't understand the material!" I reply bitterly.

"What is another name for Wolfsbane?" Nott suddenly asks.

"Aconite or monkshood," I answer automatically. "Why?"

"Is aconite toxic?" Nott ignores my question to continue grilling me.

"Yes." I decide to see where he's going with this.

"How toxic?"

"Extremely. We have to wear gloves while handling it to make sure we don't accidentally ingest any."

"What potion are we making right now?"

"A forgetfulness potion."

"So does it make sense to put a highly toxic ingredient into a potion you plan to ingest?"

I pause.

"But it said…"

"And therein lies your fatal flaw in potions. You know all the material, you're just not _applying_ the material." He holds up the ingredients list. "Where does it say to add aconite to this potion? And if it did, it would be prudent for you to think twice about that."

"What!? I swore it said that!" I grab the list from him and read it again. "Shit…" I mutter.

"Didn't take you for the cursing type," Nott seems taken aback.

"Oh, sorry," I blush. "It's a bad habit."

"A bit young for a habit like that, aren't you?" A long pause stretches between us.

"I, uh, yeah. I guess so," I laugh nervously. I'm violently reminded that Nott still wants to know what my secret is, and I still don't know what "secret" he is talking about. "I guess you're going to want to know-"

"Let's stay focused on potions, hmm?" He immediately shuts me down. How did he know what I was about to ask? Maybe it was about potions!

The rest of our lesson goes smoothly. Obviously Nott can't make me a potions master in one session, but I manage to brew a potion without setting anything ablaze.

"I would try what you've made, but even if you succeeded the results would be unpleasant," Nott says as he is looking over my completed project.

"You don't want to forget your obnoxious student?" I jest.

"I doubt I could forget you, little Raven."

"I'm the same age as you!" I lie. I technically lie? Ugh so confusing.

"Are you?" he asks with that same, frightening smile. I try to fight off the involuntary shiver that comes over me when he asks that.

"Yes! I'm eleven!"

"So we're not the same age then," Nott grins.

"What?" I ask, aghast. How could we not be the same age?

"I'm already twelve."

"Oh….duh."

"I think little Raven's head is fried. We're done for today."

"Whatever, Theo!" We both stop dead in our tracks. Nott may have picked out a nickname for me today, but that doesn't mean I had planned on returning the favor. It's obvious where the name comes from, Theodore Nott, but where did _I_ get it from? He doesn't have a large role in the books, but that doesn't mean someone didn't call him that at some point. But why did it stick in my head? "I, umm, I mean…"

"It's fine. It's only fair, since I have a nickname for you. Though Theo is technically more cumbersome to say than Nott."

"...you sound so precocious sometimes," I laugh, happily feeling the tension I had caused myself fading away.

"I think we're about the same level of precocious," Theo deadpans. I continue to laugh as we start putting things away, and, for the first time in my life, I wonder if someone wants to spend as much time with me as I do with them.

….

"It's almost Christmas!" I shout as I bounce into the tutoring room. December is fast coming to a close, and that means we're days away from our finals and our well deserved break. We've been meeting twice a week for our tutoring sessions, seeing as we didn't give ourselves a lot of time to go through a semester's worth of material.

"Must you yell when you enter a room?" Theo sighs. I find him sitting at a stool in front of an empty cauldron and our materials for the day.

"Are we really going back to etiquette classes?" I pout, coming over to sit next to my friend.

"They seem so vital to you, I'm seriously considering dropping potions so we can focus on that."

"So rude!"

"That's rich, coming from you."

"Anyways~ Shouldn't we be focused on something more important?"

"Like what?" Theo lifts up our potions review.

"No, not that! What you want for Christmas! Maybe some new clothes?" I gesture to his current outfit, the same all black ensemble I always seem to catch him in.

"Are you mocking the high fashion of pure blood families?" Theo jokingly asks.

"In fact I think I am!" We laugh.

When we're not in public, Theo really lets down his guard. I don't take it personally that we barely speak outside these walls; I understand, probably more than almost anyone, how important it is for kids like him to be careful about who they associate with. It will only get worse as we get older, but I don't want to think about things like that right now. We've never spoken aloud about anything like that, but I can tell that he appreciates that I get it. Though sometimes I wonder what he thinks about me understanding his situation- as someone outside of that life, why would I know about his struggles?

"What I want for Christmas, huh? What do you want for Christmas?" he asks.

"You're not going to change the subject on me this time!"

"As if I ever get to."

"So?" I ask. Theo looks vaguely uncomfortable.

"I don't know. People don't usually ask me that."

"Your parents don't?"

"They just assume they know what I want."

"And do they?"

"I got a quill set last year," Theo eventually says.

"Oh. I'm sorry."

"It's fine. It's not like I care."

We may not have been friends for very long, but it didn't take long for me to learn Theo's signature catchphrase. _It's not like a care,_ is his coping mechanism- his way of protecting the vulnerabilities that all eleven year old boys have. Unfortunately, having the family he does and then being thrown into the snake pit, Theo was quickly forced to hide his insecurities. Instead of covering himself with false bravado, as many boys do, he chose to hide behind a wall of apathy.

"Well, why don't you think about it and get back to me?" I smile gently. I never try to make him open up more than he already does for me and I don't dare acknowledge how much he does. Theo needs to be strong to get through everything he'll eventually have to- no need to try to soften him up emotionally.

"Sure," he agrees.

….

Theo never ends up telling me what he wants for Christmas. I already have an idea what I want to get him so it isn't a big deal. I decide I want to give my gifts before we all leave for the Hogwarts Express instead of sending them by owl to arrive on Christmas- I prefer to see the recipient open their gift.

As everyone else is feverishly studying for exams, I'm busy going through order catalogues to get what I need owled to me before the holiday arrives. Now that I've had so much tutoring, I'm not even concerned about my potions final!

In the end, everything arrives on time and I manage to get an Acceptable on my potion's practical. I could have done better, but brewing in front of Snape flustered me more than I thought it would.

…

"Merry Christmas!" I say as I plop two boxes down in front of my favorite redheads.

"Wait, did you give me the right one?" The twin on my right immediately asks, checking the name tag, which I've purposely left blank.

"I don't know, have I?"

The three of us are currently in the Great Hall. I invited myself over to the Gryffindor table and sat down across from the Weasley twins. I previously sent a note to Theo to meet me at our usual spot after breakfast so I won't miss him before we all head home at noon.

"These don't even say who they're from!" One twin whines.

"Oh gee, I wonder who it could possibly be?" I deadpan.

"I don't know, brother of mine, who do you think these mystery gifts came from?"

"Well if you can't figure it out maybe these will be too intellectual for the two of you!" I go to take them back, but the twins immediately stop me.

"Thank you, Charlotte!" They chorus as they dig into the wrapping paper remorselessly.

"I'm sorry I got you both the same thing," I immediately start rambling as they look at the books. "I know you're two different people, but I thought it'd be even worse if I only got you one to share and-" I'm suddenly being enveloped into a hug.

"It's perfect," one whispers into my ear softly. They pull back and examine the books again. Despite how well I know them, I am still continually impressed with their synchronicity.

"Where did you find this anyway? _Potion Making for the Avid Prankster,_ doesn't even sound like a real book."

"It sounds like something we would write!" We all laugh. I may have asked Theo to look around for odd potion books. With his interest in the subject, I knew he could find some that I would never have been able to on my own.

"I have my ways," I wink. "Will I see you on the train later?"

"Sure thing! You can come sit with us! We'll give you your gifts then." They both wink back.

"Oh, okay." For some reason I never expected to receive something from them. "I'll see you then!"

….

After breakfast I head to Theo's and my usual place- the classroom we hold our tutoring sessions in. I open the door to find Theo sitting at a stool with his back to me.

"You're late," he says quietly.

"I said after breakfast, didn't I?"

"Breakfast ended ten minutes ago."

"Should you really start a conversation by arguing? Especially with the person who is about to give you a present?" Nott turns around, looking torn.

"You didn't have to do that."

"Friends don't get each other presents because they feel obligated. They do it because they want to."

"Friends?" Nott asks quietly.

"Are we not friends?" Shit, did I misunderstand something?

"I asked to tutor you so that I could get your secret. I didn't even hide that from you. Yet you still consider yourself friends with me?"

"In my defense, you still haven't asked for your payment. And so what? You're my friend, friends tell each other their secrets. You've told me things I'm sure you don't want me to repeat to other people." Nott winces slightly at this. "I won't tell anyone. Even if we aren't friends."

"You have a lot of faith in me."

"I don't think you're a bad person. I've generally got a good eye for that," I joke, not that he would understand the full implications of why that was funny.

"And what if you're wrong?"

"I could be," I admit honestly.

I don't actually remember if Theo fights for Tom or not. I think he was one of the Slytherins that ran from the fighting, but maybe he does pick up his wand in six years to fight against Harry. Just because I can't remember doesn't mean I'm going to assume that he's a bad person. It might be changing things to be friends with him, but I still can't even be sure I'm on the same timeline, so screw it.

"Why would you run the risk of being friends with someone like me?"

"Because human connection is worth risking yourself for." We both pause awkwardly. I sounded so much like an adult just then and that was way too honest! I need to be careful with letting my emotions get the better of me, even the positive ones.

"...I guess…" Theo eventually agrees.

"Here!" I shove Theo's gift into his hands. He slowly opens it. " _Defensive Potion Making?_ "

"I know it's advanced but-"

"It's great," Theo stops me before I can ramble any further. He's staring at the book with an expression I can't quite read.

"You don't have to say that if you don't like it…"

"No, I like it. I'm impressed you managed to find something useful that I haven't come across," he smiles gently, in a way that I haven't seen before, and I am even more sure that I've made the right decision.

Theo and I seem to have been thinking about the same things recently, about whether or not he is someone I can trust. But the more I've thought about it, the more I've decided to trust him. It might not be the "right" decision or the smartest, but, even if he doesn't know it, this present is my way of showing him that I do trust him. He could use that book to turn against me one day, to attack all that I stand for, but I don't think he will. I think he'll use it to protect himself from all that's to come.


	9. Chapter 9

Hey guys! I'm so sorry! I know I'm a day late, but don't worry, I'm not completely dropping the ball on you- I plan on keeping with my schedule. I've been a bit bummed out with this story lately, so some nice reviews would be appreciated. In fact, if I get five, maybe I'll post a day early next time as a thank you/apology for being late.

* * *

I may be a grown ass adult- no, no I AM a grown ass adult! I am a grown ass adult and I still struggle with so many obvious, childish things; I'm easily swayed by a good argument, I struggle to make friends, and I'm gullible. Worst of all, considering my situation, I _hate_ keeping secrets.

Part of the reason I'm so anxious all the time is that it feels like all these secrets are gonna crush me if I have to keep my mouth shut for one more second. Honestly, I wasn't all that surprised that I flipped out on Dumbledore and said that stuff about his sister. He's the hardest person to keep secrets from since he gives off that whole "I just want to help" vibe and he tries so hard to get me to talk. I hate having to keep this to myself. If it wasn't for grandma I don't know what I would have done to stay sane. The worst part about all these secrets is that they leave me feeling detached from everyone else around me. How can I get close to someone when I know their future hangs in the balance?

These are the thoughts that haunt me as I try to go about my life. Being an adult unfortunately does not lessen my insecurities- it strengthens them. As an adult I should _know_ how to handle tough situations with maturity and poise and the fact that I can't just goes to show how much of a failure I am. Harry spent most of his time just going with the flow and figuring things out as they came at him, but Harry is a child, expecting anything more of him would be ridiculous. More should be expected of me, and I should expect more of myself, because I have years of experience, and yet…

I close my trunk with a loud snap and get up off my knees. This sort of thinking threatens to slow me down but I can't let it. I've got a life to live and I'm not going to let my own mind stop me from enjoying it.

As I hear my books jostle in my trunk, I think back to Theo's expression when I gave him his gift and smile. That is a thought I am happy to hold on to. After I gave him his gift, he told me I would have to wait until Christmas for mine, which is fine with me. I may be childish, but I've always been patient. Wondering what Theo could have gotten for me, I make my way to the Hogwarts Express to head home.

….

As I get on to the train I realize that I have no idea where to find Fred and George to sit with them. Hopefully I'll just run in to them? I wander down the tight hallway, peering into open doors looking for redheads.

Turning away from yet another car filled with upperclassman, I'm startled to find myself face to face with a redhead I wasn't looking for.

"Oh, Percy!"

"Have we met?" he asks, all business. He's less serious than his older self, but not by much.

"No, no. I've just heard such wonderful things about what a great Head Boy you are!" Percy's expression darkens and I realize that I've somehow said the wrong thing. Percy loves to have his ego stroked, how was that not the right thing to say?

"Did my brothers put you up to this? They have been bothering me all term about how hard I've been working to become Head Boy. I am not naive enough to think they would change the rules just for me to become Head Boy early. There are plenty of my seniors who deserve the position too." Percy launches into a tirade and I fight the urge to wince. I see my mistake now. Percy will _become_ Head Boy...in two years . He really didn't become relevant in the books, at least in my memory, until he left the house to work for the ministry, so I'm struggling to remember facts like that. You would think I would remember having been at Hogwarts all year that Head Boy is for seventh years but I tried my best to avoid those sorts like the plague. "...well?" Percy asks, interrupting my train of thought.

"What?" I ask stupidly.

"I can't believe my brothers would stoop so low as to make a poor girl like you say that to me. Do yourself a favor, young lady, avoid those two. They're never up to any good." With a haughty sniff, Percy continues past me. I sigh and roll my eyes at his arrogance, trying to ignore my hurt pride and take another step towards the back of the trolley.

"Charlotte!" The redheads I had _actually_ been looking for stick their heads out of the very next cabin. "We heard everything you said and it was amazing!"

"I like her style." Another head joins the twins', and I recognize the distinct voice of Lee Jordan.

"Thanks," I blush.

"You coming or what?" The three heads disappear into the cabin.

"Yeah, yeah." My mind flashes back to my morbid thoughts from earlier today, but I brush them aside yet again; I refuse to let my insecurities hold me back.

When I step inside the cabin, I'm immediately stopped by a hand thrust out in front of me.

"Lee Jordan." I reach for the outstretched hand and shake it.

"Charlotte Campbell."

"A pleasure," he uses our handshake to pull me closer and kiss my hand. I immediately turn what I assume is a scarlet shade of red and pull my hand back at lightning speed. Something about this feels vaguely familiar...I think I knew Lee was a bit of a playboy.

"Isn't Charlotte a bit young for you?" One of the twins leans over me protectively, asking in a voice I would almost call scathing. I turn my head to look at him curiously but as soon as I try the moment has passed and he throws himself jovially back on to his seat. I take the seat next to him as his brother shuts the door to give the four of us some privacy.

"My dad taught me to always be polite to a lady," Lee sounds like he is both joking and serious as he takes his own seat.

"Charlotte's not a lady!" the other twin argues.

"Hey!" I perk up, indignant.

"I mean, she's not a woman-"

"I still take offense to that!"

"She's not an adult?" he tries again.

"Close enough." I love dramatic irony. "But you should still be polite to girls, regardless of their age."

"She's right you know. Girls are always right," Lee agrees.

"Man, you really know your stuff!" I jokingly lean over to the twin beside me and point a thumb at Lee. "He's a keeper, this one. Are you taking notes?"

"Taking notes? Where do you think Lee learned it all from?"

"His dad?" I assume.

"You weren't seriously about to say you-" Lee begins.

"That's right! He learned it from us!" The twins miraculously say in unison. Seriously, how do they do that?

"What are you on about?" Lee looks indignant, causing my giggles to become hysterical laughter as this ridiculous scene unfolds before me.

"Everyone knows-" the twin beside Lee starts.

"-the way to a woman's heart-" the twin beside me says seductively.

"-is to make her laugh," they both finish with a flourish, procuring joy buzzers from nowhere and high fiving in the middle of the cabin. As the two are electrocuting each other, I continue to laugh and clap madly at their little show.

"So who won your heart?" the twin beside me asks. I seriously need to figure out which twin is which at some point. I cock my head to the side as all three boys in the cabin wait with baited breath for my answer.

"Well, Fred and George owe me a Christmas present, so I'm going to have to choose them."

"So does that mean you would normally have chosen me?" Lee asks hopefully.

"I guess you'll have to wait until I'm a bit older." I wink. Oh god, I'm doing it again! Why do I keep getting caught up in flirting with thirteen year olds? I'm so gross!

"Oh she's right, George!" The redhead beside Lee says, not noticing my distress.

Yes! I finally have their names!

"We almost forgot her present, Fred!"

"Wait, I thought you were Fred and you were George?" Lee points to the two in confusion.

Ah shit.

Fred(?) throws a hand up to his mouth in mock distress.

"Have I forgotten who I am?"

"You're Gred, aren't you?" his twin asks.

"Oh geez, look what you've started," I complain to Lee despairingly. Now I'll never know which is which.

"Were you hoping to know who is who?" Gred asks tauntingly. "If you don't know by now how can we expect you to ever be able to tell us apart?"

"That's not fair! We haven't known each other that long! Shouldn't you be more mad at Lee for that?"

"We're not mad-"

"-we _are_ trying to trick you, after all."

"If anything we didn't know you would be so upset-"

"-that you can't tell us apart."

I look back and forth between the Weasley twins in awe. How do they keep doing that? They're both grinning widely and I don't know what to say.

"I still feel like I should know who is who since I'm your friend. Lee seems like he usually knows." Lee nods in agreement.

"I think I do! When they're not switching around to confuse me."

"He's usually right. Though we don't admit it." The twin beside me whispers in my ear and winks.

"How can you tell?" I ask.

"Well there's no point trying to tell them apart by looks- you'll never win if you do that. I use their personalities." He points at the boy beside me. "That's Fred. He doesn't always think before he talks but he means well." He turns to George. "And this is George. He's always looking out for people's feelings and likes to let Fred take the lead."

Both twins are looking at Lee in total awe.

"Hey! I take offense to that!" Fred finally whines after a long silence.

"Who knew you were so analytical," George says quietly.

"I've got a brain too you know!"

"I think everyone has managed to offend each other today," I laugh.

"I think that's a pretty usual day," Lee deadpans.

"Anyway, here is your gift!" Fred procures a small box seemingly from nowhere and hands it to me.

"We only got you one gift too."

"I didn't really expect a gift, to be honest." I say quietly as I stare at the box in my lap. Slowly I open the top, the other occupants of the room leaning closer to see what's inside just as I do. It takes me a moment for my brain to register what I've come face to face with, but as soon as I do, the reaction isn't pleasant.

"Ahh!" I scream bloody murder, throwing the box at George and jumping out of my seat with a speed I hadn't known I was capable of. The tarantula inside the box flies out and hits George square in the face. The other two boys are laughing loudly, but I barely notice as panic sends me to the door as quickly as possible. Without a word I'm out and flying down the hallway to the bathroom; fortunately, it's unoccupied so I can slam the door shut and burst into tears.

As I cry quietly and my panic subsides, I realize that I am getting more and more angry at the same time. I'm not only angry with the twins but myself as well. How silly am I to be a full grown adult and still have a phobia of spiders? This is kids stuff! And yet, seeing that tarantula so suddenly… A harsh shiver runs down my spine. Thank goodness I didn't touch it. That would have given me nightmares for weeks. At least this I can hopefully forget about rather easily.

That being said, I'm still pretty mad at the twins. Obviously they didn't know I have a phobia of spiders, but that doesn't mean they should use my Christmas present as a prank! I guess I shouldn't have expected anything less and it's not like they assumed I was going to be that afraid…

After making my tear soaked face respectable (I definitely plan on consulting mom on how to do that with magic soon) I return to the cabin without any resentment. I assume the twins are going to laugh about their prank and I'll probably laugh with them, and then I'll probably try to figure out a way to get them back for it (lovingly, of course). What I am not expecting when I open the door again is three anxious looking boys looking back at me.

"Charlotte!" they all chorus. I look back at them with shock and confusion.

"Yes?" But instead of answering my question, the three jump up and surround me in a hug. "What's going on?" My voice is muffled up against them, but I think I'm heard. The three pull away from me and start talking all at once.

"You came back!"

"We're so sorry about what happened!"

"We didn't think you would be _that_ scared of spiders!"

"I mean it was a pretty good prank-"

"Shut up, George!" Fred elbows his brother roughly.

"It was a pretty good prank," I agree. The boys stop their chattering to look at me oddly.

"You think so?" Fred asks slowly.

"Yeah! I mean, it made you guys laugh, right? Then it was good!"

"You're not mad?" Lee wonders.

"Nah. Not like these two would care anyway," I thumb the twins. "Besides, it's not like you guys did that knowing I had a spider phobia. If you did, then I would be mad. That being said, it wasn't your best work. Not very inventive of you."

"In our defense," the boys start sitting down one by one and I follow suit "it wasn't planned far in advance. We had the idea pretty last minute," George explains.

"You kept complaining that you haven't seen any of our pranks and when you said you were sitting with us on the train the opportunity presented itself and we took it," Fred finishes.

"Way to capitalize on that opportunity!" I congratulate. "But uh, no more spider related pranks, please?"

"Can do!" The twins salute teasingly.

"Thanks."

The rest of the train ride goes quickly and I've all but forgotten that the twins didn't actually give me a Christmas present. It's not until I'm home that I find the small box in my jacket pocket.

"What's that?" Mum asks.

"A Christmas present." I look it over but there's no name on it.

"Is it from those cute boys who saw you off at the platform?"

"Muuuum!" I whine. "Quit being so nosy!"

"I haven't seen my daughter in months and now you won't even talk to me! What a cruel world this is!"

"Mum you're so dramatic. Besides, aren't I a bit young to be dating?" Seriously, sometimes it feels like I'm the mom these days.

"Oh honey I just want you to know that you can talk to me about these things. You've hit puberty now so it's important that you know-"

"I'm going to go unpack!" I levitate my trolley up to my room, not bothering to wait for a response.

"You're not allowed to magic outside of school!" Dad suddenly appears to admonish me. He's clearly proud for remembering that rule.

"It's not like they'll catch me. Unless you're going to tell on me?" I ask coyly.

"Where did she learn to be so blase about authority?" Dad asks Mum worriedly.

I'm giggling as I start unpacking my things. It feels so good to be home. My parents may not know my secret but the difference in wariness that I have to exhibit around them is huge. Having to be around extremely astute adults all day at school is so exhausting; my mental shields have to always be up and even though it's unlikely I'll make a life altering mistake, making a series of small ones could make teachers look my way. Even though my parents don't know my secret, they're also used to my strange behaviors so they won't question me the way a stranger would.

"Mum!" I shout downstairs.

"Yes, sweetie."

"When is Grandma coming?"

"She'll be here for dinner."

"K."

I wonder what she's so busy with that she couldn't meet us at the station? Oh well. I'll just have to ask her tonight. In the meantime, it's time to open my present. I sit quietly on the floor of my room, wondering if I should wait until Christmas to open it. I eventually decide against it since I don't want to open it in front of my parents. This is from the twins, after all. If it's another prank I don't want to have to explain that away.

Without any further ado, I rip open the wrapping surrounding the box. I wince for a moment, but when nothing jumps out at me I slowly open the lid of the box. Another wince, and again there is nothing. Finally I dare to look inside and find myself eyeing a folded up piece of paper. I start to unfold it carefully, never quite letting my guard down, until I read this:

 _WE OWE YOU ONE BOX OF ASSORTED WEASLEY PRANK GOODS_

 _MUCH LOVE, FRED and George_

The paper was clearly written by Fred and signed afterwards by George, if the handwriting has anything to say about it. Apparently they haven't come up with the name Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes yet. All in due time.

I'm about to put the paper down when I notice more ink leaking through it on the back of one of the folds and flip it over. It's then that I realize how odd it is that the twins used paper instead of parchment. How did they get a hold of paper? Maybe they need it for a prank. It is useful in this situation, where it's easier to fold and hide extra information within a single page.

I finish unfolding to find an extra note:

 _I NOTICED YOU'VE BEEN HAVING A BIT OF A HARD TIME WITH YOUR FELLOW FIRST YEARS LATELY. I HOPE HAVING A FEW PRANKS UNDER YOUR BELT MAKES THINGS EASIER FOR YOU._

This part of the note is unsigned, but is the same handwriting as Fred's earlier note, if that is to be believed. I wonder why he wrote this part by himself and why not sign it?

I end up thinking about the note for a long while as I finish unpacking my trunk. Ironically I can almost do more magic at home, since I'm not worried about getting caught doing wandless magic here. I practice sending my clothes around the room, my wand tucked safely in my top dresser drawer should I need it.

"Time for dinner!" Mum calls. Grandma is already sitting at the table when I arrive but she gets up when she sees me so we can throw ourselves in to each other's arms. "I swear you two are closer than me and my best friend."

"Grandma is my best friend!" I retort seriously.

"And that's great honey, but shouldn't you also have friends your own age?"

"I do!"

"Really?"

"You just saw us getting off the train together!"

"Oh, right!" We all start eating and silence reigns for a few minutes as we enjoy the food.

 _Your shields are down,_ Grandma is looking at me as she enters my mind.

 _I needed a break._

 _Is that wise?_

 _If it means I'll be stronger when I get back._

 _I know you're always careful. I've missed you._

"I missed you," I reply aloud. "What's kept you so busy today?"

"Oh nothing important. Being retired you're always more busy than you expected to be."

"You never miss sending me off somewhere! It must have been important." I eye Grandma seriously. She's never busy- that's how she could take care of me and teach me for years as a child. _Are you hiding something from them?_

"Yeah, Grandma has been really busy lately! She's barely been around here since you went to school," Dad adds. I look from him to Grandma, trying to hide my confusion.

 _You lied to me?_ I distinctly remember her letter from the beginning of the year, when she told me that she was constantly at my parent's house because they were so distraught that I wasn't home anymore.

 _Why don't we talk later?_

Before I get too up in arms, I decide to give her the benefit of the doubt. Grandma is my greatest ally and my best friend. There's no reason at all for her to betray me and her lie was probably justified.

 _Alright._

The rest of dinner goes smoothly and I enjoy my family's company. Afterwards, Grandma says she wants to take me on a walk and the two of us wander down the quiet street in my neighborhood. We walk in silence for a time, the two of us not bothering to enter each other's minds.

"Yes, I did lie to you," Grandma finally begins.

"Why?"

"You trust me, don't you, sweetie?"

"Of course I do! Though I don't know why you would try to betray that trust by lying to me."

"Then you know I wouldn't lie unless it was important."

"I figured as much."

"Can you wait a while before I tell you what's going on?"

"You know, for someone trying to keep secrets from me, you didn't do a very good job. My parents ousted you the minute I got home."

"...my mind has been on other things," Grandma admits quietly.

"I feel like I should be worried."

"Let me worry about this. You worry about school and making friends and being safe."

"I know I'm your granddaughter, but I'm not a child. I can help you."

"You may be an adult, but you're not an adult witch. You still need years of practice and study to be ready for a real fight."

"So you _are_ in danger."

"That's not what I meant."

"It sounds like it was."

"Please, let's not talk about this anymore. I want you to be able to enjoy your Christmas break. It's your favorite time of year and I don't want to ruin it for you."

"Can we practice spellcasting while I'm here?" I decide to concede the point- for now. Grandma can be as stubborn as I am, so I know pushing her won't get me any more information today.

"Of course."

The days leading up to Christmas pass quickly and happily. I finish my classwork for the break with ease and spend the rest of my time learning new spells. Mum and I take a day together for her to teach me how to do my makeup magically. She's over the moon that I'm interested in her daily routine and we have a blast trying to get my eyeliner just right.

Dad watches me fly every day, giving me pointers from what he's seen in quidditch matches. He's convinced I'll be joining the Ravenclaw team next year- I can't bring myself to correct him that I won't be.

Grandma has me show her all the spells I've learned this years so she can critique them as needed. Once that's done we start working on more spells that are outside the curriculum that I might need.

With all this outside studying, I find it amusing that mum still expects me to keep neighborhood friends. Every evening she hounds me that I should be spending time with kids my own age.

"Mum, I spend time with kids my own age every day at school. Can't I just enjoy your company when I'm here? Most parents would die to have their kids want to hang out with them."

"Well, I suppose. I just worry about you."

"I know. But I'm happy. Isn't that what's important?"

"You're always such a smartie-pants," she pats my head fondly and she doesn't pester me about it again.

….

"Hey sleepy-head, it's Christmas!"

"Wah?" I ask dully. I stayed up way too late reading.

"Come on, Charlotte! Or I'm going to drink all the hot cocoa without you!" I blearily open my eyes to find my dad leaning over me. "I'm going to open all your presents for you."

"It's Christmas!" I bound out of my bed, my sleepiness forgotten.

Dad and I race each other down the stairs and we end up sprawled on the couch in front of the tree.

"Merry Christmas, you two!" Mom brings us hot cocoa and the day begins perfectly, as every Christmas should.

We're about halfway through our presents when there is a tapping on the window. I volunteer to go see what it is and find an unfamiliar owl on the other side. I open the window to let him in, and start untying the box tied to his leg.

"Who is it for?" Grandma asks.

"Me," I find when I've got a hold of the box. Mom gets some leftover bacon from breakfast and gives it to the owl, who hoots happily and makes is way home.

"Who is it from?"

"Oh, it's from Theo!" I had completely forgotten he said he would send his gift today. I wasn't surprised when he said the two of us wouldn't be able to send letters over the break, but it made it easier to forget that he was going to send me something.

"Theo? Is that a boy?" My dad asks, looking menacing.

"He's my best friend."

"You've never mentioned him before!" Mum is totally affronted.

"Well I didn't want to make a big fuss about him."

"What's his last name?" Grandma asks, realizing why I kept this from them.

"...Nott." The room goes silent. Dad is desperately trying to figure out what's going on.

"Maybe it would be better if-" Mum starts.

"He's a good kid!"

"It just doesn't sound very safe-"

"It's not like we're going on playdates to his house!"

My parents and I have discussed Death Eaters before, despite their usual reluctance to do so. They wanted their only daughter to live in a safe world, one where she wouldn't have to worry about things like that. They had hoped by not telling me they could pretend that I did live in a world like that. But I was a grownup from the start, and it was inconvenient for me to pretend I didn't know what was going on, so I forced their hand in telling me everything before I went to school.

Now that's coming to bite me in the ass because Nott senior is a known Death Eater, despite not going to Azkaban for it. Tom might not be around (as far as anyone else knows), but it's logical that my parents wouldn't want me near someone who sees me as worthless.

"Is Nott-?" Dad begins to ask.

"His dad is a Death Eater. We haven't talked about it. He told me we couldn't send each other letters over break, to keep us both safe. Theo has to play the part of a good son, but he's a good person! He doesn't want to live that life."

"Charlotte, I know this is hard to understand, but sometimes people act nice just so that they can hurt us," Mum tries to explain gently.

"I know, mum, but Theo isn't like that. I trust him."

"I just don't want to see you get hurt."

Grandma has yet to say anything, but despite the danger of the situation, I'm pretty sure she trusts my judgement. She probably just wanted to make sure that I had thought this through.

 _Does he become a death eater?_ She finally asks.

 _I...don't remember._

 _You're willing to take those risks?_

 _I am. You're the one who told me that I can't keep hiding myself away because I'm afraid of what might happen. I'm sick of being too afraid to live my life._

Grandma smiles but doesn't say anything else.

"Well, how about I check her present for any dangerous magic before she opens it? Then we can all breathe a little easier," Grandma offers.

"Sure," I agree, handing the box over to her. She runs her wand over it, muttering a few spells under her breath.

"Looks good."

"Well, let's see what this Theo boy thinks of you," Dad says impatiently.

Everyone leans in close as I open up the box and find…

" _Daily Etiquette for a Proper Young Lady?_ " Mum asks incredulously. I burst out laughing, much to the confusion of everyone else in the room.

"What kind of book is that?" Dad is getting angry on my behalf.

"It's an inside joke," I gasp between fits of laughter. I pick up the book and move it to the side to find another book underneath.

" _Potions for Dummies and Why You Should Learn Them."_ I'm immediately impressed with the perfect choices for his gifts. He's quite good at this.

"I can't tell what sort of relationship you two have at all," Dad whines.

"Well he makes her laugh, that's good enough for me," Mum says, smiling.

"He's a good friend."

….

The rest of Christmas break passes before I know it, and soon I'm saying goodbye on the platform to my little family.

"Promise me you'll let me know what's going on as soon as you can," I tell Grandma seriously. I'm still not pleased that she's keeping something so clearly dangerous from me.

"I promise. When the time comes."

"Please be careful."

"Goodness you do sound like an adult today," she laughs. I glare at her playfully.

"I have every right to be worried!"

"Yes you do. Now get on the train before it leaves you're worrying butt."

"Alright, alright."

After one more quick hug, I'm back on the Hogwarts Express and back to the most dangerous place on Earth for me to be. At least I've got a few friends to make things fun around here.


	10. Chapter 10

Last minute update is last minute. I wrote almost the entire chapter today. Sorry it's short. I'm really not feeling up to writing lately, but as a good Ravenclaw I said I was going to do this so here I am, forcing myself through. It's short, but I did it. Everything is awful. Tada.

I didn't end up editing, so if you notice anything, feel free to hit me up. Thanks.

* * *

Lately everyone seems to think that I take myself too seriously. And in fact, I do take myself too seriously. Isn't that what being an adult is all about? Fred and George, for instance, made fun of me when I say that I spent Christmas break studying.

"It's important to be prepared!" I argue.

"For what? It's not like you're not going to pass your exams with flying colors," Fred disagrees.

"You can never be too prepared. What if there's a pop quiz?"

"I doubt you would need to study to pass that either," George adds.

They make surprisingly good points.

"Have you ever thought of maybe taking a break?" Fred suggests.

With your lives on the line?

"Not a chance."

"Never?"

"The moment I take a break is the moment something bad happens."

Lee and the twins don't say anything for a few moment and I realize with horror that I didn't say that in my head.

"I don't think there's anything for you to be worried about," Fred says surprisingly soothingly.

"I umm, I just mean-"

"Have you seen the new Nimbus 2000 yet?" Lee jumps in suddenly. The twins and I latch on to this new conversation and I couldn't be more relieved. Why do I have to be so awkward all the time?

….

Being back at school means back to having my full mental shields up. Just because Tom hasn't made a new frontal assault since the beginning of the semester doesn't mean I should assume that he won't again. Sometimes I wonder if I just imagined that happening. Maybe I was so freaked out that I just made up the whole incident? There's no way… Maybe Tom realized I was on to him and decided to lay low to make me think I made it up? Geez now I just sound like a crazy conspiracy theorist.

Theo and I meet up a few days after we get back from break and have a great time laughing about his gifts to me. I tell him how excited I am to read them, despite the content not being of my usual taste.

I feel like my holiday break helped me chill out a bit, but now that I'm more relaxed I feel more driven by the insatiable need to study. I can't wait to read all my new books (even the etiquette one, out of morbid curiosity) so I find myself spending a lot more time in the library.

A few weeks go by in which I've taken a liking to the library's atmosphere. The start of term hasn't thrown any major curveballs at me, so I've been taking it easy and enjoying myself. The weather is still far too cold to be outside, so when I'm not making potions with Nott I'm curled up in the library or practicing spellwork in The Room of Requirement.

Today has been much the same as the ones before and I've been enjoying it immensely. In fact, I'm so calm I'm not nearly as startled as I would have been before the start of term when Hermione pops into my field of vision.

"Hello, I'm really sorry to bother you and normally I wouldn't, but are you going to be reading that book for much longer?"

Ah, I should have seen this coming. I didn't know when Norbert would be born, but I was right to assume it's soon. I've been eyeing Hagrid's hut for a while now. Memory only served to tell me that Norbert was born after Christmas, but there was no way I was going to miss out on meeting a baby Norwegian Ridgeback!

The book currently in my hand is about dragon breeding. I figured if I went to Hagrid with some basic dragon knowledge he would be less likely to shoo me away.

"Do you mind if I get it to you by the end of the day? I'm nearly done with it."

"Oh, of course. That's fine." She pauses awkwardly for a moment before continuing, "What's got you interested in studying dragons?"

"I'm considering it as a career option." Not a lie. "And you?"

"Oh I umm-" Ah, Hermione, you're always a terrible liar.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," I cut her off to save us both the trouble.

"No, it's not that, I just-" Don't incriminate yourself, silly girl!

"I'll be finished tonight. It'll be back on the shelf tomorrow."

"R-right." Hermione is blushing fiercely as she speeds away, too embarrassed to bother with a thank you. Poor thing. I'm glad Harry and Ron will take care of her.

I'm about to settle back down with my book when I realize how well that conversation went. I sounded like a real adult! I took charge, steered things where I wanted/needed them to go, and didn't get overly emotional. Why can't I be like that when I talk to everyone?

What made this discussion different from the ones I've had before? Well it felt like there was a lot less at stake. My life wasn't on the line nor was hers. I knew what she wanted and why she wanted it so I could manipulate her as needed and didn't have to question her motives. That puts me more on the offensive than the defensive, which wasn't the case almost every other important talk I've had. I usually have no idea what the other person is thinking and have to assume the worst because there is so much on the line.

That being said, I think the real issue is my emotions- if I'm panicked I make bad decisions. I need to learn to keep calm, even with a lot at stake. I may be an adult, but whoever I was in my past life, I didn't deal with a lot of high stakes work. I'm clearly a very relaxed person but I don't handle being threatened very well. Not surprising, considering most adults don't live that way.

What I clearly need to spend more time working on is calming down. I wonder if there's a potion for that! I should ask Theo later…

…

Now that I know Norbert is going to be born soon, I make an effort to catch Hagrid around the school more frequently. I like Hagrid but due to how much time he spends with the golden trio, I decided at the outset that it was best not to associate with him too often. Despite how nervous it's making me about possibly changing the future, I refuse to miss out on meeting a baby dragon.

"Hagrid! Do you need any help today? I'm ahead in my classes and thought I would ask you." I find him out near his hut.

"Little Charlotte! I' barely seen ya since ya started school! How are things?" We start walking as he continues whatever he was working on and I have to run to keep up.

"Really good! I'm finally getting used to how things work around here. I realized I've never come to visit you and I feel pretty bad so I thought I'd finally see what your house looks like!"

"Oh, don' worry 'bou tha'! My house is a mess! Jus' seein' your smilin' face is enough." I smirk inwardly. Hagrid is clearly trying to keep me away, meaning Norbert is already there. He's trying to slow his steps towards his house now, but I keep going at a steady pace towards it.

"Oh but Hagrid I've been looking forward to seeing your house all year! I still haven't met Fang!"

"Maybe I can bring 'em out to see ya!" Hagrid continues to try to fend me off as I steer him ever nearer to his hut.

"Oh it's so cold out here though! I'm sure he would rather stay inside." When we get to his hut I open the door despite his protests. Fang tries to barrell into me, but I deftly side step him (having expected the assault) and lunge inside before he can knock me over. Once I'm inside Fang does knock me down and I'm covered in slobbery kisses.

"Now that you two 'ave met I've really gotta get back ta work," Hagrid says not unkindly.

"But Hagrid, I've heard your rock cakes are legendary! Can't I try just one?" Fang and I are sitting on the floor giving Hagrid puppy-dog eyes. After a few moments of this, he relents.

"Well, alrigh'." He finally acquiesces and shuts the door behind us.

"Oh, what are you cooking?" I get right to the chase, picking myself up and going over to the boiling pot.

"Oh erm, it's-" Before he can stop me, I pull out my wand and lift the boiling lid with a whispered "wingardium leviosa". "Wait!" He says far too late.

"An egg?"

"It's uhh-"

"I've seen pictures of eggs like this! But there's no way... I must be wrong! It couldn't be a dragon egg, could it?" I doubt I'm selling this very well, but Hagrid is so trusting I don't have to put a ton of work into my acting right now.

"You sound just li' Hermione."

"How do you mean?"

"You two are so smart!" Hagrid laughs merrily. That shouldn't be much of a compliment, Hermione being eleven years old and me being a grown adult, but I'm glowing at the praise. "Ya' caught me! But please don' tell anyone, alrigh'?"

"Oh of course! Dragons are highly illegal. But I've always wanted to meet a dragon! I've thought about working with them. Fred and George told me they have a brother in Romania that works with dragons and I'm so jealous! I would love to go see them some day. You're going to keep him, right?" I gesture towards the egg.

"Well he's gonna get mighty big…" Hagrid looks sad.

"Oh, right. I didn't think of that. Well at least you can enjoy him for a little while!"

"Yeah!" Hagrid perks up again.

"Can I come visit him sometime?"

"I think he'll be hatchin' in a week or so, so as long as you're careful I don' see why no'."

"Hooray!"

Being able to see a baby dragon in a week makes suffering through Hagrid's rock cake so worth it.

….

Alright, now I just have to carefully plan when I'm going to meet Norbert. I should stay away the day he actually hatches; if memory serves- which it might not- Draco catches Harry and the gang with Norbert on the day he's born. Wait...is that right? Damn my memory!

Well, for safety's sake I'll avoid that day. I also vaguely remember them visiting Hagrid after hours when they should have been in bed. If I visit during the day look a sane person not looking to get caught or followed it should be much easier to not get noticed.

That's it! I'll wait for Draco to make a big stink about his detention- because of course he will- and after that I should be free to go without worry of him noticing that I'm there. Perfect!

…

Things end up playing out exactly like I plan. I don't hear anything about the golden trio going to meet Hagrid, which is unsurprising considering I'm not in their house and I don't sit anywhere near them in classes. They're conspiratorially whispering a lot, but knowing them as well as I do, there are a million things they could be talking about. I've yet to see one of Harry's famous "my scar hurts" moments, but I'll just give that time. That shouldn't start until the end of the year anyway, when Tom really starts trying to make a move.

What I do hear about is Draco telling anyone within screaming distance that he is going to be telling his father about this detention that he has. I start hearing about it as Draco is walking to DADA with his posse and he gets even louder when they enter the classroom. I follow behind them and head to my own seat, not having to try hard to listen to their overly loud conversation.

"I can't believe this!" Draco howls for the umpteenth time in the last two minutes.

"The forbidden forest? But isn't it forbidden?" Crabbe asks in what is probably the longest sentence I've ever heard come out of his mouth. I throw a hand over my mouth to smother my laughter at the stupidity of his statement. Draco rolls his eyes in his usual childish way but reluctantly agrees.

"Yes, Crabbe, it is forbidden. Which is why they can't be sending me there!" Draco is back to shouting at the end of his statement, with Pansy all over him.

"You're right, Draco, dear! They can't do this!"

"This is all Potter's fault! I'm going to prove that he's hiding something! And I know what it is." I am violently reminded of Harry himself with that statement. This is Harry's go-to conversation over the years about Draco, except he usually has no idea what Draco is up to. The irony that the two mirror each other behind closed doors is staggering.

The two of us haven't spoken since he tried to get me to study with him (and failed miserably). He's pretty much just ignored me, which is nice, but I think it'll be fun to rile him while he's throwing his tantrum.

"Detention, Malfoy? I didn't know Slytherin's first year golden boy could get detention. What did you do? Cry too loudly for your dad?" Draco's face turns bright red at my prodding and Pansy immediately jumps up to defend him, but I've chosen my moment to prod wisely, as Professor Quirrell calls for quiet and class begins. Pansy gives me a dirty glare but reluctantly takes her seat. Good to know they're slightly respectful of Quirrell, though I guess they really shouldn't be.

DADA passes by slowly with Tom being as quiet as usual. I really expected another appearance from him this term, but he hasn't made another move. I highly doubt he's just given up on me, even just being a natural occlumens would be an interesting finding for him, but the only reason I can think of him not bothering me is that he is too focused on his resurrection. I know I'm a bit self-centered but I know I'm not that important in the grand scheme of things. I mean, not as far as Tom knows. Realistically I'm more important than he could even dream.

…

After class, I'm not surprised when I'm cornered by Draco and his crew. What I am surprised by, is Theo getting grabbed by Goyle and being cornered with me. He and I exchange quick glances of confusion, but don't say anything to each other.

"So, when were you two going to tell us about your secret little love affair?" Draco starts. Ironically, Theo and I both quirk a brow at him.

"Malfoy, we're eleven," I remind him.

"Twelve," Theo is quick to correct.

"Which makes your love even more of a story," Draco grins.

"We barely know each other," I argue.

"Oh really? So you haven't been sneaking off to the dungeons together?" The fake sweetness in Pansy's voice is completely offset by the ugliness of her question.

"No, we've haven't!" I'm surprised that Theo has yet to say anything. I don't want to say too much, since I don't know how Theo wants to play this. Do I say he's tutoring me? I've already said we don't know each other, but I also don't know how much they know. Clearly something, or they wouldn't have grabbed Theo of all people.

"So you're not in love…" Draco seems to mull the idea over, which for some reason is making me even more nervous. "You know, I was pretty impressed last term that you managed to pass potions, Charlotte. You were pretty worthless in that class."

Oh shit. I think I know where this is going. How did he find us out?

"Nott's pretty good at potions," Pansy points out. Do they have something against him too or just me?

"What are you implying?" Theo finally says something, his eyes narrowed. He's pretty intimidating, for a twelve year old.

"Have you been helping the blood-traitor?" Draco lives up to his family name, bringing himself up haughtily to look down on the two of us. I can almost see the older versions of themselves having this conversation, and I suppress the shiver that tries to run through me.

"I've yet to see how this is any of your business, Malfoy," Theo answers.

"So you are."

"You can't prove that Theo and I are doing any-" I stop myself short, realizing with horror what an idiot I am.

"Theo?" Pansy asks with such glee you'd think it was Christmas all over again.

"I take it back," Draco says, smirking. "It sounds like you two are in love." Theo pulls a disgusted face.

"You would insinuate that I could love a half-breed?" Theo doesn't even bother to look at me as he makes such a scathing remark.

"Ouch…" I let out a quiet, barking laugh. The others are laughing too, but obviously not in a self-deprecating way. "Well Malfoy, now that I know my standing with Nott, I'd like to get on with my life, if you please." I talk so awkwardly when I'm upset.

I barrel past Draco, who is now laughing all the louder. Theo continues to look disgusted, and I don't know what's real anymore. I should trust my friend, but I can't completely brush off that comment right now. I just...need to get away from all this.

I end up running to Hagrid's hut, embarrassed that I'm skipping Professor McGonagall's class, but I can't bring myself to go back. I want to see Norbert and forget about what just happened. Maybe Norbert will be my only friend, until he leaves me too. With unbidden tears streaming down from my eyes, I knock on Hagrid's door.

"I'm busy today! Come back 'nother time."

"Hagrid, it's me, Charlotte!" I try the door, but it doesn't budge. There's a long pause.

"Coming!"

The huge door finally creaks open, and Hagrid hurries me inside before closing it quickly. Fortunately Hagrid is a bit too busy with his baby dragon to notice that I've been crying.

"How's Norbert been?" I ask.

"Oh 'e's good. Really good. I forgot I told ya his name already."

"Oh, yeah! Yeah you did!" Geez can I have one conversation not go awry today?

Norbert is everywhere at once, trying to set things ablaze and learn to fly. Hagrid is barely managing to keep everything together.

"He's amazing! Look at him go!" I exclaim.

"Isn't he wonderful?"

"A bit of a handful, but I'm sure he's worth it." We're both grinning ear to ear, watching the magical creature before us.

"I'm glad you're feelin' better," Hagrid says after a few minutes. I look over to him, surprised. "Oh ya don' think I wouldn' notice did ya? O' course I did. You were cryin' 'fore ya came to see us."

"I just had a bit of a fight with some of my classmates. My friend said something really mean about me, right in front of me! I think he said it so he wouldn't have to worry about his reputation, but it still hurt me a lot." The words start spilling out of my mouth, a simplified, childish-sounding version of what happened.

"Well tha's not righ'. He shoulda been more worried about ya instead a' what the other kids though'."

"Well that's not really fair," I reach for Norbert and pet under his chin as I contemplate my words. "He has to worry about what other people think about him."

"Why? Seems silly ta me. Friends are more important than anythin' else."

"I wish we could all think that way, Hagrid, but Slytherins have to worry about more than just what their hearts say."

"Sometimes Slytherins confuse me. Who would want to a say mean things about a sweet girl like ya jus' ta impress their classmates?"

"Someone who has more on the line than just a friendship," I answer quietly.

"Now you're soundin' more like Harry. You're too young ta sound so serious. Ya should be focused on your studies, not on grown-up stuff."

"Thanks, Hagrid, you're right," I sigh. I get up to leave. "Thanks so much for letting me meet Norbert. I should head back."

"An' don' be skippin' anymore classes, alrigh'? Don' let the other kids get ya down. Come visit us again!"

"Thanks, Hagrid. I'll stop by again." I give Norbert another careful pat and head out. I've got a lot to think about. Hagrid means well, but the stakes are high, for me, Harry, and Theo. If there's anything that Hagrid made me realize, it's that Theo was right to try to get rid of me, I'm nothing but a nuisance to him- a dangerous nuisance at that. Whether Theo said that to get Draco off our backs or to make me feel bad, I've finally realized that I need to let Theo go. We shouldn't be friends anymore.


	11. Chapter 11

Hey everyone! I've had a pretty rough two weeks. Got into a really bad car accident. I'm doing much better now, but it's still an uphill battle. I just wanted to let you guys know how much your reviews, favs, and follows have meant to me. It's so cool to see how many people like my story, even when I don't think it's very good! Your feedback really boosts my confidence and is the reason I keep on writing. Also please feel free to be impressed that I got this up on time despite a near death experience. Love you guys!

* * *

I have managed to spend the past few weeks avoiding Theo, and Norbert has been sent to Romania safe and sound with Charley. I know I'm being childish, avoiding a twelve year old boy because he hurt my feelings, but despite my resolution to stop being friends with him...I don't want to. He might not be the loud and rowdy type, but I had fun with him and leaving him to the snake pit feels... wrong.

I don't know what's right anymore.

I know I tend to overcomplicate things, my nervous tendencies and overthinking make me prey to others who don't think their actions through nearly as much as I do, but I thought that I at least had a good moral compass- I didn't think I could make that complicated. And yet, here I am. Morally, it should be obvious that ignoring everyone else is the right thing to do; if I fraternize with them, I could accidentally kill them. My needs shouldn't come before other people's lives. But don't I deserve a good life too? And what if I can meddle, just a little, to make people's lives better?

This is why my moral compass is all wrong. And this is why one person shouldn't have all the world's knowledge to deal with! (Alright that one was a little overdramatic, even for my standards, I'll admit).

Today is the day I'm going to talk to Theo again. I've been arguing with myself like this back and forth and haven't come to a conclusion yet, but my potions grades are really starting to suffer, so I either need to start tutoring with him again or find someone else because I don't think I can get through the year alone.

To avoid detection from Draco, I decide to write Theo a note and send it via Tally. I watch from across The Great Hall as Theo opens it and looks up at me. Our eyes lock for just a moment, his expression unreadable as he swiftly gives a single nod before looking away. If anyone had seen the gesture, they never would have guessed that he meant to look at me. Sometimes, I wish I had grown up in a family like Theo's just so I could get a hold of those Slytherin super powers!

We meet just after breakfast, breaking our usual traditions to avoid being followed. We've only got a little bit of time before class, so I told Theo to meet me in an unused classroom not far from our classes. I thought I knew what I wanted to say, but as soon as I see Theo I freeze up.

"Umm, hi," is all I can awkwardly manage. Theo raises a brow at me.

"Hi?"

"It's been a while," I point out stupidly. I can barely look at him.

"You've been avoiding me." He cuts right to the chase and I flinch.

"Yeah."

"I'm sorry." I jerk my head up to look at him in shock. I certainly didn't expect that. "Why do you look so surprised?"

"I...I mean...I just assumed-"

"That I wouldn't be sorry?" Theo begins to look affronted.

"No, I just-"

"Thought I wasn't your friend?"

"Quit finishing my sentences for me!" Theo quirks a brow again, but says nothing. "Are you...my friend?"

"Wow. And here I thought what I said was mean."

"I didn't mean to be mean, I just thought-"

"That I was spending time with you for your secret?" Theo finishes my thought yet again.

"I mean, you did say that was the reason the day we met." I pause. "Not that I know what secret you're talking about."

"Do you want to know?" Theo asks suddenly.

"Wait, why does it sound like I'm the one learning a secret instead of vice versa?" Theo laughs and I giggle along with him. Hearing him laugh, the situation doesn't seem as stressful anymore.

"Honestly...I wanted to know why no one else was friends with you. I thought maybe you were hiding something and that was why you were avoiding everyone else. I did think you had some big secret, but now that we're friends I don't think that's true."

"Well since you've put so much work in to finding out the truth, do you want to hear it?" I grin. He rolls his eyes.

"Why do I have the feeling you're going to make something up?"

"I'm not! I swear! The reason I don't have any friends is because I prefer upperclassmen." I wink and Theo blushes.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I laugh harder than I have in a long time and I finally come to my conclusion: morals be damned, I'm not going to leave Theo alone.

…

With Theo by my side once again, the year heads to its close at breakneck speed. Theo tries to convince me that we don't have to hide our friendship ("I can just take the fallout- it's not a big deal.") but I refuse to let him suffer on my account. That, and I can't run the risk of what changes will happen if he's on the outs with his classmates.

It may seem a bit over the top that Theo will be ostracized by his house just for being friends with a Ravenclaw, after all, that sort of thing happened in the books all the time. There are a few issues here that make this friendship an issue: I'm not a pureblood, Draco hates me, and Theo is tutoring me, not just hanging out with me. All together, these aspects make our friendship a taboo for a pureblood Slytherin like Theo. Malfoy senior is still in good standing in the wizarding community, for the most part, making Draco somewhat of a head honcho for his year, so Theo, being not as aggressive, has to play by Draco's rules. This is why I could never be a Slytherin- too much bureaucratic bullshit.

Anyway, with the year finishing up, I make sure to stay far away from the third floor of the castle, and patiently wait for Professor Quirrell to finally go die. His class has not gotten any less tense for me, despite the fact that I don't think Tom is going to bother with me again. I'm sure he's far too preoccupied with the Philosopher's Stone at this point. With my mental shields firmly up, I spend his class daydreaming about the day he'll be murdered by an eleven year old.

In flying class, I get a surprise when Madame Hooch pulls me aside one afternoon.

"Miss Campbell, I must say you are an excellent flyer. A bit over enthusiastic," she pauses and gives me a stern look, "but you certainly know how to fly. I haven't wanted to give you any more confidence than you already clearly have, but seeing as the year is winding down, I wanted to let you know your options if you wanted to try out for your house quidditch team next year."

"Oh," I take a moment to bask in my teacher's praise. This is the only class in which being an adult hasn't really given me an unfair advantage. I started flying young, but so have a lot of other witches and wizards. My talent in flying is my own, and I am intensely proud of it. That being said, "I won't be trying out, Madame Hooch." This was clearly not the answer she was expecting.

"Really? And may I ask why not?"

"I'm…" I force back the sigh trying to work its way out of me, "I'm just not very interested. I'd rather focus on my studies." Madame Hooch stares at me for a long moment.

"I don't understand your answer, Miss Campbell, especially when you so clearly love to fly, but your reasons are your own. You are free to reconsider whenever you like, but I wouldn't have pulled you aside if I didn't think you could join your team next year, despite your age."

After class, I find a quiet corner to cry in. I have been putting off my feelings about the quidditch team all year, knowing it was something I wouldn't have to think about until next year. Honestly, I would love more than anything to play quidditch, but no matter how much I want to, I know I can't. The quidditch games in the books are a big deal, and many have serious plot developments in them. Not only do I not know which games are important, I also know that some of those important games were against the Ravenclaw team.

What if I knock Harry out of a game that he was supposed to stay in? What if I knock him off his broom and no one catches him? There are too many moving parts in a game for me to control and the risk of me changing something important is far too great to chance. Playing quidditch would be a dream come true for me, but the risk just isn't worth the reward. I'll find a way to play someday, somewhere, but it can't be here. With a broken heart and a clear mind, I make my way through the rest of my day.

…

Just a week before the end of the semester, I am surprised to get a note from Tally in what I think is Dumbledore's handwriting. Does it make me a nerd for knowing that or just someone with a good memory? Maybe both. I open the note, taking care not to let my gaze wander towards the headmaster.

Please meet me after your classes today. I have something I would like to discuss with you. The password is lemon drops.

He didn't bother to sign it.

Class passes by excruciatingly slowly as I wonder what Dumbledore could want from me. Shouldn't he be focused on Tom...right now…? As the thought occurs to me I begin to put two and two together. He has probably realized by now what is going on with Quirrell, if he didn't already know from the start. If he just found out, he would want to interrogate me more about how I knew so soon or to see if I have any answers about whether his plan will succeed or not. I can only assume, but that seems like the right idea for why he would finally want to talk to me after all these months.

…

"Lemon drops." Hours later, I find myself in front of the gargoyle guarding the headmaster's office. With the password, it starts spinning upwards, and I jump on to the nearest stair to ride to the top. I don't bother to knock before walking in.

"Miss Campbell," Dumbledore doesn't look up or seem surprised. "Please have a seat." Without a word, I sit down.

Last time I was here, I was a bit...childish. I completely lost my cool and said things I shouldn't have out of fear. Today I'm a little bit older and a little bit wiser, so hopefully I can keep myself together. On top of making me fear for my life, another reason why the old man makes me lose my temper is that I don't trust him.

While the books are from Harry's point of view, and Harry trusts Dumbledore enough to die on his command, growing up a bit lended me a better perspective on what happened through the series: Dumbledore took advantage of Harry. He had a goal, a plan, and a way of executing it, and Harry be damned he was going to make sure it worked. Someone that cold and calculating, even for the good of others, isn't someone I can trust. Just because he's on the side of "good" doesn't mean he won't turn on me the moment he can come up with the right excuse to do so.

That being said, Dumbledore can be a powerful ally, if I can stay calm and rational enough to not say mean things to him like last time. He doesn't have to like me to work with me, especially since all I need him to do is continue on the path he has already chosen- I'm not asking the world of him here.

"Good evening, headmaster," I'm cold, but polite at least.

"Do you know why I called you here, Miss Campbell?" Ouch, skipped all the pleasantries and went straight to business. He really doesn't like me.

"No, sir." I feel a sharp probe on my mental shields. "I'm not lying," I say darkly.

"Your occlumency is quite strong," Dumbledore compliments, or maybe he is just merely point it out.

"Thank you?"

"I find it hard to believe that you went through all the trouble of learning it just to protect me. After all, you are clearly not a fan on mine."

"Well, sir, if you weren't so self-centered, you would realize that your secrets would probably get me killed if anyone else found our that I knew them," I practically growl. Man he pisses me off!

"Ah," he pauses, pulling the silly old man card again, "no that never occured to me." I take a deep, steadying breath. Why does he have such an irritating effect on me?

"Why am I here?" He probes at my mind again. "And would you quit doing that!"

"I'm just making sure that my "secrets" are being held safely." My eyes widen at the implication of his emphasis.

"You don't believe me," I say in awe. I should probably keep my mouth shut, but I'm so surprised it slips out. Being so afraid of the worst case scenario all the time can leave me blinded to simple truths- to things most people would think of first before assuming that the sky was falling. I assumed he believed me, but he only thinks I am a threat for learning what he assumes are just pieces of the truth.

"Now Miss Campbell, I have faith in my students, but sometimes it becomes necessary to make sure that a student is not a threat to others. I just want to know where you learned that information from."

Now I find myself at a crossroads. There are two options that immediately come to mind, both of which could end poorly. I could tell him that I was telling the truth and try to convince him that my lie was real, but that halfway puts me into the situation I've been trying to avoid in the first place; being a seer is only a few steps away from being...whatever I am.

My other option is to pin everything on Quirrell. This is clearly the better option, and chances of it ending very badly are much slimmer. I'll say that Quirrell has been telling me all these things, poisoning me against the school and the headmaster, and then coercing me in to talking to Dumbledore to try to learn more secrets. The only issue here is selling the lie and not getting in to too much trouble for it afterwards.

"It was…" I let my eyes flicker to the door, as if I'm getting ready to bolt.

"Charlotte, please, you can talk to me," Dumbledore begins to lean forward.

"It was Quirrell!" I squeak.

"Tell me everything." The headmaster's lack of surprise tells me that he at least knows who Quirrell is now.

"It started before the semester began. We met in Diagon Alley and he told me he was going to be my professor. My parents trusted him so he had plenty of time to talk with me. He told me...things. I didn't believe him at first, but he was so convincing and charismatic." Oh was that too big a word?

"And then?" If I sounded strange, Dumbledore didn't seem to care.

"And then I came to school and he told me more things. Then he started asking me to do things. To watch you and ask you questions. He said you were a bad person and that he wanted to make sure we were all safe. I was so confused. You're supposed to be the best wizard ever! I didn't think you could be evil, but Tom said-"

"You mentioned Tom before, who is that?" The headmaster's expression was stern and a little frightening. I name dropped Tom on purpose, since I had mentioned his name before. If I didn't bring it up again it would have been too suspicious.

"He said that was his real name. He told me when I said I wasn't sure if I could trust him." Dumbledore furrows a brow at this. That seems pretty out of character for Tom, but I don't have a lot of time to come up with better lies. For doing this on the fly, I think I'm doing a pretty great job. Maybe I should spend more time coming up with better lies for these sort of eventualities instead of thinking I can avoid them.

"I'm sorry for not telling you sooner, Professor, but Tom was really nice to me until yesterday, and it made me realize that he might be the bad one."

"What happened yesterday?"

"He was just really mean! And he said stuff that he never said to me before, like he didn't really care about me. I don't know what had him so mad."

"Has he ever told you anything about what he plans to do here?" Dumbledore asks quickly and quietly. He seems quite convinced that he's gotten lucky. Fortunately for him, he doesn't need any extra luck from me, Harry's got all the luck in the world when it comes to fighting Tom.

"No. He just said that you were the bad guy. It sounded more like he wanted to know what you were planning on doing." The headmaster stands up so quickly I jump in my seat.

"Thank you for letting me know what was going on, Charlotte. I have to go now. Please see yourself back to your common room. Good night." And with a crack, the headmaster is gone. Geez, I really hope I didn't just change anything!

….

The next few days are a nervous blur as I wait for the end of the year. Final exams aren't doing nearly enough to keep me preoccupied. Fortunately, the golden trio look more and more concerned as they spend more time huddled together, which makes me feel a little bit better that things might end up the same. Professor Quirrell is still in class teaching, so Dumbledore hasn't made a move on him, which puts me slightly more at ease.

….

Finally! Finally the last day of the school year arrives, and Harry and his friends are nowhere to be seen, nor is Quirrell. I take what feels like my first breath in a while; as long as Harry isn't dead, things look like they're the same. The Slytherin banners hang from the ceiling of The Great Hall, and I feel a pang of guilt that those poor kids are about to have the rug pulled out from under them.

Dumbledore begins his end of the year speech, and my sigh of relief could not be bigger as it sounds exactly the same as I remember. Quirrell is gone, Harry is recuperating in the Hospital Wing, Neville did his first brave act, and Draco is pissed for not having won the house cup. All is as it should be. It looks like, so far, I'm on the correct timeline. Now I just have to keep it there.

Things wrap up more quickly than I had imagined they would, and I don't end up getting to say goodbye to Theo. We had previously decided that writing to one another wouldn't be too much trouble with proper nicknames, so at least I know I'll get to talk to him during the break. It's not like it would matter if someone got a hold of what we wrote- we don't have any super secret information to send to one another.

I have another fun train ride back with the twins- no spiders this time- and it feels like it's over in a flash. Getting off at the platform, I get the usual great, big hug from them, but this time my parents are there to gawk at us.

"And who are these two?" My dad asks, looking ready to jump in and "save" me. We split apart quickly at the sound of his voice.

"This is Fred and George," I point to each twin individually, who don't look the least bit worried about my possibly homicidal dad.

"How are you so sure who is who?" Mum cuts straight to the chase about them being twins. I laugh.

"When you get to know them it isn't too hard. Except for when they deliberately try to trick me." I give them a fake glare. They both gasp with just as much sincerity.

"How could you say such a thing, Char? We would never do such a mean thing to you!" Fred says.

"You're only saying that because my dad is here," I counter. My dad looks even more menacing.

"Have these two been mean to you?"

"Oh, Fred, do you hear that? Sounds like Mum is calling for us."

"I do believe you're right, dear brother. We've gotta get going now. Nice to meet you!" Fred, quick as lightning, takes my mom's hand and kisses, followed immediately by his brother before the two take off down the platform.

"Whoa," Mum whispers after them.

"Hey!" Dad says, offended both at them and Mum's response.

"What? They're incredible."

"Aren't they?" I agree. We all laugh. As we head off the platform to the car (Dad has some muggle errands to run) I note that we are missing a family member. "Grandma's not here again?"

"I know! She's been so busy with this new job, she's never around anymore!"

I don't bother to inquire about the "new job." I know it's a cover for whatever dangerous thing she's actually doing- the thing she won't tell me about.

"Hopefully she'll be able to stop by soon and say 'hi' to you," Dad says. I agree. Hopefully she'll be more forthcoming about what she's doing this time.

…

It takes two weeks for Grandma to come by the house, during which time I've been flying like crazy. I've missed my broom terribly and I'm going to take full advantage of the time I have with it. I've been practicing the Woollongong Shimmy and it's starting to look so good! I've only fallen once since I started practicing it, which helped me practice spellcasting in sudden and dangerous situations to prevent falling to my near death. So it's been a few weeks of learning!

I'm on my broom as I have been every day when Mum calls me in.

"Grandma's here!" I'm inside within moments.

"Grandma!" We embrace tightly. "I've missed you," I whisper.

"I've missed you too, sweetie. How did the end of your semester go?" She's wondering if things went the way I expected them to.

"It was crazy! Harry Potter killed our professor!" Exactly as I hoped.

"Wait, what?" Dad appears out of nowhere.

"Yeah! Apparently he was evil and tried to kill Harry, but Harry killed him first!"

"How did you find that out? Did you see it happen?" Mum seems especially worried now.

"No, it was supposed to be a secret! So naturally everyone found out." We all nod sagely at this- school never changes in that regard.

"Why didn't you tell us about this sooner?" Mum's using her disappointed voice.

"Because we found out last night?"

"Oh, well, please be careful. Crazy things can happen anywhere, clearly." Mum starts reaching for her purse as Dad puts on his shoes.

"Mum and I are going to the store. Do you need anything?"

"No, I'm fine." The pair head out, leaving Grandma and I alone to talk. "So now will you tell me what's going on?" I ask before their car doors have even shut.

"Not yet, sweetie."

"And why not?"

"It's too dangerous."

"My life is dangerous. My very existence is dangerous! You're going to need a better reason than that." Grandma pauses for a long time at this.

"You worry...a lot." She pauses for such a long time I prod her to continue.

"Yeah, I know, Grandma. I'm worrying about you right now."

"Well I think that you would be even more worried if you had information you couldn't do anything with. Do you agree?"

"I mean, I guess so, but that's how I feel right now!"

"I understand, but the work I'm doing hasn't borne any fruit yet. If I tell you what I'm doing you're just going to be more worried." Her logic is sound. I hate that! I pout at her in hopes of changing her mind, but she doesn't budge. "Please just be patient." I give her a fake glare.

"...Fine," I finally acquiesce. She's made up her mind, no use pushing it any more right now. "But as soon as you've found out something or finished whatever it is you're doing, I want to know!"

"As soon as it's safe and prudent to tell you, I will."

"Alright." That will have to be good enough, for now.

The rest of my summer passes uneventfully, for which I am grateful. Grandma promises to come by more frequently to tutor me on more advanced spellcasting that I won't get the opportunity to learn in school. Theo and I write back and forth frequently. He worries me about his blase reactions to how badly his parents treat him, but it's sweet how much he worries about me when I certainly don't need that much worrying about. I sign off my letters as Raven, as he has now taken to calling me almost all the time, but he still refuses to write down Theo- he says it's embarrassing, which always makes me laugh.

Before I know it, I'm back on Platform nine and three quarters, getting ready to head out to my second year at Hogwarts. Time flies when you're having fun! Let's just hope this year can be more relaxed because I am not going to have anything to do with the Chamber of Secrets or the Heir of Slytherin debacles. I'm just going to stay far away and let Harry handle this mess on his own. In the meantime, I'm going to have a fun year and maybe even make some new friends!


	12. Chapter 12

Ah this ended up being shorter than I intended. Sorry about that! On the bright side, so many conversations with so many different people! Characterization always makes me nervous so having everyone talk so much in one chapter is a pretty big deal for me! It's so amazing to see how many people like reading this- you're the reason I keep doing it! I hope you all enjoy!

Oh, I am aware that Harry can't see thestrals at this point, but Charlotte *cough I cough* forgot. She'll probably forget to ask him about it too, so no biggie.

* * *

On the train, I'm in my usual compartment with Fred and George. It feels good to have a usual place, with my usual friends. And in their "usual" way, Fred and George are conspiring to cause some trouble before the term even starts. They promise me they'll come back soon, as well as promise to tell me what they're doing, before dashing out of our compartment. I will definitely hold them to that.

Since I've now been left alone, I pull out my last letter from Theo, which I received this morning and have not had a moment to read. I wonder if Theo actually wrote it last night or if his owl just took a long time to get to me today? Owls, like regular muggle mail, can be quite unpredictable in how long it will take them to arrive; obviously it depends on distance traveled, but weather and other uncertainties also have to be factored in. That being said, our letters usually arrive sometime the day after we send them, since we don't live that terribly far away from one another. Opening the letter in question, I begin to read:

 _Dear Raven,_

 _I know we are going to be seeing each other in a just a few days, but I wanted to write to you one more time. I've had a lot of fun having a penpal over the break and I don't want to give it up! I don't think my parents would be happy to know I have such a close friend- they've always wanted me to focus on school and "social events", like parties at the Malfoys'. Malfoy is interesting, even though he doesn't always show it, but my parents don't want me to be friends with him either. I'm supposed to be his "business acquaintance", but I'm not sure what that means when we don't run any businesses yet._

 _Anyway, have a safe trip and don't worry about writing back- I'm sure we'll see each other soon enough in class._

 _Your friend,_

 _Theodore Nott_

Poor Theo! He sounds like Rapunzel locked in her tower. He's even worried about being my penpal. I knew the pureblood lifestyle was difficult, but this is just ridiculous! I know I could never survive in that sort of environment.

While I would love to keep these letters, the paranoid part of me can't handle it. After skimming it one more time, I pull out my wand, and with a whispered, "Incendio" the letter is gone. As the one who Theo has unwittingly admitted to being his only friend, I am going to try my best to be a good one. Though I sometimes have to remind myself that overly pitying him is not something a good friend would do. Instead, I know that just treating him like any other kid is the best way to take care of him. While I had a great time over break, I can't wait to hang out with him again.

"Hey Char! Sorry to ditch ya like that!" Fred, I think, slides into the seat next to me, his brother and Lee Jordan aren't far behind.

"Starting your fourth year off with a bang?" I ask.

"Wait, you heard a bang?" Lee looks around with a nervous excitement.

"Whoa, no bangs for us!" George throws up his hands.

"No way! We didn't do it!" Fred agrees.

"No, a metaphorical bang, silly!" I laugh.

"Oh…" the three look disappointed.

"Was there supposed to be an actual bang?"

"...maybe." We all laugh heartily as the twins hunker down to tell me their plans for the year.

"Now that's not everything, of course!" George winks.

"We want you to have a few surprises too," Fred adds.

"Fair enough. I love surprises!" After our discussion of our plans for the year, the twins and Lee decide to start a game of Exploding Snap. "I'm going to go get changed," I announce. "Don't wait for me."

"See ya later, Char!" They call as I head out. I've decided I'm going to see if I can find Luna. While I would like to be friends with Ginny as well, I feel like she's too close to Harry to be a safe choice. Luna, on the other hand, may be close to Harry, but I don't think anything I could do would influence that girl.

As I head back from getting changed into my school clothes, I'm pleased to find Luna alone in her compartment with the door open. Luck is on my side today!

"Umm, hi! Are these seats taken?" I ask cautiously. Luna looks up at me as if in a daze.

"Why yes, they are, in fact." Well that certainly wasn't the answer I was expecting.

There is an awkward pause. "They are? Did your friends go to get changed?"

"No, I don't have any friends," Luna states simply. Another pause.

"Then who's sitting here?" Luna takes an even longer pause, as if contemplating my question.

"Hmm? Oh, no one is sitting there, if that's what you're asking. I was taking up the whole compartment myself to see if there were any nargles trying to go through our luggage."

"And are there?"

"No, it doesn't seem so. Though my necklace is probably keeping them away from this one in particular."

"Well that's good. So this is the best cart on the train?"

"That is one way to put it," Luna eventually agrees.

"So...can I sit here?"

"I suppose so." I take the seat across from the young blonde, who, despite not admitting to it, seems happy to have some company.

"My name's Charlotte. Charlotte Campbell," I stick out a hand for a handshake, and am not at all surprised when she doesn't reciprocate.

"Luna Lovegood. Have you heard about the Weetimorousbeastie? I'm wondering if we'll be close enough to its native habitat to go looking for it."

"What's their native habitat?"

"Oh there's only one of him," Luna corrects me. "He lives in the River Clyde, in Scotland."

"Well I know that we're in Scotland, but I don't know where exactly. Then again, I don't know where that river is either, so I'm not much help."

"That's alright. I think I'll ask Professor Dumbledore when we get there."

"Shouldn't you be more worried about the sorting and things first?"

"Those things will happen as they happen. I don't think it makes sense to worry about what's to come when it can't be changed."

"Wow, that was deep," I say stupidly. Kids really say the most adult things sometimes. Luna just shrugs it off.

"If you say so."

"So what is a Weetimorousbeastie?" I've certainly never heard of one.

"It's a small, crafty, cowering, timorous little beast," she recites, clearly from memory.

"Why those specific words?"

"That's where it's name comes from. It's a wee, timorous, beastie," she explains, adopting a bit of a Scottish accent to help me understand.

"Oh!" I laugh. "That makes sense, actually."

"If only everyone had such straightforward names- talking to people would be much easier then, don't you think?" Luna asks.

"Or far more difficult." Luna seems confused. "Think about it, if we all knew ahead of time every person's annoying quirks, we would never want to speak to each other."

"I see. I never thought of it that way…" Has she thought of this before?!

The two of us continue with this silly conversation the rest of the way to school. Fred and George wouldn't mind if I didn't come back to see them off, but I've left my bag with them, so when the train starts slowing down I bid Luna goodbye.

"It was nice meeting you, Luna! Maybe I'll see you in the Ravenclaw common room?" I wink.

"That is a possibility," she says in her usual dreamy tone.

"I hope so! See you later! And good luck with your Weetimorousbeastie!"

"Thank you." And with that, I think I've made a good impression with Luna. Maybe I'll be lucky enough for her to consider me a friend!

For the record, I don't actually believe that Luna's magical creatures exist- well, most of them anyway. I'm sure she can't be wrong about every single one, but, for the most part, I know they're not real. That being said, I'm not going to be the one to trample her hopes and dreams, especially not when I want to be her friend. Besides, it's going to be her career one day to look for those creatures, so it's not like her belief in them is bad for her or anything.

Fred, George, and Lee are in the middle of an intense game of Exploding Snap when I show up again, and the three barely acknowledge my existence. It's fine though because I immediately get drawn into watching the game.

"Go Fred, go!" I shout. Unfortunately my excitement was mistimed- my words cause Fred to miss his pair and the cards explode in his hand. "Oh no! I'm sorry!"

"Hey Char, keep it up!" George laughs. "You're the perfect distraction! Ow!" George got too distracted making fun of his brother and made the same mistake.

"And Lee takes the win!" Lee gloats, throwing his cards down and tapping the pile with his wand to prevent any more explosions.

"Congratulations!" I laugh.

"You're a hell of a king maker!" Lee laughs as well. The twins are sulking at me.

"It wasn't my intention, I swear!" I throw up my hands. "I didn't know I was such a distraction!"

"Well that's true," Lee mutters as he picks up all the cards.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, nothing. I'm gonna go get changed." Without another word, Lee picks up his bag and heads out.

"What was Lee trying to say?" I turn on the twins.

"I didn't hear him, did you George?"

"Can't say I did, brother."

"What did we miss?" Fred asks.

"Nevermind." I drop the subject, not even sure I heard Lee right in the first place.

….

We are finally at Hogwarts! I can't wait to have a calm, leisurely year. Harry certainly won't be, but he and his friends aren't my problem, so they can deal with it on their own. I will be having a great time with my new friend (hopefully!) Luna, as well as my other friends.

But first thing's first, we have to finish the rest of the trip to the castle, which means being pulled by the thestrals. I wish Luna was here, so I could ask her what they look like, but I guess I'll just have to ask her some other time. As per usual, I make sure to stay away from Harry, so I can't ask him either. I remember them from the movies, but not all that well. I've never seen someone die so I don't get the chance to see them in person- a blessing and a curse, I suppose.

The other students I'm with don't know what is pulling our mysterious wagon, but they're not interested either. One of them, another Ravenclaw, makes a comment as we get in, but a Hufflepuff quickly waves it off with a dismissive, "It's magic, obviously," and moves on. Oh well, their loss.

The rest of the ride passes smoothly, the mostly Hufflepuff group talking about whether or not they'll be trying out for quidditch this year.

"Just because you can doesn't mean you should. Those seventh years will pummel you!" The Ravenclaw girl states sagely.

"So what! I'm good! I can handle it!" A boy states with all the enthusiasm of someone who has not been on the other side of a perfectly aimed bludger.

"Second years almost never make it on the team," another boy argues. Oh, they're gonna be pissed when Malfoy buys his way onto his team.

"But you can be a part of their practices and then you're a shoo in for the next year!" Says a different girl, her eyes alight. If I had to guess who's going to make the team, I would bet on her. She's got a solid head on her shoulders, clearly.

"Whatever. You guys can wait around until next year, but I'm getting on the team this year!" The confident one stands up for a moment with a fist in the air, but a perfectly timed bump in the road sends him toppling back into his seat. The group laughs.

"Sure, Herbert. If you say so."

Moments later, we pitch to a stop and we all hurry out towards the warm castle and the promise of food. In the crowded mess of second years, I manage to get a glimpse of Theo, who gives me a small wink. I wish I could be as suave as him! I swear if I winked in a crowd somehow everyone and their mother would know about it.

While the Ravenclaw table is happily full, I still easily manage to leave a seat open next to me, a seat specifically for one of the new Ravenclaws who will be joining us soon.

Hopefully.

If nothing has changed.

While the first years are being called- oh there goes Colin Creevey, poor boy- I look over their heads to scan the familiar faces around me. And that's when I find the Gryffindor table to be suspiciously lacking two familiar faces. Where are Ron and Harry? Wait, did they take the Angelina? I thought that was next year! The Whomping Willow was next year's plot point, I thought.

I wrack my brain for a moment, almost at a loss. Come on Charlotte, think! I'm clearly missing something vital here. Wait, why did Ron and Harry have to take the Angelina in the first place? Because they couldn't get through to the platform...because of Dobby! Holy shit, I completely forgot about Dobby!

Dobby who ruined Harry's summer, who didn't want Harry to come to school this year, who makes Harry take the Angelina (technically), who gets emancipated by Harry at the end of the year with a sock, but does Dobby do anything that could potentially put me at risk? Not that I can remember right now…

"Luna Lovegood!" I'm snapped back to reality with the calling of my soon to be friend, and within a few moments I'm standing up and clapping for her. I feel a little awkward, but I wave her over anyway. If I didn't remember her being bullied, I would be more worried about stealing her from potential friends, but as it is I think I might be one of her only friends in Ravenclaw, so I'm going to take advantage and enjoy her.

"Hello again, Luna!" I say cheerfully as she sits down.

"You were right, I did end up in Ravenclaw. Can you see the future, Charlotte?" she asks me way too pointedly. I force a laugh.

"Of course not! Just some wishful thinking."

"Hmm."

What the hell, Luna!? Don't just say "hmm" as if you think I'm lying! Why does everyone I meet do this to me? I sigh and move on. No point worrying about it. Not like anyone has caught on to me yet, despite all the weird things people say to me without realizing.

Another sorting comes and goes and just as dinner is beginning I see an extremely sulky looking Ron and Harry come into the hall, confirming my suspicions about the Angelina. They'll be in trouble for a good while, and Dobby will be getting a thorough tongue lashing from Harry when next they speak, not that I can remember when that is.

Luna and I chat some more, and I think she wants to be my friend too! ...Wow I can be so childish sometimes. But then again, even adults want friends, right? As we're finishing up dinner and getting ready to leave for the dorm, our head boy and girl, call for the first years.

"Oh, Luna." I pull her close for a moment before she gets up. "If anyone gives you any trouble, let me know, okay? The Ravenclaw house can get a bit...intense. I'll sort them out if you need." Luna smiles and it almost seems, sad?

"I don't think that will be necessary. I've dealt with a lot of people like that, and I've found the best thing to do is just ignore them. They're not really hurting anyone."

"But they're hurting you. That's the point of bullying," I argue.

"Oh, I don't think so," she says dreamily, not looking at me anymore. "I think they're just afraid of new things sometimes, that's all."

"Just...be careful. Alright?" I don't think Luna's bullies ever got physical with her but I worry. If I can shield her from unnecessary harm, I will.

"Thank you Charlotte," she finally says, pulling away to join the other first years. If I had been talking to anyone else, they may have accused me of being overprotective or assuming that they would be bullied when the year hasn't even started yet, but Luna just thanked me and left. I wonder if she did think those things and just didn't vocalize them. I guess I'll never know. With that, I made my way up to bed.

…

The next morning found me up bright and early, exceedingly excited for the start of the year. Like usual, most of my house was up with me or even earlier- the first day finds most of Ravenclaw house eagerly awaiting the arrival of their schedules. Though I must admit, we aren't the only one up early the first day, we are in larger numbers than the other houses.

Entering The Great Hall, I find Luna sitting alone eating breakfast and happily join her.

"Morning! Sleep alright?" I ask.

"Not particularly. I was busy making sure the dorm is well protected against any unexpected visitors."

"Boys?" I ask jokingly.

"Much more dangerous than them." She says seriously, and then launches into a long, detailed explanation of the many creatures that would be interested in getting into a girl's dorm.

"And don't forget boys!" I add at the end.

"That is true, but since they are probably the least threatening of the list, I didn't feel the need to put up anything against them. Besides, my roomates weren't happy with what I did- I think they would be even less happy if boys couldn't visit them, even though it's not technically allowed." Wow Luna, that was astute of you to notice.

"They weren't happy?" I'm not surprised but I figure it's better to act like I am. Luna looks off across the hall for a few moments.

"Nargles can be quite tricky to keep away," she sort of answers my question in her hallmark way.

Before I can ask her anything else, our schedules arrive.

"Ugh I forgot our schedules are basically exactly the same as last year," I groan. The only differences are what classes are on what days and times.

"I suppose I'm off to Herbology." Luna doesn't bid me goodbye- she just stands up and walks out. If it was anyone else I would be offended or worry that she didn't like me, but for her I'll let it slide.

"Bye!" I call out behind her. She turns back, stares at me for a long moment, and then inclines her head before continuing on her way. Progress!

My first class is Charms with the Slytherins, so maybe I'll get to talk to Theo for a bit. I arrive early, to see if maybe he had the same idea, but unfortunately Draco and his cronies are the next students to arrive. I remember Draco being absolutely insufferable second year, especially when the Chamber opens, so I'll probably do my best to avoid him. Unfortunately, while that's my plan, it's not his plan.

"Well if it isn't Charlotte Campbell," Draco sneers as soon as he sees me. I have to admit, I'm rather impressed that he can make my full name sound like some sort of insult. In his defense of choosing me to annoy, I'm alone in the classroom, so it isn't like he would have any other targets right now.

"Hi Draco," I say with no enthusiasm. "How was your break?"

"Showing up to class early doesn't mean you're going to get any smarter, you know? The professor isn't even here yet. Or is this when you meet up with your boyfriend, "Theo"?"

"Draco you're here too. Maybe you need to get some more rest instead of showing up early. Your insults are lacking today."

"I can't tell if you two are insulting each other or worrying about one another," Theo adds as he walks in to the room.

"Well some of us worry for our classmates' wellbeing, even if their classmates act like douches," I sniff. Theo smirks at me as Draco turns red.

"I do not need a blood traitor worrying about me! Shouldn't you be more worried about your boyfriend or whatever he is?"

"Nott made it very clear last year where he stands with people like me. Though I still don't see why you made that any of your business." I glare pointedly at Draco.

"It's my business to make sure that my classmates are hanging around with the right sorts."

"Ah yes, as the king of douches, that is your destiny, to make sure all the knights in your douchedom follow the right path." I bow ridiculously. "I'm sorry, your majesty." Theo and Draco are both turning red through my silly speech- both for completely different reasons. Theo ducks out of the room to laugh in private as Draco bursts into a rampage, turning even redder than he did before.

"How dare you! I'll make sure my father hears about this foul language being used-" Draco tries to get in my face, but Professor Flitwick comes in at just the right time.

" , have you gotten sunburned over the break? You need to be careful with how much sun you are getting, young man." Now even Crabbe and Goyle are laughing at their leader.

"Shut up!" he growls at the pair as he slams himself into his seat, our argument dropped, though probably not forgotten. I still haven't forgiven him for that stunt he pulled last term with Theo and I, so driving him crazy whenever he bothers me is the least I can do for payback.

Theo returns to the classroom uneventfully as the rest of the students trickle in, and it isn't hard to notice as Draco loudly gives him a hard time about watching out for the wrong sorts. I roll my eyes and ignore the exchange, though I feel a pang of guilt that Theo can't do the same. It's so unfair that he has to constantly hide how he really feels about the world. No wonder he was so quiet in the original series, if he felt like this all the time.

Unfortunately for me, class feels like it's going to be a lot of the same- another year of being so far ahead that I feel completely unchallenged. Maybe next year I'll start pushing the boundaries with my professors, showing them I'm gifted and interested in taking on extra information outside the curriculum. Maybe I'll be able to get some one on one time with a few of them to learn more useful material. Twelve feels a bit young to start pushing that hard, so I'll just focus on my own private studies this year.

That being said, I'm not sure how often I'll be able to go out and about to The Room of Requirement. I'll have to take advantage of it as much as I can before the school goes on red alert. I shouldn't have to worry about the basilisk, considering I'm not Muggle Born, but that doesn't mean anyone is going to let me wander the halls at night. So annoying. With that in mind, maybe this is the year to start asking for extra tutoring. I'll just have to see how it all plays out, I suppose.

My first day of classes pass uneventfully, but I know my second day will be interesting regardless of what happens because it will be my first day of DADA with "Professor" Lockhart. I can't wait to see the greatest fraud of our generation in action. He's a legend! I've had to deal with far too much of everyone's excitement about him becoming a professor here for me not be excited to see him at work. I mean, you've gotta lie like a champion to make yourself this successful!

...or not. My first day of class with Lockhart is pushed back due to the pixie fiasco. I wasn't there- he only managed to ruin his first class with the Gryffindors and Slytherins before just giving up for the day, but the whole school knew about it in minutes. I completely forgot about that shit show. Are wizards just easily fooled or something? How can Lockhart not have been found out when he's so clearly incompetent?

"Did you hear what happened in Professor Lockhart's class?" I hear an upperclassmen in the hall talking to another girl.

"Yeah! Who knew pixies were so strong? If they could take Professor Lockhart by surprise, maybe they are a more ferocious breed?"

The two continue talking but I can't keep listening to such a ridiculous conversation, unfortunately for me, I hear similar versions of this all over campus. The wizarding community just has no reason to believe he's lying. Instead of looking at the large and obvious trail of breadcrumbs laid before them, they all just wander blindly after the man leading them astray.

It's brilliant. He's so famous, he's practically untouchable; at this point he's virtually a less harmful, dumber version of Tom- using his fame to distort who he really is so much that he's another person entirely in the public eye. If only Lockhart wasn't so...dumb.

Our first real class with Lockhart is excruciating. Professor Quirrell, being mostly Tom, was not a good teacher. If it had been Tom himself actually caring about teaching, he would have been a phenomenal teacher- not that I would ever admit that to him, even though I'm sure he already knows.

That being said, Quirrell wasn't exactly a bad teacher, just, too heavy on unimportant aspects of the theory. But Quirrell I understood! I mean, he was clearly more evil- trying to cripple a future generation of witches and wizards by depriving them of the basics of defensive magic- than incompetent. But Lockhart…

"Alright class, today we're going to be talking about me. Obviously." He laughs obnoxiously, to which some of the girls giggle with him. "But seriously, we're going to be on page thirty four of your very handsome textbooks- written by and starring me- as we talk about Nisses." I raise my hand at this. "Yes, Miss...Campbell?" he pauses to look up my name.

"What about the pixies?" Depending on each person's stance of the professor, most of the girls turn to glare at me for bringing them up while most of the guys are trying not to laugh.

"Miss…" he pauses again, but doesn't bother looking this time. "I was trying to let your classmates have a chance at some defensive magic, but I underestimated their abilities. Thankfully, I was their to remedy their situation." I fight the urge to roll my eyes. While it could be fun to ruffle his tail feathers a bit, it doesn't serve me in the long run. He'll be my professor for the duration of the year, and annoying him is only going to make class time even more difficult if he picks on me.

"Wow, Professor, that's amazing!" One of the Hufflepuffs gushes (gosh you would think I would actually give a crap and eventually learn people's names, but I still haven't bothered). Her outburst takes the limelight off me, and my outburst is all but forgotten.

"Yes it is!" Lockhart latches on the opportunity to boast about himself further, and this manages to bring the conversation somewhat back to the day's lesson? He doesn't actually talk about what he said he was going to, but he did promise to talk about himself, so at least he didn't fall short on that.

In the end, I decide this will be a fantastic class to do homework in, since Lockhart isn't paying a lick of attention to what any of us are doing. He just assumes that anyone writing is taking notes, and everyone else is staring at him in rapt attention so he's happy to keep prattling on. At the end of my homework session, I find that the class isn't half bad when I completely ignore the teacher. Maybe I'll even come to enjoy it as a somewhat quiet time to get some work done.


	13. Chapter 13

Thank you everyone for being so patient! Sometimes I wonder why I give myself two weeks to write when I still end up writing about 1000 words on the last night every single time. Something always comes up, you know? I wish this could be at the top of my priority list, but of course it never is. At least it's a good length this chapter!  
Double thanks to everyone who reviews! You guys really keep me motivated.

* * *

Theo and I agree to meet after my first potions class- bless that boy. Snape has been about as insufferable as Malfoy since Lockhart showed up. He's already so frustrated with the new professor that he's taken to complaining about him under his breath, which means he isn't kind at all when it comes to my subpar performance.

"Miss Campbell, I know you've been on vacation, but that does not give you the excuse to dump all potion's knowledge from your tiny brain."

"I guess I'm just out of practice," I shrug as I wipe up the rest of the potion that had boiled over onto the table.

"Practice more." He shoots one last withering glare at me before walking away.

"Yeah yeah," I mumble as I finish cleaning. I can't wait to go see Theo, he'll help me with potions.

…

"Theo!" I run and give my best friend a bone crushing hug. "I've missed you! I feel like we don't hug enough." I am suddenly reminded why as Theo very awkwardly returns my affection.

"I'm just not used to hugs," I guess I make a disappointed face because he very quickly adds, "but that's alright! I can get used to them."

"I mean, if you don't like it it's fine."

"No, it's okay. Really." We both move to take a stool in front of the empty cauldrons.

"I got your letter!" I decide to change the subject.

"Oh, uh…" He seems embarrassed about it. "I was bored."

"I enjoyed reading it." We're both rather awkward now. I guess because we haven't seen one another in a while? "So, Snape's already upset with me."

"Already?"

"The potions are harder this year! It's not my fault I had to take a break and then they made the class more difficult!"

"Isn't that how classes are supposed to work? They get more difficult every year as you incorporate new material?"

"Look, wiseass," I joke, "just because I'm struggling with this one thing doesn't mean I don't know how the school system works."

"Ah, cursing at me again, I see. So that means I'm right." I roll my eyes at this.

"So, can you help me or what?"

"Only if you tell me all your secrets," he smiles, the old danger I used to see in it long gone.

"Well, maybe not all of them," I giggle.

"Anyway, I have something for you." Theo pulls a box from his bag and hands it to me. It's gift wrapped, so I can't tell what it is.

"What's this?" I ask as I take it from him.

"Open it." I do, ripping the paper away with anticipation. Inside is a deck of Exploding Snap cards, all quidditch themed.

"Oh Theo, it's amazing! How did you know?" I start leafing through the cards.

"You've been complaining all summer that you wanted someone to play with. It wasn't like I needed Advanced Arithmancy to figure it out." I grin and hug him again. He's expecting me this time, so he hugs me back. "Happy Birthday, Charlotte."

"I can't believe you remembered my birthday."

My birthday over the summer had been rather nondescript, so I hadn't written to Theo about it. My old school friends that mum forced me to see on occasion came and we had an alright time. I would have loved to see my Hogwarts friends, but that was out of the question for a variety of reasons. Mum asked about them, but I just said they were too busy and made up some other excuses.

I don't think I've ever mentioned my birthday to Fred and George, now that I think about it. I'm sure they'll ask eventually when they realize they've never celebrated with me. I actually don't know when theirs is either. I'll have to ask sometime.

"So can I challenge you to a game?" he asks.

"After we study!" I answer.

"Ever the Raven, I see." I shoot him a glare. "Fine, fine. After we study."

…

Luna and I are sitting at lunch a few days later when she asks me a very pointed question.

"It doesn't seem like you have very many friends. Why is that?"

"Oh, uh, well I tried to make some friends last year, but we sort of had a falling out."

"With everyone in your class?" Ah Luna, always straight to the point when it comes to awkward conversations.

"I get really high marks without putting in a lot of effort and I refuse to help my classmates get better grades, so they don't like me." Might as well tell it like it is.

"My classmates say I'm weird. I suppose I might be, though I don't understand what nargles have to do with that." She seems to ponder this as she stares off in the distance. Poor Luna. So misunderstood.

"Are they being mean to you?"

"Oh I don't think so. Just some harmless pranks."

"Are you sure?" I press but Luna doesn't answer me. I wonder if I'm going to have to set up some "harmless pranks" of my own for those mean firsties.

…

The first few weeks of classes pass in a whirlwind as I try to get my bearings in school again. The amount of homework we had last year felt like a lot, but now we have even more! Fortunately it's not like any of it is difficult, but that doesn't mean it doesn't waste a lot of time. Once I finish my homework and get a handle on the new schedule, it's time to fly!

Saturday morning I'm up at the crack of dawn with my broom in hand. I've waited so long to be able to do this! I don't know the quidditch practice schedules, but I might as well check out the pitch first. It'll be a dream come true to fly there!

My Cleansweep Five is a few years old now- I don't need anything particularly fancy since I'm not competing or anything- but I've flown with it so much it might as well be a part of my body. I know everything there is to know about this broom and I couldn't be happier with it. I am also a little more inclined to keep it now that I know that Fred and George are flying with the same brand.

I decide to forgo breakfast and just eat after, so I race straight on to the pitch. There's no one here! Without waiting another moment, I throw myself onto my broom and I'm off. I'm instantly in love. The air is cold but refreshing, and it's worth it for the view of the rising sun poking through the mountain peaks.

The pitch is way bigger than I thought! I've seen games before, but it feels so different circling it on a broom. I feel like I'm going miles around it, but maybe it doesn't feel as big when all the other players are in the way; just by myself though, it feels huge.

Feeling daring, I push my broom as fast it can go, making my circle around the pitch tighter and tighter until I'm spinning so fast I can't see straight anymore. All of a sudden I'm laughing, the beauty around me and the joy within me bubbling out like a fountain. I slowly lower myself to the ground where I fall onto my back, continuing to giggle as I do so. The world around me spins and and my laughter reminds me that, while it's great to have friends, sometimes it's good to be alone.

As irony would have it, that is my last blissful thought before I am interrupted.

"Charlotte?" I look up to see Harry, who is slightly spinning in my still dizzied vision.

"Oh, hi Harry." I wave. He awkwardly waves back.

"What are you doing out here?"

"You know, laying in the grass, just did some flying." I hold my broom up for him to see. "And you?"

"I wanted to do some flying myself." He smiles. "Are you up for some more?"

"Oh, no I couldn't impose." I quickly get up. There's no way I can fly with Harry! This is the whole reason I couldn't join my quidditch team.

"But you were really good up there."

"Harry, I was just flying in circles. That's not the hallmark of a good flyer."

"You've got a lot of control over your broom and you can handle intense maneuvers. Most flyers would have fallen off after a few circles, but you just went tighter and faster after every one."

That means a lot from someone who could go pro. I blush at the praise.

"It's really not a big deal." I take a step to leave, but Harry continues talking.

"You can definitely get on your team. You're trying out, right?" Harry is so not taking the hint.

"No." He stops for a moment, clearly bewildered.

"Why not? You're really talented."

"I just want to focus on school. I don't think I'll have time for quidditch." Shit I can already feel the tears start forming. Keep it together, woman! I turn away again, avoiding Harry's searching gaze.

"But quidditch is a part of school. I mean, I guess not in the way that you're talking about, but it's part of what makes school, you know, school."

"Yeah, I get it, but I really don't think it's a good idea."

"You're- nevermind, it's none of my business."

Harry gets on his broom and kicks off, but before he can get too high I say one last thing: "Thanks." Then I walk off the pitch, determined not to look back.

Ugh that was way harder of a morning than I expected it to be! Not only am I sore physically, but I feel like my psyche just got punched in the gut. I intend to spend my entire breakfast moping, but Luna breaks me out of my shell when she comes in looking like a giant pen exploded all over her.

"Luna! What happened?" I usher her over to my seat, pointedly glaring at anyone who so much as gives the poor girl a second glance. It doesn't stop all of the laughing or whispering, but it makes enough people quiet that Luna doesn't turn into a huge scene.

"Oh, some of the girls in my dorm played another prank. It's an ink that spreads the more water you put on it, apparently. I don't know how to make it go away and I'm hungry." With that, Luna grabs a plate of pancakes and digs in like nothing is wrong.

"Who did this?" I ask. Unsurprisingly, Luna seems uninclined to answer, but she doesn't need to. There's a group of very loudly laughing and whispering girls towards the front of the hall, who aren't really bothering to hide the fact that they are looking at the two of us.

Fortunately, I know who made the ink: Fred and George. I remember them telling me about it on the train. I stand up abruptly, making Luna pause.

"Sorry Luna, I'll be right back. I'm going to fix this."

"Fix?" But I don't bother to explain. I doubt the twins are up this early on a Saturday morning, so I make my way straight up to Gryffindor tower. Halfway up I realize I could have gone out to Harry and asked him to get them for me, but eh, this will be fine.

When I finally make it to the seventh floor I remind myself that I need to ask the twins about some of the secret passages. I keep putting it off because I feel like I haven't needed them, but cutting that walk down some would have been nice.

I make a right from the stairwell and wander down the corridor, looking for the fat lady. When I get all the way to the end, I finally admit I made a wrong turn; now I've got to walk all the way back the way I came. This is turning into an obnoxious morning. Finally I find the fat lady, who is giving me an odd look.

"What are you looking at?" she asks rudely.

"It's nice to make your acquaintance! I'm Charlotte."

"And you're a Ravenclaw," she points out snidely.

"That I am."

"So what is that you want? No one comes here to just say 'hello', though that would be nice."

"Could you tell me if Fred and George Weasley are in?"

"What do I look like, their maid?"

"What if I promised to come and say hi sometime?" She narrows her eyes at this.

"How do I know you're not lying?"

"I...hmm...I guess you don't, but if I'm lying, I obviously won't be able to ask you for help again, and I think I will need it, eventually."

"How very logical of you." I can't tell if that's a compliment or a snide remark.

"Thank you?"

"The red-headed hooligans are in here, but I can't let you in without the password. You'll have to wait for someone to come out. You're welcome." She sniffs hautighly.

"Could you go into one of the portraits in the common room and ask for me?"

"How often are you going to come see me?" she immediately retorts. I want to say once a week, but I have a feeling she'll barter higher, so I'll start low.

"Every other week."

"Once a week and you've got yourself a deal," she crosses her arms smuggly. I pretend to consider it for a moment.

"Deal." Without a word she walks out of her portrait and I patiently wait for her to come back. Suddenly she reappears.

"They should be out in five minutes."

"Thank you!" In the meantime, I begin to make good on my deal, so the fat lady and I have a nice conversation about her portrait companions, whom she apparently loathes.

The short time races by, and before I know it the portrait is swinging at me. I barely manage to dodge it before the fat lady and I are squished into one another.

"Charlotte?" A voice calls for me.

"Behind the portrait!" I respond, stepping around it.

"Charlotte!" The twins are hugging me and I happily hug them back as usual.

"What brings our favorite second year up to our tower at the crack of dawn?" George, I think, asks.

"How did you even find us?" Fred adds.

"One thing at a time, boys. First, can we speak somewhere privately? I don't want anyone interrupting us."

"Ohhh, so it's that kind of meeting," Fred jokes and winks.

"In your dreams! Anyway, know of a good spot around here?"

"Anything for you," Fred says dramatically, and then leads us a few doors down the hall.

"There are classrooms this close to your common room?"

"Nah, those are on the other side of the hall, closer to the staircase. These are just storage closets, mostly," George explains.

"A storage closet?" But before I can have any more reservations, the boys push me inside. I'm surprised to find it's actually much bigger in here than I expected. Right, magic. For some reason I still equate "storage closet" with "incredibly small."

"So what did you want to talk about? If that's what you really wanted," Fred wiggles his eyebrows and I laugh.

"Sorry, I really did want to talk."

"Ah, you're no fun," George teases.

"Well we wouldn't want to ruin her good reputation!" Fred jokes.

"Ha ha, as if I had one of those."

"What do you mean?" Fred looks a little more serious.

"My classmates hate me, remember? My only friend is a first year, now. Last year I didn't have anyone."

I haven't mentioned Theo to the twins. I'm still not really sure why.

"Oh, poor Char! Do we need to put those horrible children in their place?" Fred rolls up his sleeves and starts making his way to the door.

"Yes, actually." Fred stops and turns to look back at me.

"Really?" George asks for him.

"Yes, but not the girls in my year. The first year Ravenclaws. Just a group of them, to be exact."

"Are the first years bullying you now?" They both look baffled by this.

"No, no I'm fine. It's my new first year friend."

"I mean, we would do anything for you, Char, but why come to us? I'm sure you could handle it. You know a lot of our trade secrets." Fred winks.

"As if! I'm not dumb. You guys have barely told me anything about your 'trade secrets'."

I know this for a fact because they haven't told me about most of their future inventions, and I know it's not because they haven't been invented yet.

"Wow Fred, I think she's on to us."

"Well George, it is company policy not to share that information…" They both have the good sense to look a little guilty, even though they're really not.

"Don't worry about it. I don't really care. What I do care about is my friend getting hurt by one of your products."

"Hurt? No one should be getting hurt," George says quickly. It would be terrible for their marketing if students actually hurt one another with their inventions, which I totally understand.

"Hurt, emotionally- not physically. Physically, she's perfectly fine. Your unwashable ink didn't do any damage." The twins both let out a sigh of relief. "Sorry! I'm not trying to scare you two or anything. I'm just holding you accountable for your products, that's all."

"Sorry, Char, but that's not really our business," George shrugs.

"We're in the business of mischief and mayhem, not apologizing for what happens after the items leave our capable hands."

"But those little brats hurt my friend! Multiple times! With your stuff!" I argue, getting upset. How could they not care?

"So the ink has been working well?" Fred asks, grinning broadly. I smack his arm angrily.

"Focus! It's not about the ink, it's about how she feels!"

"If she feels like she needs to prank them back, we have plenty of items her classmates haven't bought yet," George offers.

"That's the thing, she won't fight back! She says what they're doing is harmless, but will barely even talk to me about it. She's been bullied all her life, and she's never stood up to anyone before- she won't start now just because they're making her miserable. She needs our help!"

"No, Char, she needs _your_ help," Fred explains solemnly.

"So you won't help me?" I ask desperately. The twins look at one another, then both shake their heads at me. "But- but I need your help!"

"No, you don't. Besides, we'll supply you with plenty of ammunition, even though we won't join the fight," George says brightly.

"No!" They both pause at my outburst. "If you're so convinced I don't need your help, than fine! I won't take any of your help. I'll take care of this on my own!" I throw open the door and stomp out of the storage room.

"Charlotte, wait!" Fred calls after me, but I ignore him. If they don't want to help their friend when she asks for it, then fine by me! I don't need anyone to help me with anything. I need to learn to fend for myself. No one is going to help me but me- just the way it should be!

I storm down all seven flights of stairs, managing to get lost twice in my anger. I'm even more upset by the time I get to the bottom because I didn't ask the twins about the secret passages. It's only mid-morning and I have had a terrible day, so I might as well take it out on some first year girls, right?

As I walk, my mind goes through a million different plans that for varying reasons won't work. Off the top of my head, I can't think of a lot of spells that can be used as pranks that I actually know. I'll probably have to do some research, even though I would love to just charge in there right now.

I make my way back to the Ravenclaw table where Luna is still sitting. She's long since finished her breakfast and is staring off at a part of the ceiling. It's hard to tell if she's lost in thought or just spacing out. I'm glad she didn't leave though.

"Hey, Luna." I wince. In my anger I completely forgot to ask how to get rid of the ink! "I'm really sorry, but-" As I'm saying this, Tally appears out of the corner of my eye and lazily makes her way to my shoulder. It's much too late for mail, and yet, here she is. She holds her leg out, where a small bottle and note are tied to it.

"Thanks, Tally!"

"She's so beautiful," Luna says.

"Thank you!" I hand Tally some bacon, her favorite. She happily takes it from me with a small hoot and leaves, her duties fulfilled. Luna watches with mild interest as I open the note.

 _We know you're not accepting our help right now, but we thought you might want this for your friend. ~ Much love, Fred and George_

 _P.S. It's best to just pour this into the bath. Don't bother to take the stained clothes off._

"Here you go, Luna!" I hand her the bottle. I instantly feel guilty for letting my anger get in the way of helping my friend, though I don't know if they would have given this to me if I had asked for it. Why are they suddenly helping me now?

"What is this?" She looks at the bottle of clear liquid curiously, holding it up to look at it in the light. "Do I drink it?"

"No. You're going to bath with it. That will get rid of all the ink. Don't worry about taking your clothes off, it will get the ink off those too."

"Fascinating. It's such a nice color." She holds it up to the light. It looks like water to me, but I decide not to comment. She doesn't say anything after a few moments, so I break the silence.

"You, uh, want to come up to the common room with me? I could use a bath, myself." Luna nods to this and the two of us head upstairs. We hold a companionable silence as we make our way up.

Some more students milling around in the common room stare at Luna, but again my harsh glares stop anyone from saying anything to her, somehow. I have to wonder if I have a strong glare or if they just don't think I'm worth it. Probably the latter.

We head straight to the bath and after I wave my wand to get it started, I start to undress. For a moment I feel awkward, getting naked in front of my new friend, but then I remember- my new friend is Luna Lovegood. Besides, we're both girls. No need for weirdness. So a few minutes later, we're both lounging comfortably in the bath.

"You're more developed than it seems with clothes on," Luna says unexpectedly, looking down at my chest. I pause at the implication, instantly embarrassed. Maybe there was a need for me to feel weird. I've been pointedly ignoring the whole puberty thing, not exactly pleased that I have to suffer through it again.

"Luna, I'm twelve. I'm not exactly 'fully developed'," I use air quotes to accentuate the fact that this is a really weird conversation.

"My mother was very beautiful. I hope I have her curves when I grow up." She looks down at herself, covered in her sopping wet clothes.

"Well, that _is_ hereditary." I'm grasping at straws here. I mean, I guess this is a sort of normal conversation for young girls to have? "Let's add the potion, shall we?" I pick up the bottle of clear liquid and dump it in the water near Luna. The two of us patiently wait, though nothing seems to be happening.

"Is it working?" she asks eventually.

"I don't think so. But they never mentioned how long it would take."

"Did Fred and George Weasley give this to you?" Luna asks, ever the perceptive one.

"How did you know?" They must be really famous for a first year in the first few weeks of school to know of them.

"Everyone knows they are selling their pranking spells." She pauses. "I also heard the girls in my dorm talking about them."

"Yeah, I'm close friends with them, so I asked for their help." I don't mention anything else about the encounter, still feeling sore about it.

"Can you tell them, 'thank you', for me? I'm sure they don't want anyone to know that they helped me."

"Why not?"

"They're the Kings of Pranking. It's not like them to go around helping people, is it? Especially not a first year."

"But they're so kind! They love helping people...in their own way," I counter.

"But they have a reputation of being ruthless pranksters. It's part of their image. I'm sure that's important to them too."

"More important than helping a friend in need?" I ask quietly.

"But they did help you, didn't they?" I take a few minutes to process this as we sit in the tub. They did help me, even though I ended up telling them I didn't want them to. I was so focused on revenge I didn't even remember to finish asking for help with Luna and her current plight. Maybe I'm the bad friend here…

"I'm sorry," I whisper at the water, feeling too guilty to even look Luna in the face.

"There's no reason to be sorry. Look." I pick my head up and notice the ink is now seeping in to the water and out of Luna's clothes. "You did it." She smiles at me. "Thank you, Charlotte."

…..

Despite how much I want to apologize to the twins, I decide to wait a few days before talking to them. I'll put my revenge prank into action first and then give them my apology- that way the prank won't be looming over me when I talk to them.

In the end I go for something simple, but effective. I ask Luna about the schedules of her roomates, specifically about when they shower. It seems that luck is on my side, as they all shower in the mornings. Sunday I start my day with some research, and then beg Theo to help me with potions.

"Why are we brewing this?" Theo asks suspiciously. I don't bother hiding what it is.

"Don't worry, it's not for you. I just want to make sure it doesn't go awry so I don't accidentally kill anyone."

"Knowing you, that's actually a possibility."

"So think of this as your humanitarian work for the day. Without you innocent lives could have been lost." I laugh.

...

On Monday afternoon, during lunch time, I forgo heading straight to the Great Hall and go to our common room first. I know which dorm is Luna's, and it's instantly obvious which trunk is hers when I get inside (no one else would have so many interesting trinkets, including a ridiculous amount of corks). I go up to the trunk next to hers and pull out my wand.

"Accio, shampoo bottle." A bottle is unearthed from the trunk and flies into my hand. "Perfect." I take out the potion bottle from my pocket and drop two droplets of green liquid inside. I repeat this action, at every other trunk and leave the room as quickly as I can.

Maybe I'm not the same kind of prankster as the twins… Oh well! I like to think I use my powers for good.

….

Tuesday morning I wake up earlier than usual and park myself in the common room. I pull out a book and some notes to get some studying done while I wait. It doesn't take too long before I get what I'm waiting for.

"Ah!" A scream, quickly followed by more and a girl comes running into the common room with bright green hair. I'm not alone in here, and those of us who get to see this show are either openly laughing or giving the girl pitying looks. "Who did this!?" she screeches, looking around at all of us. None of us bother to answer her. Unfortunately for her it seems like the prefects are still asleep.

Another scream comes from the bathrooms, followed by a lot of incomprehensible shouting. The first girl runs back the way she came and the shouting gets louder as she joins in. Moments later, the girls' prefect comes streaking out of her room in her pajamas and races to the bathrooms. The shouting intensifies for a moment before abruptly dying off. After a few minutes of silence, as those of us in the common room get back to whatever we were doing, the prefect returns with three girls, all of whom have extremely bright green hair.

"We can't go out like this!" One of the girls wails.

"I'm taking you to Madame Pomfrey. If it won't come out regularly she'll know a way to get rid of it," the prefect soothes.

"But people will see us!" Another girls says.

"They're seeing you right now," the prefect shoots back, waving a hand at those of us in the common room. I am fighting very hard to bite back a smirk. "Besides, it's not like you can hide in your beds forever."

"Yes we can!" The third argues.

"Come on." With only some amount of arguing, the tired looking prefect (now in proper clothes) takes the girls and gets them out into the hallway. Now I just have to wait for Luna, and in the meantime I will bask in the glory of a prank well executed. When Luna does come in a few minutes later, I tell her I have a bit more studying to do before I head down to breakfast. As soon as she is gone I pack up my things and head to the dorms. I've got one more mission before this prank is complete.

Sneaking in to Luna's dorm again isn't difficult, though I am more careful this time to make sure no one notices me. Once I'm inside, I procure some notes from my bag and place them under each of their pillows, excluding Luna. Each note reads:

 _Bullying makes you an ugly person, so now your outside matches your inside. Think twice next time you want to do something mean. Try to come after me or bully someone again and there will be consequences._

With that, my prank is completed! Now those girls will hopefully leave Luna alone. I'll have to check up on her over the next few days. And I still owe the twins an apology. I hope they'll forgive me for being so self centered.


	14. Chapter 14

Shout-out to everybody still reading this! I'm posting very early today because I've actually been a good Ravenclaw and kept up with my writing every day, so now you all get to reap the rewards and don't have to wait longer. Hooray! Please keep up the reviews- they make my day. :)

* * *

I'm practically bouncing down to breakfast, I feel so light. Who knew revenge could taste so innocently sweet? I grin to myself and plop happily into my usual seat across from Luna.

"Good morning!" I chirp, grabbing an apple and taking a hearty bite. Luna nods and smiles slightly. The two of us sit in companionable silence as we go through our breakfast. I'm about to get up and head to class when she finally says something.

"You seem very happy today."

"I am! It's a good day." I pick up my bag, but don't get up quite yet.

"It is? I thought today was Tuesday?" I know she doesn't mean it as a joke, but I laugh anyway. She just looks at me in confusion as I laugh. "Is Tuesday a funny day?"

"Don't worry about it, Luna. It's nothing." I stifle my giggles.

"Have you seen any creatures around you that look like orange slugs?" Luna asks suddenly. I shake my head.

"Why?" I put my bag back down, unsure of where this conversation is headed.

"They can make people laugh themselves to death. I just wanted to make sure they weren't causing you any trouble."

"Hey, can't I be in a great mood every once in a while?" I scoop my bag back up and get out of my seat.

"I suppose it's possible," Luna agrees eventually.

"Dang, Luna, I didn't know you had a mean side." I laugh. "Anyway, I have to get to class."

"Bye, Charlotte." She calls after me, never thinking to apologize for what she said. I don't take it too personally though, she's too much of a sweetie to be purposefully mean.

…

I really try to enjoy my day, after all, I just pulled a very successful prank, but my mind keeps going back to my argument with the twins. By the end of classes, I can't wait another moment to apologize to them.

When I'm finally free, I make sure I'm the first one out the door and take the stairs two at a time down to The Great Hall. To the outside observer I must look like I'm starving, but it will be much less awkward for me to catch the twins as they're walking into the hall than trying to talk to them during dinner.

Being an adult does _not_ make this sort of thing any easier. It may seem childish how worried I am, but being a selfish, bad friend makes me feel like a child all over again. In fact, I've been so in the moment lately I haven't even been thinking about how different I am from everyone else.

I can't help but giggle for a moment at that idea- that I've been so caught up in my daily life that I almost forgot about my biggest problems. Suddenly apologizing to my friends doesn't seem so hard.

Once I hit the doors to the hall, I lean in to make sure the Weasleys aren't already at the Gryffindor table. To my surprise, they are, and they're basically alone. Without thinking too hard about it, so I don't spook myself out of doing this, I march over to the table. One of them is facing towards me, and as soon as he notices me he makes sure his brother knows I'm coming.

"Hey." I start awkwardly. Nevermind, this is _really_ hard. The other Gryffindors at the table don't notice or care about my presence, so our conversation goes uninterrupted.

"Hey Char! How's your friend?" George asks, all smiles. It's gotten easier and easier to tell them apart after spending more time with them. Now I usually just need one to talk for me to know.

"She's good...thanks." I take a deep breath. "But I came here to say that I'm-"

"We heard about some first year Ravenclaws getting rushed to Madame Pomfrey with bright green hair this morning," Fred cuts in, stopping me short.

"Oh," I can't stop my smile, "yeah I heard about that too."

"Very impressive." The twins wiggle their eyebrows at me with false drama, making me laugh.

"As if. It was kids' stuff. You two would have done something much better." I immediately regret saying that, as we are all strongly reminded of our argument. "I'm sorry." I say suddenly, avoiding looking at either brother.

"Charlotte, you don't have to-" Fred starts.

"But I was a terrible friend! I was so selfish! You guys have things that are important in your lives too, and I expected you to drop everything for someone you didn't even know and-"

"Whoa, whoa. Calm down. It wasn't that big of a deal." George tries to placate me.

"But I yelled at you guys." I can't bare to look at them. I've been such a terrible friend, I don't know why they're being so nice to me.

"Fred and I have been talking about it, actually, and we want to apologize." I look up, stunned at this admission. "We were the ones not being very good friends."

"What are you talking about?"

"We were so focused on our reputation," Fred answers, "that we didn't help our friend in need. You were just trying to help your own friend, and we didn't think that was important."

"But you didn't-"

"How about we call it even. We think we did something wrong, you think you did something wrong, so now that we've apologized, we're square," Fred says.

"Can I ask a favor, then?"

"Sure," Fred agrees.

"Next time I start acting like an ass, can you tell me?" I smile and the twins laugh.

"Only if you tell us when we do the same," George answers.

"I don't know, Char. You're pretty scary when you're mad. I don't want to make you more mad," Fred manages between his laughter.

"Scary? Me? But I'm so cute and innocent!" I make a ridiculous face and we're all laughing even harder. Now I'm starting to draw attention, and more Gryffindors are starting to join the table. "I better go," I say when we catch our breath.

"Why? Come sit with us!" George pats the seat next to him.

"Thanks, but I've gotta get back to my friend. I'll talk to you guys later."

"Bye, Char!" My friends chorus as I head back to my own table. I smile. Maybe living life in the moment really _is_ the best way to do it.

….

"Quidditch tryouts are tomorrow!" I hear a familiar voice say behind me. I turn to see Ron, Harry, and Hermione are headed to class, as am I. "Oh, hey Charlotte." Harry waves me over and I slow my steps to wait for the trio to catch up.

"Hi guys. Ready for our quiz today?" I look at Hermione, trying to change the conversation.

"As if. Harry's been way too focused on quidditch," Ron ribs his friend and Hermione rolls her eyes. "You're trying out too, right? Harry says you're pretty good!"

Has Harry been talking about me to Ron? I look over at him but he just shrugs, embarrassed.

"I told Harry I wouldn't be."

"Why not?"

"I wish I could-" I immediately regret saying that. That wasn't the story I gave Harry the last time we talked. Harry's looking at me so intently now; I need to come up with a better lie and fast.

I let out a big fake sigh before continuing, desperately making time for myself to come up with an idea. "I didn't want to tell anyone because it's so embarrassing but…" Just as I get to this point, I think I'm doomed but then I have a great plan! "My parents won't let me!"

I'm so proud of myself for that lie I almost sound happy when I say that. Let me elaborate with better inflection. "They're afraid I'll get hurt, so they forbid me from playing," I explain forlornly. Much better!

"Well that's very responsible of them. I wouldn't be surprised if my parents felt the same, had I any interest in playing quidditch," Hermione agrees.

"What? That's so unfair! You've gotta play!" Ron argues. Harry doesn't say anything, but eventually nods along as his best friend continues to try to convince me.

"Look Ron, I can't. My parents read the Daily Prophet, they'll see my name if I play. And they'll take away my broom."

"That's like, a line at the back of the sport section. It isn't exactly front page news. How would they notice that?" Ron looks miffed. I ignore him.

"So they gave you a broom but won't let you play quidditch?" Harry asks.

"Yeah, they didn't really want to have me flying, but my grandma started me young, so they couldn't keep me away. At least I can fly when I want to, but that will all change if I play quidditch."

"That's so stupid," Ron says.

"She can't fight with her parents, Ron. They know best. Besides, she has more time to focus on her studies now," Hermione says.

"Exactly!" I agree. Hermione and I share a bonding moment over this. I wish I could spend more time with her. I know we would get along really well, but unfortunately this is the most I'll ever get in terms of a friendship with her.

"Anyway, good luck out there, Harry!" I say.

"Thanks. It's too bad I won't get to play against you."

"Can't be helped," I shrug. We arrive at the classroom and go our separate ways, and I'm left wondering if Harry was always this quiet. It's hard to tell since the books were in his head so often. Maybe he's always been sort of quiet, but since he spent so much time with his friends it was difficult to notice as a reader. I can't be sure, so I let the idea drop. It doesn't make much of a difference either way, I'm sure.

…

Halloween is coming up fast, and I begin to worry about what will happen this year. Nothing has started up about the dueling club, so Harry hasn't been outed as the "Heir of Slytherin" yet. That being said, shouldn't the writing on the wall be happening eventually? I can't remember the sequencing of those events, but obviously it has to happen at some point. The only other thing I can remember is that Halloween is always full of unfortunate surprises. Last year, Halloween was pretty horrible for me too, not just Harry, so I have a bit of trepidation about it and Luna takes notice.

"Are you religious, Charlotte?" Luna asks out of the blue. I give her a confused look in response. "You seem nervous about Halloween. I've heard that religious people are concerned about the devil coming to steal their children at midnight on Halloween."

"I don't think that's true…"

"But isn't that why they dress their children as monsters? So the devil won't realize that they're children?"

"I...that was so logical I don't actually know the answer."

"So that isn't why you're afraid of Halloween?" As per usual, I don't want to hide the truth from Luna, so I decide to be as honest as I can.

"Halloween was really bad for me last year."

"Because of the troll?"

"Oh, you heard about that? Nah, I didn't actually go to the feast because that was the night I realized I didn't have any friends." Normally that amount of bluntness would make a conversation terribly awkward, but with Luna it's just being straightforward.

"Ah. Do you have friends now?"

"Luna, you're right here." I poke her arm and smile.

"But I can't be your best friend. You would want someone more...dependable, right?"

"Luna, you're plenty dependable." I consider lying to her for a moment, but immediately think better of it. It would be a cruel thing to do. "I'm sorry, you're not my best friend. But that doesn't mean I think of you as any less of a friend!"

"Are you sure? My classmates think I'm quite weird. They've started calling me 'Loony' Lovegood."

"I can make them stop," I say with malice.

"Oh, no. No, thank you. I've always been a bit odd, according to my classmates. I've never had any friends."

"Before now," I correct her. She smiles hesitantly.

"Will you be going to the Halloween feast this year then?"

"If you're there, I won't have anything to worry about." I smile. This was a lie, but a lie that wouldn't hurt anyone.

"Great! I have a costume ready."

"You do?"

…..

Halloween night, I come down to the Ravenclaw common room to find Luna in a very strange looking dress.

"Are those...radishes?" I ask. Her dress is covered in them- real radishes, hanging from it with what I assume is magic since glue would never be that strong.

"Yes!" Luna spins around, the overwhelming scent of the vegetables washing over me.

"This is your costume?"

"I've worked very hard on it. Do you think the devil will think I am a demon?"

"I don't think he would want to come near you for the smell." I cover my nose as I speak, trying not to look too pained.

"What is your costume?" Luna asks, looking at me skeptically.

"Oh, I decided to dress as a schoolgirl." I twirl around for her to see my usual robes. Obviously I am being sarcastic, but Luna doesn't catch on.

"Oh I see what you did differently! There's a stain on your left arm. Very clever. Though I don't think the devil will be tricked with just that," Luna admonishes me.

"I'm not too concerned." I head towards the door and Luna follows.

"If you say so. I'll give you some charms tonight that should help ward him off, just in case."

"Thanks, Luna." I giggle, but she doesn't seem to notice. It feels so good to have a friend in my own house, someone I can talk to at dinner and a friendly face to see in the common room. Most of my classmates have generally backed off this year, since I've gotten a better idea of how not to have the top scores without failing, so now they just pretend I don't exist.

It can get pretty annoying to not exist.

…

The Halloween feast is incredible! I'm sorry I missed it last year, now that I've seen it in person. Everything is as festive as it was for Christmas, which I absolutely adored, but having the fun aesthetic of Halloween gives it an entirely different feeling.

The jack-o-lanterns at the table change faces at random; some of them are funny and some are really scary, like the huge flaming 'T' flashing at me. I shiver. A Troll on any exam is definitely a horror movie moment. Tonight there are also bats flying around at high speeds through the ceiling, as if they are also excited for the feast.

At first I'm a little nervous that something might go wrong, but when the food appears my worries are soon forgotten within my pumpkin juice and conversations with Luna. Before I know it, the feast is over, and I'm finally starting to think that maybe nothing bad happens on Halloween this year. It's only when we're rounding the corner of a hallway that I realize my mistake.

 _The Chamber has been opened...Enemies of the heir beware._

"Fuck." I say a bit too loudly. Luna looks from the wall to me in confusion, but no one else seems to notice my slip in decorum. They're all too focused on the blood on the wall. As luck would have it, Luna and I are some of the first students to arrive, after Harry and the gang, of course. They are looking more and more bewildered as more students show up to gawk at them and, of course, the frozen cat hanging next to them.

Filch appears almost immediately after we do, screaming about how Harry killed his cat. The poor boy looks almost as petrified as the animal. When Filch threatens to murder Harry, Dumbledore appears to salvage the situation, leaving Professor Flitwick and Sprout to send the rest of us from the scene of the crime.

As we're walking to our dorm, there is a lot of whispering going on. I'm surprised how much history the students seem to know about the school; though the more I think about it, it makes sense that some of the Slytherin students would know.

By the next morning, the news is everywhere. At breakfast, Draco has been repeating the word 'mudblood' louder and louder, as if hoping someone will walk over and try to tell him off. The muggleborn students are nervously chattering amongst themselves, wondering if there is something they can do to protect themselves from the Heir of Slytherin, whoever that is.

I'm left flabbergasted. I knew the Hogwarts rumor mill was intense, but this is just ridiculous. I _know_ people were sleeping last night. How were they able to learn all of this so quickly? Group telepathy?

Harry comes into breakfast late. Normally I wouldn't notice (it's not like I spend my days wondering where he is or what he's doing, after all) but when he walks in, a lot of the conversation gets quieter. It's a radical idea right now, but some of his peers are wondering if he could be the Heir of Slytherin. This talk will obviously get much, much worse when he starts talking to snakes in public.

Speaking of which, when am I going to get to enjoy that dueling club?

…

The whispering about the Chamber of Secrets doesn't completely stop, but it definitely gets pushed to the side when quidditch starts up. The Slytherin versus Gryffindor game is all anyone can talk about, especially since Draco joined his team.

"I wonder if he's going to be any good," a sixth year is talking to his friend in our common room. This is my favorite place to do some homework and also listen to the daily gossip. After seeing what a force of nature our rumor mill is, I've decided to try to see what information I can get out of it.

"Malfoy? I doubt it. His bark is a lot worse than his bite."

"But he got on the team as a second year!" The guy puts his book down, his homework temporarily forgotten.

"He _bought_ his way on the team. Daddy's money can buy a lot of shit, but it can't buy talent."

"You don't think he's talented?"

"I mean, I don't know him or anything, despite hearing his loud mouth more often than I would like, but if he was talented, why use his money to get on the team?"

"It guaranteed him a spot?"

"Yeah, maybe." Their conversation ends there and I go back to my homework. It's interesting to know that other people saw the situation the same way Harry did. It makes sense though, Draco's antics weren't exactly a secret from anyone else in the school.

…

Before I know it, the day of the game is upon me. It'll be interesting to watch Harry get his arm broken, I suppose. To be honest, the games that I've seen in the movies aren't nearly as fun to watch as the ones I haven't, since it means I don't know how the game will end. Turns out sports aren't nearly as fun to watch when you know all the major plays beforehand. Who knew?

That being said, I don't remember how this game starts out, so I get into the action immediately. It starts with Harry and Draco at each other's throats the moment the first whistle blows, with Draco following Harry around like a dog. I have to admit, with Harry's track record of finding the snitch, it is probably in Malfoy's best interest to just let his adversary do the work for him. I can hear the Gryffindors jeering, despite his smart tactics.

I lose track of time, watching the quaffle cross the field with rapt attention. In fact, I get so into the game I am not the first to notice Harry being chased by a bludger. I hear some strange shouts and notice some of the Gryffindors pointing at Harry, which alerts me to the problem. Harry is definitely being chased.

I check the Gryffindor bleachers again, which are fortunately not hard to see, and manage to find Hermione due to the commotion she is causing as she runs off the stands. Good, looks like everything is normal. Harry and I notice the snitch at the same time, just above Draco's head, but instead of racing straight ahead to catch it, Harry starts moving towards the Slytherin in a wide arc.

I watch him curiously as the bludger heads for him from the side. Does he plan to outrun is again so it will miss and have to turn back? But Harry just continues in his circle, which will eventually intersect with where Draco is still unaware of where the snitch is resting.

The bludger rockets past Harry once, but as Harry nears his mark, it comes back even faster than before. Harry seems to know that he can't avoid the bludger this time- he keeps eyeing it as it comes closer. Draco is staring like he's about to witness a car accident, completely rooted to the spot he's been hovering.

Unexpectedly, instead of getting hit, Harry turns when the bludger gets close, turning in an extremely tight circle until he is back facing the way he started. The bludger is thrown off course, making it turn back the way it had come and effectively slowing it down. Harry doesn't wait- he uses the opportunity he created to fly full speed at Draco, where the snitch is still happily waiting.

Draco seems to snap back to his senses when he realizes that Harry is barreling towards him, but he's too late to do anything but swerve out of the way. This gives Harry the opening he needs to grab the snitch, and suddenly the game is over! But the bludger is still after Harry.

Harry races around the pitch as the ball follows doggedly behind. His teammates jump into action to try to help him now that they're no longer focused on the game. George(?) manages to get between the boy who lived and the bludger, knocking it away with his bat. Unfortunately, this just changes the bludger's trajectory, now making it fly at Harry at an angle instead of just following behind him.

These frantic attempts to help feel like they last forever, but it's only a few moments. Within that time, Dumbledore has risen from his place in the stands, his wand to his throat.

"All players except for , please exit the pitch immediately."

The Slytherin team does as they're told, but the Gryffindor team lags behind. Katie Bell immediately flies over to Dumbledore, her voice inaudible but her gestures obvious- she doesn't want to leave Harry to deal with this alone. Oliver Wood comes up to argue as well. Dumbledore takes a moment to explain himself, and the captain gestures for his team to do as the headmaster said.

In the meantime, Harry continues to just barely avoid being bludgeoned. With its angle changed, the cursed ball is back to trying to catch him from the side. I, for the record, am having a panic attack. This has never happened before. Things have changed.

"Harry, head to the middle of the pitch as low as you can and then fly straight up," Dumbledore instructs. Harry immediately moves to follow the order, but the bludger seems to think ahead of him. Instead of going at Harry's side, it predicts where he will turn and shoots a bit further ahead, making Harry run straight into the ball's path. With a horrifying crunch that I don't know if I hear or imagine, the ball crashes into his ribs and Harry goes down.

"Harry!" I shout, the panic in me rising ever higher. He was about twenty feet off the ground when he was hit, and now he is plummeting towards what will certainly be his death. I pull out my wand- consequences be damned- but I stop as I see Harry's body slowing down. By the time he is five feet up, Madame Hooch is cradling him gently to the ground.

I would be more relieved by this if this wasn't all so wrong already. Why did this happen? What did I change? I watch with a strange sort of detachment as Dumbledore finally manages to catch the rogue bludger with a spell, causing it to explode. Madame Hooch is getting Harry onto a stretcher, so he's probably not dead.

But he could be. He might be. He might die tonight. Or tomorrow. I can't know because this is no longer the world I knew. Things have changed. Anything could be different now. All bets are off. _I_ could die today.

I'm vaguely aware that someone is shaking my shoulder. I realize I've been staring at Harry, my wand still in my hand. My fingers are tingling, and I can't seem to hear anything but the roaring of the crowd. But why are they still yelling?

"Char-!" I finally remember that Luna is with me. I turn to look at her, but my head is so heavy it feels like it takes me forever, and instead of seeing her, I'm suddenly looking at the sky. Then, just as suddenly, the world goes black.

….

I wake up to find myself in the Hospital Wing with no idea how I've gotten here. What happened? And what was I doing? My head hurts and my back feels a bit sore but other than that I seem fine. The curtains around my bed are all drawn, and when I reach to pull one back, I begin to notice the conversation just outside. I still my hand, waiting to see what's going on.

"Bring him here. Gently!" I hear Madame Pomfrey first.

"There was a bunch of grapes next to him," said Professor McGonagall. "We think he was trying to sneak up here to visit Potter."

Colin! I had forgotten! Oh well, he'll be...fine…

I suddenly remember what happened before I got here. I try to take a deep breath but find my lungs aren't working properly- they feel constricted. Is there something wrong with them? My vision starts spotting as I starve for air, and out of desperation I grab the curtain shielding me from view and throw it open.

Professor Mcgonagall, Dumbledore, and Madame Pomfrey stop to look at me in surprise, but it only takes a moment for Madame Pomfrey to see my distress and rush over to me.

"Charlotte, what's wrong dear?"

I've managed to get some air back in me, but I feel like I've run a mile. I can't. I can't talk to her. I can't protect myself. I'm going to die. Harry is going to die. I've ruined everything. My vision begins to darken again.

"Charlotte! Charlotte!" Madame Pomfrey grabs my arm roughly, forcing me to look at her. When did I look away? "You're hyperventilating. Do you have a history of asthma?" I shake my head. She barks an order at Professor Mcgonagall, who brings her a cup.

"Can you drink this?" I nod. She doesn't bother handing it to me, instead she brings the cup to my lips and forces it down my throat. It's warm and I instantly feel calmer. "Focus on your breathing. Deep breath in and count to five- deep breath out and count to five." I listen to her instructions, and the black spots start to fade away. "Good. Keep doing that."

The swirling, panicked thoughts in my head have slowed down. I'm starting to feel more in control of myself.

"How are you feeling now?" Madame Pomfrey asks. I notice Professor Mcgonagall and Dumbledore still watching me, looking concerned.

"I'm okay. What happened to me?" This is not something I've ever experienced, as far as I can remember.

"Charlotte, I believe you were having a panic attack. Have you ever had any problems with anxiety?"

"...what?" I just want to laugh. Me, anxiety? When am I _not_ anxious? I have every right to be, don't I?

"Has something like this happened to you before?" I shake my head. "Seeing Harry before was stressful, wasn't it?" I nod, feeling more and more like a child. "That was a lot for you to handle. I would like you to stay here for the night so I can talk to your parents in the morning."

"What did I drink?" I ask.

"This is a calming draught. I will leave some on the table for you. If you are having trouble breathing, take this, and then do the breathing exercise we did earlier. Do you remember it?" Madame Pomfrey asks.

"In for five, out for five," I recite.

"Good. I have some more things to take care of, so I'm going to cast a silencing spell around your cot so you can get some sleep. I will still be able to hear you though, so call if you need anything."

"I don't want to tell my parents," I blurt out before she leaves. I notice Dumbledore give me a look at this confession, but I ignore him. "I don't want them to worry."

"I know you didn't want to talk to them last year about your migraines, which I'm glad have gone away over the summer." I'm glad she believed that lie when I told her at the start of this year. "But I cannot allow a new condition like this to go unreported. It may have just been from your stressful day, but your parents need to know."

I take a deep breath, feeling the panic trying to force its way back into my chest. Madame Pomfrey notes my discomfort as well.

"Let's not talk about this anymore tonight. Get some rest. I'll come check on you soon." Without another word, she is gone, and the curtains are shut.

I run my hands across my face in frustration. I can't believe this! Panic attacks? I don't have time for this! I feel like I should have seen this coming, but all the warning signs were impossible to notice through all my subjectivity.

I force another breath through my clenched teeth. I can't let something stupid like this slow me down. I've got to figure out a way to get over this. But what if I can't? What if I'm paralysed in my own fear and Harry dies and I ruin everything and...now I'm crying. I stifle back a sob, remembering Madame Pomfrey's words that they can still hear me.

What am I going to do? What is there to do? My mind is swirling angrily, not giving me more than a moment with a thought before I have four more that don't really make sense. In a fit of agitation, I take the calming drought and down half the bottle, instantly feeling sweet, sweet relief.

Now my thoughts seem to be floating on clouds. I can barely catch hold of them, but thats okay. They're not that important anyway. I hum happily to myself, imagining the fluffy clouds of my thoughts turn into sheep and bounce away into the sky. Suddenly the clouds have turned into a person!

"Oh, it's Dumbles," I mutter, giggling at the headmaster standing before me.

"Charlotte?" he asks. Grabbing the bottle still dangling from my grasp. I didn't even know it was still there.

"Hmm?"

"You drank half the bottle," he states more than asks.

"Tha's some good stuffs, Dumblydore." Now I'm laughing. I can barely see him as I'm half asleep.

"Quickly Charlotte, I must ask you. Why were you so upset? You can see the future, yes? Did something change?"

"Man, you're way too serious." I laugh at my very bad pun, that wasn't really a pun at all. "But for reals, it doesn't matter. We're all gonna die anyway, right? Who cares. Maybe it's better if we don't know how we're gonna get there."

"Are you saying the future is no longer certain?"

"Nope! I can't see nothin'!" I close my eyes to emphasize my point, and before I know it, I'm asleep.

* * *

A/N:

DUN DUN DUNNNN Looks like Dumbles realized that Charlotte is a little liar and doesn't just "see the past". I don't normally do author's notes at the end, but I thought I should make that clear before I get lots of confused messages.


	15. Chapter 15

A/N: Another chapter in the books! Thank you all for your continued support. I love to see how many readers I have from overseas! It makes me feel like a little celebrity. Please continue to review, I love to hear feedback from you guys.

* * *

I wake up bleary eyed with a minor headache. Sitting up, the world spins and I fight the urge to vomit. I can't remember the last time I had a hangover, but I would know this feeling anywhere.

"Good morning!" Madame Pomfrey says, far too loudly. I note that she only pulls the curtains around my cot partially open, obscuring the beds next to me from my view. She's trying to hide Colin from me, trying to avoid adding any more traumas to my ever growing list, I'm sure.

"'Morning," I manage, my voice hoarse. She immediately bids me drink water, which I oblige to happily.

"Oh, I need to get you some more calming draught. Professor Dumbledore knocked it over last night, silly man." She's gone as quickly as she appeared.

So that's why I'm not getting an earful for my rash decision last night- Dumbledore got rid of the evidence for me. Now why would he do that? I freeze as the memory comes flooding back in full.

I told him I knew the future! No, I told him I didn't know the future. Either way, what the hell was I thinking?! I get myself inebriated in front of one of the two most dangerous men in the entire world and blurt out my secrets like it's no big deal. What an idiot!

I'm starting to get used to the pattern of panic, as I realize I'm holding my breath. I lean my head back and try to focus on just my breathing, but it's still so shallow and I'm still such a screw up. How am I going to survive this?

"Charlotte. Charlotte!" Madame Pomfrey grabs my arm. The strong, comforting touch is enough to bring me back to the present moment, though I'm still trying to catch my breath. "Drink," she demands. It's only when I reach for the cup she offers that I realize my hands are shaking.

I wonder for a moment if it's bad for my health to have this much of the draught back to back, but I think it would be worse if I black out from lack of oxygen. Part of me doesn't want to take it, for fear what I'll say under its effects, but I remind myself that the medicine isn't supposed to do that normally- I overdosed on it last night. Before I can back out, I take a few sips. I take a moment to focus on my breathing and find it far easier now.

"Better?" I nod. "Good. Your mother and grandmother will be here in five minutes. Why don't you do those breathing exercises we talked about until then?" Madame Pomfrey leaves me to my thoughts, which are greatly slowing down. I don't feel drunk like I did last night, just less frazzled. Now I can dissect my thoughts at my leisure instead of dodging them like incoming projectiles I'm struggling to avoid.

Speaking of which, I would love to dodge the incoming projectile that is my family. What the hell am I going to say? 'Hey guys, apparently I have an anxiety disorder. For no reason. No biggy.' Like, shit man, why do I have to deal with this right now? I can feel the tension over the upcoming conversation worm its way up from my stomach to my chest, coiling around my heart and tightening until I remember the cup in my hand and take another long drink from it.

I take the next few minutes to gain my bearings, trying not to feel overwhelmed. Overall I feel better by the time my mum shows up, albeit marginally.

"Charlotte! How are you? Are you hurting anywhere? I'm sorry your father couldn't be here, but rules are rules." Mum pulls me into a bone crushing hug, and in her arms some of my tension fades.

"It's okay. Nothing hurts. Sorry for worrying you." Feeling ashamed, I look over at Grandma, who is waiting patiently behind my mom. She comes forward and hugs me as well.

"No apologies, little one." Grandma holds me close and I feel so much like a vulnerable child, I'm suddenly sobbing. Mum moves around to the other side of my cot, and the three of us just hold each other for a while as I cry.

After a time, I'm hiccuping softly, feeling hollow but at least not panicked. I try to apologize again, but mum immediately cuts me off.

"Oh Charlotte, please don't worry. Grandma told me everything." I look at Grandma surreptitiously, and she just nods at my mother, who continues, "I knew you were a nervous child, but I never knew you were having so much trouble. I'm sorry for not taking better care of you. I'm glad Grandma had been there for you, but you could have come to me with your troubles. You know that now, right?"

I nod numbly. Not really sure what's happening but I'll roll with it.

"We can't assume nothing stressful will happen again, so what can we do to help you cope?" Grandma asks.

"I-I don't know," I answer honestly. I look over at the calming draught on the bedside table. "That helps." But is it a longstanding solution? Are there any longstanding solutions to be had for what's going on in my head? Am I going to have to take calming draught every day to just function normally? Mum and Grandma are looking at me expectantly. I take another deep breath. "I don't know what to do."

"Well how about we start with some food?" Mum asks. My stomach churns uncomfortably at the thought. I am hungover, after all.

"No thanks."

"What's the matter sweetie?"

"I'm just nauseous." I wave mum off, who is trying to look over me like I'm a wounded bird or something. "Really, I'm fine."

"Well I'm going to talk to Madame Pomfrey to get you something for that." Before I can argue, she leaves my bedside at high speed, leaving Grandma and I to ourselves. Ugh, now I feel guilty, seeing how stressed my poor mum is.

"No apologies," Grandma warns. I give her a confused look.

"I haven't said anything?"

"I know that look- that's your guilty expression. There's no need to feel guilty."

"But-"

"No buts!" She argues. I sigh. "You need to focus on you. That is a large part of the reason you're here."

"I've got a lot more to worry about than just myself!" I'm nearly shouting and remind myself angrily to keep my voice down. Hopefully no one else heard me. Grandma probes my mental barrier gently and I drop it just enough for the two of us to connect.

 _So you told mum that I've always had nervous breakdowns?_ I ask, trying to piece together what mum had said earlier.

 _Your mother was completely thrown when she received the news. She was considering pulling you from school since it seemed that it was becoming too much for you. I needed to tell her something._

 _I appreciate it. I wasn't sure what I was going to say and I've been a bit preoccupied._

 _Alright, tell me what's going on._ Thanks to occlumency, explaining the entire situation and what happened doesn't take long. _So that's what caused this. I'm glad you're alright._

 _What do you mean?_

 _You've been so wound up and have put so much on your plate I was worried you weren't handling it._

 _You thought I cracked._ It's less a question and more an accusation.

 _That's not what I said._

 _It's what you thought._

Not that she's wrong. I _did_ crack. I mean, there was a catalyst, but I totally fell apart at the first sign of trouble. I'm a failure, or, I'm going to be. Ugh, this is too much! What am I going to do?

 _You can start by working on these thought spirals,_ Grandma adds.

"What?" In my surprise, I say this out loud.

 _You left your barrier down. Don't beat yourself up about it,_ she adds quickly. I sigh and rub my eyes. "You need to start working on yourself. Have you been thinking like this all year? It's no wonder you're struggling when you're filling your mind with so much self-loathing." I look away uncomfortably. I wasn't expecting a dressing down from my Grandma today. "You know I'm right."

"I know- that doesn't make this any easier," I grumble.

"Ah, you're hitting your teenage angst, I see," she laughs.

"Grandma!" It's this moment that my mom makes her reappearance with Madame Pomfrey, who hands me another cup.

"Here, drink up!" Whatever she gives me leaves me with an appetite. While I'm eating the food they brought, we all talk some more and I end up coming to a decision over something that's been bothering me all year.

"I think...I'd like to join the quidditch team next year."

"Oh, sweetie, that's fantastic! You should!" Mum gets on board right away. "That would be so fun!" Grandma nods encouragingly.

"It's late in the season, but you may be able to join as an extra this year, if you ask," Madame Pomfrey adds helpfully.

"I will! Thanks!" With the decision made, I feel some of the weight lift from my shoulders. I thought I had buried those feelings, but apparently burying them just meant digging a hole in my chest and shoving them there so they could eat away at me like poison.

"I think it will be good for you to do something other than study," Mum quips, nudging me with her elbow.

"Yeah, yeah. I know. I agree," I admit.

Even if things might go off the rails now, there's no guarantee it will end up badly. This is the hand I've been dealt, and this world might not be the same one I remember, but it's real and it's mine and I'm going to fight for it the best I can. I can't give up just because I'm not sure and I can't give in to misery if I haven't failed yet. I have to give this world a shot because it's the only one I've got. And shit now I'm turning into a poet. Maybe it would be good for me to write this stuff down? Nah, too much evidence.

"Thanks for coming," I say to Mum and Grandma as they get ready to leave.

"I'm glad we could help," Grandma grabs my hand and squeezes it. "Before we go, there is something a little stressful we need to talk about."

"Oh?" They then tell me about Colin. I breathe a, hopefully not too obvious, sigh of relief. I thought it was going to be something more serious...that was a little mean, wasn't it? "Is it safe for me to stay here?" I ask, trying to seem appropriately concerned even though I have no intention of leaving.

"I trust Dumbledore more than anyone," Grandma answers and Mum nods along. "There might be something going on, but if Dumbledore thinks it can he handled, I don't see any reason to worry. Besides, wouldn't you rather stay here?" I nod emphatically. Grandma and I talked about this previously, which is why she is so calm and cool about a giant snake slithering around the pipe system of her grandchild's school- not that anyone else knows that.

"Now sweetie, when we told you about your classmate...Please don't be too alarmed." Unsure of what else to say, Mum pulls back the curtain around my bed. I am heading back to my dorm, so it makes sense that they would rather me see him with them than by myself and be shocked. What I am not expecting behind the curtain however, is another student to be with Colin.

"Harry!?" He's still here?! I thought he was only here for the night! Have I only been here one night? Even so, why isn't he gone yet? It's mid-afternoon! Harry blinks at me owlishly, surprised by my sudden appearance and outburst. He waves awkwardly at me and my family, who seem confused that I'm more concerned with Harry than the petrified boy.

"Hi, Miss Campbell." I can see the blush crawl across his cheeks. I wonder if he remembers my story about my mom shipping us together.

"Hi again, Harry! How are you feeling? I heard you took a rather nasty fall," she goes over to him, leaving me flabbergasted.

"I-I'm going to go get changed," I say quickly, heading for the bathroom. Madame Pomfrey hasn't done it for me yet, and I think I would prefer to do it myself anyway, in this situation. Anything to get away from this awkwardness. How much did he hear anyway?

When I come back out, Mum is waiting to hug me goodbye, as is Grandma.

"Don't forget to write!" Grandma says, giving me a serious look that promises more information later. I smile and nod.

"Goodbye, darling. You know we're just some floo powder away, so don't worry if you want us to come by."

"Okay, okay. I'll see you soon!" I hustle them out of the infirmary, which is a little weird since I'm treating it like my bedroom, but I need to talk to Harry alone. When I turn back to look at him, he's looking at me oddly and I am immediately worried.

"So…" I start awkwardly.

"My nearly falling to my death made you want to start playing quidditch?" Harry jumps straight to the point. Damn, he did hear everything.

"About that-"

"And didn't you say your parents wouldn't let you play?"

"Well, what happened was-" I know that expression, I've seen it on Harry's face more times than he could ever guess; he's suspicious of me. This was definitely not something I had planned for. I wanted to stay away from him, far enough away that he would never think twice about me, nevermind think I'm odd. The beginnings of panic creep into my chest again.

"Why did you lie about wanting to play quidditch?" Harry presses when I'm not forthcoming.

Breathe. He thinks you're talking about quidditch, nothing else. Isn't this damn calming draught supposed to be _calming?_ Fortunately, I'm saved from having to answer when Madame Pomfrey walks in.

"Oh, Charlotte. You're still here? Mister Potter needs his rest. Take some more of your potion with you and you're more than welcome to come by for more as you like."

"Thank you, Madame Pomfrey." I use the opportunity I've been given to grab the bottle of potion, turn tail, and run. I can feel Harry's glare burning the back of my head, but I don't slow down. It makes sense that he wants to know what's going on, I did lie to his face, after all, but he's not going get an answer today.

Once I'm out of the hospital wing, I wander down the hallway, at a loss as to what I'm doing; I feel aimless and confused. I thought things were going to get better, but now I feel all wrong. Without thinking, I find myself in front of The Room of Requirement. _I need to be alone_ , I think at the wall and soon I'm inside a small bedroom. It's similar to the first room I made in here but without the bookshelf- I don't have the mental energy to read right now. Curling up in a fetal position on the bed, I let my emotions wash over me. I'm shaking head to toe and I feel like I can barely breathe. In a moment of desperation, I pick up the calming draught and take another large dose of it. Thankfully, I'm finally calming down.

"What the hell am I doing?" I whisper to myself, only mildly cognizant of the slur in my words. I told Dumbledore that I don't know the future anymore, thereby admitting that I _did_ know the future, and I decided to play quidditch despite the dangers, so why do I feel so _good_? I shoot up and look around the room, its edges blurring in my vision. "I feel good," I say, the epiphany finally starting to sink in. "I feel good. I feel great!" I shout, throwing up my arms and jumping on the bed. My head spins and I let myself fall back, feeling extremely lethargic.

Is this what freedom tastes like? It feels so weird, feeling so light. Maybe I'm going crazy, but if I am, I wish I had done it sooner. I've never felt so good before! I holler at the ceiling, feeling free for the first time in my life. Who cares what comes next? It's not like I know! Maybe I'll get caught up in a war, maybe I won't, but I'm gonna enjoy the ride. I'll fight for the right to be happy if it comes down to it, but I'm not gonna sweat it beforehand. With these last warm thoughts, I slide into unconsciousness.

…

I wake up in a strange room I can only vaguely remember with a massive headache.

"Oww." Where am I? I rub my eyes and look around again, trying to get my aching brain turned on.

"Oh!" The Room of Requirement! I step out of bed and instantly regret the motion, my head spinning so fast I sit right back down. Ugh, I can't go back to Madame Pomfrey for my headache, since I did this to myself, so I just have to deal. I lay back and take some deep breaths, noticing that the draught must still in my system, as my thoughts are measured and easy to handle, despite the underlying anxiety.

I should probably figure out what day it is and get some food. The idea of daily life makes me feel ill, but I don't have a choice. I can't just disappear because I'm an anxious mess hung over on medicine.

Another deep breath and I force myself to get up. My head is throbbing, but the room stays in place, thankfully. I grab the rest of my potion, fighting the urge to drink more of it, and head down the hall. It's only when I'm passing the Fat Lady that I remember my promise to her, so I stop to speak to her.

"Good morning!" I say, forcing some levity into my voice. She looks the same as ever in her portrait.

"Oh, you came! You said you would be here once a week- you lied," The Fat Lady glares at me.

"What?"

"A week would have been yesterday. Shouldn't you be in class right now? Maybe I should let your head of house know that you're skipping."

"Wait, what day is it?" I was hoping today was still Sunday, since the quidditch match was on Saturday, but if there's class…

"It's Monday. You should know this!"

"I haven't been feeling well. I lost track of my days, I guess." The Fat Lady looks at me suspiciously.

"Maybe I _should_ talk to your head of house. Have you been getting into trouble?"

"No, I'm fine. I just wanted to keep my promise and didn't know what day it was. I'm headed back to my dorm to get more sleep." She gives me one final glare before letting the subject drop.

"Alright. Nice to see you, I suppose."

"I'll be back next week!" I call as I head down the hall.

"You had better!"

As I head down the stairs, I realize that my hands are shaking. Can I seriously not get through a normal conversation without freaking out? I sigh and try to stretch my neck, which makes my head hurt even more. Ugh, this sucks.

Making it to the Ravenclaw dorm, I finally think to check the time. Eleven in the morning? How long was I asleep? I don't bother to try to answer that question, instead focusing on what needs to happen next. I came here to get changed and possibly go to class, but it's way too late to bother with my morning class. I'll take a nap, change clothes, head to lunch, and go to my afternoon class.

One wonderful nap later, I start on my previously decided plan, but pause when I think about heading down to lunch. My headache is marginally better, but the idea of going down there with everyone else makes my chest feel tighter. Okay, maybe I'm not ready for that.

"Tippy?" I call. With a loud pop, the house elf appears. "Can I get lunch here, please?"

"Miss Charlotte doesn't wants to eat downstairs?"

"Not today, thank you." Tippy beams at me, still surprised by my politeness.

"Yes, m'am!" With a salute and a pop she is gone. A few minutes later, in which I've pulled out a book to relax with, she reappears with a plate laden with food and a cup.

"Thanks, Tippy!" Tippy blushes and bows.

"Thanks yous, Miss Charlotte!" I smile as she leaves. I sigh deeply. Why was that so hard? My breathing is shallow and rough, and it takes me a few minutes to readjust before I eat. How am I going to handle class today?

After lunch, in which I've tried my absolute hardest to stay calm, I realize that I'm even more wound up than I was before. The calming draught from yesterday is definitely out of my system now. It should be fine to take more, right?

I pour the potion into my, now empty, cup and drink. Now I just have to wait and see how I feel. I dawdle for a few minutes before gathering up my belongings for class, but I notice that my hands are still obviously shaking. There's no way I can go out like this. I pour myself another glass and take that as well and notice almost immediately that my breathing is far more controlled. Perfect.

Before I can chicken out, I make my way to class. Monday afternoon is Transfiguration. I'm not looking forward to seeing Professor McGonagall, since she saw me in the hospital wing. When I walk in a few minutes early, she immediately calls me over- exactly what I didn't want.

"Miss Campbell, Professor Flitwick informed me that you were not in his class this morning. Are you feeling alright?" The concern in her eyes is apparent but not very soothing.

"I'm fine, thank you. I ended up oversleeping, is all," I lie, quite smoothly, in my opinion. I hold my hands behind my back for fear that the professor will see them shaking. She gives me a long, searching look before dismissing me to my seat. I have to resist the urge to run there, but I make it without incident.

The classroom, filled with people, is suffocating, and I barely hear a word of what Professor McGonagall says. The lesson feels like it drags on forever and when we are left on our own to practice, I have no idea how I am going to get out of this situation.

"Miss Campbell, are you sure you are alright?" She asks me again, snapping me out of my reverie. I've been staring at the teacup in front of me for some indeterminate amount of time.

"Oh, sorry. I'm just... really tired." I can't bring myself to look her in the eye as I lie.

"Well, that's not the kind of energy needed for intense work like Transfiguration. Please don't practice in class today. You can show me your technique next week," she says quietly and not unkindly. I finally look up at her and she is smiling at me gently.

I'm touched and confused by her generosity. I don't deserve this. I should be getting into trouble for not doing what I'm supposed to. I shouldn't be able to get away with not doing anything just because I'm upset. That's not fair to anyone else.

"I-" I start to argue, but I'm too late. The professor has already moved on to helping the next student, and I'm left alone to continue staring in confusion at my teacup.

…

After class I decide not to bother with dinner. I don't feel like I can stomach it. Instead, I head up to my bed and draw the curtains around me, putting up a silencing spell and an alarm charm in case anyone thinks to bother me.

Feeling safe in my isolation, I decide to write to grandma and mum; well, I would like to write, but my hands are shaking so badly I can't hold my quill properly. Another cup of calming draught gets me stable enough to put quill to paper, and the lies come pouring out of me before I even realize what I'm doing.

 _I'm doing so much better after you came to visit! Everything is great!_

I lie and lie and lie. It takes me a while to finish writing because I have to take breaks to avoid my tears landing on the pages.

…

After sending out my letters last night, I'm surprised to get such quick responses from both Mum and Grandma the next morning. I manage to get down to breakfast alright, mostly because I'm starving and need to get more calming draught from Madame Pomfrey. My family's relief is almost palpable through the parchment.

Luna seems to notice that I'm acting differently despite my trying to fake it- I can see it in the way she stares at me more frequently, but since she saw what happened at the quidditch match, I suppose she doesn't want to say anything. She's always had a surprising amount of tact when it comes to important things.

Once I finish with breakfast, I immediately head to the hospital wing. I'm in desperate need for more draught. I took the last of it to get out of bed this morning and know for sure that I can't make it through potions without it.

"Good morning, Miss Campbell. What can I do for you?" The hospital wing is quiet today except for Colin, who lends a melancholy air to the otherwise bright space.

"You said I could come and get more calming draught?" Madame Pomfrey stops what she is doing to turn and look at me, making me extremely nervous.

"You finished the bottle already?" Her surprised expression tells me that I should not have. I immediately backpedal.

"Well, no not really. I...dropped it, so I didn't get to take very much of it at all." Another lie.

"Oh!" Her concern fades. "You silly girl. Be more careful next time, alright?" She walks away, rummages around in a cabinet for a moment, and then hands me another bottle. "There you are!"

"How long should this last, anyway?" I ask, trying not to sound too curious.

"Oh, about a week, I would say. Though I'm sure you won't need the whole bottle anyway," she says flippantly as she goes back to close the cabinet.

"Right. Thanks, Madame Pomfrey!" I head out quickly as I mull over this new situation. I finished the first bottle she gave me in two days. I can't make this stretch out for a week! I hold the bottle up and shake it for a moment. Would it be worth trying to water down? No, I need it to be able to go to class, there's no way I can deal with a less potent version of it.

Taking a small but necessary swig of my bottle, I head to Potions, which I notice I am facing with my usual amount of dread. I suppose I can't loathe this class any more than I already did.

Despite the draught and trying my best, my shaky hands keep making me drop things and Snape over my shoulder only makes it worse; mix it all together and it's a recipe for disaster.

"Get out!" Snape shouts, waving a textbook at me as I run out of the room. Now I'm shaking head to toe and trying my hardest not to cry. I feel like I deserve this, a lot more than I deserved Professor McGonagall's kindness, but knowing that Draco _and_ Theo saw that embarrassing mess makes me feel awful. Thinking of Theo, I hide out in our usual spot, wondering if he'll come by. Eventually, my patience is rewarded.

"Raven!" Theo calls as he walks in, using my pet name.

"Hey, Theo." I'm surprised when he is the one to initiate the hug today.

"Are you alright?"

"I guess," I don't want to lie to him, but the truth is too exhausting so I dodge the question. I have barely managed to convince myself not to drink my entire potion bottle while waiting and it's taken more energy from me than I would like.

"You had it rough in there today." Theo looks guilty.

"It's been a rough week. I was in the hospital wing this weekend."

"You were? Are you alright?" Theo looks me over, as if trying to find my previous injury.

"Yeah, I-" Oh crap. I hadn't really thought what I was going to tell him. I've been telling so many lies lately, and I don't want to do that to Theo, but the truth is out of the question, leaving me lost for words. Theo is looking at me expectantly; I need to say something.

"I...They told me-"

"Raven, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Theo interjects. I blink at him in surprise.

"But, didn't you want to know my secret?" I try to ask this jokingly, but it falls flat.

"I think we're past that. Besides, there's a difference between hiding something from a friend and not being ready to talk about it. I appreciate your loyalty, but I can wait."

"What if I never tell you?"

"I think you will, but if you don't, you probably have a good reason not to."

"Who taught you to be such a good friend?" I ask, the joke genuine this time.

"I don't know, but I should really thank them." Theo smiles and so do I. "Now, let's get you back up to speed on potions. It looks like you could use the help."

"Actually, could we make something specific?" I ask.

"Like what?"

"Calming draught?" I don't know where I'm going with this, but the idea of running out of the potion is making me feel desperate. Theo pulls out his textbook and flips through it.

"We don't learn that this year. Why that in particular?"

"I-" Do I lie or tell the truth?

"You're considering whether or not to lie to me." Theo looks at me shrewdly. I would be more concerned about the adult way he speaks to me if I knew less about his family situation. I look away, unsure of what to say. "I would prefer it if you didn't lie to me."

"I know," I manage to say.

"Well, if I don't show you how to make this potion, would you try to make it without me?" I nod. "Okay, then let's get to work."

"What?" I look at my best friend in total confusion.

"What?" he asks as he gets off his stool.

"Why are you helping me?"

"Because you're my friend and you need help?"

"But I won't even tell you why."

"Well it's not like we're making a draught of the living dead. I doubt you're trying to kill anyone or do anything horrible. Not that I wouldn't help you if you were, but I would at least like to know why if we are moving on to murder."

"I can't tell if you're kidding or not."

"I'm not," he says matter-of-factly.

"But-"

"I don't know what's stressing you out, but if I can help, I don't see why I shouldn't. I'll go ask Professor Snape for ingredients while you go to the library to get the right book."

"Dang, Slytherins really _are_ loyal," I whisper to myself as we head out of the classroom.

"I heard that."


	16. Chapter 16

**I have read and reread and rewritten this chapter so many times and I AM DONE. I don't think it's terrible, but I know it could be better. Your kind reviews really kept me going this week. Thanks everyone!**

* * *

"And we're finished!" Theo says, the triumph clear in his voice.

"You should be proud! Finishing a fourth year potion by yourself as a second year is no easy feat." I smile. Our calming draught looks like a success!

"Well, I had your help."

"You're right. That makes it even more impressive."

"Hey, don't sell yourself short! You helped a lot." He pours some of the, now cool, potion into a bottle and hands it to me.

Unfortunately, having been Theo's aid in making this, I am now more sure than ever that I can't do it myself. There are too many moving parts, and besides, without Theo, I would have a hell of a time getting the ingredients from Snape.

"So how did you convince Snape to give you the ingredients anyway?" I hold the bottle up to the light, looking at the mostly clear liquid swirling inside it.

"They're pretty similar to a few other potions we're learning this year, I just said we were doing a few of those."

"You lied for me?" I ask, stunned.

"I figured it wasn't Professor Snape's business," Theo shrugs.

"I uh, guess I should test it, huh?" I ask, awkwardly changing the subject.

"Yeah, in case I need to rush you to the Hospital Wing or something."

"I very highly doubt that. Bottoms up!" I take a swig. The potion tastes a little different from what Madame Pomfrey gave me, though I'm not really sure how to describe either one. I put the bottle down, just in case I were to drop it for some reason, and take a deep, calming breath. "I can't be sure, but I think this is stronger than what I was taking before."

"So it _is_ for you," Theo says. I look away, upset that I gave myself away. "Don't worry, I had already assumed it was. I was just making sure." For being a young boy, he sees through my adult mind so easily.

"I'm not very good at keeping secrets, am I?" I ask, completely aware of the irony in my question.

"Yeah, you're pretty bad at it, but it's kind of a Slytherin thing to notice stuff like that, so I wouldn't beat myself up about it if I were you," Theo says. I roll my eyes.

"Yeah that's easy for you to say. You're not the one being read like an open book."

I mean, I can technically read his mind whenever I want, but I would never destroy his trust like that. It's certainly not worth it. If Theo is ever going to betray me...well he wouldn't, so there's no need for me to think about stupid things like that.

"This potion is really good," I marvel, realizing that I just got myself out of a thought spiral before it even started.

"Nice. We ended up making a lot, so that should be more than enough for you. If you sell any of the extra I want a share." Such a cut-throat business man!

"That's fair. I'll let you know if I do," I concede. I have no plans to get rid of any of this, but I won't bring that up unless he specifically asks me about it later. I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Wow, this potion really is good. I'm not freaking out about every little future detail!

"What're you grinning about?" Theo looks at me oddly.

"Just thinking about what a great friend I have." It's only half a lie.

….

Now that I have enough calming draught to get me through...a while, I'm trying to get back into the swing of my classes. I feel like I've been away for a long time, even though it's barely been any time at all. Since our disagreement, I've gotten quite good at avoiding avoiding Harry when we have class together, though the first few times I just ran away like a freak.

While my potion has gotten me back to a state of normalcy, there are still moments where my anxiety skyrockets that leave me dazed and frazzled. I'll be busy minding my own business, and someone says something or I think about something I shouldn't be worrying about, and suddenly I feel like I can't breathe and the walls are caving in. Most of the time I can get away with just putting my head down and waiting a minute or two to let it pass, but sometimes I have to take more medicine to get myself calm again.

I feel like this all came on so suddenly- one day I was fine and then suddenly I'm living my whole life differently, but I guess that's what illness is. I often have to remind myself that I _am_ sick, not physically, but that doesn't mean it's not real. When I'm spiraling, I keep thinking that I'm being overdramatic, that I'm making this up, but if it wasn't real I would have control over it, and I clearly don't.

Thinking about how awful I've been feeling lately, I can really sympathize with Ginny. I see her occasionally in the halls, and I find myself checking on her at dinner. As the year has progressed, I've noticed her come to meals less and less. While I haven't actually forgotten what happens to Ginny this year, I haven't really thought of what sort of impact it would have on everyone else in the school.

Of course, at this point, no one knows that Ginny is the one suffering in this situation, but since Colin's petrification things have gotten a lot more intense around here. If I did admit to someone how stressed I am, I probably wouldn't be seen as very strange, considering how panicked everyone is. Speaking of which...

"Oh, Char! Need some protective amulets?" George is standing just outside the doors of the Great Hall with dozens of necklaces hanging from his arms. Fred immediately puts one in my hands.

"They don't actually work, do they?" I ask skeptically as I look at it.

"Of course they do! But if they didn't, wouldn't it still make a nice necklace?" Fred smiles charmingly.

"Ah, no." I dump the fake back into his hand.

"Aww, come on, Char, don't be like that!" Fred whines, following behind me as I enter the hall.

"I'm not gonna buy your stuff when you're selling crap. Give me a good product and I'll pay for it," I sniff.

"Well, someone's being stuck up today."

"Just being honest." I look back at him and stick out my tongue. "I mean, you didn't even offer me a discount." Fred laughs.

"Do you want one?" he asks suddenly.

"Uh, I mean, they look nice and all, but…" I eye one in particular, a red and gold necklace that has just enough elegance to look real amongst the fakes.

"Oh, good eye." He pulls it from the many on his arm and puts the long chain over my head before I can protest. "I knew there was a Gryffindor somewhere in you. Red and gold are the best colors, after all."

"Wait-"

"On the house!" He says over his shoulder as he walks away, never giving me the chance to respond. I consider going after him to give it back, but think better of it. I hold the pendant up and look at it more closely. It's definitely fake, but only because the cut of the stone is too perfect.

"Red and gold are so bold though…" I whisper, trying and failing to convince myself that I don't like it.

I sit down across from Luna, who is staring at me.

"Hi, Luna," I start. Sometimes she has something to say and sometimes she's just staring- better to start the conversation than wait to find out.

"Fred Weasley just gave you an amulet."

"Ah, you saw?" I try not to look too embarrassed. "Wait, how did you know that was Fred?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Luna quirks her head at me.

"Because most people can't tell them apart, especially people who don't know them that well."

"I know them. They're Ron's older brothers. They do a lot of pranks and sell strange things to unsuspecting underclassmen."

"Uh, well yeah, but I meant people who have actually spoken to them."

"We have spoken before," Luna reiterates.

"You have?"

"I bumped George walking down the stairs last month and we both apologized."

"Most people wouldn't consider that enough of an interaction to be on a first name basis," I sigh.

"Oh, should I be calling them the Weasley brothers? I feel like that can be confusing, considering how many brothers there are…"

"So you've never had any trouble differentiating Fred and George? They _are_ identical, you know." I try to reign the conversation back in.

"Well that seems like a rude thing to say. They're very different. Fred likes you. Though now I'm not sure if he should since you don't know who is who."

"Wait, what?" I ask, aghast.

"Well since you can't tell them apart-"

"Fred likes me?" I cut her off, not letting the topic change.

"George likes you too, but Fred really likes you a lot."

"What are you talking about?" My brain is totally not keeping up with this conversation.

"Did you not know? I thought it was fairly obvious."

" _You_ thought it was obvious?" That either means it's clear as day or not even remotely correct. Yeah, that must be it. She must be way off base. "I really doubt it, Luna."

"Was he very worried for your safety then?" She motions to my necklace. I blush furiously. Damn, she's got a point.

"Not particularly…"

"Does it mean I really like you if I protect you from Nargles?" Luna asks innocently, completely changing the tone of the conversation.

"I think so. Though it doesn't have to mean you want to be my girlfriend or anything."

"That's good. I don't think I'm ready to have a girlfriend." I laugh at this. I don't understand how she can be so shrewd and so lost at the same time. Then again, I guess I'm like that too. How did I not notice that Fred has a crush on me?

I look over at the twins, who have sat down to eat, still unsure if Luna was right. Surprisingly, Fred is also looking over at me. We lock eyes for a moment and I look away in embarrassment and surprise. Damn, she probably is...

I find myself wishing that Luna hadn't told me. I don't want to change my relationship with the twins, and there's no way in hell I'm going to date anyone. There's way too much on my plate right now, and even if the changing of future events doesn't really matter, that seems riskier than I'm willing to deal with right now.

Fortunately, acting like I don't know what's going on seems to be my specialty, so I'll just stick with that. Besides, I'm still in a twelve year old body, it's not like dating is really something on anyone's mind yet, for which I am eternally grateful. That is not something my anxiety riddled brain can handle.

….

Over the weekend, I lock myself away to catch up on all the assignments I've been putting off. I'm really struggling to get started on classwork lately and I wonder if my medicine is the culprit. I also note that, fortunately, being busy alone in the Room of Requirement makes it easier for me to take less potion.

Before I know it, the weekend is over, and I have to go back to the land of the living. I don't want to go to class and be surrounded by people! To make myself feel better, I head to the Hospital Wing to get more calming draught at the start of the day. It's been a week since I was there, so I should be able to more. I'm not out yet, but if I continue to go weekly, my reserves will last a lot longer.

"Good morning!" I call as I step into the Hospital Wing, purposely trying to keep Colin out of my field of vision. I can't help but feel guilty every time I see him.

"Oh, Miss Campbell. How can I help you?"

"I, uh, came for more calming draught?"

"Oh!" She sounds both confused and surprised. "I didn't really think you would need more."

"Exams are coming up, and it helps me focus…" I try to come up with a plausible excuse.

"Well, things _have_ been a bit stressful around here lately. I'm going to go have a talk with Dumbledore today. This is not a good learning environment for you children! Something needs to be done," she grumbles as she looks through a cabinet. "Here," she hands me the bottle, "but after your exams I want you to take a nice, relaxing break. You shouldn't need this if you rest."

 _Rest? Why haven't I thought of that?_ I think sarcastically. Rest only works if your thoughts aren't sabotaging your every waking moment. Whenever I "rest" without the potion, I just toss and turn and usually cry. It's not very productive.

"Thanks, Madame Pomfrey! I'll definitely do that."

"I know you Ravenclaws, you had better be serious about relaxing!" She calls after me as I leave. I applaud her mentally for knowing that I was lying. It's true that rest isn't much of a Ravenclaw thing to do.

I try not to freak out about one of my sources of medicine drying up, but I'm pretty worried. What am I going to do if I can't get more potion? In a vicious cycle, this problem makes me anxious enough to want to drink more, but I'm afraid to because I know I have a limited supply. This makes me so wound up that it's only with a cry of surprise that I notice Theo standing right in front of me. I'm only a little ways down the hall from the Hospital Wing, and I totally didn't notice him.

"Theo!" I say, not loudly in case anyone else is around that I have failed to notice.

"Charlotte," he says in his usual tone when out in public, distant but polite.

"What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same thing," he indicates the bottle in my hand, which I have failed to put in my bag.

"Oh, I, well." I reach to open my bag, but he snatches the potion out of my hand before I have the chance to hide the evidence.

"Calming draught?" His voice is chilly with indignation. He looks at me, his expression demanding an explanation.

"What are you even doing here?" I demand back, getting angry.

" _You lash out when you're scared"._ I can hear Theo's voice in my head from a while back, telling me what I already know.

"Waiting to catch you in the act," he answers. I pause, completely taken aback.

"What?"

"I figured out your plan pretty quickly. I didn't want you to have to lie to me if I asked you for the truth, so I thought I would wait for you here."

"What?" I ask, more exasperated than confused.

"Let's go to our usual spot."

"Alright," I acquiesce. He's already caught me, I might as well hear what he has to say.

…

When we sit down on the classroom's stools, I start with the first question that comes to mind.

"How did you know where I was?"

"I asked the Weasley twins," Theo answers simply.

"Huh? You know…?" I don't know how to finish my question.

"Know what?" He looks at me with further suspicion.

"That I'm friends with them?"

"Why wouldn't I?" Theo asks. "Just because you don't tell me something doesn't mean I don't have eyes. I've seen you hang around with them. Was I not supposed to know?"

"Not particularly. I just never mentioned it." I shrug.

"I don't have to be your only friend, you know. You better not be pitying me." His eyes narrow in annoyance. I've never seen him so agitated, not that he doesn't have the right to be. I've been lying to him, taking advantage of him, and now he thinks I'm pitying him.

"I'm not. Really. I just...actually I don't know why I've never talked to you about the twins." That's something to overanalyze another time.

"I'll trust that. For now. Since you haven't actually lied to me yet." Theo is clearly trying not to be angry.

"But wait, how did the twins know where I was?" I'm simultaneously curious and trying to put off the rest of this conversation.

"I don't know. Apparently they know where everyone is. There's a rumor that if you pay them they'll tell you where anyone is at that moment. I've never tried it before, but since you're friends with them I thought it would be worth a try." They must be using the Marauder's Map. Who knew they also had a side hustle using it?

"You paid them?" I ask, marvelling over the fact that this is one of the longest stories I have ever heard Theo tell.

"Yeah, but then they refused to tell me anything until I explained why I was looking for you. They seemed rather protective, actually. It would have been almost cute if it wasn't so annoying. I ended up giving them an over-exaggerated sob story about how I was worried about you."

"You trusted them to keep our secret?"

"It's not exactly a secret that we're friends, just that we hang out as often as we do. Besides, they barely believed me. It took a ton of convincing."

"How did you manage that?"

"It wasn't easy. Anyway, they said they didn't know where you were, but they'd let me know when you were headed to the hospital wing."

"Ugh, so now I have to figure out what I'm going to tell them?"

"Your friends have a right to be worried about you," Theo says shrewdly. I take a moment to process this idea.

"What if I don't want them to?"

"And why not?" Theo has said his piece, now he is waiting for me to share mine. I can feel my hands start to shake violently, and I hold them behind my back.

"I…" I feel very backed into a corner.

"Why are you taking so much calming draught?" He looks so betrayed. "Are you trying to sell it?" Without thinking, I get off my stool and he instantly follows suit. "Do you need money for something?" Theo tries to come up with a reasonable explanation for my behavior and I don't know what to say. "Raven, what's going on?" My legs are barely keeping me up as I try to back away, not necessarily from him, as much as the things he is saying.

"Wait!" I demand, throwing my hands over my ears. "I need to think!" The suffocating feeling is back and I'm struggling to breathe. I close my eyes and try to slow my thoughts. Focus on breathing. Nothing else matters. Focus, focus. My heart is racing- it's so loud I can't hear a thing.

It's only when Theo prys one of my hands away from my ear that I realize he's come over to me. I open my eyes and have to look up to see his face. In my panic I had crouched to the ground, hugging my knees in a vain attempt to bring myself comfort. I hadn't even realized I had moved.

"The medicine is for you…" Theo says. It's not a question anymore. I nod my head and close my eyes again.

"I can't….I just can't." I'm crying now, unsurprisingly. I'm always either panicking or crying, it seems. I vaguely notice that Theo walks away, and a moment later he is pushing my medicine against my shoulder to get my attention.

"I think you need this," he says gently. I take it from him and have a few sips, which helps get my tears under control. "You're not okay," Theo deduces. I shake my head miserably. "I don't really... know what to do…" he eventually admits. I laugh bitterly at this.

"Neither do I."

"If you needed me to brew more of the potion, does that mean you shouldn't be taking this much?" Theo deduces. Ugh, he is way too smart.

"I don't know for sure. I don't think it's bad for me or anything, but I think there are different things that can be done for someone in my situation besides constant calming draughts."

"So Madame Pomfrey wouldn't give you as much as you wanted."

"I...can't get out of bed without it," I admit. Theo pauses.

"It's really that bad?" he asks. I nod, holding up my shaking hands as a sort of proof. In a surprising act for a twelve year old, he takes my hands and holds them in his own. Not in a romantic way, but in a calming way I didn't know I needed. I'm surprised how quickly they still in his gentle grasp. "A little better?" he asks.

"Yeah," I try to smile and Theo smiles back. We sit quietly for a while, giving me time to calm down and let the potion do its work. "What are we going to do?" Theo asks after a while.

"We?"

"Well I can't leave you alone like this. You need help and for some reason you won't talk to anyone about it."

"I-"

"You don't have to explain yourself if you don't want to," Theo intercedes.

"Theo what would I do without you?" My tears start fresh. "How have I not scared you away?"

"Isn't this what friends are for?" He shrugs.

"You're something else, you know that?" I giggle through my tears.

"If you say so." He shrugs again, looking a little embarrassed.

I suddenly wish I could tell him everything. Maybe all I've really needed is a good friend to listen to my problems, but isn't that what grandma is for? Telling _her_ everything hasn't helped. Well, I didn't actually tell her everything that's been going on lately. All I've been doing is lying to everyone.

"I'm so tired of lying."

"Who have you been lying to?" Theo asks. Shit, did I just say that out loud? My hands start to tremble again, despite being held in Theo's, and I pull them away quickly. "Raven?"

"I'm sorry." I stand up and head for the door.

"No, Raven, wait!" Theo shoots up and tries to stop me, but I can't handle being here anymore.

"I'm sorry!" I race out the door and run down the hall. I'm in the dungeons, but I seriously need fresh air. The urge to run outside is so intense that I'm sprinting down the halls with reckless abandon. In fact, it's only when I hit the first floor that I remember that I was supposed to go to class this morning. I'm turning into quite the delinquent.

I burst out into the front courtyard and immediately feel better. I've passed a few students along the way, who definitely gave me some weird looks for running so fast, but I don't care. Now that I'm outside I feel like I can breathe again.

I take some more steadying breaths as I walk around the courtyard. I haven't felt this good in a while, I realize with a start. Despite what just happened, I feel almost normal. I note the slight burn in my muscles and the way my heartbeat doesn't feel so unnaturally fast after running. Maybe if I run some more...

I'm about to test my theory when I spot Draco, who has noticed me just moments before.

"Is that Charlotte Campbell, skipping class? I never thought I'd see the day," he sneers, coming over to me from his perch on the stone wall of the courtyard.

"That's a bit hypocritical, Draco, considering you're here too," I respond. My idea will have to wait for now.

"We didn't have class this morning."

"Oh." So that's why Theo didn't mind talking to me for so long.

"So what are you doing out here? Trying to meet with your secret boyfriend, "Theo"?" Draco makes the nickname sound disgusting.

"Please don't ever say that again. Besides, Nott and I are just friends, despite your odd insistence that there be something more." Draco pauses, looking me up and down more closely than I am comfortable with. "What?" I ask, taking a step back from his oddly penetrating stare.

"Are you alright?"

"What?" I ask again. I expected a lot of things from him, but certainly not this. He takes a step closer to me and smirks.

"Have you two lovebirds been fighting?" I notice that Draco isn't looking so much at me anymore as something over my shoulder.

"Seriously, what is up with you today?" I follow his gaze back to the doors of the school, but there's no one there.

"That wasn't a no."

"Where are you getting this from anyway?" I ask.

"Well, he ran out here to find you, but turned tail and left when he noticed me."

"Wait, what?" I turn back towards the school, but the courtyard is still empty. "You're lying!"

"Am I?"

"Ugh, you're such an arse!" I roll my eyes at him and sprint back the way I came, ignoring whatever Draco says to my back. Not that I have any idea where Theo went. I pause once I'm indoors. What am I even doing? Is Theo really going to be upset because I was talking to Draco? That would be childish, considering...well everything.

My indecision brings back my anxiety, which ironically had abated talking to the little prat outside. Distractions really do help, but I still wonder if running around helped too. I'd love to find out more, but I've skipped enough classes for the day. I need to get to my afternoon classes at some point, I'm sure I'll see Theo again soon.

…

As of the weekend, I've used about a quarter of my reserves of calming draught and I haven't had the chance to talk to Theo. I know the way I'm doing things isn't sustainable- I'm either going to run out of potion and lose my mind, or be so desperate to get more that I do something rash. Neither of these outcomes are pleasurable, so I need to come up with a plan. I can't depend on Theo to be able to make me more forever, even if he understands my situation- eventually Snape will catch on.

After long consideration, I decide to spend my weekend working on a solution. Saturday morning I wake up, purposely skip my morning potion, and try to head to down to breakfast. I'm super proud of myself, even as I'm wringing my hands together to stop them from shaking so much.

When I reach the common room I think I'm fine, until my chest constricts so tightly I find myself gasping for air. Before I pass out, I book it back up the stairs and, because my hands are shaking so badly, open my medicine with my teeth to take a long drink.

"Damnit," I grumble to myself. Even skipping once is out of the question. I was hoping that a large part of my trouble was just having to go to class, but that clearly isn't true. Fortunately, I have a back up plan. I bring my potion with me and head down to breakfast. Once I've eaten, I head up to the Room of Requirement, stopping by to say hello to the Fat Lady first.

"You're up here quite a lot," the Fat Lady points out.

"I like the higher towers, and I'm friends with a lot of Gryffindors."

"I've noticed. You're an odd one, you know that?"

"But at least I'm someone to talk to?"

"I suppose," she agrees.

"I'll talk to you later?"

"You had better!"

I continue on my way, my obligation fulfilled for another week, though I'll probably end up passing by her portrait again sooner. Today, I ask the Room of Requirement for a very small, dark room; a single window would be perfect, with no furniture to distract me except maybe a few pillows. This is exactly what I recieve, and even, per my request, the door disappears as soon as I close it.

While the window keeps me from feeling trapped in the room, the missing door quells any unnecessary anxiety about being walked in on. I know both fears are ridiculous, I'm not trapped, nor is it possible for someone to get in here, but that doesn't stop the thoughts from cropping up and making me panicky.

Once inside, I put my bag to the side and focus on relaxing. I fluff up a few of the pillows on the floor, sitting on the large plush rug I find there, and make myself comfortable. Relaxing is far easier with the potion in my system, meaning this should technically become more difficult the longer I do it.

My plan for the day is simple- I'm going to teach myself to meditate. Grandma gave me the idea in her last letter, actually. We were talking about my thought spirals, how I let myself get sucked into a negative idea and continue following it until I'm an anxious mess, and how being mindful of them could help break the habit, hence meditation! It feels a little bizarre, meditating in Hogwarts, but here I am.

The time spent ends up being long and grueling. Despite the way meditation sounds, it's only nice and calming when you're nice and calm, which I am not. I find myself crying surprisingly often, though I feel marginally better each time I do. There's a lot of bitterness and self-doubt to work through, and my negative thoughts become more difficult to counter the longer I am here.

As the effects of the potion fades, I feel myself start to tremble again. I take a long, steadying breath. There's no need to panic. I'm alone and safe, and I don't have to do anything but sit here.

I try my hardest to hold still, breathing and thinking positively, but eventually I can't stand it. There are so many other things I could be doing right now but I'm stuck here sitting in a dark room doing nothing!

Out of frustration, I hop up and start walking around in circles. I'm pleasantly surprised by how suddenly my anxiety goes down when I get up. It's almost like...I feel better... with activity... I can't believe I forgot about that! I had felt so much better earlier in the week, why didn't I try that first?

I race over to the wall, where the door of the room appears and I throw it open. In the hallway, I run back and forth, thinking about what I want and opening the door again to find a room about the size of a gymnasium. Why should I bother trying to slow down when I can just speed up? My heart, which had been racing with panic, is now racing with adrenaline as I sprint across the track. I feel amazing!

At the far end of the track, I find a broom and grab it, hopping on and flying low, lazy circles around the room. I tried with the meditation, I tried with the potions, I tried talking but this is the best I've felt in over a week. I can still feel my heart racing, my anxiety pulsing through me, but it's pushing me forward now instead of holding me back.

After flying around for a bit, I touch down again and take the freest breath I've taken in a while. I can't help but laugh, now that I feel so light. My heart is racing and for once it feels the way it should.

Marvelling at how good I feel, I wonder if this is what I should have been doing all along. Coping with positive habits instead of getting addicted to medicine. Yeah, this is probably the better option. I don't think this is going to solve all my problems, but it's a start. If I can get myself to feel normal, even for a little bit, maybe there's still hope for me.


	17. Chapter 17

17 chapters in and I'm finally putting one up late. Sorry! I could have posted this yesterday, but I had a few things I wanted to fix. This is by no means perfect, but I hope you like it all the same. Thanks for the reviews! They keep me motivated.

I think this is the first chapter that has taken place entirely over the course of a single day. Weird.

* * *

I'm finally going to do it! Today is the day! I'm going to talk to Madame Hooch and ask if I can play quidditch. I would rather speak to her first to make sure this is allowed, instead of going through that embarrassment talking to my team captain. I'm not expecting any special treatment or anything- I know I'm not going to get on the team just because I ask- but I hope that I can at least get some time in the air.

My hands are shaking when I finally get to Madame Hooch's office, but I think even a "normal" person would be nervous right now. I've waited until the end of the day to make sure that she would be here, so now's my chance.

"Good evening!" I call as I knock on the open door.

"Oh, Miss Campbell! Come in, come in. How can I help you?" She gestures to an open chair, but I decline to sit.

"I want to play quidditch," I blurt out, getting straight to the point before I lose my nerve.

"Oh! You've finally changed your mind! I'm glad. You're an excellent flyer. But it's too late in the season to do anything about it now. Tryouts will start again next school year."

"I know I can't be on the team, but is there any way I can practice with them?" I ask.

"Well," she pauses to think for a moment, "that's not impossible. If there's a promising underclassman the captain can make them a reserve and train them up to take a 7th year's place. It's not terribly common, but it does happen."

"So I just have to talk to Davies right?" I presume.

"Right. I'll let him know you're looking for him next time I see him, in case you have trouble meeting him."

"Thank you!"

"Pleasure. Anything else?" She asks as I hesitate to leave.

"When am I allowed on the pitch if I'm not on a team?"

Yes, I'm pretending I never went on the pitch last month. What she doesn't know won't hurt her, and I'd rather not get into any trouble in the future if I try to go again.

"It's a public space. You're welcome to use it as long as it hasn't been booked ahead of time. The teams book the space for their practices so there isn't any overlap or arguments."

"Okay, thanks!" Now to find Davies.

…

The next day I wake up early to get a head start on the Great Hall. I figure if I'm there early, I will have an easier time finding my, hopefully, future captain. The first thing I do is take some calming draught; talking to strangers is not on my list of things that keep me calm. After taking a sip, I notice Mandy staring at me from her perch on her bed.

"Hey Mandy," I call, not impolitely.

"Hi," she calls back awkwardly.

"You're staring, you know."

"I was just wondering what you're drinking over there all the time."

"Ever heard of water?" I get up and start getting ready for the day.

"Out of a potion bottle?" Oh, she's got me there. I turn to let her see me roll my eyes at her.

"It's medicine, alright?"

"I didn't know you were sick." She almost sounds concerned.

"I didn't know it was your business."

"Fine. Whatever. Not like I care." She stomps to the bathroom and shuts the door with unnecessary force. Maybe I was a little harsh there. Well, nothing to be done about it now.

I take another sip of draught, noting that my chest is feeling a bit constricted. That was more of a confrontation than I was expecting this early in the morning. I sigh and shake my head. I'm not letting Mandy slow me down, of all things. I want to play quidditch!

Before I leave, I notice the amulet from Fred poking out of my half-closed bedside drawer. I pull it out and look at it closely. I'm sure it doesn't actually have any protective qualities, but maybe I can make it my good luck charm. The chain is long enough that no one should really notice me wearing it if I leave it under my shirt...Before I can talk myself out of it, I slip it on and head out for the day.

…

I make it into The Great Hall with the early risers- even most of the professors aren't here yet. I sit myself at the edge of the Ravenclaw table with a view of the door and leisurely start eating breakfast. With no idea how long I'll have to wait for my quarry, I might as well enjoy some people watching and eat something.

About twenty minutes later, I note that the professors start making their way in. Hagrid and Professor Sprout come in together, making polite conversation, from the looks of them. Snape follows soon after, looking more sour than usual this early in the morning. Dumbledore comes in after that. He notices me looking at him, but doesn't hold my gaze for more than a moment, for which I am grateful. I am in no mood to deal with him for a while.

My attention is brought back to the front doors of the hall, where a large number of students are starting to make their way through. There's Draco and his crew, looking for someone to bother since they lost their last quidditch match. The twins are here earlier than I would have expected. I forget that despite their fun exterior, they're actually extremely hard workers. Luna sees me before I do her, and she comes to sit across from me.

"You're up early," I comment.

"Am I? I thought you normally came to breakfast after me," Luna answered.

"That's true. I never realized how early you get up. How have things been with your dorm mates?" I suppress the urge to smile, thinking of my little prank from a while back.

"Oh, they've been ignoring me since their hair turned green. They said that I did it, though I think it was the Trow."

"The what?"

"Trow are a bit like pixies, except they're invisible."

"Alright then… So they're just ignoring you instead of bullying you?" I swore vengeance on those girls if they continued bothering Luna, so let's see if they took my threat seriously.

"I suppose," she eventually says, finally starting in on her breakfast.

"You suppose?" I push. What does that mean? She refuses to answer, or loses interest in the conversation, and continues to stare at her breakfast as she eats. Apparently I'm not going to get an answer out of her today. I hope she's alright.

"Are you alright?" Luna asks suddenly. For a scary moment, I wonder if she's a mind reader.

"What?"

"I heard you were sick, but you don't look sick." She leans across the table and looks at me closely. When she reaches a hand out to touch my face, I grab her hand to stop her.

"Where did you hear that from? I'm not sick?" At that moment, Mandy and Lisa walk into the hall, the pair smirking at me, and it falls into place. They come over and sit across from me.

"Hey, Charlotte," Lisa greets. "I heard you were sick. Shouldn't you be in the hospital wing instead of spreading your _disease_ around to innocent first years?" She points a thumb at Luna, otherwise completely ignoring the poor thing.

"Seriously, Mandy?" I turn to her and ask, exasperated. I use my annoyance to smother my anxiety, which is trying to rear its ugly head now that I'm being bombarded _again_ this early in the morning.

"What? If you're taking medicine, you must be sick. I just wanted your "friend" to know what she was being forced to hang around." Damn, that was...surprisingly hurtful.

"You're really good at spreading information," I compliment. Mandy gives me a confused look. "We had that conversation less than an hour ago. It's pretty impressive how quickly you told Luna. How many other people have you told? Half our class or the whole thing?"

If there's one thing I learned from the Harry Potter series, it's that back handed, Slytherin-esque compliments are the best way to go when someone has hurt me. They'll never see my pain, and I don't outright argue with them. Besides, being snide is just so much fun.

"I-I'm just making sure everyone knows so they don't get sick," Mandy stutters, starting to lose her footing. If we were older I would make a sexual comment about communicable diseases, but I refrain.

"Why have you decided to say this now, anyway? We haven't spoken all year, and _now_ you want to start worrying about my existence?"

"Well you've been disappearing from class a lot lately. At first we thought you were skipping, but then you started taking all that medicine..." Lisa answers vaguely.

"You guys pay a lot of attention to me." A lot more than I thought anyone did. Mandy rolls her eyes at this.

"Oh don't get all high and mighty. The world doesn't revolve around you. We just happened to notice. It's not like we _room_ with you or anything. You're hard _not_ to notice, you know," she explains. "I mean, you get to be kind of annoying sometimes," she adds, somewhat half-heartedly, it seems.

"Ouch, how will I ever recover from such venomous words," I deadpan, not phased in the least. I'm starting to wonder if they are actually worried that I'm ill, in their own childish way.

"Whatever. It's not like we care if you die or anything." The pair stand up and stomp away. Was that…? Do they actually think I'm dying?

"What was _that_?" I whisper to myself.

"I have no idea," Luna answers anyway, continuing to eat her sausage like nothing just happened.

During that weird conversation, Davies had already come into breakfast and sat amongst his friends. Going to talk to him now is going to be embarrassingly awkward, but I'm not gonna give up!

My heart is racing as I stand, my mind made up. I slowly step away from the table, overthinking each act in order to avoid making myself even more nervous, which obviously isn't working. I remind myself to take deep breaths, but even with those reminders my head is swimming and my legs are shaking. I try to take a step forward, but my knee buckles when I pick my foot up. Fortunately, I grab the table before I go crashing to the ground like a spaz, and I put myself back in my seat before I can fall again.

"You don't seem alright," Luna says. She's been watching my whole little freak out.

"I just, uh, forgot to take my medicine." I don't know what to say when my brain is going haywire like this, so I just open my bottle of calming draught and take a long drink. Another breath and a few moments later and my head feels like it's back on straight.

"What kind of medicine is it?" Luna asks.

"It's…" I sigh. "You promise not to tell, right? Even if someone else asks you?"

"Why?"

"It's embarrassing."

"What's embarrassing about being sick?" I stare at Luna for a long moment. She sounds so much like the mature, responsible adult that I should be right now.

"Luna, are you secretly an adult in a child's body and you haven't told me?" I ask. If I'm expecting some sort of telling response from this question, I am disappointed.

"I don't think so. But how would I know if I was?"

"Nevermind." I shake my head, trying to clear it of all the stupid that seems to have clogged it up lately. What am I even doing? I'm supposed to be enjoying my life, not having panic attacks and making enemies with twelve year olds.

"Did the doctor say that you're going to get better?" Luna asks, concerned. I look down the Ravenclaw table at Davies, so close, and yet, he feels a million miles away.

"I don't know, Luna."

…

Charms is a fun class, since I get to practice simple spells that I should be working on anyway, but the theory portion of the class is so dull. Don't get me wrong, I'm thankful everyday for my magical education, but since I've already covered all this material myself, hearing Professor Flitwick drone on about the proper wand movements for each spell isn't very fun.

I'm feeling off today, making it even more difficult for me to pay attention. I have a lot on my mind after what happened this morning, and I've already taken far more calming draught than I would like. Why does everyone seem to care what I'm doing? It's not like I'm hurting anyone by taking a potion. I thought I was a lot more inconspicuous, but apparently I've been drawing more attention than I thought.

I try to shake these worries out of my head when Professor Flitwick finally calls for us to start practicing the spell we've been talking about. As he continues talking, a pillow appears on my desk in front of me, just as it does for everyone else in class.

"Don't forget your wand movements!" Professor Flitwick calls as he's looking about the classroom. I usually don't bother with the 'specific wand movement' when practicing spells; in the real world, they're only used with certain spells- ones that demand the movement or won't work at all- most, however, don't require it. What they teach in school is more like learning with training wheels, and I've practiced enough that I would rather work with those off.

"Remember once you make the pillow smaller, the spell to enlarge it is 'engorgio'," Professor Flitwick adds. Yeah, yeah, I got it. The spells to make things larger and smaller are mildly helpful, in the right situation, but I would much rather focus on more important things. I sigh and raise my wand, pointing it at the pillow.

"Reducto."

With a loud rush of air, the pillow in front of me explodes outward, causing feathers to fly throughout the room. A shriek erupts from the girl next to me, and a few of my classmates are laughing at the damage. The pillow itself is now nothing but a pile of ash with a few loose feathers floating around it, and I'm absolutely covered in white.

"Is everyone alright?" Professor Flitwick hops down from his tower of books and hurries over to me. I nod weakly. He looks at the kids next to me, who are both looking flabbergasted. Once our wellbeing has been assured, he moves on to the next thing. "What happened?" We all stare at him for a long moment. "Miss Campbell?"

"I think she used the wrong spell," the girl who had screamed says. I open and close my mouth stupidly. I can't believe I did that. I can't believe I would do something so stupid!

"I...I think I mixed up my spells…" I finally agree lamely, reaching to pull a feather out of my hair. Most of the class is either staring or laughing. My whole body is shaking with embarrassment and fear. That's not a spell I'm supposed to know. What will I say if he asks?

"Did you use the 'reducio' spell?" I can tell from the look in his eye that he has an idea what I did. I don't answer, petrified and unsure what to say, and he just sighs. "Why don't you get yourself cleaned up and I'll see you tonight for detention."

"Detention?!"

"I understand that you made a mistake, but it is inexcusable to be using dangerous spells in the classroom. I'll see you tonight."

"Yes, sir." I don't have the energy to argue for myself. The class continues laughing as I grab my things and walk meekly out of the room. When I shut the classroom door behind me, I take a deep breath and sigh. I'd rather not start crying until I get somewhere safe, and since everyone else will be in class for a while longer, I decide to just head to my bed.

As I'm walking down the hall, wallowing in my misery, who would come to make things worse but Peeves? I've seen in him passing a few times, but I am fortunate enough to say that we haven't met, until now.

"Little firstie has gotten herself full of feathers! Are you a chicken now? Did the Weasel twins catch you?" Peeves laughs rudely.

"I'm not a first year, Peeves, and no, I got myself."

"Oh? Tell me, tell me, tell me!" He flies in circles around me incessantly, and I know he won't stop until I do. I had hoped telling him that I wasn't pranked would get him to leave me alone, but that clearly isn't working.

"I blew up a pillow in class." I speed up my walking, but the ghost has no trouble keeping up.

"I wish I was there! Little firstie making a boom!" He finally stops for a moment as he loses himself in a fit of laughter. Now's my chance to get away! I make a mad dash for the staircase, but Peeves notices and gives chase. "Where are you going?" he shouts.

In a desperate bid to escape, I notice the girl's bathroom coming up on my right and throw myself inside. I don't know for sure, but I have a feeling Peeves doesn't do women's bathrooms. My hunch pays off, as I hear Peeves scream in annoyance and see that he hasn't followed me in, but that doesn't mean I've outrun my problems. I turn and see sitting in front of me are none other than the golden trio.

I blink rapidly, my eyes slowly taking in the scene in front of me: Hermione, Ron, and Harry are sitting on the floor around a boiling potion, and the three are now staring at me with confusion and suspicion. I immediately know what they're doing here, which means they are not going to be happy that they've been caught.

"This isn't what it looks like!" Hermione quickly exclaims, jumping up to stand in front of their potion. Ron smacks his forehead with his palm in exasperation.

"Smooth, Hermione."

"What are you doing here?" Harry asks, looking especially suspicious. He gets up to talk to me as well.

"I, uhh…" I have been barely able to think while the three respond to my presence, nevermind having the chance to answer.

"Have you been following me?" Harry prods.

"What?" Hermione and I both say the same thing.

"Harry don't you think you're being a little paranoid?" Hermione asks, taking the words right out of my mouth. Fortunately I don't have to say it- I understand how hypocritical that would be.

"I just wanted to go to the bathroom…" I finally manage to think of this simple lie.

"And why are you covered with feathers?" Ron pipes up. He hasn't bothered to get up. I look down at my shirt and notice there are still feathers clinging to it. I swipe them off with annoyance and see that my hands are shaking quite noticeably. Once the feathers are gone I hold my hands behind my back, hoping the others didn't see.

"I blew up a pillow in Professor Flitwick's class," I respond, hoping to sound flippant about it.

"That's awesome," Ron laughs. The tension in the room eases slightly, for which I am eternally thankful to him.

"So...I guess you guys don't want me to ask what you're doing." Hermione tries to answer this, but I quickly cut her off. "I don't want to know. You Gryffindors are more than welcome to break the rules- just don't get me involved in it. I'm sure you all can lose house points on your own merits; I don't need to go around being a tattle-tale to win the house cup- I'm no Malfoy. As far as I know, you're practicing a potion and Snape said it was okay." Hermione looks instantly relieved.

"Why should we believe you?" Harry asks, eyes narrowed. Hermione shoots him a frightened look and Ron is clearly uncomfortable.

"What's your problem?" I'm starting to get irritated. I just gave us all an out! I'd like to take it and leave! I'm feeling more and more panicked and just want to get out of here.

"You've lied before. How do I know you're not lying now?"

"I-" It feels like even my voice is shaking now, so I force myself to take a moment to breathe before I speak. "Look, I lied about quidditch, okay? I'm sorry."

"But why?" Harry pushes. His eyes are boring into mine, demanding an answer.

"Harry, stop! You're scaring her!" Hermione steps in, much to my surprise. He pauses before looking at me again, his expression softening. Hermione comes closer, now standing between Harry and I. "Are you alright?"

"W-what are you talking about?" I stutter.

"You're shaking," Ron says, surprising me yet again.

"I'm fine!" I shout, causing all of us to jump. I didn't mean to yell. "I'm sorry." I turn for the door, ready to run, but Hermione grabs my arm before I can get away.

"Wait. You're not fine."

"You can't help!" I'm shouting again, damnit. My yelling causes Hermione to let go, but when I try to leave, my shaking legs give out on me, and I crumple to the ground. Everything that's been weighing on my mind feels like it's physically pushing me down. I can't believe I'm having a breakdown in front of these three. How childish.

Maybe it's because it's these three that I feel so miserable. I know them best and I just want to save them, but I'm the one who is most likely to cause them pain. But now that the timelines are different, who knows? Maybe nothing I do matters.

I lose a few moments of time, lost in my own head. When I come back to reality, Hermione is sitting in front of me, with Harry and Ron nervously looking over me.

"Charlotte?" Hermione is trying to get my attention. I realize I'm crying, and wipe my eyes with a frustrated sigh.

"Sorry. I-" What can I even say? I'm upset because I know your future and it doesn't look pretty? I'm upset that I _don't_ know your future and that's even worse? I'm not your friend but I know you better than anyone?

"Are you sick? Does your Head of House know?" Hermione asks. I stare at her in confusion, slowly realizing what she is saying implies. Looking at the situation from their perspective, it doesn't look like I'm distraught...it looks like I'm ill. I walked in, started shaking, and almost passed out. Even my tears could be of pain or frustration, not emotional upset.

"Yes," I lie, purposely looking away from all of them.

"Is that why you lied about quidditch?" I can hear the dawning realization in Harry's voice. Ah, Harry's constant need to find the underlying pattern is finally coming in handy.

"Yes."

A loud gurgling sound followed by a shriek takes all the attention off me. Until this moment, I have completely forgotten about Moaning Myrtle. Wow, one more person I definitely don't want to deal with today. The ghost screams again, sending water everywhere across the bathroom; the golden trio aren't too surprised, but they're distracted by her antics. I take the rapidly closing window of opportunity to pick myself up off the floor.

"I'd better go," I say quickly as Hermione notices me stand.

"Wait, but-" her reply is cut off by yet another shriek and I duck out before she can stop me. Ugh, what a crappy day, but hopefully that somewhat got Harry off my back? At the very least he'll hopefully be a little less suspicious of me. I'll just have to wait and see. In the meantime, I've got a lot to think and be stressed about, and I really don't want to have to drink a gallon of potion to get myself calm, so I'm going to head to the Room of Requirement and consider the rest of the day a bust until I have to go to detention.

….

"Miss Campbell, we need to have a talk," Professor Flitwick says when I've sat down for my punishment.

"Okay…" I think I would prefer cleaning grime off of old cauldrons with Snape, but I don't voice that opinion.

"As your Head of House, you know you can come to me with anything, yes? I am here to help make sure you have a safe and enjoyable experience at Hogwarts." I already don't like where this is going… "As such, I have to ask you why you would learn such a dangerous spell and why you would be using it in the classroom." I've prepared for this question, so I have an answer ready.

"Well, reducto is also commonly used to break down old material, such as drywall," I know this off the top of my head, but I try to make it sound like I am reciting something I memorized. "I thought it would be a useful spell to learn in case I needed to do something like that. I didn't think about how dangerous it could be. Of course the book mentioned not to use it on people, but I thought that was fairly obvious."

"And so you used it on a pillow today in class?"

"Completely on accident! I was really tired and you said reducio and I heard reducto because they're really similar sounding and I didn't mean to cause trouble, honestly!" I'm rambling, but I really don't want him to think I'm some up and coming Death Eater or anything.

"Well, I'm glad to hear that it was a simple mistake. There's a reason that spells like that aren't taught in our curriculum. Of course, as the Ravenclaw Head of House, I will never begrudge you learning more than what is taught here, but please be more aware of what you are putting into that head of yours." He taps his own head in emphasis.

"Now, onto another pressing topic." The sternness in his expression falls away, leaving the kind hearted look he usually has in its wake. "Your bunkmates have come to me with concerns that you are not well. This is not normally something I would get involved with for the sake of your privacy, but they were very worried about you. Have you been taking care of yourself? You can talk to me about anything that is bothering you."

I am going to fucking kill those two. I'm doing everything I can to not seethe with rage in front of Professor Flitwick. How dare they get him involved!? I am a fucking adult and can take care of myself! Why is everyone suddenly butting in to my business!?

Professor Flitwick notices my hesitation and continues talking. "I noticed that you have been missing class more frequently as well. I spoke to your other professors, so I know that it's not just my class you are missing."

"I'm starting to feel like you've come to your own conclusions before asking me," I grumble. While I don't want to be too angry with my kindly professor, I am pleased to see that my anger is keeping me more in control of my fear. I have been able to hold back my usually shaking hands, despite feeling cornered in this conversation.

"I just want to make sure you're alright."

"I don't understand why everyone keeps asking me that!" I try very hard not to shout. Maybe letting myself be angry isn't a very smart move. He just gives me a pointed look.

"Your classmates said you were taking a lot of potions and said you were throwing up very frequently. Have you been to Madame Pomfrey to tell her about these episodes?"

...throwing up? What is he talking about?

"I haven't been throwing up at all?"

"There's no need to hide it from me, but if you don't want to talk about it with me you can at least talk to Madame Pomfrey. If you don't want to be honest with me you can finish out the rest of detention sitting here, but if you change your mind you are free to discuss with me." He waits patiently for me to "change my mind", but I am still reeling from what he has said.

"What, exactly, did my bunk mates say to you?" I finally manage to ask.

"I hope you're not upset with them for telling me their concerns-"

"But what did they say I was doing?" I press, cutting him off.

"I'm not sure how this is relevant. You know what your recent actions have been."

"But that's the thing, Professor. Apparently I don't. I haven't been getting sick at all, and I don't know why my bunk mates felt the need to lie about that."

"Now, Charlotte, there is no need to make up stories just because you are embarrassed. Madame Pomfrey can help you through whatever it is you're dealing with."

"I'm not dealing with anything! That's what I'm trying to tell you!" I'm shouting now.

"Your friends and your actions say otherwise, young lady," Professor Flitwick says sternly. "And if you feel the need to shout maybe we need to have a few more detentions to work this out." He pauses for a long moment. "That being said, I wish you would tell me what is actually going on. If your bunkmates are not telling me the truth, what _is_ the truth?"

"I…" don't know what to say…

"I'll be speaking to Madame Pomfrey tomorrow. On top of detention, you will be seeing her in the afternoons after class. If you won't speak to me, maybe you will talk to her. I am sorry for being so adamant about this, but if there is any risk to your health, it is my prerogative as your professor and head of house to be sure that you are well."

"No...that's not necessary..." I immediately feel like a deflated balloon, all of the anger rushing out of me and leaving me hollow.

"Then why are you missing so many classes? And why are your bunk mates "making up" these stories?"

"I don't know," I manage to answer numbly. Professor Flitwick sighs.

"I'll see you tomorrow for class and detention."

Ah shit. How am I going to get out of this mess? Today really has been awful.


	18. Chapter 18

I'm sick, I'm tired, this is probs garbage. Enjoy?

* * *

"I need a prank- a really, really mean prank," I seethe at the twins. I couldn't stand to go back to my own dorm after that horrible detention, so I headed straight to Gryffindor Tower. After having my weekly discussion with the Fat Lady, I manage to convince her to send the twins out of their common room so I can talk to them.

"Oh, somebody messed with little Charlotte…" George grins wickedly. We're a little ways down from the Fat Lady, to avoid being overheard.

"Who was it?" Fred looks angry, but I don't bother to find out why.

"My stupid bunk mates don't know how to stay out of my business, and I'm going to make them pay for it."

"What did they do?" Fred asks, as he begins to lead me down an empty hallway. I don't care where we're going- I just want revenge.

"They...They're just awful, okay?" I'm practically growling with rage.

"Man, whatever they did, they've got you all kinds of riled up. I can't wait to see what damage you cause," George laughs. They lead me inside an empty classroom, where they start pulling all sorts of pranking goods out of their pockets and out from under desks. I would normally be more curious about this, but I'm too busy seeing red to care.

"Have you talked to them?" Fred asks quietly, almost as an aside.

"What?" Did I hear him right?

"Have you talked to your bunk mates?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Just curious." Fred ignores the odd look his brother and I are giving him.

"So what should we do?" George asks.

"I want to set them on fire."

"Wow, you're really mad, huh?" George laughs again. "Well, have I got the perfect spell for you." He reaches to pull out his wand, but Fred is much faster.

"Affecto Incendio!" Fred catches his brother off guard, and I shriek when he's engorged in flame.

"Don't worry! It's fake," George calls over the sounds of the fire. It's not hurting him, clearly, and it's also not destroying anything it touches. In fact, it hasn't even jumped off of George, only staying on the subject that Fred cast it on.

"How…?" Well that's a stupid question, but I'm still amazed by the simple bit of magic. "Does water put it out?" I finally think to ask. Fred conjures a large amount of water over his brother's head.

"Only one way to find out." He grins. His brother doesn't notice until the last moment.

"Oi, Fred!" He tries to jump out of the way, but is far too late and the floating water is dumped unceremoniously on George's head- the fire stays, despite him being soaking wet.

"How do you get it to stop?" I ask between giggles.

"Incendio Affecto!" George points his wand at himself, and the false fire goes out.

"Saying the spell in reverse order?"

"Well, seeing as we invented it, we wanted something simple," Fred grins.

"For real? That's amazing!"

"Eh, you know. We have our moments." They high five, George still sopping wet.

"Gimme a hug, Charlotte!" He suddenly reaches for me and I race for the door.

"Thanks but no thanks! I'll let you know how the pranking goes!" I call as I run away.

"Get back here!" George calls, sprinting after me.

"I'll hold him back while you escape!" I hear a loud thump and turn to see that Fred has body slammed his brother to the ground, effectively stopping him.

"You traitor!" George shouts, wriggling beneath him.

"Bye, guys!" I'm laughing so hard I can barely make it down the hall. My bad mood is all but gone. I really need to thank them properly later.

…

Unfortunately, removing my anger does not help my anxiety. While coming up with a revenge plan has taken the edge off, I'm still, overall, a nervous wreck. What am I going to tell Madame Pomfrey or Professor Flitwick tomorrow? Why can't I come up with any good ideas? My brain feels like it's barely functioning. At this rate, the whole damn school will know I'm falling apart.

I continue to fight the urge to take more calming draught, even though I have it in my bag with me. Part of me wonders if taking it now will help me think better, but I've already taken more than enough today, I need to preserve what I have left. Hopefully I can wait until tomorrow, and I'll take it before my detention to come up with a good idea if I have to.

I rub my temples and groan in exasperation as I head back to my dorm. Hopefully setting my bunk mates on fire will make me feel better. That train of thought is so funny I can't help but laugh just imagining it.

"What are you laughing about like a freak?" I'm surprised to see Draco headed towards me at the opposite end of the hall.

"Oh, nothing important. What are you doing here anyway? Shouldn't you be in the dungeons at this hour?"

"That's none of your business, Campbell."

"Alright, no need to get snappy. I was just curious."

"Speaking of curiosity, what did you say to your boyfriend? He looks more mopey than usual, and he's been glaring at me for days." Draco somehow manages to look haughty while saying something so ridiculous.

"What? We're not..." My mind immediately goes to Fred, and how Luna said he likes me.

"Don't even bother lying. Your blushing like a schoolgirl."

"I am a schoolgirl, dummy! Anyway, I'm not blushing and I don't know what you're talking about." Not my best argument, but I can't be bothered to think of another one.

"I have no idea what Nott sees in you. You're clearly not very bright," Draco sneers.

"Then why do you keep talking to me?" I ask, crossing my arms in exasperation. Draco pauses and I'm surprised to see he is actually considering my question.

"Someone has to make sure Nott isn't making a fool of himself," he finally says grudgingly. I'm taken aback by his answer.

"I didn't know you cared."

"I don't! I just don't want someone like Nott to be brought down by some no name like you."

"That means you care," I argue.

"In your dreams, Campbell. I've got somewhere to be." He pushes past me, purposely knocking into my shoulder as he passes.

"Oh yeah, he definitely cares," I chuckle to myself as I continue on my way.

…

Getting to Ravenclaw Common Room and with nothing left to distract me, my anger starts to rise again. Despite how mad I am, I'm not stupid enough to go in to my dorm room with my wand blazing, not least because Mandy and Lisa aren't the only ones who will be there. That being said, I'm sure I'm going to get caught for this prank regardless if I'm seen executing it or not. I'm not naive enough to think I'll get away with this, but that doesn't mean my revenge will be any less sweet.

Since I'm sure I'll be caught, I am going to confront those little bullies tonight, but I'll set them on fire while they sleep. If I'm lucky, they'll have nightmares for months after this. Just because I'm more than likely to be caught doesn't mean I want obvious witnesses- I'd rather them wonder, even if only for a moment.

I burst into my dorm, letting my anger completely take over. If I don't let it have control, there's no way I'd be brave enough to just start calling people out like I'm about to. No one seems to notice my entrance. I catch sight of Mandy and Lisa sitting together on Mandy's bed, gossiping I'm sure, and I march straight up to them.

"What the hell is your problem?" I seethe at the pair. Lisa rolls her eyes.

"Why do you always have to be so dramatic, Charlotte?"

"Not only did you lie and tell our classmates that I'm sick, you told our Head of House too?"

"We didn't lie! You've been taking medicine all the time!" Mandy argues.

"You told Professor Flitwick that I've been throwing up. Where did you even get that from?"

"Well, we needed more evidence if he was going to believe us," Lisa explains.

"So you made something up? Thanks to you guys, I'm in trouble for being a "liar" even though you're the ones spreading these rumors around about me!"

"Well we just wanted to make sure you weren't spreading anything nasty around our dorm," Mandy sniffs.

"You're not even sorry, are you? You two lied, got me in trouble, and for what? So you could gloat?"

"Sorry? Why would we be sorry? We're watching out for everyone else's wellbeing. There's nothing to be sorry for," Lisa says. Oh I can't wait to set her on fire.

"What did I ever do to you two? If you didn't want to be friends, you could have just said so from the start! This is so childish."

"Childish?" Lisa laughs bitterly. "That's rich coming from you. We didn't want to be friends with you because you were such an obnoxious, childish, know-it-all. You wouldn't even study with us, before you got stupid." Ouch, that actually kinda hurt. Mandy looks away, but doesn't disagree.

I realize Lisa's referring to my drop in grades starting around the middle of last year and before I think it through I reply, "I guess you weren't smart enough to realize that I dropped my grades on purpose".

"What? Why?" Mandy asks, aghast. Shit, my anger totally got the better of me. I shouldn't have said that. Might as well be honest, I guess.

"I just wanted to be left alone," I admit quietly, not wanting anyone else to overhear, not that they seem to be listening. "You guys and everyone else just wanted to be around me for my grades, so I stopped trying so hard."

"You can't be serious," Lisa says. "You just got stupid…"

"Right after you guys stopped wanting to hang out with me? Weird timing," I explain sarcastically.

"You gave up your top spot just for that?" Mandy asks. "I wouldn't give it up for anything."

"Well, being followed around all the time and being bullied when I refused to help you guys study wasn't really worth it. Besides, it's not like I don't know I can get the top spot, and that matters much more to me, in the end." That last part was a bit of a lie. Being smarter than a bunch of twelve year olds doesn't really do a whole lot for me in terms of pride.

Lisa and Mandy both look shaken by my revelation.

"But you're sick, aren't you?" Mandy eventually asks.

"Where do you guys keep getting that from?" I must sound so exasperated because I _am._

"You've been acting so weird lately, and you keep drinking all that potion, whatever it is. Plus you sleep in the infirmary like, all the time," Lisa answers.

Oh! They think whenever I'm in the Room of Requirement that I'm actually in the infirmary. Now their "worries" make a little more sense.

"So did you guys forget that I get migraines, or did you just not care?" To be honest, _I_ forgot that I "get migraines" since it was a stupid lie I'd made up.

"You haven't said anything about it since last year. We thought you got over that," Lisa says.

"Yeah, I thought Madame Pomfrey cured you," Mandy agrees before adding, "Not that we care".

Shit, did she say that? Can magic cure those? Hell if I know! Maybe I should be studying more mediwizardry. That would probably be smart...

"Well, geez, tell me how you really feel," I manage.

"And why're you always making jokes about everything? You never take anything seriously and the rest of the time you're just whining," Lisa says.

What the hell, Lisa. We're twelve. Why should we be taking stuff seriously? Well, why should _you_ be taking things seriously, is more correct. I've got enough to take seriously to not sweat the small stuff, like being bullied and having my reputation sullied by my bunkmates. But obviously I can't say any of this out loud.

"If you didn't want to deal with me anymore, why can't you just leave me alone? We were doing fine up until now," I decide to say.

"You're trying to make us sick with whatever weird disease you have," Mandy answers.

"Would you let that go already?! I'm not sick!"

"Then what's wrong with you?" Lisa demands to know.

"I just want to be left alone, is that so much to ask?"

"Then maybe you should move into the infirmary instead of having a bunk here. It's not like you're ever here anyway," Mandy suggests.

"Well if my presence is such a bother to you than maybe I will!" I agree, turning and stomping away. Oh yeah, I'm totally going to set them on fire.

Lisa and Mandy immediately go back to whispering to each other and shooting me dirty looks. They're _so_ gonna pay for making my life miserable. My maturity knows no bounds, but after that frustratingly circular conversation, I don't care anymore. If they had apologized, or at least felt bad, I would have considered changing my mind, but I don't want to go back anymore. If I'm going to be in trouble anyway, I want it to be on my terms.

I draw my curtain around my bed to hide myself from their snide expressions and immediately put up a silencing charm. Next I set my alarm for 5am, a sure time that everyone will still be asleep, but late enough into the morning that I won't mind staying up for the rest of the day. With my preparations set, I close my eyes, the promise of revenge lulling me into unconsciousness.

…

My alarm wakes me from a restless sleep. I can't wait to see how badly this goes. With a mirthless smile, I grab my wand and cast a few spells in quick succession. A cushioning spell to quiet my footfalls and the disillusionment charm that Grandma taught me. I doubt anyone will notice me, but it never hurts to be overly cautious.

With those spells out of the way, I slowly pull back my curtains and step out of bed. This is it! I carefully make my way over to Mandy's bed first (she's the heavier sleeper) and cast the spell, _Affecto Incendio._

The false fire blooms instantly in the darkness of our dorm. I'm on a very short timer now. I hustle over to Lisa, repeating the process and then dive into bed, closing my curtains with no worries about the sound they will make thanks to my silencing charm from last night.

Now I just have to wait. I gleefully lay back down and watch the fire create beautiful shadows on my curtains. As I'm waiting, I remember a little charm that I thought might come in handy someday and cast it on myself, immediately causing the world to muffle the world around me. No use going deaf listening to all these prepubescent girls scream their lungs out.

And boy do they scream…

"Ahh!" I'm not really sure who starts it, considering their voices are muffled and I can't see them until I draw my curtains back. The scene beyond my bed is absolute chaos, and the urge to laugh is so intense I have to cover my mouth to stop it.

In the seconds it took my to sit up and get a good view, Lisa and Mandy have both thrown themselves on the floor of the dorm, rolling around in what appears to be agony. Apparently neither of them have yet realized that they're not actually in any pain.

By the time I've quelled my urge to laugh at them, the rest of the girls are running around like chickens with their heads cut off, going in every which direction doing a thousand different things; most of them are trying to barrel for the exit, leaving Mandy and Lisa to their fates, which leaves me supremely satisfied in an awful sort of way. Some are trying to help, but being a bunch of second years, are ill equipped magically and are quite useless physically. A few are desperately trying to remember spells they've read to conjure water, while others have run to the bathroom to try and throw cupfuls of it on the girls.

It doesn't take long for the panicked girls who were initially clamoring for the exit to disappear, so now is the time for me to put an end to this little prank. I don't want anyone other than this dorm to actually witness it, and once teachers get involved it will be nearly impossible for me to put it out without being caught outright.

I get out of bed and make my way over to the exit of our dorm, pretending that I'm off to escape. Once the fire is out, I'll duck out of the dorm and wait with everyone else. That will put off a tiny bit of suspicion, at least for a little while.

 _Incendio Affecto,_ I say clearly but quietly, pointing my wand at Mandy. The fire disappears instantly, just as a girl dumps a large glass of water on Mandy's face. Perfect timing. I do this once again to Lisa, and the mad dashing of the other girls finally slows. It takes Lisa some time to realize she isn't on fire anymore, continuing to roll on the ground for a bit until someone grabs her and makes her stop.

I slip out the door before anyone can notice me, bounding down the stairs to the common room, where I am nearly barreled over by our prefects racing past me. They'll be happy to know there's no real emergency.

I almost forget that I have the disillusionment charm on me, which is why no one looks up when I enter the common area. There are a lot more people down here than I expected, and for a moment I feel a pang of guilt- I didn't mean to disrupt so many people, but the screaming girls doubtlessly woke them up.

To avoid thinking about that any further, I decide to head to the bathroom and undo the spell on myself, before I forget or things get hectic for some reason. When I come back out, our prefects are walking Lisa and Mandy down the stairs, the two sopping wet girls sputtering loudly enough for us all to hear.

"But we really _were_ on fire!" Mandy shouts, nearly incoherent.

"Yeah I'm sure," the prefect leads her out of the common room, probably to Madame Pomfrey to get her head checked.

" _They're_ the ones that woke us up at 5am?" I overhear an upperclassman complain.

"They are so in for it when they get back," another one says menacingly.

Uh oh. I hope it's a quiet affair when the professors catch me, or else I may have just made more enemies than I intended…

"Everything is fine! You can go back to bed!" Another prefect calls, and we all start heading back to our rooms. I doubt I'll be able to fall asleep after all this; I've got a lot to think about.

I thought I would feel better after my prank, and for the most part I do. They got what they deserved and the image of the bullies soaking wet and rolling on the floor definitely made up for some of the suffering they caused me. So why do I also feel sort of bad? I'll ask the twins about it, maybe this is a normal feeling to have after a prank?

…

"It's totally not normal," George shakes his head, his arms crossed.

"You didn't even think about it!" I whine.

"There's nothing to think about! Feeling guilty after a prank defeats the purpose of it. It's meant to get a laugh."

"Even if the only person laughing is you," Fred adds. The three of us are conferring in an empty classroom, due to the sensitivity of our subject matter.

"Was it too much?" I ask.

"Well you probably made a few enemies," Fred says. "But that's sort of the point."

"And you didn't hurt anyone," George adds.

"So good job!" The two say together, both holding up a hand for a high five. I oblige them.

"Thanks for your help, guys. I couldn't have done it without you."

"Spreading mayhem is what we do! We're happy to help anytime, even though you did all the work. We just gave you the spell," Fred beams.

"Next time we hang out though, let's make it less business and more fun! You could use a snow day," George says.

"Oh, okay," I agree awkwardly.

"See ya later, Char!" The two bound off, full of energy as usual. I follow them out of the room more slowly and make my way to class.

Ironically, despite all the craziness from this morning, I haven't been feeling very anxious today. I mean, I suppose I am, since I'm worried about when or if I'll get caught for my prank, but at the same time, I'm not shaking like a leaf. I had planned on taking some of my potion before I went on my little adventure, but I completely forgot. Of course, now that I'm thinking about it I want to take more, but I think I'll try to hold off a little longer.

…

In a manner wholly unlike my usual self, as of late, I manage to take the start of my day in stride and just enjoy my class for a while. Things are going to blow up in my face, probably soon, but what is freaking out about it going to do for me? I keep thinking this whenever I feel my anxiety bubble up, and it feels like a miracle that this is enough to keep me sane.

Sitting in Transfiguration class, finishing our lesson on how to turn a porcupine into a pin cushion (when is this going to be pertinent in real life?) I idly think about quidditch. If I get caught for my prank, I probably won't be able to play anytime soon, not that I was actually going to get on the team anyway. Way to think ahead, Campbell. This is the kind of behaviour an actual twelve year old would exhibit. Lately I've been acting so ridiculously no one would even believe me if I said I was an adult.

Maybe this is exactly what I needed though- I needed to freak out and be ridiculous for a little while in order to calm down. Now I'll suffer the repercussions of my bad behaviour and then I'll chill out and be back to normal. I can only hope.

Midway through Transfiguration practice, Professor McGonagall comes over to me and says quietly, "You've been summoned to Professor Dumbledore's office. The password is Chocolate Frogs. You know the way, yes?"

"Yes, ma'am." I gather my belongings, sure of what's to come. Mandy and Lisa definitely ratted me out. I mean, there isn't really anyone else who would set them on fire (I assume?), so it was only a matter of time.

…

Standing in front of the large statue guarding Professor Dumbledore's office, I start to finally feel like I made a big mistake. Before I was unsure, but now, standing here, I feel like maybe this was a fuck up on my part. I certainly wanted to avoid Dumbledore for the next fiveish-oh shit he dies before the 7th book- fourish years after our last fiasco, but here I am, putting myself in bad situations to get myself a one way ticket to a private conversation with him.

"Chocolate Frogs," I say hesitantly, waiting until the statue has stopped moving completely before stepping on the bottom stair and letting the magical staircase carry me up. On the way I take some meditative breaths, fortifying my mental shield, and for good measure, take some potion from my bag to keep me steady.

"Ah, there you are Miss Campbell, please, take a seat." He picks up a chocolate frog from his desk, unwraps it, and pops it in his mouth quickly. The enchanted candy tried valiantly to make an escape, but the old wizard was too quick for it. He looks at the pile of candies on his desk and back up at me, but seems to think better of asking me if I want one. Figures. "I assume you know why you're here?"

Well, it's not hard to guess, though I'm happy I'm alone in my interrogation and don't have to hear those two brats whining about how I nearly killed them.

"You wanted to see me?" I ask/guess. I've already established a bad rapport with the guy, might as well enjoy being an ass, am I right? ….probably not.

The last time I spoke to Dumbledore was when I admitted both that I'm a seer and that I can no longer see the future. That's probably why he hasn't made me his hostage and forced me to tell him everything, though even if my knowledge isn't as useful, if I were him I would still want to know what I had originally seen. So why hasn't he forced it out of me?

"That is partially true, yes. I am a bit concerned for your emotional wellbeing."

"Uh-Wait, I'm sorry. What?"

"Madame Pomfrey has told me that you have been taking her calming draughts longer than she had anticipated you needing them, and after what happened this morning…"

"You can't think I was involved in that?!" I ask indignantly. Damn maybe I should consider acting professionally, except clearly I need a better script because the headmaster quickly shuts me down.

"I never said I thought you were," he eyes me intently, clearly expressing that he _knows_ I was involved, even if his words say otherwise. Man, why am I always so quick to jump the gun? I need to be more level headed in situations like this!

"The calming draughts help me on my tests," I lie, going back to what he had said earlier. I'm still careful to never look him in the eye, just in case he changes his mind about forcing answers out of me.

"That is not its intended purpose, nor is it something you should be relying on in your daily life," he adds seriously.

Ugh, he knows I've been abusing it. I mean, he caught me the first time I drank way too much, though I haven't gotten that bad since that night...often. Maybe that's the reason he hasn't tried to pry any information out of me- he knows it all already and I'm so damn easy to read to reaffirm his knowledge. Why am I so bad at this? I sigh deeply.

"I don't need to be coddled," I finally say.

"You are a young girl lashing out at her classmates in anger. You have clearly shown that you are not taking care of what is ailing you in a reasonable manner...It would help me and those who are worried about you to know what is bothering you."

"Well maybe if anyone listened to what I had to say, I would be more willing to talk!"

"What do you mean?"

"I _told_ Professor Flitwick repeatedly that the things my classmates were saying about me weren't true," I explain, careful not to name Lisa and Mandy in particular, not that it really matters. "But he believed them over me just because the two of them made up lies together."

"I think there may have been more reason for him to worry about you than that," Dumbledore gently disagrees.

"Well I missed class because of what happened after the quidditch match, so he must have made a conjecture from that."

"You only missed class for one day?" That obnoxious twinkle in his eyes is back. There's no point lying.

"And maybe a day or two after... and a few inbetween."

"And those absences were due to…?"

"I didn't feel like going."

"Miss Campbell, I feel as if we have gone back to the start of our conversation, don't you? Maybe it would be best to be more succinct."

"Maybe I just don't want to talk about it." I fold my arms like the petulant child I know I'm being.

"For the future safety of your classmates, I don't think that is wise." I roll my eyes at this.

"Nobody got hurt."

"Today," he says quietly. I look up at the headmaster in shock.

"You really think I would hurt them?" I ask, realization finally dawning on me.

"Now that the future is uncertain, your actions no longer hold the consequences they once did, correct? What's to stop you, then, from hurting those who stood in your way?" The headmaster asks me solemnly.

Holy shit man! I know you're used to dealing with a sociopath bent on world domination, but that's insane! I decide to play dumb and see where it gets me.

"Professor, I'm not sure what you're talking about, but I'm twelve. I'm not going to kill my classmates because they bullied me." For good, childish measure I add, "I'm not evil, geez." Dumbledore pauses for a moment at this, and then chuckles for a few moments.

"Yes, you're quite right. I'm sorry for making assumptions about you," he says placatingly.

"I only want what's best for everyone," I say honestly, looking him in the eye for the first time. I want him to know I mean what I'm saying, for once. His expression flashes to something I don't know how to describe, but it's gone in a moment.

"For the greater good?"

There is a pause so deafening in it's silence I am not sure my voice alone will be able to break it. The implication of his question is not lost on me, and I'm sure the horror on my face proves many things I would rather it didn't, but lies are not my specialty, no matter how often I like to flatter myself. I'm not sure which side of "the greater good" he thinks I am a part of, Grindlewald's "kill the muggles" or Dumbledore's current "screw the individual for the sake of the masses" but I don't agree with either.

"No," I finally manage to say. "I'm not fighting for the greater good. I'm fighting for my own good."


	19. Chapter 19

A/N: Please feel free to let me know if there are any glaring errors in this chapter. I'm being brave and updating even though this has not been read over by my editor.

Is this a thinly veiled way for me to work through my own emotional problems? Hell yes it is. But I mean, isn't most writing? Anyway, this might be total garbage, but I nearly forgot to post it and just got back from a funeral. Please be at least somewhat kind.

* * *

"I'm fighting for my own good," I say, for once feeling sure of myself.

Dumbledore doesn't seem to know what to do with me. Obviously this wasn't what he thought I would say. There's a long pause that I feel the ridiculous need to fill, "That being said, I'm not here to get in the way of 'the greater good'- it can do what it wants, as long as it's not bothering me." The headmaster continues to stare at me, his mouth ever so slightly ajar.

After a long while, he finally says, "If that is how you feel, I will honor your wishes."

"Really?" I perk up, leaning forward in my excitement. This can't be true!

"If-" I sigh deeply. I knew it. "You start taking better care of yourself."

"I told you they were lying!" I argue, against my own better judgement. He'll leave me alone if I stop screwing up, why am I not okay with that? Probably because I'm playing the part of a selfish brat a little too well.

"I find it hard to believe that your classmates would come up with that lie in particular if there was not some grain of truth in it. The best of lies come from a version of the truth, don't you think?" Damn. Well, he's got me there.

"I…Fine. I'll do as you ask," I resign myself to stop arguing.

"I'm glad to hear it." He leans back in his chair and looks over at Fawkes, who is preening himself, completely uninterested in our conversation. "Now, let us discuss your punishment. Just because you have promised to take care of yourself in the future does not condone your mistakes in the past. I think it would be best if you check in with Madame Pomfrey daily and make sure that you spend time with your friends." That obnoxious twinkle in his eye is back. "Also, a month of detention with Hagrid will be good for you, I think. You look like you could use some rock cakes."

"Yes, sir. Is that all?" I can't believe he is basically letting me get away with this. What is his plan here?

"I only wish that you would talk with someone about what is bothering you. Even if things are not turning out the way you had hoped, it is my hope for you that you find the happiness you are looking for."

I am taken aback by the sincerity in his voice, and end up feeling a little guilty.

"I, uh, thank you. I'm sorry for being so hard to deal with before. I've been...worried," I explain vaguely. He deserves at least this much for letting me off the hook.

"It seems that your worries have increased since the last time we spoke," Dumbledore notes. He doesn't mention when that was, but I remember.

"Yeah I haven't been handling the news well," I agree. The last time we spoke was when I went overboard with the calming draught…

The realization smacks me in the face. Oh man, I am such an _idiot_! Here I am trying to pretend like I'm fine when he was _there_ when I fell apart. He knew from the start what my problem is and I completely forgot! Being so stressed has not been good for my brain, clearly.

"I'm sorry. I'm not very good at any of this." I wave my hand vaguely. I don't know if I'm apologizing to him or myself.

"Good at what?" Dumbledore asks.

"I don't know," I sigh. Talking, lying, life in general? I put my face in my hands and sigh. "Everything?" I add, my voice a bit muffled.

"I can see why you have been enjoying the effects of the calming draughts," he says. I shake my head in embarrassment. I can't believe I forgot that he already knew. "I am sorry for not intervening sooner. If I had seen how much you were suffering..." I lift my head up at this.

"No, I appreciate you letting me make my own mistakes. How else will I learn?" I may not know a lot about what the headmaster is thinking, but I have a sneaking suspicion he let me go with the draught because he wanted to see what I would do with it. I mean, he did admit earlier that he thought I was dangerous.

"That being said, disrupting your dorm mates the way you did is not something I can condone, even if no one was harmed."

"Of course," I agree. "I went too far." Not that I'm going to apologize for it or regret it.

"Thank you for talking to me today, Charlotte. I'm glad to see you open up."

"Well don't get used to it," I say as I stand up and grab my bag. "Once I'm off these calming draughts I'm not going to want to talk to anybody." Part of me wonders why I just made such a sardonic joke about myself, but part of me knows I'm just tired of telling lies. Maybe I can be more honest if I just make everything sound like cruel satire.

"Please take heed of what I told you today. I wish you would talk to me about your concerns, but if not me, than at least lean on your friends. Also," he adds as an afterthought, "for the safety of those around you, you will be moving to a new part of your dorm."

"Oh, yes of course." I make my leave, but not before leaning forward and grabbing a chocolate frog off of the headmaster's desk. I practically run out of the office, refusing to look at Dumbledore. I can't believe I would do something so ridiculous. I blame the potion!

…

Now that I've suffered through that meeting without completely ruining everything, I have to go see Madame Pomfrey. I have so many things to think about I can barely keep my head straight. I idly open my chocolate as I walk and ponder, almost letting the enchanted sweet get away because I'm so unfocused.

So Dumbledore said I was having detention with Hagrid, but Professor Flitwick said I had detention with him. What should I do? Go to both? Or do I assume that they've spoken to one another? Maybe I'll go to Professor Flitwick first since Hagrid will never get _mad_ if I don't show up.

I still can't believe Dumbledore basically let me get away with my prank. Yes, getting detention is a punishment, but I was sure he would use my recklessness as an excuse to get inside my head. He didn't force me to tell him my secrets, even when he had the opportunity. What is his angle?

Well, thinking back on it, in the end he did convince me to talk. Why did I tell him so much? I feel like he did the same thing to me that he did to Draco, or will do, I guess. He knew I was doing something wrong and let me keep doing it in hopes that I would realize my mistake and go to him for help.

Also, what the hell was that exchange with Dumbledore? I know I'm not really a bad person at heart, but could I at least be a bit better at holding myself to one persona? I start out being a bratty teen, then I'm all apologetic, and then I thank him and steal chocolate from him? I must look like I have a mental disorder or something! Maybe I really should stop taking the calming draught...

Well, if I'm going to blame the draught for all of my problems, I need to get serious about not taking it anymore, but if I do, what kind of repercussions will I have to deal with? Fortunately, for whatever reason, my adult brain has some knowledge on medication and how to take it, and one of the things I very clearly know not to do is to quit cold turkey.

I can't just stop taking the potion all together, with how dependent I've become on it. If I stop taking it with no warning to my mind or body, who knows what will happen to me? Maybe I should tell Madame Pomfrey all this, so she can help me stop taking it. If I'm not careful, she might take the potion from me immediately and I would definitely suffer.

I make it to The Hospital Wing a little less burdened by my thoughts; sometimes a short walk is all it takes to get my head on straight.

"Madame Pomfrey?" I call as I walk in.

"Oh, good evening, Charlotte," she says, ushering me over to her desk. "Did Professor Dumbledore give you a stern talking to? What you did to those girls was not kind. I had to give them almost an entire bottle of calming draught to get them over their hysterics!" The irony of this is not lost on me.

"Yes, m'am. I went too far." Still not apologizing.

"Good. Now that that's out of the way." She bids me sit down on a cot and she starts doing a general checkup as she speaks. "Everyone is worried about you. What's been going on?"

"I don't know what everyone is concerned about," I find myself lying. Am I good at lying or bad at it!? Why do I always lie when I don't want to, but tell the truth at the worst moments?

"I'm surprised to hear you say that. It seems that Professor Dumbledore was quite sure that you were having an issue. I don't know why you wouldn't tell me about it." I can clearly hear the agitation underlying her kind words. I sigh deeply. Now is as good a time to come clean as any, I suppose.

"I-"

"Well if you're not going to tell me, I'll find the answer for myself." With no further preamble, she grabs my bag beside me and quickly finds the bottle of calming draught.

"Wait! I can explain!" I'm _trying_ to explain!

"You had your opportunity, multiple times, Charlotte. You should have come to me if you were having an issue with your potion! I gave this to you thinking you were a strong young woman and you could handle the responsibility, but if you couldn't you should have said so!"

Damn, Madame Pomfrey, that was harsh. Tears spring to my eyes, unbidden. Have I ever mentioned that I hate being a disappointment?

"Charlotte the time for apologies and tears has passed. You need to understand that your actions have consequences! It's unfair to your classmates that you get the upper hand on tests due to a potion that I gave you. In fact, some might even consider it cheating."

I freeze at this. What is she implying?

"Now, I'm sure you'll need to talk to Professor Flitwick about it, but he is within his rights to say that you were cheating on your exams."

You have got to be kidding me. I wasn't doping on hard drugs! They are blowing this way out of proportion! Is she for real or is this just to make me feel more guilty? And is seems _again_ Dumbledore told his staff half truths. Instead of telling Madame Pomfrey that I'm emotionally compromised and (probably?) addicted to this potion, he told her that I was using it for exam stress. Isn't that a normal reason to use it though? Surely there must be some kid here with test anxiety doing the same thing.

"That isn't really cheating, is it? Isn't that what the potion is for?" I wrap my mind around the situation enough ask.

"You were using it outside of my recommendations. I think it could be said that you were abusing it to get better grades," she says seriously. I stare at her hard, trying to read into what she is saying and how. Unfortunately, I'm not enough of a people person to figure her out. I don't have that magical Slytherin quality I so envy of understanding someone else's motivations better than they do.

"So I should talk to Professor Flitwick?" I decide my best course of action is to be suitably afraid, but I'm not going to break down and cry-yet.

"I think that is best. In the meantime, obviously no more of this." She holds up the potion before sending it away with her wand to her locked potions cabinet.

"But, Madame Pomfrey-"

"No buts! Go speak to Professor Flitwick- it's getting late. We will talk again tomorrow about how you are doing."

I sigh deeply. She's not going to listen to me tonight, but at least she might tomorrow. Despite my best efforts, that was unfortunately my last bottle of potion, but I should be able to make it through. Hopefully.

"I'm sorry for all the trouble," I say as I stand up.

"I'm glad you've realized you have realized your mistake. Don't worry, tomorrow we'll talk about some ways to help you relax on your tests."

"Right," I manage to mumble as I leave.

I head to Professor Flitwick's office, trying to swallow down my rising panic. I can handle a day without. It's no big deal. I've been taking less lately anyway, and I've gotten a better handle on myself as of late. So why am I freaking out now?

I find myself outside of the door to my Head of House's office. I should knock. I should go in and have this conversation. So why am I not doing that? Dumbledore said he would leave me alone if I took care of myself, and talking to people is definitely a part of that.

I raise my arm to knock on the door, and I notice that it's shaking so hard I can barely keep it straight. I grab my shaking hand by the wrist, trying to hold it steady as I move it closer to the door. This should not be this difficult! My agitation with myself is unfortunately not enough to hold me together; I try for another few moments to knock on the door, but with an exasperated sigh, I let my arms drop.

What am I going to do now? My fear tells me to run as far as I can, far enough that I won't have to deal with anyone ever again, but the responsible part of me doesn't want to leave until I've done what I came here to do. For agonizing minutes, I remain stuck, my anxiety rendering me frozen as well as any body-binding curse.

Eventually I let myself fall to my knees, and it's only as I do that I realize how badly my legs had been shaking. How had I been holding myself up? I put my head in my hands, tears coming freely as I fall apart.

What have I been doing all this time? I'm alone when I clearly shouldn't be. Instead of letting people in I pushed them all away. I could have told my parents what was going on when they were worried, but instead I told them lies. Grandma is the only person in the world who really knows me and I lied to her face, and, despite the facade I put on, I've never really let my friends close. I haven't realized until this moment how alone I've really made myself.

I'm completely alone in the world and it's all my fault.

…

In the end, I don't talk to Professor Flitwick. After a while, I manage to pick myself up off the floor and wander down the hall. For a while I'm aimless, watching the portraits as most of them sleep. A few of them are still awake, and they give me odd looks as I pass by. It must be past curfew, but I have no interest in finding out the time.

It's far too late to try to sneak back into the Ravenclaw dorm, nor do I care to. I know I should go to the Room of Requirement and go to bed, but I can't really be bothered to do that either. My indecision leaves me wandering the halls, the rules be damned, feeling like one of the many ghosts who haunt them.

My focus on my surroundings comes and goes. It almost feels like apparating- one blink leaves me on the fourth floor, and when I'm cognizant again I'm on the first. I go wherever my feet take me, my mind a miserable blank.

At one point, I have no idea where I am, and I hear someone coming towards me from the other end of the hall. My bleary thoughts are quickly cast aside as my heart rate picks up; it could be Filch. I dive for the closest door, which is fortunately unlocked, and I close it as quietly as I can behind me.

While I wait for the footsteps to pass, I pull out my wand and mutter the disillusionment charm. I step away from the door and see in the dim moonlight that I'm in a classroom. It doesn't look familiar to me in the dark.

With bated breath, I wait for whoever it is to leave, finally feeling some regret for what an idiot I've been all night. What the hell have I been thinking? Well there's an easy answer for that, clearly I haven't been.

Fortunately, the steps never falter, and though it feels long, they pass quickly. I heave a sigh of relief. I'll give it another minute and then I'll head up to the seventh floor. I'll just sit down to wait…

I open my eyes to find myself in a familiar classroom. Did I fall asleep during Charms? Ugh, my back hurts so bad. I move to get up and realize that I'm on the floor instead of my desk. Wait. In a rush, I remember what happened last night and how I ended up here. From the windows I can see that the sun has barely started it's ascent, the day having not quite begun yet. I've gotta get out of here.

I can feel my heart ramming in my chest and my breathing quicken, but this is no time to panic. I finish picking myself up and head for the door, but as I'm reaching for the handle I realize my mistake.

"Right, disillusionment charm first." I cast the spell quickly and shove my wand back in my pocket before opening the door slowly.

Poking my head out, it doesn't seem like anyone is around. What a lucky break! Before anyone _does_ come around, I let myself out, shutting the door quietly behind me before speed walking away. Looking back at the door in confusion, I wonder how I could be unlucky enough to choose the Charms classroom, of all the rooms in the castle. Unfortunately, this wandering gaze is what allows me to run straight into Professor Flitwick, presumably on his way to his classroom.

"Oww!" I groan involuntarily, rubbing my shin where the professor accidentally slammed me. It takes me a moment to realize what's happened and my blood runs cold. The disillusionment charm doesn't work if I draw direct attention to myself, like by running into someone. I really am dreadfully unlucky.

"Oh, Miss Campbell! There you are. Where were you last night? I was expecting you."

"I-I'm really sorry, Professor. I was just stopping by your classroom but you weren't there. I know it's really early but I wanted to catch you before classes started. It was pretty late last night after talking to Madame Pomfrey and Professor Dumbledore so I thought it would be better if we spoke this morning." Not the worst lie, if a bit overzealous in my explanation.

"I see. Well, you should have come to me anyway. I waited quite a while for you. You're lucky that I'm here so early, I was just grabbing something before heading down to breakfast."

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to inconvenience you." A genuine apology. He squints up at me for a few moments.

"Are you alright? You seem quite disheveled."

I look down at myself, noting my harried appearance. My robes are wrinkled (and presumably smell), and I'm sure my face and hair look terrible from lack of sleep and tending. I run my fingers through my hair nervously.

"I didn't sleep well," I say lamely.

"Why don't we go to the classroom to talk." Professor Flitwick leads the way, opening his classroom door and ushering me inside. I follow suit, continuing to try to fix my hair in earnest. "Sit, sit." He motions for the desk closest to his own and I oblige. "Miss Campbell, I'm going to be perfectly honest with you." I swallow nervously. I have vague memories of Professor Flitwick losing his patience, and it wasn't pretty. "Your grades are phenomenal. You used to the be the top of your class, but your grades have dropped ever so slightly since then. I'm sorry that you felt that you were unable to keep that position."

My eyes widen in shock, and I must be making an obvious facial expression because he continues, "Don't think you're not the first Ravenclaw to have done this. I've been teaching a long time, and many a student has passed through our house. I know the brightest one in the room, and sometimes the top of the class is too much of a spotlight for them. We may a house of eccentric and wise students, but we have held our fair share of bullies as well. Your story, while your own and just as unfair, is not an uncommon one.

That being said, it is the job of adults to help you through situations like these. I wish you did not feel the need to take this situation into your own hands. The reason we have been so upset with you is because we are disappointed that you did not feel like you could come to us with your problems. Your health is declining and your classmates have been attacked and nothing has been fixed. You can't do this all on your own. Professor Dumbledore was hoping you would come to these conclusions on your own and asked us not to talk to you, but I think things have gone far enough, don't you?"

A small part of me still wants to argue with him about the "declining health" thing, but I really can't be bothered. He might not be perfectly right on that, but my mental health is declining enough that he's also not technically wrong.

The rest of me is mortified that I've been so easily read. No wonder Professor Flitwick was mad before, I lied right to his face and he _knew_ it. Man, if it ever gets out somehow that I'm actually an adult I think it would be the most humiliating day of my life. Everyone would look at me and say, "Really? No way. She's the most immature, incapable girl I know".

I think I'm too exhausted to cry anymore, but that doesn't mean I don't feel miserable. What am I supposed to say to this revelation from my well meaning professor?

"I'm sorry," I whisper uselessly.

"We just want to help you," he sighs.

"I don't know if I can be helped."

"Everyone needs help sometimes, even adults like me, and everyone can get help. All they have to do is ask," he reaches a hand towards me, and suddenly it feels like my chest is being crushed in a vice. I jump out of my seat, my breathing shallow and way too fast.

"I'm sorry, Professor. I can't. I just...I can't do this right now!" I'm up and stepping away from him before I even really know what I'm doing.

"Charlotte, wait!" He tries to get up to follow me, but my height gives me so much advantage that I've bolted out of the room before he has even gotten around his desk.

I feel like I've played out this scene more times than I should recently. Someone trying to help me, me, being unable handle it, running from their help. Why am I constantly pushing everyone away? Because I know a truth that no one else does- I really _can't_ be helped. My problems are impossible for anyone else to understand.

I run upstairs, not giving anyone or anything a second glance. Fortunately it's early enough that I don't pass many people. By the time I make it to The Room of Requirement I'm winded, which helps me feel slightly less panicked, like I've managed to outrun some of my demons.

I stand outside my sanctuary and wonder what I need. Maybe the room will know better than I? I pace back and forth, letting my mind wander over my anxiety from the past few days. After my third pass, the door appears as I hoped. With a deep breath, I open the door and find myself...outside?

I blink a few times and peek my head "inside" the room, leaving my feet planted firmly in the corridor. The outside world before me is a wooded meadow, with a small creek flowing through it. It looks perfectly inviting. I crane my head to look at the door on this side and see that it is situated in the middle of nowhere, as if it wasn't connected to anything at all. Pulling my head back over my feet, I shrug and decide it seems safe enough. I close the door behind me as I step into the meadow.

Outside, the sun is shining and the temperature feels just right. I take off my shoes and socks to feel the soft grass between my toes and sigh happily. This is _exactly_ what I needed. I walk over to the creek and sit beside it, putting my feet in the water and splashing them around playfully.

I know I'm a witch and I've been raised with magic all around me, but sometimes I forget that magic can be so...magical. Of course The Room of Requirement could make an outside room for me. Sometimes it seems the only thing hindering me in this world is my own creativity.

I sigh again, letting my thoughts wander back to what's actually bothering me. I don't really feel lonely, but that doesn't mean I'm not alone. I have to figure out how to lean on others, even if they don't really understand what I'm going through.

I can't help but roll my eyes at myself at that last thought. That isn't even true and I fucking know it. Grandma knows everything about me and I haven't been able to tell her a thing about what I'm going through. I'm a pathological liar at this point, and I refuse to let anyone help me for no real reason. What is my problem anyway?

I lay back on the grass and throw a hand over my eyes in exasperation. Looking back on it, it seems like my real problem is that I don't _want_ any help. Every time someone offers, I panic and run away. What am I so afraid of? Letting them in? Letting them see who I really am? I don't have to tell people my secret to accept their help. But do I deserve it?

"Oh," I say to no one. That's it. The reason I won't let anyone in, why I won't accept their help. I don't think I deserve it. Tears spring to my eyes unbidden, and I realize that I've hit the nail on the head perfectly. I don't deserve anyone's help. I can't save this alternate timeline and I can't save myself. It's not fair for me to lean on other people when I don't even belong here!

Safely hidden in my meadow, I finally take the time to do what I've been putting off and holding back for weeks now- I cry. I have no idea how long I sit there, my feet dangling in the cool water, sobbing. It feels so cathartic, to finally realize why I've been so unhappy and to face it head on, even if facing it just means crying my eyes out. Honestly, a part of me knew what was plaguing me, but I hadn't taken the time to really understand what I was experiencing. Now I know and I can finally take care of it.

Ugh I wish I was a Slytherin and didn't need to freak out for weeks to realize what my problem is! Maybe if I wasn't so afraid of being near anyone, Theo could have figured this out for me. Actually, knowing Theo, he probably already had an idea of what's going on with me. It seems like everyone has a read on me these days but me.

That's a more legitimate concern of mine, that I'm an open book and don't know how to fix it. Maybe I can talk to Theo about that too. He's so good at hiding his true feelings, it'd be nice if he could teach me a thing or two.

Between the sun, the gentle breeze, and the quiet trickle of the creek, it's not surprising that I fall asleep. When I wake up, I feel refreshed and well rested- something I haven't truly felt for a while. I know I haven't actually solved anything- at all- but just realizing what my problems are is a large part of the battle. Who knew that I would have to deal with battling myself long before the war begins?


	20. Chapter 20

Sorry, guys. I totally dropped the ball on this one. My word count is low and I didn't have internet yesterday so I couldn't upload on time. I'm so not confident in my writing, but I hope you like it?

I'm gonna try my hardest to keep my schedule through May, but this month is going to be so crazy writing is definitely going to be put on the back burner. Wish me luck! Maybe some loving comments will convince me it's worth a sleepless night or two. ;)

 **EDIT:** Wow, super embarrassed. Thanks to Marie-S-Raven for calling me out on my mistake. Char and Luna are NOT in the same class. Had to do some reworking to keep the scene while holding up the integrity of my own story. Geez~ Not really worth a re-read if you've already seen the chapter, but I did change the ending line ;)

* * *

After what feels like my millionth breakdown, I feel like I'm finally ready to figure out what my next steps are. I have to start letting people in (which doesn't necessarily mean telling them my life's story) so that I can lean on others when things get hard. I don't trust Dumbledore, and that's fine, but I should still take his advice and not try to do everything on my own.

I think my first step will be to talk to Theo, he'll know what to do to help me make things right with everyone.

…

It's lunch time (I've skipped more classes than I want to think about) and I sent a note to Theo via Tally to meet me at our usual spot. I wait patiently in the empty potions classroom, forgoing lunch to avoid missing my friend. Fortunately, I don't have to sulk with my own thoughts too long before he arrives.

"You missed class again," he says, closing the door behind him. I can't bring myself to really look at him.

"Good afternoon to you too."

"You also missed lunch," he pauses and looks me up and down, "and you look awful."

"I'm touched by your kind concern. Were you really worried?" I ask, all sarcasm.

"Yes. Where have you been?" I blink. I didn't expect such a straightforward answer.

"Oh, I've been around," I lie airly. Wait, why am I lying again? The whole point of this was to be more honest!

"What is with you?" I finally manage to look him in the eye, and the betrayal I see there is so poignant I immediately look away.

"What do you mean?" I ask the ground.

"I mean- you know what? Forget it. If you don't want to talk about it it's not my business." I can feel the ice cold wall that Theo usually puts up around people being built between the two of us. If I don't salvage this now I'm going to lose him.

"I do want to talk about it," I whisper.

"What?"

"I'm sorry! I keep pushing you away and I don't mean to! I don't want to," I finally blurt out.

"Is that why you ran away the last time we talked? You said something about lying and then you bolted. I thought you said you wouldn't lie to me. I haven't been lying to you." Theo's unhappy face suddenly reminds me of something.

"Draco said that you've been upset lately. Were you mad because I said that?"

"You believed what Malfoy told you?"

"He seemed worried about us, actually." I can't help but giggle at the memory. "He said he was worried about you falling in with the wrong crowd."

"That's what he's been saying since the start of the year. I wish he would mind his own business." Theo rolls his eyes and I feel the icy wall start to thaw again.

"It's kind of cute though, don't you think? He almost sees you as a friend."

"I wish he wouldn't see me at all. He can be such a pain in the arse."

"Oh, I get that. Trust me." There's a long, awkward pause as we realize we have fallen into our old routines. I'm glad, but I shouldn't let myself off the hook too easily. We need to talk this out. "You can still trust me, you know."

"Can I? You can't even seem to decide if we're friends or not." Apparently Theo hasn't let me off the hook either.

"That's not true!" I nearly shout. I forcibly bring my voice down and take a deep breath. "That's not true. I am your friend. Really. I've just," I sigh, "I've been really stubborn and thought I could handle everything by myself, but I can't. I need your help. You're my best friend and I should rely on you when I'm struggling. I'm sorry for not coming to you and being more honest sooner."

Theo is clearly taken aback by my forwardness. I can't blame him- it's a little weird, but I don't really know how else to stop myself from being the pathological liar I've grown into. Now that it's all out in the open, I can't go back and try to say something stupid that I'll instantly regret.

"You asked me for help before, you know. So why have you avoided me since then?"

"Avoided you?" I ask, confused.

"You've been skipping class, meals, any chance you could see me, you made sure to steer clear. I'm not an idiot, you know." He crosses his arms over his chest, and despite the grownup conversation, the gesture reminds me of just how young he is.

"Oh." Shit. I was so wrapped up in myself I never considered poor Theo and his feelings. It's obvious looking back that he would construe my absence as evidence of my betrayal. "I really wasn't trying to avoid you." I make sure I'm looking him in the eye as I say this. "Honestly, Theo. This hasn't been about you, and I'm sorry for letting you believe it was."

He looks away, and I can tell he is still a little abashed by my forwardness. Kids at this age aren't usually so understanding of their own emotions or the emotions of others to have such a clear conversation. Plus, this isn't a very Slytherin thing to do.

"Really?" he finally asks. "You're really not avoiding me?"

"Really. I've just been dealing with a lot of stuff lately and I didn't know how to talk to anyone about it, so I've been hiding myself away until I felt better."

"Do you feel better?" he asks, finally coming over to sit on one of the stools.

"I feel better seeing you." I blush at this and Theo looks mildly perplexed. I didn't mean for that to sound so romantic! "Geez, it almost sounds like I have a crush on you or something. Sorry, didn't mean to make things any more awkward. I don't have a crush on you. You're just my best friend, and I missed hanging out with you. I'm babbling aren't I?" Theo smirks and holds two fingers up in a pinching gesture.

"Just a little bit." I push him playfully and he laughs. There's a long pause as I build up the courage to say what I came here to, but it doesn't feel as awkward as before.

"I want to tell you what's been going on lately. I want to be a better friend, and I feel like keeping stuff from you isn't the way to do it. That being said...I don't want you to have to take on all my burdens."

"Isn't that what being friends is all about?" he asks. I give him a confused look in response. "You're the one who taught me that, remember? Friends help each other. Not for the reward, but because that's what friends are for. If you can't lean on your friends, who can you turn to for help?"

"I taught you that?"

"Are you such a bad listener that you don't even listen to yourself when you speak? We need to get more serious about those etiquette classes," he admonishes.

"Hey, no fair! I've been out of sorts lately."

"Clearly," he teases.

"Yeah, yeah. Laugh it up. I deserve it." He smirks and I laugh.

"So are you finally going to tell me your secret?" he asks, only half joking, I think.

"Nah, not today. Today I'm going to tell you what's been going on lately. I think you at least deserve that much," I answer, only half joking myself. I'm testing out my new idea of telling the truth in the way that sounds like I'm joking, to make myself feel better and to help me avoid lying so darn much.

"Okay," Theo shrugs. "Whatever you want." Well that worked out well.

"So here's what's been happening..."

I go on to tell Theo about what's been going on with my old dorm mates. How I've been struggling with anxiety attacks and going to class properly. My very successful prank and the very anticipated fallout. The fiasco with Madame Pomfrey and how I have to go talk to her tomorrow. How I'm unsure when I have detention or who with but I'm too anxious to find out.

I leave out details, some more important than others. The Room of Requirement is too powerful to be unveiled to anyone. My big secret still remains.

"And I came to you for help before, but I thought I could handle the emotional stuff by myself. But what I've really been doing is keeping my distance from you and making us both unhappy. I want to hang out with you and tell you about how I'm feeling. But I also don't want to just complain all the time."

Theo pauses for a long while, taking in everything that I've said.

Finally, he says, "Well, if you're worried about annoying me, just remember that Malfoy apparently thinks we're friends, and he complains more in a day than you will in your entire life."

"So at least I'm not as annoying as him?" I ask, a little peeved. Theo shrugs.

"I'm just saying."

"So I am annoying you?"

"No, not really. Malfoy is annoying. You…" he shrugs again, "I kind of like listening to you."

"Thanks."

"Not sure why you're thanking me."

"Just accept it." He looks confused, but doesn't push me. "So now what?" I ask. "What should I do?"

"Talk to Professor Flitwick, obviously."

"But I don't want to!"

"Why not take Lovegood with you? You two are friends." We don't bring up the fact that he obviously can't be the one who joins me.

"That's...actually not a bad idea!" I perk up.

"Have I been known to have bad ideas?" He looks miffed.

"No! I'm just not used to having help. I don't always come up with the best plans," I rub the back of my head sheepishly.

"I understand why you didn't ask me before. I used to the feel the same way about you, and I do about most other people. I don't ask for help unless I'm willing to owe someone else a favor, which isn't likely."

"Thanks for putting so much faith in me." I smile.

"I should be the one thanking you. I never thought I would get to have a real best friend." He gives me one of his rare smiles back.

This life hasn't always been easy and sometimes I worry if I am doing the right thing, but hearing Theo say that and seeing him smile, I think it's all going to be worth it.

….

Theo and I go our separate ways, but only after he forces me into a promise that I'll start going to class again. I swear that I'll try, and he is happy enough with that. I should have just enough time to run to my dorm and take a shower before heading to class; I've been completely ignoring hygiene for the last day or so, as Theo so aptly pointed out.

As I make my way to the dorms, I realize I don't know where my things are anymore, since Dumbledore said I was being moved to another bed. I guess I'll figure it out? When I get there, after answering a rather strange riddle about flobberworms, I find myself standing awkwardly in front of my, now empty, bed. Fortunately, I am only left floundering for a few moments before a familiar house elf appears before me with a loud pop.

"G-good afternoon, Miss Charlotte. I'm here to lead you to your new bed," Tippy says, bowing low and refusing to look me in the eye.

"Oh, thank you! I was wondering what I was supposed to do." Tippy turns bright red at my thanks.

"Is my pleasure, Miss Charlotte! You is always so kind!" She quickly scampers down from the bed and grabs my hand, leading me deeper into the maze of beds and doors that is the girl's second year dorm area. Soon we're standing in front of my trunk, with my Death Star keychain that occasionally catches the eye of some excitable nerd, and helps differentiate it from the sea of identical trunks it will inevitably be a part of at the end of the year.

Tippy beams up at me, clearly satisfied with herself. "Here! Need more help, Miss Charlotte?" Instead of a verbal answer, my stomach audibly growls. I throw my hand over it in embarrassment. "Miss Charlotte is hungry! Tippy will be right back!" With another pop, she is gone. I don't know if I would have thought to ask her for food, but I'm glad my stomach did. Now I should be able to go to class without starving before dinner comes around.

As I wait for Tippy's return, I notice something on my new bed: a small pile of letters. Looking through them, they're all from Mum and Grandma, sent over the last week. The last one I read from Grandma was about meditation, and that one was a few days old when I got around to it. I never responded to it either.

Thinking back on how many meals I've skipped, it's not surprising that I've missed a few letters. I wonder how they got here though. That's definitely one of the mechanics of the school that wasn't discussed in the series, the most obvious reason being that it is wildly unimportant.

The other odd thing is that I received some of these letters already. I admit that they have laid in my trunk unopened, but I did get them. I would never throw them away, but I have not had the emotional wherewithal to read or answer them. The last thing I wrote was a pile of lies, and I can't bring myself to continue doing that, or, even worse, to read about how proud they are of me for handling myself so well.

No, my recent letters have remained untouched. I'm surprised this hasn't led to a brigade of aurors bursting into the school demanding to know if I am alright, but so far I have not received anything other than the usual type and amount of correspondence. I haven't even had the energy to feel guilty about it, but now that the pile is sitting here in front of me, I finally do.

Since I'm going to be bored in class anyway, I grab the letters and shove them in my bag, just as Tippy reappears with a lovely looking lunch. Feeling slightly less guilty now that I've resolved to do the right thing, I eat with renewed vigor.

…

After a quick, late lunch, I head down to class. I still have no idea if anyone else knows that I was the culprit of the "fire" in our dorms, but fortunately I didn't see anyone in the dorms, so I didn't have to deal with that problem just yet.

I'm surprised to run in to Luna as I'm headed to class, so I call out to her.

"Good afternoon," I greet.

"Hi, Charlotte! I was worried about you." What is with everyone always worrying about me? I'm trying not to exist here and for some reason I feel like there is a bright red bullseye painted on my back.

Seeing the letters from Grandma poking out of my bag, I can practically hear her voice in my head, admonishing me for not being more open with others. It's okay that people are worried about you- that means they care, silly girl!

"What are you talking about, Luna? Why were you worried?" I ask, ignoring those thoughts for a moment.

"I thought maybe the Nargles were bothering you. After the fire I assumed there was an infiltration in our dorms."

"Nargles start fires?" I ask.

"If there are enough of them," she says vaguely. I blink and nod, keeping that information safely tucked away for a later date. I'm still not entirely sure if Nargles are real, but I'm keeping myself open to the possibility, and if they set fires…

"Sorry for making you worry," I sigh, now that my curiosity has been sated.

"Were the nargles really bothering you?" She seems both excited and concerned.

"No!" I say far too emphatically. I try again, "I mean, no, I've just been dealing with some stuff. Nothing magical creature related, I'm afraid."

I expect her to look disappointed, but instead she just looks sad.

"I'm sorry," she says solemnly.

"Oh, um, there's no reason to apologize, really. It's my fault anyway," I explain awkwardly. She leans over to me as we walk, practically right in my face as she looks at my ears. "Luna?"

"I'm checking for Wrackspurts."

"Why?"

"Wrackspurts make your head all fuzzy and confused. They go in through the ears."

"Didn't you say those were invisible?" I recall.

"There can be some evidence of them if you know how to look." She grabs the side of my ear and pulls gently, but I swat her hand away before this gets any more ridiculous; some of the other students in the hall are staring at us more than usual. It's not worth trying to point out to her that her behaviour is strange, that would be like trying to tell a dog that it's too excited.

"Why do you think there are wrackspurts in my head?" She reaches for my other ear and I lean my head away, just barely keeping her at bay.

"You're saying that things are your fault when they're not." She stops trying to examine me and takes a step back, either sated or tired of trying.

"But Luna, I never said what I was talking about." We both stop outside her classroom door.

"You don't have to blame yourself for everything." She looks somewhere over my shoulder at the wall. "You can't always be wrong, even if you think you are." She looks back at me. "I'll see you at dinner?"

"Yeah, of course." She heads into her class, leaving my head spinning.

...

My afternoon class is Defense, a good one to ease myself back into the habit of being a good student. Not that I'm actually a good student, but I can at least look like I care about what the professor is saying. This class is also with the puffs, so I don't have to worry about anyone plot relevant giving me a hard time.

I walk in a few minutes early, when most of the rest of the class is also arriving. At first, I spend my class time spacing out, thinking about what Luna said. How did she know I've been blaming myself for everything? I mean, everything that has happened to me lately has been my fault...right? I was the one who pranked my classmates and who has been freaking out about life in general. That wasn't anyone else's fault but my own.

With all the thinking I've been doing, I'm actually surprised how calm I've been considering that I haven't had any draught all day. In fact, I had almost forgotten about it until now. I look down at my gently trembling hands. Have they been doing that all day? Have I gotten so used to this underlying feeling of anxiety that I don't even notice it anymore?

I shake my head roughly, as if that can loosen these thoughts that have such a stranglehold on my mind. Disappointingly but unsurprisingly, it doesn't work. Instead, I snatch up the oldest letter in my pile, from Mum, and hope that it will distract me.

It doesn't.

Instead, it's exactly as bad as I was hoping it wouldn't be. Mum tells me how proud she is of me (she shouldn't be), how much she worries about me (I don't deserve it), and how glad she is that I talked to her (all I've done since then is lie). I shouldn't have read this during class. I'm constantly having to pause to wipe my eyes so know one notices the tears traitorously spilling from them.

I force myself to read the whole thing, out of some masochistic need to make myself feel even more guilty for my behaviour. And before I can stop myself, I'm opening the next one. This one is from Grandma, saying almost the same things. To add to my layers of guilt, this one makes me feel even worse because it's Grandma saying it.

The following letters from Mum ask after my well being, and grow increasingly concerned by my lack of reply. Since we usually write every day or so, just a week is quite a few letters. By the last letter she is openly asking if she should return for another visit. I think if I wait any longer it will no longer be a question.

I can't bring myself to answer her right now, but I will. I resolve to at least do that much. She deserves something from her ungrateful child.

While Mum's letters gain a pleading edge to them over time, Grandma gets more righteously angry. At first she is mildly concerned, saying what she usually does about how I need to take care of myself; the letter from today, however, is outright reproachful.

Charlotte,

Your parents and I haven't heard from you in quite a while. I know you've been going through a lot, but it isn't fair to shut us out. You should be turning to your family when you are having a hard time, not pushing us away. It also sounds like you are not leaning on your friends either. They don't have to understand every detail of your pain to help you overcome it. Please, if not with me, talk to someone.

Where did all that growth go that you were showing me last year? You were so open with your friends then. I know they hurt you, but you also have some good friends now that you can trust, right? I understand that this was a huge setback for you, but the world hasn't come crashing down just yet- don't give up too soon.

Something I noticed the last time that we talked is that you are very close to completely blaming yourself for what has been happening as of late. Not only is this untrue, it is very damaging to your psyche. You have to let go of your guilt, sweetie. Don't let it consume you. Sometimes the fight for your happiness is closer to home than expected.

How did the meditation go? Maybe you have just been too caught up in it to write back, though I admit I am skeptical of that. I wish you nothing but the best.

Much love, as always, Grandma

I reread the letter over and over, until I'm not reading anymore but just staring at it as I think. Yet again, Grandma proves that she just might be the best legilimens who ever lived, reading my mind from a different country. How does she always see right through me, when I haven't even kept in contact with her?

Again, I'm left with that naked feeling that maybe everyone can see right through my shoddy facades and I'm just making a fool of myself. Maybe they all know what I'm so afraid of. I mean, it's obvious isn't it? Maybe that's why I'm the only person who can't seem to see me clearly- I spend all my time trying to obscure the truth from myself.

All this time I've been winding myself up about quidditch and my dorm mates and detentions, but really I've been trying to distract myself from the thing that started all this mess: I think it's my fault that the future has probably changed, and I'm petrified of it.

I'm scared of the future.

I can't even guarantee that this changed timeline has a different future (or a future different enough for me to notice) but the fact that it can be different was enough to completely throw me from the precarious balance I had managed to maintain between knowing the future and not driving myself crazy with the knowledge. Now that I might not know, I've made myself mental by blaming myself for everything.

But maybe this isn't about placing blame. Maybe Luna was trying to say something I haven't realized all this time: the way I feel isn't anyone's fault, not even my own, it just is. My feelings don't have to have a culprit behind them, I don't have to feel guilty that I'm feeling unhappy. Feelings should just be.

Yes, my reactions to my feelings and the world around me are mine to control, and I have to take responsibility for my actions, but Grandma has a point, that doesn't mean I have to panic and let my guilt determine everything I do and feel. I'm allowed to let my guilt go, just like I don't have to be scared every minute of every day.

I continue to think over what Grandma has been saying, trying to really take it to heart. Maybe, if I can do that, I won't feel so miserable all the time.

By the end of class, I've thought myself into oblivion, but I feel like some of the weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It'll take me a little while to be back to my old self, I'm sure, but if I can continue to remind myself that this isn't my fault, I'll get there. I may be afraid of the future, but that doesn't have to control me. And maybe, one day, I won't be so scared.

My smile is genuine when I meet Luna at dinner and say, "I think the wrackspurts are gone." She looks me up and down for a moment and smiles back.

"I think so too...but I can check your ears again later to make sure."

My laughter is so loud it startles half the Ravenclaw table and, for once, I don't even care.


	21. Chapter 21

I finished early! Go me! I'm going to super busy all this weekend for Megacon, so I knew I would either have to get this out early or it would be really, really late. That being said, it is a good chapter? I don't know. I'm very impressed no one has complained that the plot is moving too slowly, so I'm going to take that as a compliment that the pacing hasn't been overly dull for you guys? I admit this fic did not end up being as action packed as I anticipated, but that's hopefully going to pick up soon?

Anyway, if characterization seems off, please feel free to lmk with some constructive criticism, but hopefully it's not too bad and I'll just take the creative liberty that a different timeline means there can be some changes in personalities. ;P

I don't have an editor anymore, so please hmu if there are any glaring errors that need fixing. I really appreciate you guys for being so understanding. I'm graduating from graduate school in less than a month but I still wanna keep posting for you guys. Your kind comments really keep me motivated. Mwah!

* * *

Luna and I talk a little about the future while we're at dinner. The conversation helps me realize how afraid of it I have actually become; I have to remind myself to keep breathing as Luna tells me about her plans for the winter break. My head starts swimming, and I have to remind myself:

It's okay to be scared. Breathe.

"Luna, would you do something for me?" I ask suddenly, totally cutting her off mid-sentence. If I don't ask her now while I finally have the nerve, I never will. She doesn't answer, just cocks her head to the side and waits patiently. "Will you come with me while I talk to Professor Flitwick? I've gotten myself into a lot of trouble and I'm...kind of scared to go talk to him." Luna pauses for a while, thinking over my question as she takes a sip of pumpkin juice. I've barely touched my dinner, far too nervous to bother with it.

"Is he going to hurt you?" Luna finally asks. I'm taken aback by the question.

"Of course not! I would never think that!"

"Then why are you afraid?" Luna's expression is one of genuine confusion.

"I don't want to be a disappointment," I decide to answer honestly. I would be more concerned about other people overhearing me, but Luna and I are always left to ourselves in the Great Hall. "You'll catch their weird if you sit too close," is the common reason I often overhear.

"I don't think you're a disappointment, but the only person whose opinion matters is yours."

"Luna, where the heck do you get all this wisdom from?"

"Oh, my mum. She always seemed to know what to say, so I just think of what she would want me to tell you."

"Where's your mum now?" I ask carefully. She's never brought her up before, so I better get this question out of the way to eliminate the risk of forgetting what I'm supposed to know and what I haven't learned yet.

"She died," she answers simply.

"Oh, Luna I'm so sorry." My surprise may be disingenuous, but my sorrow is not.

"Why? It's not like I'll never see her again." I feel a vague sense of deja vu, and wonder if I've heard her say this before. I'm not really sure how to respond though. There's a long pause and I push the chicken on my plate around in a circle with my fork.

"I don't see why I can't go with you, if you want me to." I perk up at this.

"Yes, please! We'll go after dinner?" I'm sure he expected me much earlier in the day, but now is better than never.

"That's fine," Luna agrees.

…

Going to Professor Flitwick's office feels like walking into the depths of Hell.

"Maybe we should go another time…" I start.

"Didn't you say he was waiting for you?" Luna asks, her smaller legs easily keeping pace with my dragging feet.

"I mean, it's late. He's probably not waiting anymore."

"Are you trying to avoid going to talk to him?" Luna asks.

"...maybe."

"I don't think that's such a good idea."

"I know," I whine. "But I don't want to!" We both stop in front of Professor Flitwick's closed office door. This is where I got stuck last time. I dig my nails into my palms, willing them to stop shaking.

"Maybe we should come back?" Luna's quiet voice brings me back from within myself. I hadn't realized that my eyes were closed until I open them again.

"No, I need to do this." My voice is no more than a whisper, but it's all I can manage at the moment. With a wildly shaking hand, I reach up and rap on the door. The last thing I hear is the resounding knock of the wood before the world goes to black.

…

I wake up alone in the Hospital Wing. The blindingly bright light that assaults my eyes tells me that it's mid-day. I shut them quickly and in the soothing darkness behind my eyelids, it takes me a few moments to remember what events led me to this moment, but the memories don't explain why.

I take a deep breath and realize it's the deepest one I've been able to take in a days. No gasping for air, no tightness in my chest, just a full, deep breath. Opening my eyes again, I look at the table next to me and see the familiar bottle of Calming Draught.

"Charlotte! You're awake!" Madame Pomfrey comes over to me out of nowhere. I've always wondered if she has a magical alert for when someone wakes up, or maybe she's just really good at her job. "You're about to give Harry Potter a run for his money for how often you're in here! How are you feeling?"

"Surprisingly good," I say honestly. She looks a little guilty at this.

"Your good friend Luna told us everything, after Professor Flitwick brought you here. I'm so very sorry for not understanding what you were trying to tell me."

"You weren't listening," I murmur. If I were a child I would not have had the gall to say something like that. Or maybe children are more likely to say such courageous things. I don't remember anymore. She looks at me for a long moment, and I wonder if she's going to get angry, but she just sighs.

"Yes, you're right. I wasn't listening. You did try to tell me the other day, when I took the potion back. I'm sorry for not taking better care of you, Charlotte. I've never had a problem like this come up before, but that does not excuse anything. Sometimes you just come across as so mature, I forget how young you are."

"Oh, thank you, Madame Pomfrey." I try not to look nervous at what was clearly meant to be a compliment.

"Now, I'm listening. I promise. If I call for Professor Flitwick, will you please tell us what's been going on lately?" I nod. I think I have a pretty good version of the truth that I'm willing to tell.

Soon, she and Professor Flitwick are sitting before me. I overhear them saying that Professor Dumbledore has left the matter in their hands, so he doesn't show up, thankfully.

"Good afternoon, Charlotte," Professor Flitwick greets much more cordially than the last time we met.

"Good afternoon."

"How are you feeling?"

"Much better now, thank you."

"Are you ready to talk to us? If you need more rest, I can come back."

"No, I'm alright. I'm ready to talk. I think it will help me."

"I think so too," Madame Pomfrey agrees.

So I begin my story. Most of it isn't fabricated, just the important parts, unfortunately. I know I can't lean on the lie that Mandy and Lisa were bothering me too heavily, especially at the start of this whole fiasco, so I make up the excuse that Luna and I have been feeling down since we are social outcasts. (In reality, we are social outcasts, I just don't give a shit).

Our "inability to make friends" made me feel really down and more anxious, and that all blew up in my face at the quidditch match. I had a panic attack and fainted. I got the calming draught from Madame Pomfrey and found myself more dependent on it than I thought. The situation got out of control, Lisa and Mandy started seriously harassing me, and I pulled the prank that I now "deeply regret" as a way of lashing out.

Why do Fred and George get to pull pranks all the time with no repercussions but a stern talking to? Because I feel guilty and I care too much. If I had taken their advice and just not felt bad, this could all have just disappeared after a month of detention. But nooo, I have to go and actually do what the professors ask of me, like tell them the whole story of the past few weeks, just because I feel the need to cave to authority.

"Charlotte," Madame Pomfrey snaps me out of my reverie, "why didn't you come and ask for help?" She looks genuinely sad for me. I'm not really sure I understand why.

"I didn't want to get into trouble." And I didn't think anyone could help.

"I think you've gotten yourself into far more trouble now than if you had asked for help earlier, don't you think?" Professor Flitwick asks. Well he certainly isn't wrong. I nod miserably. Maybe it really would have been better to do that instead of desperately try to figure something out the way that I did. Fortunately, no one has realized that I made more potion for myself; if they did find out, it could get back to Theo, which is the last thing that I want.

"I hope you've learned a lesson from all this," he adds.

"Oh! Speaking of which, I went to talk to you last night about my detentions. Professor Dumbledore said he wanted me to have detention with Hagrid, but you wanted me to have detention with you, and I didn't know what to do," I explain.

"Ah, I see. Well if Professor Dumbledore wants you to have detention with Hagrid, that is fine with me. You do not have to serve double detentions, but I expect you to start coming to my class, unless you want to repeat your second year over again. You may have very good grades, but that does not excuse you from learning in the classroom."

"Yes, sir. I won't skip anymore. But I don't know what to do about the potion." I look over at the bottle on my bedside table longingly.

"I will be in charge of your potion schedule. You will have to come see me between classes in order to get your daily dose, but I won't take it away from you all at once. That won't help you, as we have seen. Again, I'm very sorry for what you had to go through because we didn't listen," Madame Pomfrey apologizes, leaving me feeling wildly uncomfortable.

"Uhh, it's fine. I shouldn't have tried to hide things," I mumble. How the hell did I manage to pull the wool over the eyes of one of the smartest wizards of all time for an entire year, but I can't hide a panic attack from some well meaning adults?

"Well, now that things are settled, do you think you can go to class today? I think getting back in to your old routine will help you feel better," Madame Pomfrey says. I don't necessarily agree, but I also don't think arguing is going to get me anywhere.

"Yes, m'am."

The adults leave me to my own devices so I can get changed and whatnot. It's about half an hour before lunch, which is great because I'm starved. I haven't had as much of an appetite since I stopped taking the potion, so I should eat while I'm feeling up to it. By the time I finish getting changed, Professor Flitwick is gone but Madame Pomfrey is waiting patiently for me.

"For now, whenever you feel like you need more potion, just come and see me. I'll help make sure you're taking less of it every day. Soon you won't even remember to come. This will all be in the past before you know it." She smiles brightly.

I can't help but sigh. I hope she's right. It's harder than I would have imagined to lean on someone else and trust them to help me through, but I'm trying to keep an open mind. Doing everything myself blew up in my face- the least I can do is give this a try.

"Thank you for everything, Madame Pomfrey. I'll see you later."

"I'm happy to help. Have a nice afternoon!"

…

I end up arriving to lunch just as the first round of food magically appears on the tables. My stomach growls loudly as I eye all the wonderful dishes. I always thought that Harry was being overdramatic when he talked about how wonderful the food is here, but he really, really wasn't.

Ignoring the few people who are already sitting at our table, I make my way to my usual spot; it's closer to the professors than I would like, but it's better than trying to jam myself into the middle of the table with a bunch of classmates who don't like me.

Well, at first I'm trying to ignore my housemates, but then I start to feel like I'm being watched. I glance over at Slytherin table beside me and, indeed, there are more than one set of eyes on me. When I look away, I notice the same phenomenon happening from the Ravenclaw table. Fortunately I'm not left in the dark for too long before a loud, familiar voice clues me in.

"You wouldn't want to get on her bad side, Crabbe. She might set you on fire too!" I see Malfoy right away, since he is talking loudly enough that almost everyone at both tables can hear. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised- Lisa and Mandy would never keep quiet about something like this. If they were smarter they would be more concerned for their safety. They're lucky I'm trying to keep some sort of good image with Dumbledore, or else I would be merciless in my retribution.

But unfortunately for me, I am trying not to look like a sociopath, so I have to let this go. I guess I sort of deserve it? I mean, I did pretend to set them on fire. Though for some reason no one seems to recognize that. No one got hurt! And it wasn't even real fire! But noooo, everyone thinks I'm some sort of arsonist now.

I sigh and roll my eyes, continuing to the deserted part of the Ravenclaw table. Malfoy keeps trying to bad mouth me, but he's apparently too lazy to come up and say it to my face, so he eventually lets it go. The students who are in the vicinity are outright staring, but a good glare sends them all scrambling to look away. I guess there can be perks to being an arsonist.

A few minutes later, I get a nasty fright when Luna appears before me. I had been staring at my plate, completely lost in thought when she plopped down on the seat across from me.

"Oh! Geez, Luna, you scared me!"

"I'm sorry. I'm happy to see you here and not on the floor or in the hospital wing."

"Thanks, Luna. I'll try not to pass out so often," I can't keep the sarcasm out of my voice, despite the fact that Luna is being completely earnest, as is her usual. Fortunately sarcasm isn't part of her wheelhouse, so she takes me at my word.

"Okay, I'm glad to hear it."

"Thanks." Seriously, if anyone else talked to me like this I would deck them, but Luna's never trying to be an arse, it's just the way she is. Most of the time, it's refreshing to talk to someone so honest and straightforward, even if that can lead to some awkward moments in our conversations. I'm constantly left to marvel over the fact that we get to be friends; I doubt she'll ever know what a positive influence she has had on me.

"You're welcome," Luna smiles. I wonder what she thinks I am thanking her for. "My classmates wanted to tell me that you set fire to some of your roommates. I didn't really understand why they were so excited to tell me. Do you know?"

"Well, I didn't actually set fire to anyone. It was false fire. And I think your classmates are afraid you might try to do something similar?"

"Why would I do that?" Luna is genuinely confused.

"Because they're constantly bullying you and leaving you out?" She ponders this for a while.

"Is that why they call me Loony Lovegood?"

"Yes." I can't bring myself to look her in the eye, but I don't see the point in lying either.

"Well, I think that's alright," Luna shrugs.

"What do you mean?" I watch as she picks up a sandwich and takes a bite. It feels like a ridiculously long time as I wait for her to finish chewing and answer my question. In fact, I end up taking a sandwich of my own, despite having already eaten three.

"If they are afraid I'm going to be mean to them, it means they feel guilty about the way they've been acting. So that means they're already suffering enough, don't you think? I don't have to change who I am or what I do. I'm fine the way I am, though sometimes it makes me sad that people around me are suffering."

"Wow, Luna. That's very mature of you."

"Really? If you say so." I laugh at her unsurity. I wonder if she'll ever realize how mature she is compared to the childishness that we are surrounded by. Of course, in their defense, they still are children- Luna is just very mature for her age.

…

After lunch, Luna and I head our separate ways. I'm finally going to potions, having missed so many classes I've lost count. I am totally dreading going to see Snape, but I think I've had enough draught to get me through it. Taking a few deep breaths, I make it to class a few minutes early. Snape notices me right away and waves me over to his desk.

"Miss Campbell. I see you have finally decided to grace us with your presence. I admit I didn't peg you for a delinquent, but you have the lifestyle down nicely. What will your next big troublemaking scheme be, I wonder?" Snape drawls, clearly enjoying how uncomfortable he is making me. Fortunately there aren't many other students in the room yet, though I'm sure they're going to spread this story around like wildfire.

"Well, I'm here now." I start to head over to my desk, but Snape puts a hand up to stop me.

"It's far too late for that. There's no way you can bring your grade back from all the assignments you have missed. You might as well leave."

"I can do them-"

"And why should I let you?" Snape cuts me off before I can finish. "You missed their due dates. Delinquents do not get extra leeway on their assignments so that they can spend more time galavanting about the castle."

I pause, unsure of what to say. I was not expecting this much aggression this quickly. I thought Snape would give me a hard time, but I didn't realize I had missed so much that I was on the brink of failing.

"Has Madame Pomfrey spoken to you?" I ask quietly, trying not to let every one of my classmates overhear me.

"No." He doesn't outright ask me why, but I can see the question in his eyes.

"What if I had a doctor's note, saying that I missed class due to illness?"

"I find that highly unlikely, and I'm not required to let you make any of the work up."

"I think you are," I immediately counter. I know he has lied to students before, and I wouldn't be surprised if he was trying to get me out of his class now. I'm not his favorite student, even if Theo told me I'm not his least favorite either. "But I can ask Dumbledore to make sure."

"That's Professor Dumbledore, to you. Twenty points from Ravenclaw for such rudeness." His eyes narrow. I shrug. He didn't outright counter my proposal, which to me sounds like I can get away with this idea. I don't care if he's upset- I'm not redoing second year. This has been horrible enough the first time.

"Can I talk to Madame Pomfrey to get me a note after class or are you insisting that I go talk to her now?" I ask, trying not to sound too exasperated. He seems a bit miffed by my complete lack of concern for losing house points, but doesn't push it further.

"Go speak to her now, and don't bother going to Professor Dumbledore. If you are able to procure this note, I will be speaking to him myself. Bring it to me after class today. I don't want you interrupting the other students, since they actually come to class to learn."

By this time, class is about to begin, so just about everyone is here. Malfoy and company are sniggering loudly at the fact that Snape is kicking me out before the lesson has even started. Theo is pretending to be uninterested, but I can tell he has an ear out for our conversation. So much for keeping my private affairs private.

"So Madame Pomfrey is going to prove that Charlotte is crazy? Good thing Snape isn't letting her stay- I've heard it could be contagious," Malfoy taunts, making his posse laugh obnoxiously.

I just roll my eyes, knowing that saying anything will give Snape further ammunition to keep me from coming back. It's moments like these that I'm a little envious of Harry- he goes through this sort of thing, but at least he has his friends at his side. My friends have their own classes and their own lives- they can't prioritize me like Ron and Hermione can for Harry.

I'm almost to the hospital wing when I make a quick detour to the bathroom. On my way in, I'm surprised to pass Hermione as she is leaving. We pass one another without comment, but before the moment passes Hermione calls out to me.

"Charlotte, can I talk to you?" I sigh inwardly. What now? I turn back to face her.

"Can I pee first?" Hermione looks mildly uncomfortable, but agrees to my request. She follows me back into the bathroom. "What's up?" I ask as I close a stall door behind me.

"I, umm, well," she stutters. It's painfully clear from this interaction that she hasn't had many friends, especially of the same sex. She has no idea why we are talking in the bathroom.

"It's fine, I can hear you," I assure her.

"I can wait for you to be done."

"Don't you have to get back to class? I don't want to hold you up too long." My argument becomes moot as I flush the toilet and come out to wash my hands.

"I wanted to talk to you about the last time we ran into each other," Hermione blurts out.

"Yeah? What about it?" I look at her through the mirror, avoiding looking her in the eyes. I try to remain nonchalant, but I have a feeling where this is going.

"Well, aren't you curious about what we were doing? I'm surprised you haven't asked any of us." Oh, that wasn't exactly what I was expecting. This will be easier than I thought.

"I'm not gonna tell on you. You don't have to worry." Hermione pales, surprised that I read her so easily. I forget how straightforward and obvious Gryffindors can be. I'm not even this bad at conversation. Poor Hermione still has a lot of growing to do.

"I-I never meant to insinuate that you were... but why aren't you?"

"I don't have a Gryffindor's sense of chivalry, Hermione, I feel no need to tell a teacher every time someone breaks a rule. I'm sure you heard about my recent escapades." The look on her face tells me that she hasn't. Interesting. "Let's just say I've broken a few myself."

"You're not going to ask what we were doing?"

"Do you want me to?"

"Umm, I just thought you would."

"It's not my business." I take a step towards the door. "Is that all? I'm sure you want to get back to class." I don't really want to talk to her anymore. I thought I wanted to be friends with her before, but she has so much maturing to do and I don't really want to be a part of all the drama that comes along with that. I'll just wait til she's older.

"Actually, I wanted to ask you how you are doing," Hermione blurts out, stopping me in my tracks. I don't want to turn back to face her quite yet, unsure of what my facial expression is. The silence between us stretches across the seconds, and Hermione can't handle it. "Well, you seemed really upset before, and I know we're not really friends, per say, but I thought that maybe you needed someone to talk to and-"

"I'm fine, Hermione." I turn back to face her and cut her off mid- run on sentence. She looks disappointed. "I mean, I'm getting better. Sorry, I didn't mean to sound so snippy. It's just that everyone is getting into my business lately, and I feel like everyone knows that I've been having a hard time lately."

"Well, it's better for people to know than for you to have to deal with everything all alone, isn't it?"

"Even people who have no business knowing?" I ask. She shrugs.

"I'm one of Harry Potter's best friends. His business always ends up being everyone's business, even when he tries to hide it. And, most of the time, hiding it just makes things worse."

"So I've noticed," I huff.

"Do you want to talk about it?" she asks hesitantly.

"Why are you worried about me? We're not even friends," I point out, not unkindly.

"Can I tell you a secret?" She asks suddenly.

"Uh, sure?"

"I used to not have any friends. Ron and Harry are my first friends ever. After meeting them, I realized that things could have been a lot better for me if someone had reached out when I needed help, so when I saw how upset you were...I thought maybe it was my turn to try to help someone."

Damn, I take back every thought I had about Hermione not being mature.

"That's a pretty big burden to take on. Besides, don't you have class to get back to?"

"Our class ended early," she admits sheepishly. "What about you?"

"I got kicked out by Snape."

"That's terrible!"

"I'm surprised you're not blaming me," I laugh.

"I know Professor Snape well enough to assume it probably wasn't your fault. But you're right, if you were in a different class, professors have good reasons to send students out."

"That's fair. It was partially my fault, but he was being ridiculous. Speaking of which, do you want to walk to the Hospital Wing with me? I have to go pick something up. Then we don't have to keep talking in the bathroom." She agrees and we head out together.

I can't believe I am letting myself be friends with Hermione, but with such a kind hearted start, I can't bring myself to say no to her. Besides, this is a different timeline, will it really hurt anything for me to have another friend by my side?

…

The two of us walk to the Hospital Wing as I explain why I have to go there and what has happened as of late. She seems sympathetic to my plight, though I'm not surprised that she does not approve of my rash behaviour.

"I still don't understand why you didn't just go back to Madame Pomfrey and tell her what was going on with you," she pauses. "I'm sorry, am I being too brash? It's not like we're very close…" she trails off.

"I'm not easily offended, don't worry. You're not saying anything that a teacher hasn't already yelled at me, or that I haven't berated myself with."

"You seem like you understand yourself very well. It feels a little strange that someone like you would have so much emotional trouble."

"I'll take that as a compliment, but being self aware doesn't always prevent your problems, it just makes it easier to know where they are coming from."

"Oh, I always assumed…"

"It's still something to strive for. It does help you avoid more problems, it just doesn't help you get rid of all your problems."

We make it to Madame Pomfrey, and I tell her what Snape said.

"I never thought to get a note, but Professor Snape says he won't let me back into the class without one. I really don't want to have to repeat this year, and I know I can get my grades up to passing if I am allowed to go back to class and do some of my missed assignments."

"Oh, of course, Charlotte. That's the least I can do for you."

"Can I..also have some potion?" I ask. I'm not feeling desperate for it, but I would rather keep on top of my anxiety than let it creep up on me when I'm not paying attention. I have to admit though, it hurts to have to ask for it. Besides feeling like I'm asking for a favor, it does feel a little reminiscent of being a drug addict. Not that I was one.

"Yes, yes, of course." She turns to Hermione. "Do you need anything, sweetie?"

"Oh, no, I'm just walking with Charlotte."

"Oh, the two of you are friends? How nice. I'm not surprised, really. You two have a lot in common."

Hermione and I give each other a confused look. Apparently even the adults noticed that we would make good friends. Of course, I thought we would, but I was too worried to take the leap before. I'm glad that she initiated this, and I'm glad I reciprocated. Of course, we're not suddenly friends now because we had one deep conversation were I spilled all my problems to her, but it's definitely a start. Grandma will be proud when I tell her.


	22. Chapter 22

This ended up taking me far longer than I anticipated, but I feel like I put pretty good work into it. Hope you guys like it! Reviews really make my day. :)

I always have so much I want to say and then when I'm finally ready to post I've forgotten it all. Oh well!

* * *

"Did you hear about the dueling club?" I overhear the conversation countless times. It's all over the school by midmorning, after a poster had been put up for it overnight. Girls are squealing left and right, talking about how excited they are to have yet another opportunity to see Professor Lockhart during the week. I too, have been excited for the dueling club, but I just want to see all the craziness it will cause. Unfortunately for me, my little dream is dashed by reality.

"I'm sorry, Charlotte, but there's no way yeh can go to a club. Dumbledore's orders are yeh got to have detention with me every nigh', 'cept Sunday, o'course," Hagrid apologizes.

"I didn't think that one through," I sigh. "I was so excited when I heard about it too."

I'm sitting in Hagrid's hut for my regular detention. Apparently Hagrid has previously decided that he likes me (or he just wanted to please Dumbledore) because he agreed to nightly detention for 2 months. Maybe a child wouldn't realize what was going on, but I saw through Dumbledore's plan in an instant. He's basically sent me to rehab. Who better to make me feel guilty about my transgressions and make me want to be a better person than the most compassionate person around?

"I know yeh wanted to go, but that'll just help yeh remember to make good choices next time, eh?" Hagrid still looks a little guilty though, so he puts yet another rock cake on my plate. I fight back a sigh as I stare at the inedible dessert. I have no interest in losing my teeth, but I don't want to turn down the friendly half-giant's kindness.

"Thanks, Hagrid. You're right." I pick up the rock cake as he picks up his own and dunk it in my warm tea, hoping that Hagrid doesn't notice that I'm not actually eating it. "So what are we up to today?" I've only had detention with Hagrid for a few days now, but our outings have included everything from pooper scooper to unicorn whisperer (both enterprises managed to go awry).

"I'm not feelin' too well. All this cold weather's been gettin' to me. I hate askin' it of yeh, but would ya be able to take care of some of the critters for me? I don't think I can manage today." It has been freezing here, it being late December and all.

"Of course! I would be happy to."

"Thanks, Charlotte. You're a real help. I know yeh don't want to be 'ere, but it's been great havin' yeh aroun'." I try to fight the blush crawling across my cheeks, but I give up after a moment; it's not like I need to hide my emotions from Hagrid.

"Thanks. That means a lot. And I know I have to be here, but that doesn't mean I mind coming. Though coming nearly every day is a little much for my schedule," I joke. Hagrid laughs merrily, though it's cut short by a cough. I can't help but want to take care of the poor guy- he's just so nice!

"I'll go get started. You should rest. I'll come by to check up on you too. Are you sure you shouldn't go see Madame Pomfrey?"

"No, I'm fine." He coughs again, and I raise a brow at him. "Alrigh' maybe I'll go tomorrow. When I'm feelin' better we need to start preppin' for that blizzard comin' in a few days."

"That's fine. Is that why it hasn't snowed at all lately?" I ask as I shrug on my my coat and boots.

"That's what they're sayin'. Anyway, thanks again!" I see myself out, headed to the side of Hagrid's hut first. Fortunately for me, most of his magical creatures right now aren't terribly dangerous nor are there that many, seeing as he isn't a professor yet. That's next year's problem.

In the meantime, I'm taking care of the odd creature here and there. I picked up on their routines quickly, since Hagrid has had me go around with him everyday and help him out. I haven't been having these detentions for long now, but I'm still confident that I can do this much at least.

Despite my initial misgivings, I find myself looking forward to these detentions. Caring for the creatures has been calming, and going along with Hagrid on his misadventures has been far more fun than I had ever imagined. Caring for magical creatures isn't something I had really thought about before as a hobby, but I'm definitely coming around to it, despite all the cold.

While doing these daily chores of feeding, cleaning, and trying not to get hurt, I find my stress fading, even as my mind races three steps ahead. It feels less like a stress mechanism and more like what my brain is actually meant to do- think.

Hagrid is wonderful and kind, but he really isn't the best teacher. Even as he explained some of the things he wanted me to do, I found myself thinking of better ways to explain it to make more sense, or, better yet, coming up with more efficient ways to get the same tasks done. Out of respect for the groundskeeper, I did most things the way he asked, except for the ones that were downright dangerous, but now that I have the evening to myself, I am able to try out some of my ideas without hurting his feelings.

I suppose I may have been a little ambiguous in my saying that I've been caring for magical creatures. I would say "taking care of" is a better term, but more in that way that gangsters "take care of" people that get in their way. Not that I've been hurting anything...much. More like, I've been helping the creatures not hurt the students.

A good example of this is the red cap problem. We've had red caps closer to the school than usual recently because one of the thestrals died in the pack. Apparently there was blood shed because now the stupid red caps are everywhere. Every time Hagrid tries to shoo them away, it feels like five more show up even closer to the school than before. I'm still not sure why Professor Kettleburn hasn't gotten involved in this, but apparently it's the groundskeeper's job first?

For the most part, Hagrid's reaction to the red caps has been yelling at them and throwing them back into the forest as they try to bludgeon his knees. The first time I was brought along for this outing, I used the first hex I could think of, which for some stupid reason was the tickling charm. It fortunately worked, but was kind of a stupid move. Hagrid seemed to like it though, since it didn't particularly hurt the creature and he could throw it more easily.

Now that I've had more time to think about and read up on the issue, I found out that red caps attack people who wander through their territory, so clearly they think the area closer to the school is now _within_ their territory. They probably moved closer when they realized there were more potential victims this way.

So the new plan, and the one that Hagrid would never go for if he knew what I was doing, is to go further in the forest and kill something out there. Well, that was the plan at first, but that's a little brutal. So instead, I'm going to see if I can trick them into thinking that there was bloodshed by spreading some salamander blood around. Hopefully that will work and get rid of these pesky red caps. I've been waiting for the opportunity to put this plan in motion, and now is the perfect time to do it.

I make sure my over the shoulder bag is comfortable by my side as I head into the forest, after one last check to make sure the flask of salamander blood is safe inside. It shouldn't freeze with my body heat, and I'm not going to be outside that long. Fortunately, Theo let me swipe the flask of blood from one of our tutoring sessions. As part of my promise to myself about being more open, I've kept him in the loop about my detentions and about my plan for today. He made sure to tell me repeatedly that it isn't a foolproof idea, but he did admit that it wasn't completely stupid, so that was nice.

Now I'm off to solve this problem! As I walk through the Forbidden Forest I keep my wand up and my mind sharp. Every twig snapping makes me think of a hundred dangerous creatures that could be coming for me, but fortunately my fears don't set me so on edge that I constantly fire spells. I even manage to stop myself from setting a bird on fire, despite the spell being on the tip of my tongue when I first notice it out of the corner of my eye.

My walk doesn't take more than twenty minutes, but it's enough time for my nerves to be shot. It's early evening, I should be fine. The sun won't set for a little while. I'm just spreading the blood and leaving. And yet, despite my own reassurances, I'm a mess of worry. I thought this little adventure on my own would be good for me, but so far it's just showing me that I've still got a long way to go.

Working with Hagrid the past few days showed me how much I can improve- how being focused on useful, physical tasks has really helped level me. But I was with Hagrid, not on my own. Maybe all I'll ever be good for is following someone else's directions. What a crappy personality trait for someone with as much dangerous information in her head as me. Maybe it would be better if I just told Dumbledore everything and let him continue to be the masterminded manipulator he's always been.

I don't realize how badly I've spiraled into a bad headspace until I trip on an overly large root and fall flat on my face with an ominous sounding crunch. I was so lost in thought that when I finally come back to my surroundings I realize I have no idea where I am. Was I just walking straight this whole time? Looking back, nothing looks familiar.

"Shit," I whisper to myself. Of course I would do something this stupid. I'm too busy berating myself about how much of a loser I am to do the thing I set out to do to prove that I'm not a loser; self sabotage at its finest. Not much to do now but keep with the plan, right?

I move to pick myself up off the ground, but am forced to stop as quickly as I start. My right leg has shooting pain going through it. What the hell did I do? I'm still lying flat on the ground, so I roll myself on my left side to asses the damage. The motion makes the pain infinitely worse, and I can't stop the hiss that escapes my lips. How did I not notice this as soon as I fell?

I force my eyes open, having slammed them shut to ride out the initial wave of searing pain, to find a huge shard of glass in my leg. I managed to avoid cutting my jacket, but it went right through my pant leg. I'm absolutely covered in blood from chest to foot, but the only thing that hurts is my leg. What is going on? I stare at the glass in confusion before my poor, shocked brain finally kicks back on and puts the pieces together for me.

This blood isn't all mine. It's from the vial. I grope for my bag blindly at my hip and jerk my hand back roughly.

"Shit," I whine, licking the blood that's now pooling from my hand. This is what I get for being too stubborn for gloves, but I didn't want to get any blood on them! Well, this new cut answered my question anyway. I must've fallen on my bag and broken the vial of blood when I tripped. I can't believe what a moron I am. How could I be so careless?

I take a deep breath, willing myself to focus despite my throbbing leg. First, I need to get the glass out. I certainly can't walk back with that in my leg. I start with the idea of just yanking it out with my hands, but maybe it would be better to use magic? Where is my wand anyway? Looking around my immediate vicinity, I see it just out of arm's reach. Well, I guess I'm doing this by hand than. It's not worth dragging my wounded self across the forest floor just yet.

But before I start ripping stuff out of my leg, I need something to bandage it with. I can't even really tell how big the cut is because there is so much blood all over me. I should probably clean myself up a bit first. Ah, now the wand seems useful. I know plenty of great cleaning spells. Ugh, I was hoping to not need a reason to move myself.

"This is going to hurt," I mumble, more angry with myself than the situation. Well, this is what I get for being stupid. "Okay, gently now." With as much grace as I can muster, I lean on my left leg and drag myself by the elbows across the ground. The small sticks and stones beneath me are definitely unpleasant to grind against my good leg, but fortunately I don't come across any more shards of glass.

"Why didn't I just use wandless magic to get my wand? And why didn't I get an unbreakable vial?" I moan, the reality of my stupidity hitting me so hard I throw my head down on the ground in defeat. We _have_ those! At the castle! Right now! Why wouldn't I use one of those instead of risking something stupid like this? Theo is going to say the exact same thing when I get back. If I get back.

Suddenly the reality of my situation hits me: I can't be out here at night. Hagrid isn't well enough to come looking for me if I get lost. Hell, he might already be asleep. No one will know I'm out here except Theo, and he wouldn't know I was missing until sometime tomorrow. I'll definitely freeze to death if I'm out here overnight. I should have told Hagrid where I was going. I shouldn't have done this alone. I shouldn't have done this at all.

I can tell how much I'm panicking by how erratic my thoughts are. I'm starting to shake too, and the cold certainly isn't helping that. I'm all over the place. I need to think slower. One thing at a time. Focus.

"Breathe." I tell myself, forcing slow, deep breaths through me. This is what my wound up brain is meant to do- get me through one of those situations I'm always freaking out about. This is one of those situations, so I just need to let my brain do its thing and think about how to get me _out_ of here. The only issue with this, of course, is that my brain only wants to think about the worst case scenarios if I _don't_ get out of here.

"Okay, I don't even know if I can't walk yet. I might be blowing this way out of proportion. Maybe the cut isn't that bad." I talk myself through the best case scenario, albeit at a pace far faster than normal.

I've been holding my wand for a few minutes now, trying not to succumb to analysis paralysis. First, I need to clean the wound. Right, right. I turn myself back over, laying flat now, and slowly sit myself up. The relatively small motion of my leg is utter agony, and I'm now even more worried about how deep this glass is.

Fortunately, the amount of pain I'm in has no way dulled my memory, as I quickly and easily have a cleaning spell come to mind that erases all the, now dried, blood covering me. I instantly feel better, but only for a moment. I've cleaned the dried blood off, but there's new blood oozing from the deep gash in my thigh. It seems like half the length of the beaker is in my leg. Of course, I'll have no way of verifying this until I pull it out, but just the sight of it is making me feel queasy. Putting that off for a moment, I remember that my bag filled with broken glass is still on my hip.

"Wingardium Leviosa." I make sure to swish and flick, thanking Hermione for making this the easiest spell for me to remember. I use the spell to take my bag delicately off my shoulder; probably a little overkill on the magic use, but at least I can control it to make sure I don't cut myself any more.

Once my bag is off my shoulder, I see the huge hole that the broken vial created. I'm more careful this time when I pick it up, but I'm not gentle at all in upending it and shaking out the remnants of glass inside it. Satisfied that my ruined bag is no longer a danger to me, I put it back on. I'll repair it later at school.

Now that that's out of the way, it's time to fix my leg. "This is going to be awful," I say, and I'm unhappy to hear the hint of future tears in my voice. Now is not the time to throw a pity party or be hysterical. No one else is coming to do this for me. I shouldn't have put off learning medi wizardry. That's the first thing I'll be doing when I get back- learning the basics. This lapse in learning could be the end of me.

I roll my eyes and let loose an aggravated sigh. This is why I came to school in the first place! Besides having fun, of course, which I'm generally doing a bad job of, the reason I needed to be here was to learn how to protect myself so that I _could_ have a good time. Getting eaten by a horde of spiders in the forbidden forest because I didn't put medi wizardy high enough on my list of things to learn would be infuriating. I shiver at the thought. I hope the red caps would get me first.

"Oh shit!" The red caps! I had completely forgotten about them until now! Well, I've probably solved that problem at least, but I may be solving it with my own corpse. There's spilled blood here, just as I intended, and they're going to come looking for the wounded creature soon, unless that wounded creature gets her _ass in gear!_

"Alright, here I go. No more excuses." I remind myself that this will be far less terrible than being bludgeoned to death as I carefully, but not too slowly, pull the shard of glass from my leg. I don't know if I would be less delicate with my wand, so I don't dare to try. The gush of blood is enough to make me want to faint, but I push through the pain and manage to get the piece out cleanly. I hope.

"Oww." The piece of glass is about as large as I feared, though, braving a look into the wound, I don't see anything that looks like bone, so that's good. I put the bloody glass down beside me and pick my wand back up, my head spinning.

"Okay, I'm a witch. I need to think like one. What can I do now to get myself out of this situation?" I ask myself. I could send up red sparks like Harry did that one time, except I don't know how. Besides, would anyone really be looking this way? No time to care. Next plan. Summon my broom? That's not a bad idea.

"Accio, Cleansweep Five!" I command, pointing my wand at where I think Hogwarts is located. Alright, what's my next plan while I wait and hope that worked? Man, I wish I could levitate. That would solve a lot of problems right now.

While I wait on the broomstick and try to wrack my brain, I take off my coat and slice it with a simple spell. I'm not very attached to this one anyway, and now I can wrap it around my leg to help stem my wound. This may be a smart idea, but it's exceedingly painful!

"Maybe I should just bleed to death and end this pointless suffering," I huff. It only takes a moment of self pitying before I am rolling my eyes at my own melodrama. I'm sure Theo would be very angry with me if I died here, not to mention every other person who knows and loves me.

I notice something moving through the dead trees, stopping my thoughts short. Is that my chariot arriving? I move to try and get my legs under me and immediately regret changing positions, not least because the coat isn't doing as much as I hoped and a new wave of blood rushes from the wound.

Fortunately, I'm not too distracted by my pain to notice another movement in the trees from a different direction. I highly doubt I summoned more than one broom… It's probably the red caps…Or the spiders...

Taking a deep breath, I try again to get myself on my feet, but between the pain in my leg and my wooziness, I'm on the ground again before I'm even half standing. Okay, defending myself on my feet is out of the question, as is running away. I guess I did lose a fair amount of blood.

Now that I'm back on the ground I'm noticing even more movement: branches cracking under feet and strange sounding voices. I'm definitely about to be ambushed. I idly notice that the sun has already started setting, if the dusk and dropping temperature are any indication. I'm thankful for the lack of snow or this would all be so much worse.

All at once it feels like there are red caps coming at me from every direction, screaming and shouting as they run at me. I can't tell how many there are; in the failing light and with fear clouding my mind there could have been a thousand or five and I couldn't tell the difference. Stupidly, all I can think of is how dark it is now that the sun has nearly set and before I know what I'm doing I shout, "Lumos".

This, of course, does very little, except blind everyone involved. I manage to use the moment of surprise to my advantage by coming up with a more practical spell. I'm still sitting, my legs stretched out in front of me, horribly vulnerable and unable to move. I have to be smart about this.

"Incendio!" I shout. Or, you know, I can use the most impractical and stupid spell imaginable for this situation. I mean, the spell gets the job done, of burning the red cap, but it also burns the surrounding area that I'm sitting in, since the burning red cap doesn't sit still as it's on fire, but runs and spreads the flames all around it, quickly catching on the dead trees and leaves that are abundant in midwinter. Now I really wish there was snow.

"Fucking genius," I murmur. Thank goodness we learned the extinguishing charm, except, that would require me to have the time to use it! Instead, I'm rolling to my left to avoid being bludgeoned by even more red caps, who for some reason are not deterred by one of their own being set aflame!

"Do you seriously not care about being set on fire?" I shout at them as I use my free hand to punch one in the face out of sheer desperation, it falls back as I point my wand at another. "Reducto!" Again, the first spell I think of, and definitely not the best, as I am covered in blood for the second time today. "For fuck's sake!" I need better spells! Why can't I think straight? I was fine with the stupid cleaning spell!

What I really need to do is focus on using the extinguishing spell to stop this fire from getting out of hand, but that's nearly impossible when I need to also avoid getting killed by these stupid red caps! To make the situation even worse, some of the little mongrels are still trying to attack me _while on fire._ Instead of dealing with it, they're still swinging at me even as their flesh peels away.

"Your priorities suck!" I try another spell, but I miss as a burning red cap jumps onto my hurt leg. Screaming, I can't think coherently enough to do anything but try to shake the damned thing off. I thrash around wildly as the fire very quickly spreads across my clothing.

Extinguish! I have to use the extinguishing spell! The thought finally breaks through my panic, and though I've dropped my wand in the chaos, I'm not letting that be the reason I die. But even as I think this, I realize that the fire is gone. In fact, all the fire is gone. Did I just use very powerful wandless magic or was that accidental magic at its finest? Same thing, I guess.

I don't have time to consider what just happened, as I am _still_ dealing with the red caps trying to maul me. "Accio wand!" I call. It flies helpfully into my hand, fortunately unscathed by the fire. Now if only I could think of a good spell to use.

For a fleeting, horrible moment, a spell does come to mind, but even in this situation, I can't bring myself to use it. It's stupid, I know. I literally just blew one of these little shits up, but I can't bring myself to say the words of the killing curse. Wracking my brain, I realize the spells I had been drilling this year were all meant to be used on a dueling wizard, not a horde of charging creatures.

"Wingradium Leviosa!" I try, but my spell misses its target and I get a nasty hit to my arm in recompense. An angry punch at my attacker works much better. "Ugh, screw it." I'm covered in blood anyway, no point in trying to be creative with spells.

"Reducto! Reducto! Reducto!" Why be classy when you can make your enemies implode? Wiping the blood off my face as I continue to cast and throw the occasional punch, I vow to be more graceful in the face of danger in the future. This is just embarrassing at this point, nevermind the amount of injuries I've sustained. Finally, definitely worse for wear, it's all over.

When the attacking red caps are no more (though I'm sure more will come with the amount of blood I've spilled here tonight) I notice that my escape has indeed arrived. In fact, it's been poking me in the back for quite a while now. I think I may have thrown some punches at it earlier, thinking I was being hit by an enemy. Now that I'm a little calmer, I see that my broom has been impatiently waiting for me to use it.

"Couldn't have come before I got set on fire?" I chide it. I grab the handle and pull it closer to the ground. I'm not actually sure if this will work, but I'm certainly willing to try. Since the last time I stood up was a disaster, I'm going to have the broom just off the ground and swing myself onto it from my sitting position.

Everything hurts so badly I don't know how I'm conscious. I can't even tell if I'm bleeding anymore because my skin is burnt and blistering and I'm covered in the blood of my enemies. This stupid little adventure has turned into such a nightmare, and I can't wait to get out of here. I really hope this idea works. I'm in far too much pain to come up with another one.

As gingerly as possible, I lay myself across the broom. It doesn't seem to be pushing on any part of me that's very burned, so I should be fine. Fortunately my left leg, although burned, still has some strength left in it to push off the ground and give the broom the start it needs to lift me. I'm not risking running into anything else, so I fly above the treetops as quickly as I can without having to change my position on the broom, no sharp dives for me right now.

It doesn't take me more than five minutes to get back to the castle, but the freezing night air on my burned skin is so excruciating that I'm sobbing by the time I reach the front doors. I have to get inside. I have to get help. Instead of getting off the broom and losing my mobility, I hover at the height of the door handle and use the strength of the broom to push it open. If I was on my feet I could never open it myself.

Now safely inside the, much warmer, front hall, I assume I'm just going to fly myself to the Hospital Wing, while I'm still conscious, but this plan quickly goes awry. I had completely forgotten about dinner, and from where I am I can see the Great Hall doors swung open, with everyone inside eating. Fortunately I'm at an angle where most everyone can't see me, and I can only see a few of them.

Much to my chagrin, not everyone is in the Great Hall, however. Standing just outside, looking as stupid as ever, is Lockhart. Fortunately (and also not?), Snape is arguing with him. Lockhart is the one facing me.

"Good god, what happened to you?" he asks me, completely abandoning his discussion. I must look as bad as I feel. Snape turns around, looking furious for just a moment before his expression changes into what almost looks like, concern? That's a rare face for him to make. He immediately makes his way over to me as I hover just above his head.

"Charlotte, what's going on? Get down from there." Snape demands. I open my mouth to argue, refusing to move, but Lockhart cuts me off.

"Oh, it seems obvious to me what happened here, you see-" He, in turn, is interrupted by Snape.

"What are you doing still standing here? Go fetch Flitwick. He should be notified. I'll be taking Miss Campbell to the Hospital Wing." It's at this moment that I hit my limit, and despite what I think is a strong grip on my broom, I sway so hard that I topple off. I'm not sure how I end up in Snape's arms, but I'm surprised by how stable and strong they feel. I can't stop the shriek of agony that escapes me as his catch inevitably touches my burns. I'm surprised I'm still conscious but I know I am because I can still hear Lockhart's stupid voice.

"I can treat her right here. I've dealt with plenty of burns in my time." There are more voices now too, probably students who had heard my cry.

"Don't-" I whisper. I open my eyes one more time, not even realizing that I had closed them. I look Snape in the eye for the first time, unable to remember right now why I never have. He holds my gaze, and pulling his robe, I force him closer to hear me. "Don't let that idiot touch me. I trust you." Now confident that Lockhart won't kill me while I'm down, I finally let go. The last thing I recall is something I'm sure I imagined- a tiny smirk on Snape's face.


End file.
